It sounds quite innocent, but there is often a hidden agenda behind every…
It’s a modern way of cryptically suggesting a sex date.
The internet seems to love it. It’s full of memes and sketches about it.
It may sound a bit childish to suggest such a date. But hey, if it works, it works, right?
Does it actually though?
You’re about to find out today:
- How effective disguised sex suggestions actually are
- The risks of “Netflix and chill” that can shoot you in the foot
- In which situations it is actually kind of genius
- How you can avoid literal “Netflix and chill” nights in the Friend Zone
Disguised sex suggestions – do they really work?
Masked sex suggestions have probably been around for eons. These researchers have dived deep into history to find out.
Instead of “Hey, Netflix and chill???” your parents might have used the phrase:
Even women make use of disguised sex offers. A female friend of mine once tricked me by saying:
When I got there, I quickly realized she had anything but online marketing in her head…
In my time as a dating coach I have heard several “excuses” from men to take a woman home.
Some were original… but most of them were morally questionable and shabbier than oral sex through a glory hole.
- “Hey, I have an amazing aquarium I need to show you!”
(Then show her his desktop wallpaper with fishes)
- “After-party at my apartment!”
(Neither alcohol nor other people present…)
- “I have a rooftop from which you can see the whole city”
(Lives on the third floor and has a miniature version of a balcony…)
Lying is pathetic and unnecessary.
When you have to make up stories every time you want to seduce women, you will never become the sexually attractive man who can attract women in an authentic way.
Women are not stupid.
They know exactly what you’re up to when you suggest a “movie night”. But they don’t want to feel like a slut when they fool around with you.
And that’s exactly why I think excuses are effective when they are actually true.
You shouldn’t talk about Netflix and chill and then lead them into an empty room with just a mattress and a pack of condoms on the floor, instead of a TV or laptop.
But that doesn’t mean you have to say, “Let’s go to my place and have passionate sex!” (Although I say this often and it works like a charm, when you do it with the right tone of voice).
By giving women a logical excuse, you give them the opportunity to go home with you without them feeling shabby and cheap.
The more innocent the excuse is the better.
Examples of good excuses:
- “Let’s make a smoothie. I have fresh fruits at home.”
- “Let’s watch a Disney movie, with no strings attached.” (My personal favorite)
- “I got a new dog/cat. A sweet little thing who’s looking forward to getting to know you.”
In practice, it may look like this:
Is Netflix and chill part of the good excuses?
Unfortunately, the term has been so over- and misused that it has a negative connotation.
It’s now not only ASSOCIATED with sex, but EQUATED with it.
However, there is one exception, where this excuse can work wonders!
Making use of pop culture
“Netflix and chill” and other trendy sayings are part of pop culture.
Let’s say you and the woman understand and can joke about “pop culture” references. That can lead to a feeling of connection.
I use the newest and freshest memes all the time and only a few people understand my jokes. My ex-girlfriend scored high with me, when I realized we share the same “meme language”.
There are some women out there who are into pop culture and if you are as well, they feel understood.
People always look for common ground and when there is a trendy expression that you both find amusing, a feeling of togetherness arises. You have found a topic that you both can talk and laugh about.
Pop culture references can be an easy way to bring more fun into a conversation.
But before we take a closer look at the situations in which this disguised sex proposal is actually useful, you should be aware of the pitfalls…
The risks of the “Netflix and chill” excuse
If you say or write it like that, it could fail, which means you’re going to chill alone with your teddy bear and a big tissue box.
There are some risks:
- You can confuse them: Even if the expression is relatively well known by now, it doesn’t mean that everyone knows it. Damn, some women live on Mars and have never heard of Netflix! So she may have no idea what you’re saying. Don’t explain to her what it means, cause that would completely ruin the joke. If you feel that she doesn’t know this pop culture reference, just say “not that important, just something from the internet. Anyway…” and change the subject.
- You can turn them off. It’s like being over-the-top romantic. Some women find it quite cute and others have to suppress a gag reflex. It is possible that she is too serious for your jokes and just rolls her eyes.
- You risk being a clown: Humor is an attractive quality. However, when a man is constantly joking, it seems as if he is compulsively trying to be funny. Attractive is the man who is effortlessly funny. The man who makes a special effort to make women laugh is less attractive. If you use expressions like “Netflix and chill”, you run the risk of belonging to the clownish type of men.
So it’s safe to say that you’re not doing anything wrong, if you just completely abandon the term “Netflix and chill”.
How you correctly suggest “Netflix and chill”
Now we come to today’s big question:
How do you invite a woman to a “Netflix and chill” night?
Let’s assume you met a delightful mademoiselle in a bar. You’ve been talking for 30 minutes and you’d love to take her home with you.
This can work out perfectly. Provided the situation is just right.
Inappropriate situations where you could fuck it up:
- She’s still not sure if she likes you
- She’s nervous and not comfortable with you yet
- She’s there with friends who would judge her
- She likes you, but doesn’t see you as a sex worthy man
Her answer would then probably look like this:
This is not a situation you want to be in.
All you can hope for then is that you haven’t completely screwed up with her.
Imagine the situation looked like this:
- She clearly likes you
- She is alone or her friends are not an obstacle
- She feels comfortable with you
- There is an immense sexual tension between you
- You are having a great time together
Then the “Netflix and chill” trick can work very well. It’s direct, but not in a perverted way.
You seem funny and brave without saying anything inappropriate like: “Hey, let’s go to my place and f*ck”.
Netflix and chill: To use or not to use?
… that is the question.
With pickup lines like this, it is usually best to avoid them.
And if you do want to use them, you should be aware of the risks and the current situation.
If you have fun with a woman, laugh with her, she is clearly interested in you and the sexual tension between you is high, then you are welcome to use “Netflix and chill” – with my permission, but at your own risk.
The “Netflix and chill” tutorial: How to guarantee sex
If you think that a woman only has to agree to “Netflix and chill” and everything else will happen by itself, you are wrong.
Many “Netflix and chill” nights literally end with two people hanging out and watching movies together. Almost like two bros…
Most men don’t dare to show their sexuality and prefer to hide their half-boner under the blanket, while they dwell on the best time to make their “move”…
I’ve been through it all myself and I can’t recommend it.
Of course your #1 priority should be that she feels comfortable.
However, if she feels too comfortable, it may be a sign that you are not creating enough sexual tension.
You are a positive threat. She should feel that she is in danger of having sex with you if she hangs out with you any longer.
This is best achieved by touching.
Many men lie or sit next to her, do not touch her once and wonder if and when they can kiss her…
Or they suddenly stare at her in the middle of the film and without preparation…
But don’t worry, young padawan. I have THE solution for this as well.
If you create an atmosphere in which a kiss is the next logical step and you’re a great kisser on top of that, nothing stands in the way of sexy times.
By the way, if you don’t know what to watch with her: Disney and Pixar movies are always a good choice!
Dan de Ram