You met a stunning lady.
You’ve probably been dating for a while and you’re considering making it official.
But you run into a problem:
You’ll get the answer in this article.
We will also talk about:
- Which age gap relationships are generally accepted
- How to tackle criticism from your family and friends
- Why an age gap is NOT your enemy
- 10 Tips to conquer the age difference
- Which age difference is STRICTLY forbidden
- Practical examples of how I do it
- And much more
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Does the age difference matter in relationships or marriage?
If it was up to us, the answer was simple. But as weird as it sounds, the decision is made by…
The people around us.
Colleagues. Family and friends. And your sweetheart.
Which age difference are they okay with?
Opinions vary by situation, making it even more difficult.
Society immediately judges when a 19-year-old girl and a 30-year-old man start a relationship.
At the same time, society gives a nasty look to a relationship between a 28-year-old woman and a man of 45.
Switching genders makes it slightly better. But it’s still strange.
Which age difference in a relationship is not strange?
Differences of about 10 years.
I’m speaking about big cities, though.
You’re more anonymous in cities and there’s not a lot of gossiping.
And city dwellers are usually easier going about dating and starting relationships.
Are you from a small or even a religious community?
An age gap of 10 years could cause such turbulence that the space-time continuum gets distorted.
But even that can be different in other societies.
Most Islamic communities embrace a relationship with an age difference. But it may be different for other societies or individuals.
I recently had a coaching conversation with a client about this subject.
You’ll read the advice I gave my client later.
Forming your own opinion about age difference in a relationship
If you’re walking hand in hand with your much older/younger sweetie, people will look at you weirdly. But…
Is that a problem?
If yes, you’ve got your answer. And it rests the heavy task to break up with your lover.
If no, you’ll get my advice about continuing your relationship:
This means being honest with others. But especially being honest with yourself.
Age difference or not, you want to ask yourself these questions before starting a relationship:
- Does your lover treat you with respect?
- Is it healthy to start this relationship?
- Does it feel good for you?
- Are you attracted to him/her?
- Would you regret not starting this relationship?
And lastly an essential question:
- Does the law approve this relationship with age difference? (More about this later.)
Is your answer to all these questions a solid “YES!”?
Then get into this relationship.
Of course, I don’t know your situation. So I ask you to really ask yourself these questions.
If you have to break contact with your parents and friends to start this relationship…This would not be far from healthy.
Is your sweetie sometimes completely in love with you, and sometimes distant or rude?
Then she treats you disrespectfully.
Interestingly enough, this behavior creates a HUGE amount of attraction. This makes you blind to reality: she’s not good for me
F*ck age difference
If you’re ABSOLUTELY sure about starting the relationship, then I’ve got a surprise for you.
An age gap relationship is not your enemy.
The bogeyman is how you and others think about age difference in a relationship.
Decide for yourself what bothers you most.
Is it how others think about your relationship?
Does your partner think it’s a problem?
Does the age gap feel too big for you?
We’ll dive deeper into these three points.
1: My surroundings think our age difference relationship is weird
Having people look at you may be annoying. Luckily, it’s easy to overcome this.
Thanks to habituation, disapproving looks won’t bother you after a few weeks.
Disapproving friends and/or family members s harder to accept.
But that, too, becomes easier with time.
Both for you as for them.
To speed up the acceptance process, it helps if your parents and friends see your partner.
The sore point is the age difference. If your family sees your partner is a nice and good person, acceptance will come quicker.
Are your friends/family acting rude, or won’t they acknowledge the relationship in the long term?
Then you want to do one of these three things:
- Engage in dialogue. “What can I do so that you have peace with my relationship?” Remember, first completely get the opposing party’s vision before you give your own.
- Draw the line. They’re not obliged to approve your relationship, but they’re also not free to nag you. Are they verbally attacking you? Set your boundaries.
- Ask yourself if your surroundings really care about you. Are you trying to be open-minded, but everything ends in a fight? Then I’d suggest you cut down on contact with certain people.
Don’t be afraid the situation gets out of hand. It might happen, but I’m guessing the odds are VERY slim.
The reason I draw these uninspiring scenarios, is because I want to help everyone with this article. Also the few people with a difficult environment.
2: Your sweetie thinks the age gap relationship is a problem
Too bad, but there’s a positive side.
Compared to everyone with objections, your flame is most open to changing her mind.
Just like the dialogue with your surroundings. You first want to understand what bothers her most about the age gap.
Only after you exactly know what’s on her mind, can you start breaking down her mental blockages.
Nothing keeps these two separated.
I don’t know about your scenario, but it usually boils down to the following points:
- Starting a family and everything that comes with it. Maybe she’s not ready yet. Or she thinks you’re not ready yet.
- Awkward family parties and holidays. The age gap might not be a problem when you’re alone. But when you take her to your buddy’s party or a festival… Then the difference is quite obvious.
- Your life goals don’t line up. A first-grader usually says “I’ll enter adulthood when I got my degree.” And are you halfway up the career ladder? Then it’s a huge contrast in lifestyles.
That’s why I suggest you discuss these points carefully.
Do your opinions line up?
Then the age difference shouldn’t be a problem.
3: The age difference doesn’t feel good for you
As you just read, the age gap can influence the relationship.
But maybe you’re exaggerating the impact of the difference.
When looking at relationship issues, we automatically focus on the biggest contrast between us and the other person.
If there’s a big age difference, you might label it as the nub of the problem.
But something else may be bothering you, like her personality.
For example, do you find her too childish? Or too serious?
Then it’s a personality issue, not an age problem.
Try to express, as clear as possible, why you feel uncomfortable starting a relationship.
You might find out your frustration is triggered by something else.
The average age difference
With the following statistics, you know exactly how big, how crazy, or just how NORMAL the age difference of your relationship is.
Which puts the situation in perspective for you.
The funny thing is that many people think they’re the only one with a younger/older partner.
That idea doesn’t come out of the blue.
Almost no one speaks openly about the age difference of their partner.
But the truth is that a lot of women are in love with a younger/older man. And vice versa.
- A study reveals that about 8% of married people in the Western world have a partner who’s 10 years younger or older.
- Facebook figures tell us that even unmarried couples enjoy an age difference of an average of 2.4 years. And this is worldwide.
You’re not the only one.
There’re many age difference couples among celebrities that you can use as an example.
- Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds: an age difference of 11 years.
- Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet: an age difference of 12 years.
- Jay-Z and Beyoncé: an age difference of 12 years.
- Jason Statham and Rosie Huntington: an age difference of 20 years.
- Donald and Melania Trump: an age difference of 24 years.
Which age difference is punishable by law?
The law is VERY strict when it comes to sex with minors.
If you break the law, you’ll be spending a long time behind bars.
You’ll have a criminal record.
And you’ll carry the title of ‘pedophile’ forever.
Generally speaking, the legal age of consent lies between 16 and 18 years.
This can vary by country, so check the legal relationship age difference in your country.
Practical tips to own the age gap relationship
After reading the next 9 tips, the nasty feelings and ideas about the age gap will shrink until they’re no longer noticeable.
What you’ll get:
- A practical tip you can immediately use
- A healthy dose of relativity
- The key to a stable relationship
- The Steve Erwin technique
- And many more…
Tip #1: Use this hilarious technique
A wise lady once said:
Nothing is more true.
In my experience, humor lightens every situation.
What does this mean for you?
Make the age difference your bitch.
Always do it at your own expense. You don’t want to hurt your partner.
A while ago I dated a younger woman where the age difference played a role.
I made all issues disappear by portraying myself as a grandpa.
I supposedly dyed my hair. My balls hang as low as my knees. And I regularly sent her a handmade meme on which I always wrote a different joke.
Grandpa Dan tries calling with a remote control.
Are you way younger than your girlfriend?
Then do the opposite and transform yourself into a baby.
Which brings me to the next tip.
Tip #2: Five years age difference is HUGE for a baby but not for a grandpa
Sit back and relax, because I’m going to tell you a story about my childhood.
My elementary school was nearby a high school.
When 10-year-old Dan played in the schoolyard, I saw 15-year-old giants walking past the school gates.
I remember looking at those giants with admiration.
It felt they lived in a different world.
The younger you are, the bigger a year feels.
The difference between a newborn baby and a one-year-old toddler is MASSIVE.
For example, are you 25 and your girlfriend 19? Then the age difference is quite big.
She’s still at the basics of life, while you’re already exploring the adult world.
Your girlfriend keeping track of her social media
But if you’re head over heels, the age gap is not a problem in the long run.
It’s hard to imagine, but if you fast forward time for 20 years…
…Then, in this example, you’re 45 and she’s 39.
A totally normal age difference.
Tip #3: Communication, the key to a stable relationship
Are you about to start a relationship? Don’t make this fallacy:
Mixing up talking with communicating.
The two couldn’t be more different.
Talking is on the surface. Communication goes deeper.
When your communication is killer.
That sounds vague. I’ll make it clear:
Communication is mainly understanding each other’s perspectives.
Where does that start?
An open and honest dialogue.
If you’re shutting yourself off from your partner, then your inner conflict will lead to a fight with your girlfriend.
That’s a shame.
If you would’ve told her, you could fix it with her.
With good communication, you usually see your ‘BIG’ problem is ridiculous. And at least you find out it’s fixable.
Express your feelings before you regret your actions.
Tip #4: Know the staring looks ratio
Gossip magazines are crammed with May-December romances.
Where does the fascination for a stranger’s relationship come from?
Researchers from the Oakland University think they’ve found the answer…
The reason people’s jaws fall to the floor when they see the newest toy boy of an old superstar woman?
Because nobody believes those relationships are built on love.
We immediately conclude:
Sometimes these speculations are true.
More often they’re not.
Regardless of the relationship base, a big age gap remains a taboo.
Are you proudly walking on the street with your much younger/older partner?
Expect lots of eyeballs popping out of their socket.
How many flying eyeballs do you have to dodge?
That depends on the age difference in your age gap relationship.
A useful way to calculate the number of eye-balls is by using the age difference rule:
The half your age plus 7 rule.
This rule has become famous in the movie Little Shepherd of Kingdom Come.
Is she older than half your age + 7?
For example, are you 30 and she’s 22? Then the criticism of your relationship is minimal.
Is she younger than half your age + 7?
Are you, for example, 40 and she’s 24? Then you want to start your training with Neo of the Matrix.
Because you’ll have to dodge some eye-balls.
This rule is a guideline, not a strict truth.
An age difference of 20 can also be fine. If you and your sweetie are comfortable with the age gap, then it’s no problem.
Your age is not tattooed on your forehead. So people will look at the contrast between you and your partner.
Want to avoid as much criticism as possible?
Reduce visual contrast. Both pick a mature but trendy style.
Of course, some criticism is inevitable.
In the next tip, I’ll tell you how to deal with this.
Tip #5: Do the Steve Irwin
If your environment strangles happiness out of your relationship like an anaconda, you want to learn how to catch snakes.
Or your relationship will suffocate and die.
It’s of little use to buy a flute and start training with a snake-charmer.
But arming yourself against the deadly criticism is a must to keep your relationship alive.
How to deal with this?
Earlier, we talked about starting a dialogue. No discussion, because arguments rarely convince someone to think differently.
‘Winning’ the conversation is a wrong mindset.
Instead of discussing I wrote, “bring up your point of view”. And only after you fully get the counterparty.
My advice seems easy, but it’s harder to carry out.
That’s why I’ll give you a ready-made script.
Just copy my words:
What makes this speech INCREDIBLY powerful?
- You start the conversation with a compliment and emphasizes your appreciation for the friendship. This way, it becomes very difficult for the other to verbally slap you the face.
- You acknowledge the weight of the age difference. You show that you’re listening. And that you don’t want to cross swords with your buddy.
- You clearly and respectfully express how you think about the relationship. Now the counterparty gets your perspective. A negative response is unlikely.
Do you only get criticism from strangers?
Then the advice is simple:
Keep walking and look in front of you.
Tip #6: The other three key points of the relationship
While outsiders are judging the superficial age difference, you and your partner want to focus on:
What REALLY matters.
The face you make when you hear your husband is suddenly 10 years younger.
Don’t know what that is?
Well, you’re in a streak of luck, amigo.
I’m going to explain to you what’s important for a happy and long-lasting relationship.
Oxford University has researched the core elements of every strong relationship.
They found three measurable qualities:
- Your shared values. What kind of behavior or attitude do you find most important in life? Maybe you value a fit body. Does she think the same? Then the relationship has a better chance of success.
- Your shared beliefs. Do you both see age as a number? Then at least that won’t bother the relationship.
- Your shared goals. Most people forget a successful relationship grows. Set goals you can achieve as a team. Peacefully discuss the issues instead of avoiding confrontation or beating a dead horse.
These three benchmarks have WAY more impact than your age gap.
Your age is just a number on a birthday cake.
Is she enriching your life in a way you can’t?
Then starting a relationship is obvious.
But whether the relationship can withstand time depends on the just mentioned three points.
First discuss your values, beliefs, and goals with your partner.
Tip #7: Don’t focus on her looks or reputation
If you just look at her tight ass or thick T– esla, you’ll lose sight of everything else…
And you’ll be in a relationship for the wrong reasons.
First of all, a serving of empathy.
*puts on a bib*
Being attracted to a younger lady or an older woman is perfectly normal.
Younger people generally got hit by life less often and therefore spit optimism.
On the other hand, older people usually have a stable life and a good dose of self-knowledge.
Both are extremely attractive properties.
That was the empathy part.
Now the important question:
Are you with her because of her looks or her lifestyle?
Then, of course, the relationship is doomed to fail.
I’m sure you also get that.
The problem is that we don’t always realize why we find someone attractive.
Her gorgeous looks or luxury lifestyle then fools us.
We’re so fond of one aspect of our partner that we automatically disguise all her other characteristics.
Without us being aware of it.
How do you find out if you also like her character?
By asking yourself:
Or if your partner is older:
Is the answer “No”?
Then the criticism of your relationship is justified.
Is the answer “Of course!!!!!”?
Dear reader… then your relationship is ready to endure the trials and tribulations of life.
Tip #8: Keep your partner happy
If the world wants to scrap away the foundation of your relationship, then the following is essential.
Keep her happy.
Easier said than done.
My practical proposal?
Keep flirting with your partner.
The weapon of mass destruction that kills most relationships is a lack of flirting.
Usually we think:
No flirting = no attraction.
No attraction = end of your relationship.
That’s why I’m giving you six quick flirt tips that keep even a long-term relationship interesting:
- Give compliments with over the top expression. The power of a compliment is not in the words, but in the delivery. You’ll immediately see the difference between “You look good” said with a normal tone and “You look gooooooood” followed by a lip bite.
- Bring your A-game. During dating you dressed 169%. If you are together longer, it’s normal to try less hard. You focus more on your comfort. That’s why you should regularly schedule unique dates where you and your partner get dressed up fancy.
- Keep touching her. Touch is probably the easiest way to keep attraction. Give your sweetheart a big hug when you walk by. Blow her away with an unannounced passionate kiss. Or unexpectedly massage your partner’s hand while waiting in line at the supermarket.
- Send naughty messages. Thanks to the power of imagination, sexting is super horny. Pictures are not even needed. A series of exciting words is enough to make each other wild.
- Leave notes. A little love Post-it note next to her toothbrush or under her pillow is a great way to indicate that you’re thinking about her.
- Discuss your fantasies. This is not only a great way to flirt. It’s also great to breathe new life into your sex life.
Tip #9: Avoid a relationship rut
Sometimes superficialities such as age bubble up, when actually deeper problems play in your relationship.
Suppose you’re disturbed by certain behavior of your partner, but you don’t say it. Then you also start to get annoyed by other things that were not a problem before.
That’s why it’s important to avoid the infamous relationship rut.
Tip #10: The #1 life lesson of the old folks
Although one is getting older than the other, the insights of the elderly are largely in line.
Before I give it away, some background.
Kerry Egan is an American woman who helps people who’ve arrived at the end of their lives.
Her job is that of a companion. A bit like the Greek ferryman who brought the dead across the mythical river Styx to the realm of the dead.
Usually Kerry simply offers a listening ear while her patients reflect on their lives.
After hearing hundreds of life stories, she discovered a pattern.
Almost everyone regretted that they didn’t stay true to themselves.
So what did these people do?
They followed the path that others pointed out for them.
Do you listen to all the criticism people give you about the big age difference between you and your partner?
Then you’re guilty of the same thing.
Do you feel in heart and soul that you want this relationship?
Then I recommend that you follow those feelings and continue the relationship till the wheels fall off.
Although that’s no guarantee that the relationship will succeed.
A relationship is and always will be a shot in the dark.
But, with the guidance of this article, it’s a calculated guess.
Dan de Ram