7 Tips to Overcome Approach Anxiety and Date Cuter Girls

Dan de Ram

21 Oct 2020 by Dan de Ram

Cars overtake you on the motorway at 80 mph.

They pass you by; with probably only a few feet distance in between.

Yet you feel no sense of fear. Your forehead remains dry and your underpants clean, even though this is a life-threatening situation.

Fear of rejection on the other hand…

… paralyzes you and sends you into bottomless panic.

It not only keeps you from approaching your dream woman (and can eventually lead to strong approach anxiety), but also from pursuing your dream career.

It’s the biggest fear in today’s society.

Rationally, it’s obviously rare. You’re not going to die, even if it sometimes feels like it…

But you aren’t here to learn more about the fear that plagues you so much. No, you want to get rid of it. Once and for all!

I’ll help you with it.

In this blog post you’ll learn:

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

“To conquer fear you must become fear”

I could tell you all superficial reasons why we feel this fear and provide you with temporary coping strategies, just as you would get them on any other website.

But that ain’t going to happen, bro. You’re at AttractionGym.

Although we know all the symptoms exactly and know how to fight them, we are passionate about getting to the heart of things.

We are looking for structural changes. Not coping.

As I have coached all kinds of men, I know what works SUSTAINABLY.

>> 11 Tips to Show More Confidence with Girls, at Work & in Life

How to conquer anxiety – Tip #1: The future is an illusion

If the following lesson is the only thing you take away from this article and implement it in your everyday life, your life will already change positively.

A man died the other day…

He worked for an insurance company. It was a ‘good job’ – it gave him security. He led a comfortable life, didn’t have to endure heavy misfortunes and everything was bueno…

But he had dreams. He wanted to…

But do you know what his greatest wish was?

To get this one woman who sits in his favorite bar every Saturday… but he never made the first move.

As this is the case with so many people, he was very busy and never had ‘enough’ time.

Every now and then there were occasions when he could have realized his dreams:

But he kept saying to himself:

All his life he believed these excuses.

And guess what?

In the last seconds of his life there was no ‘next year’, no ‘tomorrow’ and not even a ‘later’. It was over. And all that remained was regret.

Be assured: Excuses will ruin your life.

In the moment itself, they may feel like the better, safer decision. But in the long run, if you listen to them, they destroy every aspect of your life.

>> How I Overcame My Insecurities With These 15 Expert Tips

Tip #2: The past doesn’t exist either

At our bootcamps (= coaching weekends) we do an exercise that has a great effect: We look for the WHY behind the most important decisions of your life.

The coaches then go into the depths of your soul to find out why you do what you do.

Often, we experience moving stories with goosebumps factor.

For example, one coaching student told us that he had studied civil engineering.

He once went on holiday to Austria with his parents. There he played with his father in a mountain stream.

They collected branches, stones, and sand to build a miniature dam and stopped the flow.

With great attention, he watched how the water rose slowly and finally broke through the dam.

Years later, this experience led him to study civil engineering and to be involved in a major project: A giant dam in China.

(While I’m telling his story, he’s busy building artificial islands in Jakarta).

Pro tip:

Whenever a woman asks you this one boring question ‘What do you do for a living’, you can tell her your story instead of answering it factually and unemotionally.

Sharing your underlying motivation with her is so much more impressive than simply saying ‘engineering’, for example.

Events from the past influence our actions in the now.

But, my friend, you’re responsible for the strength of that influence.

Perhaps you were rejected in a certain way in the past and have experienced deep pain as a result.

This pain may still sit inside you today like a scar, also known as trauma.

In this case, your fear serves as a protective mechanism that saves you from further pain.

But the word ‘past’ already says it: It has passed.

You’re a different person today. Stronger. What if you can handle the pain by now?

It’s time to make yourself vulnerable again.

For example, by talking to a woman. 😉

Remember: The fear of pain is always worse than the pain itself.

You’ve probably jumped into cold water before, right?

If you’re like me, first, you don’t feel like it whatsoever. You imagine how cold it’ll be and you struggle doing it like a little girl.

But as soon as you say to yourself ‘Fuck it!’ and just jump in, you realize that it isn’t that bad.

>> 6 Tips to Be Vulnerable With a Woman (The Key to Intimacy)

Tip #3: Feeling rejected? She doesn’t reject you, she rejects the moment

Most men misunderstand the meaning of rejection.

Look out.

I work hard. Videos have to be uploaded, articles written and new seduction techniques have to be worked out.

And sometimes there are days when you have to watch an episode of ‘Game of Thrones’ with a lovable lady.

If you would knock on my door while I’m absorbed in my work or while Tyrion Lannister is just revealing his brilliant plans, I usually won’t have time for you.

Am I really rejecting?

No, bro. Your timing was simply unfortunate.

If you had knocked an hour later, I would certainly have gone to the gym with you and we would have destroyed it together.

You can’t control everything.

And it’s not always up to you.

You can always be rejected.

Whatever reason, she certainly didn’t reject YOU.

How could she? She doesn’t even know you.

If she rejected anything at all, it was only your vibe AT THAT MOMENT.

And you can work on that, right or right? 😉

>> How to Approach a Lady on the Street: From ‘Hi’ to Date in 5 Steps

Tip #4: Regret is worse than fear (Conquer fear of failure)

“I have spent my whole life scared, frightened of things that could happen, might happen, might not happen. 50-years I spent like that. Finding myself awake at three in the morning. But you know what? Ever since my lung cancer diagnosis, I sleep just fine.”
– Walter White aka Heisenberg

The protagonist of Breaking Bad hits the nail on the head.

Because while you’re wondering, ‘What if?’…

…I have approached thousands of women and was probably rejected hundreds of times.

I said ‘probably’ because I’ve forgotten almost all of them.

But what I do remember very well are all those times when I didn’t get rejected because I didn’t even take a chance…

I’m talking about all those moments when I wanted to talk to a woman but couldn’t overcome my fear.

These moments still gnaw at me. I could bite my ass for my missed chances to this very day…

When you’re 50 years old, like Heisenberg, do you really want to look back on your life and think, ‘What if…?

It’s time to take action.

Not in 50 years.

Not soon.

NOW.

Tip #5: Your fear exists because you don’t face it

You know this next problem.

I was at a coaching session in a club that had a chill-out-area upstairs. Sofas, quiet music… the perfect place to enjoy the feminine energy of beautiful women.

I pointed to a woman, gave an appropriate introduction sentence to one of the coaching students, and was ready to provide him with helpful tips during his ‘performance’.

But, uh… nothing happened. He was still standing next to me, rooted to the spot.

Slowly but surely the fear of rejection made his eyes grow bigger.

His problem was (at least he said so): ‘It’s pretty quiet here. If I fuck up… …everyone sees it.’

I completely understood him, but I also made it clear to him that first of all he couldn’t yet know if he’s going to fuck up, and secondly nobody couldn’t care less about it.

He still had his doubts. So I went a step further.

I said:

“Look. The goal is now to intentionally be rejected. If you get rejected, I’ll buy you a drink. Only if you don’t approach her at all, you have to buy me a drink.”

After a short consideration, he started moving in her direction.

His legs were shaking so much that one could have thought an earthquake had struck. But he was on course, and that’s what counted.

Unfortunately, he got in fact rejected, which didn’t surprise me, because the longer one hesitates, the more your attraction decreases.

But when he returned, he was looking at me proudly and joyfully.

From that point on, I no longer had to point to any woman he should approach. He took over this part on his own and approached the hottest women without pardon. We ended the coaching with remains of red lipstick on his lips.

The secret recipe?

He took rejections enthusiastically.

Why should they be seen as something negative?

Use rejections as an opportunity.

Every time you step on the bear trap of fear and don’t free yourself from it, you strengthen the thought that you can’t handle it.

Don’t let the first ‘no’ throw you off track.

Every time you act despite your inhibiting thoughts, you realize that it isn’t a bear trap at all, but rather a wall of fog.

You don’t have to get out of it, just walk through it.

Sure, a woman may give you the cold shoulder. But in that case, this is what you do:

Is everything still there?

Right! Nothing happened.

Go on with a smile on your face and look forward to the next opportunity.

“If you’re going through hell, move on.”
– Winston Churchill

>> 5 Steps to Quickly Overcome Your Fear of Women

Tip #6: You have permission

When you walk past a woman – slim, dressed sexy classily, pretty face, whatever you find attractive – you get this feeling in your stomach…

The feeling of wanting to get to know her.

Focus on it! Not on the excuses in your head.

Many men have an internal debate with themselves. They know that their excuses are bullshit, but they try to fight them with logic.

Good luck with that because you’re going to fail miserably.

If you try to erase your thoughts with other thoughts as if they were a mathematical equation…

…you’ll end up with a zero in the denominator.

Syntax error.

Maybe you can recognize one of the typical bullshit excuses:

I want to address the idea of ‘it would be rude’.

Why?

Because that’s a BIG misconception many men have.

A study shows that people in general – but especially women – appreciate a compliment from a stranger significantly more than a compliment from a friend.

So, you don’t interrupt a woman, you give her extreme VALUE by doing so.

Can you really know what situation and emotional state she’s in right now? Maybe she thinks the conversation she’s involved in really sucks and is just waiting for a man like you to bring new energy into her day.

Did you ever think about that?

The fact is that conversations between people are often boring. Maybe she and her friend are talking about the weather. Maybe even about how it’s a pity that men don’t dare to talk to her.

Is it possible to speak of ‘rude’ when you jump in and give a sincere compliment?

You don’t ever need to apologize for your confident behavior. If she asks why you approach her, it’s perfectly sufficient if you tell her one thing: The reason why you ‘interrupted’ her…

“I had to speak to you, otherwise I would have regretted it.”

Enough said.

So, now you have a scientific reason and the permission of an experienced dating coach to ‘interrupt’ a woman who is just enjoying her favorite coffee.

To make it even more unpleasant for you and her, you can simply address the elephant in the room by saying

“I know it’s a little unusual, but…”

Then she understands that you understand and respects your daring.

Tip #7: The definition of insanity

“Insanity is doing the exact… same fucking thing… over and over again, expecting… shit to change… That. Is. Crazy.”

A nice quote that I picked up as a little snotty brat in the game Far Cry 3.

You can also learn about the art of seduction from video games if you keep your eyes open.

(Or about SM techniques – for those who have played the game to the end.)

Imagine you’re buying shoes.

You need size 11, but you buy two sizes smaller each time, hoping that they’ll fit someday.

Face it. It’s never going to happen.

The same applies to seducing women

When you realize an approach won’t work… don’t keep doing the same thing.

Because as I said before, she’s not rejecting you, she’s rejecting your approach.

You should constantly change your approach until you find something that works FOR YOU. At the same time, you should be aware that every person is different and the same method doesn’t work for every woman.

When I get rejected, I always ask myself: Why?

Not too long. We don’t want to be trapped in our own minds.

NEVER ask yourself, ‘Why am I such a loser? It didn’t work once again.’

After a rejection I don’t doubt myself for a second; I doubt my approach at most. I always look for solutions; with a big smile on my lips.

If you enter your email address in the box below this article, I’ll immediately send you my free Transformation Kit that will accompany you on your journey to social freedom.

I’ll wait for you on the other side.

Good luck, my friend!

Your bro,
Dan de Ram

Stop awkward conversations
and painful rejections

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