200 Bad Pickup lines (So Bad They Actually Might Work)

You probably came to this page to kill your time by laughing your ass off.

Good. You’ve come to the right place.

But other than belly laughing at really bad pick up lines, you will also get tips to genuinely elicit attraction from her using those same terrible icebreakers.

You will discover:

  • My top 10 worst pick up lines ever
  • Bad pickup lines for WhatsApp & Tinder
  • The truth behind good and bad pick up lines
  • 20 Offensive pickup lines (do NOT use these!)
  • The 28 worst pickup lines from women to men
  • How to make made-up pickup lines effective

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

As a dating coach who’s been in the industry for 11 years, I have seen some really bad pickup lines come by 😉

That’s why first of all, I will give you my Top 10 favorite worst pickup lines ever.

Don’t worry, we have another 190 bad opening lines in store for you.

And I will also give you tips on how you SHOULD approach a lady.

Anyway…

Here goes:

  1. Excuse me, are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ‘Ten’ I see.
  2. Did you get a speeding ticket today? Because you look fine!
  3. Do you have a quarter? I’m short for the condom dispenser.
  4. Can you please take your top off? It’s very distracting.
  5. According to my watch, you’re not wearing any panties. You are? Oh, sorry, it’s running one hour fast.
  6. Do you have mice in your belly? No? Then you must have a good pussy.
  7. Hey, do your parents have Down syndrome? Because you are really special.
  8. I don’t know much about women… but I would love to suck your dick.
  9. You are like my little toe, I want to bang you on every piece of furniture in my house.
  10. Did you just fart? Because you blew me away.

With the top 10 hilariously bad pickup lines behind us, here’s a short tip to increase your success with women.

The truth behind good and bad pickup lines

Recently, while hosting a seduction workshop, I gave a presentation about authenticity and got a clever question from one of our participants:

“Dan, if authenticity is so important while flirting with women, aren’t all pickup lines wrong?”

Good question.

And before I answer it, let me first give you some context about the importance of authenticity.

When a woman gets approached in the middle of the day by a complete stranger, first of all, she would like to know who she’s dealing with.

Her inner dialog:

  • “What does he want from me?”
  • “Is he drunk or high?”
  • “Can I trust him?”

If that man then says: “Hey, did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?”

That would be a huge turnoff for her.

Yes, on some level, she would feel flattered by his compliment. But most of all, she would feel bothered.

Bothered? How so, Dan?”

Because he’s not showing his true thoughts. He’s hiding behind a stolen pickup line.

If the first sentence he utters is not even the truth, can she trust the rest?

Nope.

And that’s the problem.

Does that mean that pickup lines are by definition a bad thing?

Yes and no.

I will tell you why in the next tip. First, some more bad pick up lines, hehe.

#11-28: The driest worst pickup lines

The next pickup lines are insanely dry.

So hop in the shower or the bathtub, or you will get drier than a dust salad mixed with chalk and croutons.

Here they are:

#11:

You shouldn’t drunk that I’m think!

#12:

*Sprinkles a drop of water on her*

Let’s get you out of those wet clothes, shall we?

#13:

Hey, that top you are wearing… is that camel fur? No? Ah, then I must be mistaken by those two humps.

#14:

Do you like trucks? No? Then we have something in common. Me neither!

*screams with joy*

#15:

Are you interested in a threeway? No? Alright, I’ll invite someone else.

#16:

Hey, somebody just farted! Let’s go.

*gives hand*

#17:

If you were a hamburger, I would call you McHottie.

#18:

I’d love to pick you up, but I forgot my car.

#19:

I was looking for the rarest Pokémon and my GPS brought me to you.

#20:

Hey, gorgeous. Are you a lesbian? Because you’re an LGBT cutie

#21:

I wish I was cross-eyed so I could see you twice.

#22:

I’m gay. Do you want to convert me?

#23:

Hey, are you a photographer? Because I can picture you and me together.

#24:

What do you, yoghurt, porridge and soup have in common? They’re all things I want to spoon.

Did you survive that Sahara desert of wrong pick up lines?

Good.

Then now I will show you a series of opening lines that you really should never use.

#25-42: The worst pickup lines that will lead to a smack in the face

Don’t believe everything Google tells you.

Type ‘pickup lines’ into the search engine and you will get enough phrases that aren’t opening lines but insults.

The next pickup lines fall into that last category.

And should never be said out loud… except to your girlfriend. (Kidding!)

Here are the most offensive ’pickup lines.’

#25:

Hey, can I kiss you, or do you want to stay a frog forever?

#26:

I have a great opening line but I think I don’t even have to use it on you.

#27:

Are you a good housewife? Because I have something that needs a good polishing…

#28:

You stink, let’s hop under the shower.

#29:

That dress looks really bad, take it off.

#30:

You’re a bitch, that’s why I will take you doggy.

#31:

Jeez, are you a math book? Because you have a lot of problems.

“Jep. And in a minute, you will have a problem too, hihi.”

#32:

Your eyes are like stars. Not because they shine, but because they’re so incredibly far apart.

#33:

Are you a real blond or should I come up with a clever pickup line?

#34:

I might not be the most handsome guy here but I am the only one who comes up to talk to you.

#35:

Babe, for me you’re just like the subway. I’ll only ride you if I have to.

#36:

I hear that sex is a great way to lose weight. So let’s hop under the covers, Miss Piggy

#37:

Are you a parked car? Because I’d have to be drunk to smash you.

#38:

I think you’re a dumpster because I want to dump a baby in you.

#39:

When I think of the stars, I think of you. Because you’re beautiful from afar but you hurt my eyes up close.

#40:

You’re like a microwave meal: less hot than I expected.

#41:

I’m sorry, but are you retarded? Because somebody said you had a crush on me.

#42:

Love is blind, so it doesn’t matter how you look.

That last one might sound like a compliment— you’re blind with love— but you’re basically saying she has the face of an orc…

Not very flattering.

Okay, we just went over 42 bad opening lines that we can’t use.

Now it’s time for something useful.

Sort of.

Now you will get…

#43-53: Intentionally bad pickup lines for confident men

Women love confident men.

Because confidence is a sign of strength. And strength is very attractive.

The next intentionally bad pick up lines ooze of confidence but are extremely BAD.

Why?

Because these lines attest to so much self-love that they can be perceived as arrogance.

And most women don’t want to date a man who thinks he’s the centre of the universe.

Having said that, with the right attitude, a few of these following opening lines could genuinely elicit attraction.

Can you guess which ones?

At the end of the tip I will tell you the answer.

For now, let’s start with our intentionally bad pickup lines.

#43:

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

#44:

Here I am. What are your other 2 wishes?

#45:

Sssssh. Don’t worry, I’m single.

#46:

Do I know you? You look a lot like my soon to be ex-girlfriend.

#47:

Do you know what kind of material this shirt was made of? Boyfriend material.

#48:

Are you my bed from when I was six? Because I clearly made you wet.

#49:

I’m sorry but this really bothers me. Can you stop looking at me with those loving puppy dog eyes?

#50:

There are hundreds of bad pickup lines, just tell me which one works on you.

#51:

Sorry I’m so late, my shining armour was slowing me down.

#52:

You know what would look good on you? Me.

#53:

Did you just sit in a puddle or are you happy to see me?

So…

… have you thought about which one of these icebreakers is the best?

You’re probably wrong because… it was a trick question!

Each one of these opening lines can elicit attraction

… if you apply the steps of the next tip.

How to make bad pickup lines effective

Bad pickup lines have one major issue…

They’re BAD.

Then how do you make those lines good?

You don’t. At best, you can make them effective.

Because what is the initial response when you approach a woman with a wrong pickup line?

Fear. Disgust. Awkwardness.

Not exactly a good impression.

Luckily you can always correct that first impression with radical honesty.

Did you just approach her with: “I’m having a party in my mouth. Wanna come?

Then you – almost immediately – want to put your cards on the table: “Haha, sorry. I always wanted to use that line. And you looked like someone who could take it. Hi, I’m Fred and I’m not as shallow as I seem.”

“I actually like to go quite deep.”

Haha, maybe don’t say that last part. Although, it does bring me to the next element you require to make opening lines effective: be funny.

If you approach a woman with a bad pickup line, you set a certain tone. And she expects you to be able to maintain that tone.

In other words, she expects that you can be playful and over the top.

Are you an introvert that can only joke around with his friends? Then you wanna stay away from edgy pickup lines because you’d be making a first impression that you can’t live up to.

You seem direct and playful but actually you’re pretty shy and politically correct.

Do you want to use wrong pickup lines effectively?

First develop a good sense of humor that you can also share with strangers.

#54-86: The worst sexual pickup lines

By far, most of the pickup lines men dish up to women are of sexual nature.

And pretty crude.

Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.

Here they are:

#54:

I don’t have an opening line but you have an opening, so I’ll get in line!

#55:

Shall we share a condom? You from the outside, me from the inside.

#56:

Let’s get a burger and then have sex or are you not a big fan of burgers?

#57:

Hey, I’m a painter and I see that your hallway could use a fresh coat of white.

#58:

I’m an organ donor. Do you need anything?

#59:

I’d almost call you beauty, but beauty comes from inside and I haven’t been there yet.

#60:

You remind me of a pair of glasses. I want to put you on my face.

#61:

(If you’re shorter than she is.)

You might look taller now but lying down we’re both equally far from the ground.

#62:

You give my heart an erection.

#63:

I would destroy every chair in the world so you would have to sit on my face.

#64:

Are you pornhub? Because I want to masturbate while looking at you.

#65:

I have the feeling I can lose a part of myself in you.

#66:

My name is John. Now you know what to scream tonight.

#67:

You’re a developer? Well, I have another python you can use.

#68:

I’m not a weatherman but you can expect 6 inches tonight.

#69:

That chair looks really uncomfortable. I have a better seat in my pants.

#70:

Are you an archeologist? I have a big bone for you to examine.

#71:

Are you a sandwich? Because you have amazing buns.

#72:

Is your name winter? Because you’ll be coming soon.

#73:

I’m sorry but… ehh… did I already bang you?

#74:

Do you want to do 68 with me? You can please me and I’ll owe you one!

#75:

Great boobs. Can I hold them?

#76:

Was your dad a farmer? Because those are some amazing melons.

#77:

I’m not into sunsets but I would love to see you go down.

#78:

You’ll never believe this, but your dress is a perfect match to the carpet in my living room.

#79:

I’m on top of things, would you like to be one of them?

#80:

Your beauty is the reason that God made eyes. And your ass is the reason that God made my penis.

#81:

I’m SO jealous of your heart. It’s just pumping away in your body and I am not…

*wipes tears from eyes*

#82:

A bra is pretty expensive right? Well, I’ll make you a good offer. For the rest of the night, I’ll hold your boobs. For free.

#83:

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don’t have a Ferrari.

#84:

Do you have some Dutch in you? No? Would you like some?

#85:

Are you an orphanage? Because I want to give you kids.

#86:

Did you know… only 1 out of 5 women has a satisfying sex life? Yeah, I simply don’t have time for the rest.

All these terrible opening lines almost makes me embarrassed to have a Johnson.

Luckily, women too, can play this game.

As I will show you with the next series of wrong pickup lines.

#87-115: The worst pickup lines by women

In a moment you will get proof that women are just as dirty as men are.

Warning: not for sophisticated men.

#87:

My gag-reflex is as absent as my father figure.

#88:

Let’s play Barbie at my place. You’ll be Ken and I’ll be the box you come in.

#89:

(Moves her finger from your forehead to your chin)

Is this seat taken?

#90:

I want to roll you into a little ball and put you inside me.

#91:

Do you sleep on your stomach? No? Can I?

#92:

Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.

#93:

(Pulls her pockets out of her jeans)

Do you want to kiss a bunny on its nose?

#94:

Do you think that meth is addictive? Pfff. Then you should try out these lips!

*wink*

#95:

You’re giving me Dyson-syndrome. Suddenly, all I want to do is suck.

#96:

I love you with my entire butt. I’d say heart but my butt is bigger.

#97:

Excuse me, can you please step away from the bar? You’re melting all the ice.

#98:

*Walks towards you and turns around*

Can you see my panties? No? Would you like to?

#99:

Nice boobieeeeeees!

*Grabs your chest*

#100:

You look like a hard worker. If you’re interested, I have an opening that needs to be filled.

#101:

Aren’t you the guy that always gets fan mail from Ron Jeremy?

#102:

Nice face. You know what would be even better? If I was sitting on it.

#103:

Bbrrrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your pants?

#104:

What kind of an Uber are you? Long rides or short rides?

#105:

How do you want your sausage in the morning? Fried or sucked?

#106:

The female body has 206 bones. Do you want to give me one more?

#107:

So… is your shoe size the same as your IQ?

#108:

Do you have a napkin? You’re making me wet.

#109:

Do you have space for an extra tongue in your mouth?

#110:

Do you want to pretend my legs are butter and spread them?

#111:

I lost my teddy bear. Can I sleep with you tonight?

#112:

Pick a number between 1 and 10. Nope, sorry, you lost. Take your clothes off.

#113:

Do you train cats? No? Because you just made my pussy come.

#114:

Do you think that these feel real?

*places your hand on her chest*

#115:

Do you stuff animals for a living? No? Okay… will you try to stuff my pussy anyway?

Damn! Those women sure know how to dish them out too!

If you’re lucky you might hear it one day.

Do you want to make your own luck and get these kinds of lines of women in the bar?

Then increase your attraction by following the steps of our free Transformation Kit.

If you follow the steps, you will get an animalistic vibe that drives women crazy.

Get the Transformation Kit for free!

The kit contains -among other things – 12 amazing pickup lines.

Now for my favorite category of bad icebreakers.

#116-135: The craziest of the worst opening lines

Nine out of ten times you don’t want to use scripted lines on women.

I hope by now it’s quite clear as to why that is.

But if I had to approach a woman in a bar or club with a canned line, I’d probably pick one of the following.

So, what makes these next bad pick up lines usable?

They’re original (read: crazy), they’re almost insane. And secretly, that is a very attractive quality.

Because a crazy person is someone who doesn’t take himself very seriously. And you can have many a good laugh with.

In other words: a fun and attractive person to date.

Pay attention: Some of these following opening lines – despite their craziness – are still very bad. That’s why they only make a good impression if you say them with a wink.

(For the Literal Larries out there: with ‘with a wink’ I of course mean with a playful attitude. A wink alone is not enough to dismantle wrong opening lines.)

Anyway, here are the craziest opening lines:

#116:

My love for you is like diarrhoea, I can’t hold it in.

#117:

I pooped my pants, can I get in yours?

#118:

If you were a fart in my butt, I’d never let you go.

#119:

Did Bob Ross teach you how to paint? Because I just had a happy accident.

#120:

I’m not a fan of ships but I’d get my boating license just to motorboat you.

#121:

I hope you’re a cactus because there will be long periods where I won’t make you wet.

#122:

They say the tongue is the biggest muscle in the human body. Ready to fight?

#123:

I want to put Nutella all over your booty and eat it.

#124:

Wow, is your boob a dick? Because I want to suck on it.

#125:

Imagine we were both squirrels, could I crack my nuts in your hole?

#126:

I came here with the intention of stealing your heart. But your bra is in the way. Can you take it off?

#127:

Meooooow. Sorry, I’m not talking to you. I’m trying to communicate with your pussy.

#128:

I get that you’re busy today but can you add me to your ‘To-Do’ list?

#129:

Wow, I didn’t know you were telekinetic? You just moved a part of me without touching it.

#130:

Do you have a minute? I have a condition and I’m wondering if it’s sexually transmittable.

#131:

Wow, you disrupted the entire process of evolution. First I was a Homo Sapien and now I am a Homo Erectus.

#132:

You know, you remind me of a Chinese Phonebook: Filled with ‘Dongs’.

#133:

I have very bad news, my dick just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

#134:

Are you a hipster beard? Because I want you on my face.

#135:

What has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper!

So much for the crazy pickup lines.

Now we have some of the most sugar sweet lines in store that you should already call your dentist for a check up.

#136-162: The most sugar sweet bad pickup lines

Men, remember the following:

Never sincerely use the next opening lines.

Some people think that these lines are actually complimentary but they will give her nothing but third degree cringe.

(cringe is slang for nuclear awkwardness.)

Why?

These lines are way too flattering to say to a stranger!

Calling someone whom you’ve just met ‘the answer to all your prayers’ is grade A baloney.

Literally.

She makes your pickle tickle. And that’s not a reason to praise the heavens.

Enough babbling, here you have the worst pick up lines:

#136:

You must be tired… from running through my mind all day!

#137:

Your dad’s a thief! He stole all the stars from the heavens and put them in your eyes.

#138:

Excuse me, but I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

#139:

Take of your top. I’ve always wanted to see how an angel hides her wings.

#140:

Do you have a band-aid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.

#141:

Can I get a selfie with you? So Santa knows what I want this year.

#142:

Are you in the right place? Because you’re quite far from heaven.

#143:

Hmm, something seems to be wrong with my phone… your number isn’t in it.

#144:

I don’t believe in astronomy. If stars are so far away, how can you be so close?

#145:

Finally! Now I know why it’s so gray outside. All the blue is in your eyes.

#146:

That smoke… do you have a chimney in your purse or are you just really hot?

#147:

Help! I don’t know how to swim and I’m drowning in your eyes.

#148:

You are what God envisioned when he created women.

#149:

I hope you know CPR because you’re breathtaking.
.

#150:

Is your second name Gillette? Because to me you’re ‘the best a man can get’.

#151:

Sssh! Do you feel that? … That’s chemistry.

#152:

Do you have Google Maps? I’m lost in your eyes.

#153:

Is your dad a priest? Because you’re a blessing.

#154:

Excuse me, you dropped something… my jaw.

#155:

(Bumps into her gently)

Oof, what an attraction. Do you have a magnet in your purse?

#156:

If I were a cat, I’d spend all my 9 lives with you.

#157:

If my life is like a puzzle, you’d be the missing piece.

#158:

Aren’t you cold? You’ve been running around naked through my mind all day.

#159:

Is your name WiFi? Because I feel a connection…

#160:

*Gives her little pack of sugar*

Excuse me, you just dropped your name tag.

#161:

Did you hear about the latest scandal on Spotify? They didn’t name you the hottest single.

#162:

Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.

I think this series of sugar sweet pick up lines just gave me diabetes.

Just to give some contrast I will give you some extra dark pick up lines.

#163-183: The darkest bad pickup lines

I’m about to do something potentially disastrous.

Something I can’t possibly come back from in the current political climate.

That’s why my lawyer told me to write the following:

Know that the next pickup lines in no way represent my opinion, point of view or vision.

With that behind us, let the fun begin and go over the ABSOLUTE WORST pick up lines.

Attention: The next lines are dark enough to swallow the sun.

Here they are:

#163:

Hey, are you the law? Because I’m about to violate you.

#164:

Dang, you look tight. I bet you whistle when you pee.

#165:

*rubs hands*

Okay… whose lips shall we start with?

#166:

Roses are red, violets are blue, not even a court order can keep me away from you.

#167:

Wow, incredible. You’re even more beautiful up close than through my binoculars.

#168:

If I were your dad, I would still give you a bath every night.

#169:

It might be a good idea to call the bomb squad because something’s about to explode in your anus.

#170:

You look too clever for pickup lines… that’s why I brought rohypnol.

#171:

*pulls out handkerchief*

Does this smell like chloroform to you?

#172:

Can I whisper something in your mouth?

#173:

Are you suicide? Because I’m thinking about doing you every night.

#174:

*stares at her crotch for a long time and then looks into her eyes*

Gonna eat that?

#175:

Do you know what I really appreciate in a woman? My penis.

#176:

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put my dick in your ass.

#177:

I’d bang your brother just to be in your family.

#178:

Shall I wait for you in the car or is your bedroom closet also okay?

#179:

I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?

#180:

I’m going to bang you like a snowstorm. I’ll give you 7 inches and then you can’t go outside for a week.

#181:

Are you a toaster? Because I’d like to take a bath with you.

#182:

Let’s play House. You’ll be the crooked door and I’ll bang you all night long.

#183:

Do you like the brand Vans? Good, then you’ll probably feel right at home in my minivan.

*throws bleach in eyes*

Okay, we can move on.

“Move on?”

Yes, because we can impossibly end with all this darkness.

Or we might just summon Cthulhu out of the depths of the earth.

Furthermore we missed something incredibly fun and we’re about to fix that right now.

Go on to the next tip to see what I mean.

#184-200: The worst pickup lines on Tinder

What’s about to follow is fun and simple:

Seventeen real Tinder screenshots of desperate men and their seductive attempts.

So grab some popcorn and get comfortable.

Because here we go:

#184:

Wow. And it started off so civilized!

Hello 🙂

I’m tryna put this dick between those titties

Lol, the f*ck is wrong with you

#185:

You wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?

Are you trying to tell me you can’t give me one on your own and I’ll have to do half the work?

#186:

Yo bitch, I like your face

So weird that he didn’t get a reply. #sarcasm

#187:

I want to wear your thighs like earmuffs till you cum so hard you waterboard me.

I’m gonna abort this mission

#188:

This emoji opening line is self-explanatory.

#189:

I wanna keep a piece of your poop in my freezer just so I could have something that’s been inside you.

#190:

Hola pretty girl

Ready to stop your period for 9 months?

#191:

Is that bum soft and jiggly? 🙂

Is that dick small and wrinkly?

Haha, yikes. Didn’t mean to offend.

But for the record, no it’s not.

#192:

I would f*ck you even if you were my sister!!! 😳

#193:

Wanna play Titanic?

Lol, how do you play Titanic?

Well, you’ll be the iceberg and I’ll go down.

#194:

You’re beautiful 🙂

Hey! Thank you 😊

You’re very welcome

How is your day going?

Not bad and yours!

Oops, my bad. Super baked and answered my own message.

#195:

Woah, you’re smoking hot.

Thank you.

I think you need a fire extinguisher!

Lol, I sure hope not.

I mean, the friction you made in my jeans might start a fire.

Jesus.

#196:

Hey, do you like men with long hair?

Haha, yeah occasionally! Why?

I’m growing my hair out, that’s why 🤪

Follow up question

Do you like getting choked?

#197:

I think you gave my heart an erection 😍

And they say romance is dead…

#198:

]I bet you get this a lot but you look like Jason Momoa 😍

I want to tickle your belly button from the inside.

This is where a lot of men mess up.

Yes, he just went from 10 to 100 mph. But considering the circumstances that’s not so weird.

After receiving a compliment, most men think: “She wants me! Full throttle!”

But of course, that’s not how women are wired.

With her compliment, she’s just showing interest. Which will be wasted in a heartbeat if you blunder like the dude above.

Does a woman give you a compliment?

Keep it playful: “I bet you say that to every man, player. ;)”

Or just say:  “Thank you.”

Would you have never come up with this answer yourself?

Not to worry.

I have 15+ different golden pickup lines that increase your attraction.

Download them here for free.

#199:

Your asshole is an angry dinosaur.

And my dick is the meteor

#200:

Hello

I wanna douse you in green paint and fuck you like the avocado you are.

Well, amigo.

That was the 200nd and last bad pickup line of this article.

Now for the 200 best opening lines. I hope you’re ready!

Just kidding.

Although, I do have for you the best opening lines for Tinder.

Check out my Transformation Kit below.

Enjoy.

Your bro.
Dan de Ram

Stop awkward conversations
and painful rejections

My free Transformation Kit will make you irresistible to women.

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  • The Friendzone Escape-Room Trick
Yes, give me the Transformation Kit!

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