In this article, you get:
- The answer to the question of all questions: Can a man and a woman be (best) friends?
- The six types of male-female friendship and which of them are doomed to failure
- Why I consciously refrained from female friends and what I learned from Mathijs
- Why you should have female friends if you want a rock star vibe
- Male-female friendship boundaries: 5 Golden rules
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It’s quite amusing.
When women are asked this question, most of them say with conviction:
However, when men are confronted with this question, things look very different.
They start giggling, scratching the back of their heads, and smilingly while saying, “Uhm, no!”
It’s particularly amusing that women react similarly if you ask them whether a certain “friend” wants more from her, is secretly attracted to her, or would do something with her if she allowed it.
They blush embarrassed and answer in a squeaky voice: “…yes…”
Why do I find this so amusing? Probably because I myself used to be in this situation all the time: I had a crush on her, and she saw me as a friend. A dilemma that’s now called “friend zone.”
Opinions on this subject are, therefore, more divergent than Donald Trump’s.
It’s a question that has been the topic of discussion in film and theatre for decades.
Movies and series such as “Friends with Benefits,” “How I Met Your Mother,” or “Friends” play with the complexity of friendship between men and women, and even Friedrich Nietzsche has philosophized about it.
The opinion of Harry Burns from the classic “Harry and Sally” is apparent:
What Harry – played by Billy Crystal – is talking about here is something you always have to deal with when you’re in contact with a woman: The inevitable crux of sexual attraction.
Can men and women be friends only?
There are usually 6 different types of friendships:
- Alliances: It’s a typical male friendship. They form a team to chat, to strengthen each other’s backs, or to pursue a common goal such as travel, business, or seducing women.
- Safety nets: This type is more common among women. They look for security in a friendship so that they have someone to open up emotionally and make them feel better about themselves.
- Social ladders: This kind of friendship is prevalent among both women and men. Having someone to bring you into new social circles is super useful.
- Close friendships: This is a friendship that usually lasts for a long time because both parties have a deep emotional connection with each other. You have the same goals, hobbies, and you’re simply on the same wavelength.
- Friendship with benefits: A relationship in which you’re just friends but also have sex with each other. This friendship usually doesn’t last long if you don’t pay attention to certain things.
- “One wants more” friendship: You’re friends, but one of the two would like an additional sexual or romantic element. This relationship is usually one-sided.
By the way: If you want to know how to get or maintain a friendship with benefits, I can offer you this blog post:
Now to the question of all questions: Can a friendship between man and woman work out?
Most people say either yes or no, but as is so often the case, the truth lies in the middle.
In fact, it depends on the TYPE OF FRIENDSHIP and their respective intentions.
Alliances and social ladders are the only friendships that can be truly platonic.
All others will sooner or later have emotional complications or even fail.
Let’s take this one step at a time:
- Safety nets fail because they’re too emotional. When two people open up, comfort, and talk to each other, it’s almost inevitable that feelings will develop. At least on one side.
- Close friendships: The deep emotional connection and the feeling of soul mates make it challenging to consider friendship as purely platonic.
- Friendship with benefits: The man is often happy because he gets sex. But sooner or later, the woman will want more from you or someone else. And then it gets complicated.
- “One wants more” friendship: This friendship is a hell of torment to the side affected. He/she may go through this for a long time, but at some point, he/she’ll give up on it because it’s just too painful.
So, if you really want to be ONLY friends with women, then you should form alliances or use them as social ladders (but more about that later).
Excellent question, brokovski!
Why you should have female friends
I had a bunch of female friends when I was in school.
But it wasn’t a pleasant time, because I was trapped like a dog in a kennel with everyone in the friend zone.
To be honest, I was just waiting for one of the girls to fall in love with me, if only she would realize how sweet and kind I really am.
Good tactic, Dan from the past; Well, that worked great!
When I started to work hard to become a sexually attractive man, I swore to myself that I would never again be just friends with women.
When I figured out how to consistently do that, I noted everything down in detail.
You can get my extensive guide how to completely avoid the friendzone and become that magnetic attractive man for free right here.
I haven‘t had a single female friend in years. And I have enjoyed it.
The truth is that I generally find it difficult to be friends with women. If I find a woman attractive and like her personality (which is usually the case with friends), my body acts automatically.
Sometimes my mind literally screamed:
And yet my body did everything it could to turn an innocent Disney movie night into a passionate night full of wild sex.
I have already started to believe that I don’t need female friends and that men and women can’t be just friends anyways…
This was until I met coach Mathijs.
Women literally surround him. In fact, some of them he’s “just” friends with. He simply asks them if they can introduce an amazing woman to him, and they do so without batting an eyelid.
When he goes to the club, surrounded by women, he has a rock-star aura, and all eyes are on him. It makes it really easy for him to meet women.
Often all he has to do is say “Hi,” and they’ve already been blown away.
Constantly dudes come along and want to be friends with him. Sure, he’s got some pretty girls he can introduce them to.
When I saw it with my own eyes, my jaw dropped…
I must admit that I completely underestimated how useful friendships with women can be.
Since then, I’ve got myself a bunch of female friends as well.
And we’re indeed JUST FRIENDS. Well, I must admit that I would probably have to swallow if one of my friends would undress, bend over the bed, and say, “Do what you want with me, Dan”…
Hey, what can I say? I’m a man.
But even then, I would pull myself together (with 80 percent probability), if I really just see the woman as a friend.
You like her, but she wants to stay friends
This is the classic friendzone case.
You think that if you’re just friends with her long enough, she’ll eventually realize what a great guy you’re and automatically change her mind.
Or at least you hope you do.
I wrote a detailed blog post about this, which will catapult you out of this shitty situation:
It’s often said simply because of this, but believe me: I know how you feel.
You think it’s better to be just friends than to have to give up on her altogether.
But you’re wrong.
You should end the friendship right now. The reason is simple:
It’s like being a drug junkie in rehab, but everyone around you is using this drug and offering it to you constantly. You may look at it, hold it in your hand, but you may not use it.
Why the hell would you volunteer to torture yourself like that?
Also, you aren’t open to new women during this time, and your friendship with her turns off every female within a radius of 50 miles.
You’re only hurting yourself in the long run. It may hurt to end the friendship, but in the long run, it’s for the best.
She likes you, but you only see her as a good buddy
Complicated case with a simple solution:
Let her go.
If you really are a good friend, you don’t do this to her, no matter how many times you tell her not to get her hopes up.
The truth is: She still has these hopes.
Put yourself in her shoes.
I once fell so hard for a woman in high school that my day began and ended with the thought of her.
I’ll spare you the painful story. All you need to know for today is that I ran after her for a year.
She kept giving me mixed signals. Whenever I wanted to give up, she flirted with me, and whenever I went on the offensive, she kept her distance.
She kept me on her hook like a fish that doesn’t know much except that it’s in a hell of a spot.
It was the most emotionally draining time of my life, and I wouldn’t wish it on even my worst enemy.
Do you really want to do that to a woman?
Besides, she’ll – consciously or unconsciously – sabotage your future relationships with other women, and you can’t blame her.
After all, she likes you.
In these cases, it’s also a good idea to respectfully return all your friendship bracelets to her.
How to win female friends
So, you decided to ignore all warnings and get some female bros?
But how do you go about it?
Where do you meet women, and how do you let them know that you’re a badass motherfucker that you’d better include among your friends?
In general, you’ll find that women are more likely to have social inhibitions than men when it comes to making friends with strangers.
Understandable. There are enough crazies and weirdos out there, and it’s only advisable for a woman to be a bit more on guard than a grown man has to be.
For this reason, they usually have a closer network with less superficial acquaintances.
The closer this network is, the more difficult it is for you to get into it.
You’ll notice the easiest people to make friends with are the “party girls.” This is because they have several superficial acquaintances and like to form alliances or “social ladder” friendships.
But since you don’t only want to meet party girls, the question remains: How do you get into the circle of friends of the other women?
Well, it’s not easy. In fact, I find it easier to seduce a woman than to make friends with her.
Because most women are:
- Cautious and detached when it comes to friendships.
- Always fully booked. If she’s attractive, many people want to spend time with her.
- She’s at the edge of her social capacity, especially if she’s a city girl. She already knows a lot of people and doesn’t need new friendships.
But don’t worry, I have something for you…
The golden rulebook for a friendship with a lady
If you stick to this set of rules, you’ll gain cool girlfriends and avoid heartache.
After that, you’ll never think that a friendship between man and woman isn’t possible again.
Rule #1: Make your intentions clear
Make sure she knows 100% where she stands with you. Make it clear what you want and what you don’t want. Don’t just keep your intentions to yourself that would lead to complications in the future.
Rule #2: Be a valuable buddy
If you do all the things we discuss in our articles, you’ll have no problems with it.
The more in demand you are as a person, the faster she’ll realize how much value you can add to her life if you’re one of her friends.
Rule #3: Don’t forget other women
If you’re very good friends with one or more women, you often forget to take care of your love life. You go on fewer dates or even spend less time with your girlfriend.
The brain makes you believe that you have enough female contact already. It’s nice that you have an intact social life, but you shouldn’t neglect your love life for that reason.
Rule #4: Look for fresh singles or women who are new in town
Simply for practical reasons. When people are new in a town, they make new friends. That usually happens very fast with women. After nine months, they typically have an established circle of friends and are less socially active.
The same can be said of women who have just come through a breakup, especially when their circle of friends overlaps with that of their ex-boyfriend.
Rule #5: Keep the friendship as long as it’s fair
As long as both parties are satisfied with the friendship, everything is cool. However, if she develops feelings for you that you can’t or don’t want to reciprocate, then it’s only fair to end the friendship.
I don’t know you, and I don’t know why you clicked on this blog post.
But if you did it because you’re afraid of destroying your friendship because you have feelings for her, I have one last piece of advice for you:
Friendships with women are valuable but not necessary.
There’s no way it’s worth hiding your feelings just to keep her as a friend.
If you’re honest, it’s just a stupid excuse because you’re afraid of painful rejection.
FUCK THIS SHIT!
If you like her, your friendship is going to end anyway. And then you’ll be angry that you didn’t try.
You do nothing: The relationship goes to pieces, and your heart is torn into a thousand pieces at some point.
You do something: It could lead to something great or at least to emotional freedom.
You don’t know WHAT to do?
Dan de Ram