You’re divorced. It’s been like this for quite some time now, or perhaps you just got out of it.
But when should you start dating again?
And how do you go about dating other women after your divorce?
That’s exactly what we’re going to talk about in this article!
- Dating after divorce: How soon?
- Why it’s crucial to make new connections again
- How to date after divorce? In-depth explanation!
- Where the best places to pick up are
- How to get through your first date
- 2 big mistakes you must avoid!
- Do you have to bring up being divorced on a date?
- Conversation tips that’ll make your date way less awkward
- Much more…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
Tip #1: Dating after divorce: How soon?
You might want a precise answer like “12 weeks”. Although I like giving practical advice, I just can’t give a definite answer to that question.
Because it depends on each person. Luckily, I can provide you with solid guidelines.
People after their divorce usually make one of these two time-related mistakes:
- You start dating again too soon.
- You don’t want to get back in the game.
If you start dating too fast, chances are you’re after a rebound relationship. You jump into a new relationship, often with unresolved emotional issues that remain there, waiting to come back to life. But what a pleasant distraction, right?
Besides, dating a new girl too soon can seem a little disrespectful to your ex.
When you take too long to start dating again, you let the pain (and perhaps trauma) caused by the divorce dominate you. This is not working in your favor, and you’re stuck with emotional pain that needs to be dealt with.
So the answer to the question “when to start dating again after a divorce” is:
- When you feel it’s okay with your ex.
- When you’ve been able to mourn the divorce sufficiently.
- When you’ve given enough space to potential pain.
Let me explain briefly what I mean below!
Do you feel it’s okay with your ex now?
Personally, I’d say you shouldn’t go on dates for the first two months after breaking up. It depends though. Perhaps it’s been three months already, and the divorce was pronounced only yesterday.
I believe the emotional ‘separation’ is much more important than the official divorce. But keep in mind that others can experience this very differently.
Put yourself in your ex’s place… how would you feel if you saw her with another guy?
Grieving a divorce is a healthy process
Also take some time to mourn, and express gratitude to your ex-marriage. This is important. Perhaps the divorce was a battle, which, of course, often ends very sour. But still be grateful for the lessons learned, and for all the positive experiences you’ve had. Do it whenever a dark cloud is hanging over you.
This is how you get over your past marriage for good and make room again for a new relationship or affair.
Processing heartbreak and pain
Are you still going through heartbreak? Then it’s all right to take some time to process it. But again, your broken heart doesn’t have to be 100% healed to start dating again. It can even come as a very healthy distraction to go out and have fun, even though you still don’t feel at your best.
Tip #2: How to start flirting and dating again after divorce?
All right, you’re better now.
You’ve learned the lessons of your previous marriage, and you’ve made enough peace with the fact that you’re single.
Now comes the most important thing you can do:
Don’t let your divorce define you.
Don’t let your divorce define you.
I’m writing this twice for a reason. Because many people allow pain and past failures to define who they are. I understand that, and I don’t blame them, but know that it’s a deadly sin.
Because the past is the past and there’s nothing you can do about it. What you can do though, and what’s going to change EVERYTHING: You can change the meaning behind the past.
So, how do you see the past? What does this divorce mean to you?
Do you see it as a sign that you want to meet your new dream woman? Is it the time when you finally start living your dreams? Or are you going to sit at home all day like a victim?
Because pain can sometimes have a very positive impact on your life. It sounds crazy, but some people only start living to the fullest when they suffer from a serious illness. It’s undeniable that negative factors can sometimes have very positive effects.
It all comes down to one word: meaning.
What is this meaning? It can only be determined by you. Reflect on it, talk about it with friends and family, and you’ll find a positive meaning to those negative experiences.
Now let’s get more practical.
Tip #3: It’s pretty stressful to start dating again
Don’t let it drive you crazy though.
You shouldn’t put too much importance on your first dates after your divorce.
Soon you’ll be thinking:
Don’t worry, mate. None of that matters. You don’t even have to date too seriously. Think of it all as a game. A fun game where you get to meet new people, that’s all.
You don’t have to kiss. You don’t have to sleep with anyone. You don’t have to start a relationship right away.
Is something making you uncomfortable? Then just say it.
Let’s assume you end up in bed with someone a little too quickly, and you get insecure. Express it.
Then take some distance until you’re comfortable again.
You might also be nervous before your first date.
Be open about it, it’s very understandable.
Now you may be wondering to what extent you should bring up your divorce during a date.
Don’t worry, we’re going to discuss it later in the article.
Tip #4: How to date after divorce
How do you get your first date after your divorce?
If you already have plenty of dates scheduled, you can go directly to tip #5. If not, I’m going to give you a lot of useful tips…
Because where should you go to meet nice single women?
Here are great ideas of where to meet single ladies after a divorce:
- Salsa dancing: It’s fun, and you get a lot male-female physical contact going on.
- Tinder. Yeah, I know. It has a reputation for being a quick sex app for young people, but plenty of relationships came from Tinder. Get more Tinder tips here.
- Dating sites. If you’re looking for a relationship and you’re 40+ then a dating site is often more appropriate. Think of Parship, for example. This site targets highly educated singles.
- Approaching a girl during the day. I can understand that nightclubs aren’t your thing. They’re expensive, crowded and full of drunk people. But getting women during the day is also an option.
- Traveling is a possibility. Perhaps you’re a divorced dad and you have kids to take care of, or you’re broke. Then I understand that this might not be an option for you. But maybe you should also experience this new freedom. Go on a trip and find a summer love! Falling in love after divorce happens faster than you think.
Tip #5: How do you go about your first date?
You’re divorced, and now you have your first date very soon.
Dating… Hmm… How do I do that again?
As discussed earlier, approach dating casually. You’re under no obligation to do anything.
You might be thinking that you have to be ‘funny enough’ or ‘super interesting’ during the date.
It’s nice, but I’m sorry, it doesn’t make sense.
Because you don’t HAVE to do anything. The only thing dating is about is this:
Having a good time and finding out if you two click.
Find out if the girl is good enough for YOU. See if there’s a connection. And if there isn’t, it’s not the end of the world.
Then naturally it helps to learn some tips about dating. Like these 19 first date conversation starters. Read that if you need some inspiration on what to talk about on a first date.
Read my tips, and then forget them afterwards. The point isn’t to be completely in your head thinking “what should I say now?!”. Read them for inspiration, and then just relax and enjoy your date.
Here you have 17 other examples of witty lines for your next date. Then you’ll be subscribed to my newsletter and you’ll get plenty of flirting tips, as well as free videos. Download it, it’s free. < online soon
Tip #6: Should you tell your date about your divorce?
Perhaps you’ve heard about this dating sin:
Of course, no one wants to hear one story after another of your past relationship.
It comes across as if you’re not over your ex. Especially if you’re badmouthing her/him, it doesn’t send a positive signal.
This is what I would do in your situation:
If it comes up in the conversation, don’t lie. Let’s say you’re talking about your last holidays, and your date asks “who did you go with?”. Then just be open about it and answer with “with my ex-wife/husband”.
Then you can leave it to your date to see if she wants to know more about your divorce. Then you can see how relaxed you feel about answering the questions.
Of course, avoid any very intimate details. It’s not appropriate to tell the most personal stories straight away on a first or second date.
Tip #7: Why would you want to date again at all?
Dating after divorce for a man sometimes feels like a long way off.
You might have a tendency to throw in the towel quickly too.
Then remember this:
If you confine yourself to your habits of sitting alone at home… and only meet the same people you already know, chances are you’re not going to meet a new woman anytime soon.
Or even if you’re not looking for relationships or sex right away, that’s fine. But still, you’re about to face the next big change in your life.
Open yourself up to the outside world. Go out. Learn some extra flirting skills. You can take a dating course with us. There you’ll spend entire days with professional dating coaches and you’ll even learn how to meet women during the day.
One of our bootcamp participants spreading love again after his tough breakup.
Tip #8: Getting back in the game
Now let’s go over some practical tips to help you get back into the dating world.
As always, I’m going to be brutally honest now.
This is the story of a good friend of mine: His 7-years relationship came to an end. It simply wasn’t going to work out between him and his girlfriend anymore.
It was obvious that his ex wasn’t trying to make the relationship work at all. She was 30 pounds overweight, easily. She was also much less attractive than before. He sometimes complained about it.
Of course, it’s not why the relationship ended. They broke up because of other reasons.
But what did not surprise me at all, is that she had lost ALL her excess weight 2 months after they split up!
She took some nice pictures for her Tinder profile, did a lot of sports, and took good care of herself.
She had a few one-night stands, and then started dating again.
And I give her props for that.
So, what I mean by telling you this story is that you should take good care of yourself.
Make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex again. Lose weight, and why not gain some muscle too? Dress yourself well. Get a nice haircut every three weeks.
All those things make you feel good about yourself. That certainly contributes to your sexual attraction.
Of course, these are just the superficial things. Then there are much deeper things that women find attractive. I discuss them in this video:
Tip #9: Three signs your date is into you
It’ s nice to be able to tell when a woman likes you.
Unfortunately, a lot of nonsense has been written about this online.
The majority of these signs are not going to mean anything if they only happen once.
But if you detect them more often in an interaction it definitely means that she’s into you.
The following tips can make dating after divorce for a man way easier, read on:
First sign: She’s laughing
For example, it’s a sign if your date is laughing at ALL your jokes (even the ones that aren’t even that funny).
Or if she’s laughing at something that wasn’t even a joke, it can mean that she’s a bit stressed.
People get nervous when they find someone attractive.
Second sign: She’s touching you
Of course there’s a clear difference between ‘social touching’ and ‘flirty touching‘.
Social touching is a hand shake or a hug at the end of the date, for example.
However sometimes physical contact is unnecessary, but still you see it happening. If she touches you in a flirty way, it’s a sign she’s into you. Especially if it happens every few minutes.
Third sign: She’s moving closer to you
Should you come a little closer to her, or even put your arm around her shoulder?
This is a good test to see if she likes you.
This moment is crucial!
Is she moving away a little? Then you should step back!
But is she moving closer? Well, chances are she’s interested. Perhaps she wants to kiss you already.
You can find more signs in this article.
In the next tip I’m going to give you the ultimate tip to have a fulfilling dating life.
Tip #10: The ultimate tip to kick start your dating life.
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I send you a lot of positive vibes. Dating after divorce for a man can be a long process, but I am sure you’ll have a lot of fun again if you apply these tips!
Dan de Ram