We’ve all been through this situation:
You meet a beautiful girl, get her number, do a bit of texting. Then you invite her on a date.
You take her to your favorite spot, where you have a chill evening, talking about each other’s work, hobbies and families.
When she says she has to go home, you walk her back to her car.
She looks at you, says “Hey, thanks for tonight, it was nice”. Your heart is beating so fast you can’t even say a word.
Perhaps you try to kiss her and she rejects you. Perhaps you don’t even try to kiss her.
Regardless, the next day, you get a text from her:
In this case, chances are you don’t know how to build a deep connection with a woman.
No worries, after reading this article, you won’t get into this situation ever again.
- The 6 Ingredients of deep connection with girls
- How to spark amazing conversations with any woman
- Why emotional connection is so important
- The power of vulnerability
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Get a deeper understanding of deep connection
When talking about deep connection, it all comes down to one word: Emotions.
When a girl tells you she didn’t feel the spark, what she’s saying is that she didn’t feel any emotions.
Men tend to be more rational than women. So when you go on a date, you can have a good time by just having a chill logical conversation.
Not women. Women want to FEEL. The content of the conversation doesn’t have to be intellectual, as long as it has emotions attached to it.
To determine whether she likes you or not, a girl will pay special attention – often unconsciously – to what she felt around you, what feelings and emotions you created during the date.
Do you want to be able to build a deep connection with any girl?
Then here’s a golden rule:
You want a woman to feel everything but boredom.
Meaning, when you’re on a date with a girl, it’s better that you say something she doesn’t like than you don’t say anything at all.
However, the most important skill is being able to make a connection with a woman.
Now that I know how to master this skill, this is something I get a lot from girls.
But why is deep connection so important? How does this work?
When you’re on a date, think of a conversation as an iceberg.
The biggest part of the iceberg is under water. When you have a normal, superficial conversation you only get to know the tip of the iceberg.
Most of the real stuff is underwater. When building a deep connection with someone, you get to discover much more of what’s going on under the surface.
Of course, this goes in both directions.
You make yourself vulnerable by sharing the deep stuff with her, and she does the same with you.
This allows the date to be way more emotional. And emotions are the basis of any relationship, whether it is casual sex or something more serious.
The 6 ingredients of deep connection
Before we start with the first ingredient of deep connection, there are two essential conditions you have to be aware of.
You must fulfill these conditions, otherwise you won’t be able to build a deep connection with a girl.
Condition 1: Be open and vulnerable
If you want to connect with a woman, you have to be willing to show that iceberg below the surface.
Share your pain, your fears, your feelings and emotions.
If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, read this article:
Condition 2: Leadership
When having a conversation with a girl, always be the one who leads. Meaning you have to be first one to be open and vulnerable.
Don’t expect girls to share personal things about themselves with you right from the beginning. At first, most girls won’t have enough trust to do it.
That trust will come when they’ll realize it’s okay to be vulnerable around you.
Leadership is one of many attractive traits every man should have. What are the others, you say?
There you go:
Alright, now let’s start with the first ingredient of deep connection.
Ingredient #1: Female language and emotions
As discussed earlier, the impact emotions have on women is huge. If you want a date to be memorable, it’s all about feelings and emotions.
So when you talk, make sure your passion and feelings are well reflected in your stories.
When a girl talks, you should always react not only to the content of what she said, but also to the emotions attached to that content.
A very common question I ask on my dates is “How did it make you feel?”
Ingredient #2: Reinforcing emotions
If you want to build a deep connection with a girl, you should always try to reinforce the emotions felt in the conversation.
For example, when she’s sharing a tough story with you, you can say: “Wow, that must have been really hard for you.”
Ingredient #3: Empathy
It’s not just about sharing your feelings to one another, but also empathizing with those feelings.
For example, when she talks about something that made her very happy, you can say: “Wow, I went through something like this once that made me very happy…” and then you tell your story.
So the ‘bridge’ is not in the content, but in the feelings and experiences. You can also say: “Yeah, I know how that feels…”
Ingredient #4: The ‘why’
When someone asks you a standard question about your job or hobbies, chances are you always respond with a simple factual answer.
A great way to make the conversation more emotional and fascinating is by putting an emphasis on the ‘why’ (as opposed to the ‘what’.)
For example, let’s say a girl tells you she loves cinema.
Instead of focusing on the ‘what’ and asking her “Oh really, what kind of cinema?”, ask her ‘Why do you love cinema?’
It’ll encourage her to share about her passion. That’s how you get to know her on a deeper level.
Same goes when a girl asks you a question.
Here’s another example: When a date asks me what my job is, I say ‘life coach’ and then share a story of why I became a life coach and why I love my job so much.
Ingredient #5: The importance of random facts
When having a conversation with a girl, you should also share with her random facts about yourself.
For example, I usually tell girls about how I accidentally broke my parents’ crockery and haven’t told them to this day.
Or how, as a kid, I would fight with my brother all the time.
No matter how short and trivial the story is, it will give her a feeling that she knows you better.
And it’s also an opportunity to make yourself vulnerable.
Ingredient #6: Create memories
Part of what makes friendship so special is that you share a lot of common memories with your friends.
But when you meet a girl for the first time, there aren’t any mutual memories yet.
What if I told you there’s a way you can time travel into the future to create memories of you together?
You do this by painting a picture of you together in a future potential situation, getting in as much details as you can.
Let me give you an example:
A few weeks ago I talked to a woman wearing a flower dress in a bar. I asked her if she could make flower wreaths. When she said ‘yes’ I told her:
That’s how you create a future memory. This is a great tool you can use to build a deep connection with anyone.
Take things to the next level
Great, now you know all the ingredients of a deep connection.
These techniques are incredibly powerful. Of course, if you want to practice and apply these tools, you have to actually meet women.
If you’ve been having a hard time dating more girls lately, I’ve got the perfect thing for you.
It’s called the Transformation Kit.
It’s a toolkit that teaches you how you can start dating more women right away.
Dan de Ram.