Today you learn:
- The two different forms of fear of loss: What they are, how you recognize and eliminate them
- The true origin of fear of loss, which helps you to understand yourself better.
- 2 methods to overcome fear of loss forever (Note: One is based on science and the other is from the Terminator himself)
- Much more to handle fear of loss…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
Fear of losing someone is the fear that a person who is important to you will leave you. If you’re a normal person (and not a psychopath), then you’ve experienced it yourself.
A good friend of mine has been in a relationship with an exotic beauty for over two years (side note: I was the wingman at the time and introduced them to each other). She loves him very much but is more of a party girl.
My buddy doesn’t understand this and behaves very morbidly (or like a little bitch):
- He’s spying on her.
- He’s highly jealous of any guy she comes in contact with.
- He creates unnecessary drama.
She confessed to me privately last week that his behavior is insanely annoying and that it probably wouldn’t be long before she broke up with him if he continued to be like this.
The emergence of fear of loss in relationships isn’t uncommon: If you weren’t interested in the relationship with another person, you wouldn’t invest in it and would end up alone. The mild form of fear of loss prevents this from happening.
However, this article is about the extreme form of fear of loss (fear of loss phobia). The side that you subconsciously carry within you and which is so present that it can guide your actions in such a way that you become a puppet of fear.
How do you recognize it though?
As already mentioned, there are two different forms:
Form 1: Fear of loss light
This isn’t a particularly bad thing. You find the thought that she might leave you scary. And I can completely understand that.
Most people feel this to some degree.
- But if you learn how to be an unshakable, independent man.
- And how to flirt…
…then the intensity of this form will be kept low and will therefore not have a strong negative influence on your behavior in a relationship.
You have the confidence that you have your life in your hands, with or without her. And that keeps the fear at bay.
But what about the stronger form?
Form 2: Fear of loss extreme
This is the form in which someone only functions when he (or she) is held by the hand and would be hopelessly lost without the other.
It restricts your quality of life and has a strong negative influence on your relationship.
These are some signs that you’re suffering from severe fear of loss (of love):
- You often have nightmares in which she leaves you
- You had a traumatic childhood experience where you were left alone.
- You don’t let her talk to other guys or get extremely jealous when you see it happening.
- You keep asking her where she is or what she’s doing
- You’re holding on to an unhealthy relationship
Look out for strongly engaging behavior and distrust on your part. Once you detect these signs, you can self-diagnose yourself with one hundred percent certainty: You suffer from fear of loss.
Some of you may think: ‘But jealousy is a good thing.’
Here one must differentiate: Being a little jealous isn’t bad and can be healthy.
For example, it’s perfectly ok to feel uncomfortable when another guy flirts too intimately with your girlfriend or often seeks physical contact.
But if you’re jealous of anything and everything that comes near your partner, it’s unhealthy for you and your relationship.
Fear of loss is the #1 reason to be left
You know what’s so scary about this fear?
It’s ruining your relationship. Sometimes very quickly.
Because when it sets in, you suddenly change dramatically in her eyes:
- You’re no longer the independent man she fell in love with.
- You’re more needy.
- You guard her overly.
She won’t recognize that you’re afraid of losing her. The background of your actions remains obscured to her.
All she has left is to judge your actions. This is what she sees:
- You used to be carefree, light-hearted and playful.
- Now you’re suddenly very jealous and possessive.
These actions are unattractive.
You better get that through your head: If you’re afraid of losing your job, you get dumped.
She’ll eventually run away if you don’t change her mind. But don’t worry, you’ve come across an article that shows you how to eliminate your fear of loss better than an exterminator cockroaches.
Clinging to unhealthy relationships
It may sound illogical, because why would you be afraid of ending a bad relationship? The reason is that people with fear of loss often think that it would be even worse not to have a relationship at all.
Let’s say relationships are a boat. If the relationship doesn’t work out the way you want it to, then that boat is going the wrong way.
Many prefer to enjoy the safety of a boat, even if it’s on the wrong course, rather than swimming into the cold waters of single life where they fear drowning.
Where does fear of loss come from?
As with so many mental disharmonies, the origin of this fear usually lies in childhood.
Those affected often had to fight for love and recognition of other people. Today this leads to them clinging on to them strongly.
Another reason is that people with these fears have often been abandoned (for example by one parent) and have suffered psychological pain in the process. The fear of loss is then the symptom of this trauma.
Like every great disappointment in life, it affects your beliefs and your attitude to life.
The other one thinks:
Your beliefs determine how you behave in relationships.
The illusion that reinforces your fear of loss
Of course, we try to prevent anyone from leaving us. Why shouldn’t we? It hurts, and you’re supposed to fight for what’s important to you, right?
The problem, however, is that many go too far with this.
Let me make one thing clear:
It’s an illusion that you can keep people from leaving you.
Even if you monitor them 100%. The more you try, the sooner it’ll happen, I guarantee it.
In the end, we can’t determine what someone else does. That decision is made by the other person, not you. And you should respect it if you care about the person.
There’s no guarantee that your girlfriend will always stay with you.
And if you’re honest with yourself: You aren’t afraid of her leaving you, but you’re afraid of being alone.
There’s a huge difference! The sooner you realize that, the better.
Because if you weren’t afraid to be alone, you wouldn’t be afraid that she might leave you.
It would give you peace and confidence. Confidence that no matter what happens, with or without her, it’ll be okay.
What does it mean to you when someone leaves you?
There are two different settings that you can have once you are ‘left’.
Let’s first look at the unhealthy, negative attitude, which will definitely not get you anywhere:
- I’m obviously not good enough.
- I’ll never find another woman like that.
- It sucks to be alone.
Thoughts like these create the real fear. The meaning of letting someone go triggers strong negative feelings in you.
But you can interpret it that way:
- If someone leaves me, it’s not because of my self-worth.
- It’s good to be alone sometimes.
- This is an important experience for me and my future and I’m curious about what will come.
If you can draw these conclusions from a breakup, it’ll cause much less stress.
Your interpretation of break-ups determines which feelings they’ll trigger in you.
Prevent anyone from ever leaving you again
You may think now:
‘What are you talking about, Dan? I was hoping that the article would help me figure out how to make sure no one ever leaves me again. And not that it’s ok to be left.’
If you want to prevent with all your might ever again being abandoned by someone you care about, here is what you can do:
- Monitor the person 24 hours a day to make sure they’re still interested in you and never cheat on you.
- Always say yes to everything so that nobody gets disappointed..
- Never stand by your opinion, hoping to avoid any conflict.
Okay, you realize that doesn’t sound sexy at all.
There’s a lot of guys who do it that way. We call them ‘nice guys.’
Women may logically think that they like such behavior, but on an emotional level it has not the slightest effect on them!
Someone who is policed 24 hours a day will eventually escape because nobody likes to feel that they’re in a straitjacket.
If you say ‘yes’ to everything, you may not be left, but you’ll never really be happy either.
If you never stand behind your opinion, you become a doormat. You never show people who you really are.
Are you so much worse off when someone leaves you?
Again, there’s no permanent way to prevent someone from leaving you.
There’s one way to make sure that you’ll never be left, and that’s by never entering into a relationship. If you do, however, it would be called commitment anxiety.
You can do it that way but go deep inside you and ask yourself honestly if it makes you happy.
If so: Welcome to the Player Lifestyle! I wish you the best one-night stands and the most beautiful breasts with all my heart!
If not, work on getting rid of the fear of being abandoned.
The cure for fear of loss
The solution is to confront your fear.
Ignoring it doesn’t help, because it’ll always play a role in your relationships.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What am I really afraid of?
- Can I really expect a person to stay with me forever?
- Is it really so bad being alone?
- Do I have to maintain a relationship with someone who doesn’t appreciate me?
- Do I have to cross my own boundaries? Does it really make me happier?
For many people there’s nothing worse than being alone.
There’s a huge difference between being alone and being lonely.
If you’re fine with yourself, if you value yourself, if you have an intact circle of friends…
… you may be single, but you’ll never be lonely.
If you see being alone as something positive, the fear of it gradually disappears. The only remaining solution is therefore to work on your trust.
Then you recognize the advantages of living the single life and put your fear of it aside.
A healthy portion of self-confidence never hurts.
You’d have to be as confident as James Bond, but how do you do it?
Find out in this article:
2 Effective methods to overcome fear of loss
Method 1: Confrontation therapy
The only method that psychologists use for anxiety, which has been proven by science to be effective, is a dosed confrontation with fear.
For example, if a patient suffers from snake phobia, the therapy often looks like this:
- Introducing a snake
- Imagining touching a snake
- Viewing a worm
- Touching a worm
- Looking at a snake
- Touching a snake
Thus, the fear of snakes is slowly but surely reduced. As soon as the patient feels comfortable with the current step, his comfort zone is expanded and the next step is taken.
I’ve deciphered this psychological principle and applied it to fear of loss.
Important: Take your time with every single step! As soon as you can handle it, move on to the next step consistently. Realize that it won’t be easy, but also that you can finally conquer your fear if you continuously increase the difficulty of the next challenge. These are possible steps:
Take your time with every single step! As soon as you can handle it, move on to the next step consistently.
Realize that it won’t be easy, but also that you can finally conquer your fear if you continuously increase the difficulty of the next challenge.
These are possible steps:
If you doubt whether you can do it, then read on, because now we come to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s secret tip.
Method 2: Arnold’s secret for success
Even the great Arnold Schwarzenegger, 7-time Mr. Olympia, movie star and former governor of California admits:
Seek support from your family or friends (maybe even from a psychotherapist). Tell them about your fears. This isn’t a disgrace but shows huge strength!
My gift to you to make you stronger and help you forward in life.
See you on the other side,
Dan de Ram