You’ve found yourself in love with a foreigner. Great fun but also tricky. Check out these 12 tips to make your foreign love work.
You met an incredible cutie abroad who lights up your world. Or maybe you’re already dating someone abroad.
You want to know how you can make her yours or rather get advice on how to keep your relationship alive.
- #1: The impact of a relationship with a foreign woman
- #2: Bridge the distance by staying interested
- #3: Increase your attractiveness with intimacy
- #4: Prevent frustration with unspoken expectations
- #5: Build a clear routine
- #6: Communicate how often you want to see each other
- #7: Don’t forget spontaneity
- #8: Have a plan for the future
- #9: Define all boundaries
- #10: Surprise her in your contact moments
- #11: Have a team mindset
- #12: Be conscious of the sacrifice and investments
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And now you’ll be served 12 tips on how to make international love work.
#1: The impact of a relationship with a foreign woman
If you are over the moon about her and thinking about entering a relationship, then this is for you.
Sometimes we meet someone so amazing, they’ll blind us completely from all others.
Then you’ve got something special and valuable.
But before you decide to step into a relationship, you should first answer the following two questions:
- Would you be willing to move abroad?
- Does your international love want to enter a relationship as much as you do?
Listen, I’m not being pessimistic. And I can certainly impart some wisdom on you which will make her like you even more.
But attractiveness is not the same as the wish to start a committed relationship.
And if she doesn’t want one, then it’s less painful to break up now than one year into a relationship where you started caring about her even more.
That’s why answering these above questions will save you from a relationship that is doomed to fail.
#2: Bridge the distance by staying interested
Here is how you make sure she wants to speak to you every day:
Nothing is more fun than coming home after a long day and speaking to someone who knows you better than your best mates.
Do you know her life like no one else so that you can ask her super personal questions?
Then a conversation with you will be one of the highlights of her day.
For more tips about building a durable connection, check out this article:
But be aware, when that when you become TOO friendly at distance, then she’ll lose her sexual desires for you.
That’s why you should also take note of the next tip.
#3: Increase your attractiveness with intimacy
When you don’t do the following, then you’ll end up in the friendzone for sure. Or even when you are already dating a foreign woman, when you neglect this it’ll go out like a burnt candle.
What am I talking about?
Peppering your conversations with intimate moments.
So the moments where you emphasize how bad you want her and physically long for her.
You can literally tell her that you need her like that.
But you can also express your desires for her through a more subtle flirt.
This way she’ll feel sexy and sexually lusted after, but at the same remain attracted to you as well.
For more flirt tips, read this article:
#4: Prevent frustration with unspoken expectations
Long-distance relationships often fail because of poor communication.
And with that, I’m not just implying that you chat or phone too little.
No, I mean that the expectations are not or only poorly communicated.
Do you for example have the desire to get a message from your girl every morning and evening?
Then you have to tell her that!
Because if she doesn’t have that desire (maybe she is happy with just a daily video call) then you’ll most likely get frustrated if you don’t get your messages that morning and evening.
Afterward, it’s just a small step to think that she in fact doesn’t take you and your relationship so seriously.
But what’s actually going on is that she prefers another style of communicating than you.
If she knew how important those messages are for you, then she would send them to you without hesitation!
That’s why you need to communicate what kind of attention you want from her, as well as ask her what kind of attention she wants from you.
With that, your expectations are stated loud & clear and you can prevent unnecessary frustrations.
For more relationship tips, have a peek on this article:
#5: Build a clear routine
When you live in the same city, it’s relatively easy for you to get together on the fly.
A spontaneous message sent at lunch can lead to a date on the same day.
But spontaneity in a long-distance relationship doesn’t work so well because you’ve got a terrible view of each other’s routine.
When you would like to video chat, she may be driving from home to the office.
That’s why it’s FRICKIN’ important in a long-distance relationship that your schedules fit each other nicely.
- Share your work schedule
- The hours that you play sport or go to the gym
- The times in which you’re extra busy
Afterward, you’ll want to set aside chunks of time for each other.
(The duration of those chunks of time depend on the expectations of your relationship. Sometimes it’s just a half-an-hour slot and another time it’ll be a couple of hours so you can watch a movie.)
Thanks to knowing each other’s routine you’ll prevent confusion and you’ll know that outside of the agreed timeslots you don’t have to expect messages from her.
That’s how you won’t feel ignored and feel even extra excited when you do receive a spontaneous message from her.
#6: Communicate how often you want to see each other
The whole dilemma of a long-distance relationship is that you can’t easily see each other.
Meanwhile getting together in real life does play a big role in the success of your relationship.
Thus, agree upon how often you want to see each other.
But be realistic.
Does she live a three-hour drive away from you?
Then it’s pretty doable to meet up every weekend.
However, do you have to jump on a plane to see each other?
Then you’ll be aiming at a meetup every 2 to 3 months.
Whatever you decide on, WRITE. IT. DOWN.
By knowing when you’ll see each other, you’ll find it easier to handle those difficult moments that you want to smell, touch and hold your girlfriend, but can’t.
#7: Don’t forget spontaneity
In a relationship with a foreign woman, structure and routine define most of your contact moments.
But that doesn’t mean that you can never be spontaneous.
In fact, small surprises are what keep the fire burning.
- Spontaneous phone calls
- Sending cards and flowers
- Funny or erotic photo’s
- Maybe even an unexpected visit (make sure you know if she’s got time for you)
Thanks to such spontaneous and nice gestures you’ll strengthen the relationship and make the distance easier to accept.
Get to know your foreign love and her desires well so that blowing her away with your spontaneous gestures is a sure thing.
#8: Have a plan for the future
A lot of long-distance relationships fall apart because of the absence of a plan.
Love beyond borders is namely not feasible in the long term.
Because intimacy is indeed what keeps a sustainable relationship going.
Still, people in such a relationship rarely think of a plan to bridge the distance.
All factors standing in the way of a strong relationship.
That’s why: have a plan for the future.
Think about when and how you can live together with your international love. In the same city, or at least the same country.
Sometimes such future talks lead to a scary conclusion:
You can only bridge the distance in 3+ years.
In such a case it might be more sensible to stay friends for now and get back together later.
Because three years in a long-distance relationship is incredibly heavy to manage.
In short, have a plan for the following points:
- How long can you both wait before you live in the same place?
- Who moves to who OR will you both move to a neutral place?
IMPORTANT: The moving issue can break a long-distance relationship. Because neither of you may want to leave your country.
#9: Define all boundaries
Because you don’t see each other daily, it’s easy to make one of the two following mistakes.
- You forget that you’re in a relationship
- You forget how you ought to behave in a relationship
Let me give you an example.
You’re out clubbing with your mates and get the chance to dance with some ladies.
You’ve had some drinks so you join the fun.
What would your girlfriend think of that?
Some girlfriends wouldn’t bat an eye, as long as you keep your hands to yourself. But others would feel heavily insulted and offended.
Maybe you would NEVER engage in such flirty behavior, but what do you think about coming home after work at three in the night.
In a lot of relationships where you live together, it is NOT DONE because you shortly catch up with each other every day.
Skipping that short catch-up is then a sign of disrespect.
That’s why you need to discuss your boundaries upfront, in terms of what is allowed and what isn’t.
Just because you’re dating someone abroad, that doesn’t mean you can live the life of a single man.
Of course, it works the same the other way around.
So take each other’s boundaries into account.
#10: Surprise her in your contact moments
Are you always communicating via Whatsapp and Zoom?
Have a try at something else.
- Send her an email. “Email? But isn’t that way too businesslike?” Well, it doesn’t have to be. If you would open your inbox and see the name of your foreign lady, then I bet your heart would skip a beat or two.
- Send her a letter. Sending her something you’ve had in your hands and what clearly carries your personality is damn romantic.
- Send her a small gift. You can of course send her all sorts of chocolate and other standard junk (honestly nothing wrong with that), but even better is a gift you thought up yourself. Think of a good book for example, or a tennis racket because her old one is so worn down.
- Send her a picture. Probably you’ll speak to her most at the beginning or end of the day, so get creative. Send her a picture of your lunch, your bike ride in the park, or snap a pic of a lady walking her cat.
#11: Have a team mindset
To make dating a foreign girl work, this tip is absolutely crucial.
Have a team mindset.
Almost an us-against-the-world-mindset.
So that she and you are bigger and stronger than everything that life can throw your way.
There is no obstacle bigger than you. No problem bigger than you. No person bigger than you.
You can deal with EVERYTHING.
Now, rocking this mentality yourself will already make a difference. Yet it’ll work even better if you both share that same mindset.
This is why you need to point it out to her.
[QMAN] “A long-distance relationship is difficult. But because my feelings for you go so deep, I am willing to accept those difficult times. And I want to know that you feel the same because I can’t do this on my own.” [/QMAN]
This may sound scary to say, but if you both don’t embrace this mindset then your love abroad has little chance of survival.
Because you both want to invest equally in the relationship.
Which brings me to the following.
#12: Be conscious of the sacrifice and investments
You’ll want to be conscious of this at all times.
The amount of effort and time that you both invest into the relationship.
Because this indicates how seriously you both take the relationship and if it’s going well.
Roughly speaking these are the most important factors to watch:
- How often do you speak to each other
- How often do you see each other
(To make it easy for myself I’ll just assume that the quality of both is good.)
Let me give you an example.
My girlfriend lives in Newark, I live in New York.
It is not a world apart (depends who you ask) but it’s also not around the corner.
Because my house is bigger, we hang out more often at mine. Yet my girlfriend makes sure that she’s not ALWAYS coming to New York.
Once after I agreed to come to her place, she said with a wink, “Yeah, it shouldn’t become too easy for you, eh!”
It is hence healthy that both parties invest equally in the relationship.
That’s why you should make sure that AT LEAST match her extent of investment. And if you feel that she does too little effort, then discuss that with her (without negative or judgmental intention, because she might be going through a difficult/busy time).
With these 12 tips, you are almost ready to start a relationship with a foreign woman.
Yet do you want an even larger chance of making your international love work?
Then download my free Transformation Kit with loads of flirting tips + the Texting Toolkit to boost your attraction over text.
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Dan de Ram