‘Why her?’ pulses in your head.
You haven’t been able to think straight since yesterday.
The jackhammer that hammers between your ears gives you no chance.
It’s the day after she confessed it or you found out and confronted her:
Your Bonnie cheated on you, Clyde.
‘Why did she do this to me?’ you might think while losing your faith in humanity.
The fact that she had something with someone else isn’t even the most painful part:
It is rather the doubt whether you can still trust her that makes your heart bleed.
“Did she always lie to me?” “Which of her words can I even trust?”
“Did she always lie to me?”
“Which of her words can I even trust?”
… these are probably the thoughts that are buzzing in your head.
Maybe she apologizes to you – and yeah, you still love her…
But you’re not sure if you can ever forgive her for the breach of trust…
F*ck, she seemed like your Mrs. Right…
Take a deep breath, bro.
Because in this article, I will show you
- Once a cheater, always a cheater? What science has to say about this statement
- How to move on after being cheated on: Three key questions that will help you determine if she’s worth continuing the relationship
- Forgive cheating: My three-step-plan to reignite your relationship
- What corn has to do with a successful relationship
- …and much more tips on how to forgive someone for cheating
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
Once a cheater, always a cheater?
What is the truth of these claims, anyway?
How did she do that?
By accompanying 484 adults through two heterosexual relationships over five years.
While she did so, she asked the test persons about their sexual activity outside their current relationship.
The test persons should also make assumptions about whether their partner is cheating on them in their current relationship.
The result will amaze you:
The subjects who had already cheated in their first relationship cheated during their second relationship THREE TIMES more often than those who had remained loyal in their previous relationship.
The mistrust of ‘deceived partners’ also grew immensely:
Those who believed that their previous partner had cheated on them often expressed similar suspicions FOUR TIMES more often in their subsequent relationship.
Subjects, who – in their previous relationship – were firmly convinced that their partner was cheating on them, stated this impression twice as often.
So, what do we learn from this?
Yes, there is a tendency for your partner to cheat on you more if she has done it before.
But before you burst into hysteria, bro, let me remind you that this is just one thing:
Nothing is set in stone, and I am pretty sure that 99, 99% of the partners, who got cheated on, didn’t know WHAT you learn in this article…
Are you ready to take charge of your current relationship dilemma?
Because it’s time to let you in on the myth-enshrouded three questions, which will help you decide if you should pursue your current relationship.
Forgive for cheating? 3 revealing questions to help you decide
Apology or no apology – even if you still love her:
A fling can literally cause a hurricane of paranoid thoughts in your head, while you may simply wish for clarity.
- The extent to which you can trust her from now on
- How the fling happened
- If she’s going to cheat on you again
But how the hell do you find answers to your uncertainty?
The time has come.
I will now show you which three simple questions will give you answers to your burning questions.
Here they are:
Question #1: Why did she REALLY cheat on you?
What are the motives for her side leap?
- Have you slight her?
- Are you guys under a lot of stress right now?
- Are you perhaps no longer the man she fell in love with?
- Has she met a more attractive man?
A common reason for a fling is that there are simply no more charms in the existing relationship.
Imagine two rollercoasters.
It has slight curves, but no ascents or descents. An excellent opportunity to solve a crossword puzzle on the side.
With your constant 1 mph, you are a worthy competitor for the snails you can spot on the ground.
Afraid of heights? No problem.
This train is comfort cast in iron:
If you fall off, the most you’ll break is an uncut fingernail.
Forwards, backwards, upside down – a ride on this track means one thing:
A combination of ‘Help, Mom!’ and adrenaline rush.
At up to 120 mph you are pressed so deeply into your seat that your face almost arch inwards like a run over Baby Born doll.
You are not sure whether you have to scream in panic, cry, laugh or put a ‘burn mark’ in your pants.
This rollercoaster offers you everything.
From a smooth ride uphill to a lightning-fast loop where you feel like you’re almost flying out of your wagon to visit the moon.
What do you think, after which rollercoaster ride you would probably feel more alive?
After a ride on rollercoaster A or rollercoaster B?
What, rollercoaster B?
DING! DING! DING!
That’s right, hermano.
Because you are experiencing various extreme emotions.
Maybe you feel panic at the peak of the looping, breathe again when it goes straight ahead for one stage until you wet your pants on the next descent full of excitement…
But after you have left the track and your feet are back on solid ground, your body is flooded with dopamine only.
You feel as invincible as Superman, like you can move mountains and kick the ass of Lex Luthor.
If the relationship between you and your baby lady is more like rollercoaster A emotionally, you shouldn’t be surprised if she is looking for a ‘rollercoaster B’.
And no, I don’t mean that she secretly goes to Cedar Point to take a ride on the Top Thrill Dragster.
She has started looking for a man who can offer her these strong emotions.
I mean a hot affair with another guy?
Think about it:
Everything must be done in utmost discretion so that she doesn’t get caught.
That’s why she only meets with him for a few hours a week.
“Oh, Jeff, we only got a minute,” she might moan before they do one last quickie.
Her rendezvous are short but very intense and passionate.
Put yourself in her shoes.
Can you feel what’s going on, bro?
She creates her own lever for stronger emotions to feel more alive.
But that doesn’t necessarily mean that she has lost her love for you.
Rather, she expresses her longing for more exciting feelings.
So, what has to be done?
Talk openly to her about the motives for her fling and don’t judge her for it.
After all, how would you act if she was a ‘rollercoaster A’ for you?
Question #2: Has she ever cheated in her past relationships?
What did her relationships look like before you?
What do you know about that?
As you could already see in the studies of Professor Knopp, there’s a clear tendency for cheaters:
People who have already cheated on their past partners tend to do so again in their next relationship.
They become bungee jumpers who can hardly get enough of the next adrenalin rush.
It isn’t uncommon for them to be less considerate of your feelings than a poacher hunting for the ivory of protected elephants.
I hear you, bro.
But if you let everything happen to you until one day she breaks up first, only one thing happens:
Your self-esteem will be sinking deeper than to the earth’s core.
Just like a man without boundaries who lets himself abused emotionally because he is grateful to have a girlfriend.
A ‘man’, who cries himself into his pillow at night throughout the relationship because he is afraid that he isn’t good enough for his girlfriend and that one day the relationship, may be over.
Does that really sound like the kind of man you want to be?
Then start by adopting strong boundaries.
How do you assess your partner?
Does she tend to cheat whenever you have arguments and isn’t able to talk openly and maturely about your problems?
Think for yourself if this is really the kind of woman you want to continue living with.
What behavior of your partner do you tolerate and what exceeds your personal boundaries?
I recommend you write down your answers to these questions.
In stressful situations, you can then simply take out your notes and appeal to your brain that may be blinded by love.
You won’t believe how many times my crumpled DIN A4 sheet has saved my hairy butt.
Women are attracted to men, who have strong self-esteem and know exactly whom they want to be surrounded by.
So, if she’s just hurting you, get her out of your life.
Our beautiful planet earth has something even more fantastic to offer you besides delicious beef jerky (hardly imaginable, I know):
Hundreds, thousands – no, millions of beautiful women who can’t wait to get to know you and high likely fit even better to you.
Question #3: Does she regret her side leap?
Grab a pack of your favorite nachos – it’s storytime:
It was at the beginning of our friendship.
The same humor, a preference for black music and the same passion for portrait drawings:
Dennis and I got along phenomenally right away.
We met at the birthday of a mutual buddy and decided to hang out together a few days later.
So, I invited him for a chilled sushi and The Walking Dead marathon.
Everything seemed to be just fine.
We made stupid jokes and enjoyed the zombie slaughter that took place in front of us.
The next day while shopping in the morning, I noticed one thing:
My wallet had become lighter by $1,000.00.
Excellent point, bro.
I was planning to go on holiday with some friends:
We were to go to Lloret de Mar and took care of the bookings.
My friends gave me the money in cash the day before so that I could deposit it into my account.
Before I wanted to do that, I went to Walmart around the corner to buy breakfast.
I paid with my EC-card and then panicky checked on the way back, where I had only left my money.
Even after I inspected the exact route to Walmart, my car and apartment:
I just couldn’t find what I was looking for.
Where the hell did I leave my money?
My holiday companions and I had planned the whole thing in detail.
The vacation couldn’t simply fail because of my ‘carelessness’.
I tried to stay cool and calm down.
I didn’t want to inform my friends until the next day with this incredible Breaking News.
After all, I had been looking for the green bills all day, and it had become late.
I wanted to give them a heart attack, if anything, sooner at noon than late in the evening.
But before I could even call them the following day, my apartment doorbell rang at 09:00 am:
It was Dennis.
Visibly tense and stuttering he asked me if he could come in.
I invited him in, and before I could even ask him if everything was all right, he burst into a sea of tears.
What was wrong with him?
I thought maybe someone in his family had died…
Dennis confessed to me that he had stolen the $1,000.00, which I had searched in vain, from my wallet.
He had defaulted on his loan payments and was still unemployed at the time.
Dennis knew that I wanted to go on vacation with some other buddies and had checked – in an absent second of me – my wallet, which was still on the kitchen table, for its contents.
He had really picked the best day for it.
Thousands of apologies came from him, and I could clearly see the deep regret on his face.
He REALLY felt sorry from the bottom of his heart.
I took the money and listened to his exact situation and f*ck, and his current financial situation looked like shit.
I could understand his motives and forgive him.
I suggest you do the same with your partner:
Does she apologize to you, and can you read sincere regret on her face?
Yeah? Then listen to her carefully.
Ask her about her motive and don’t judge her for it.
Cheating is huge cruelty in its own right – but try to put yourself in their shoes.
This will help you to forgive her tremendously.
However, she doesn’t feel the need to apologize to you, and it seems that she isn’t even interested in the fact that she hurt you:
By the way, you can find out how to get over her in this article I’ve written for you:
How to forgive a cheater: The right way to do it.
We’ve come a long way, bro.
You now know which three revealing questions you can use to see if it still makes sense to continue your current relationship.
But how the hell do you continue your relationship, if you think that she deserves a second chance?
Most men who forgive their partner for cheating on them simply continue the relationship with her as if nothing had ever happened.
The result of this highly sophisticated solution is:
She’s cheating again.
Wow, super effective!
After all, they haven’t changed anything in the relationship.
In order to minimize this risk, I have put together a three-step-plan for you, with which you can properly process the side plead and bring your relationship to a NEW LEVEL.
Open your eyes, here it comes:
Step 1 – Time out
Give you more than an arm’s length of distance.
The moment she lets you know that she has cheated on you, one thing prevails:
‘Get your strength back first, boy.’ – How my former football coach lovingly answered me when I had injured myself once and asked him in a limping pose if I could participate in training already again.
Same goes for you, bro.
You need time and space for yourself first.
Write a journal about your feelings and your doubts about your counterpart, so that you can give structure to your chaos of thoughts.
You work better with a clear head.
It’s no black magic.
If you live together, make sure you go separate ways for a few days.
Otherwise, you never really have any time for yourself.
After all, otherwise, you would meet at a time of day, and the emotional roller coaster would start all over again…
Step 2: Meet to talk it out
You should feel clearer minded by now?
Arrange a meet up with your partner.
Look for a quiet place where you can talk undisturbed:
Speak out and keep the following two rules in mind:
- Rule 1: Don’t judge her for anything.
- Rule 2: Hear her out.
If you never really talked about her ‘cheating move’ before, ask her:
Why did she cheat on you? What was it that eventually made her do it? How did she feel about it? Does she regret it?
Reflect together on your relationship: What has changed since the beginning of your relationship?
Do you both think it makes sense to continue it, or do you perhaps need a break from your relationship first to lay the foundation for a new one?
Step 3: Build a new relationship with each other
Have you decided to give your relationship another chance?
Chapeau, for your ability to forgive people for their mistakes.
You’re offering her a new chance.
Most of the time, the reason that she has cheated on you isn’t caused by one ‘unhappy moment’ in which she felt lonely.
It may sound strange, but often two sides are responsible for one thing.
Think about corn.
*Farmer-Dan mode activated*
Imagine you want to make tons of popcorn because you just love to eat the puffed corn every day while watching Netflix.
I lend you one of my fields because you’re such a good bro, and even give you enough corn to grow.
Unfortunately, the weather doesn’t mean too good.
We have a dry spell.
The sun is shining as strong as ever, and the rain is staying away.
If you don’t do something now, one thing will happen:
The corn is not thriving, and there won’t be single popcorn for you.
No Netflix, and no popcorn.
Nope, not for you.
Unless you do this:
You are proactive and fertilize and irrigate your growing regularly.
*Farmer-Dan mode disabled*
Do you understand what I want to show you with this very inspiring analogy?
Your partner can be the shining sun.
She can be the best version of herself and give you everything she has to offer.
But if you do nothing and never give her anything in return, only one thing happens:
Your relationship is not flourishing, like the corn in our story.
So, make sure you’re still the man she can grow with.
At the beginning of your relationship, you may have done the following things:
- You showed several facets of you and offered her variety.
- You dated her: You went out with her to the most diverse places.
- You tried hard to be the best version of yourself, and you were constantly honing your skills: You went to the gym, for example.
- You didn’t stop seducing and teasing her so that she stayed crazy about you.
- You had clear dreams and visions which you pursued (for example, you might want to reach the next milestone in your career back then)
- You knew exactly what she was into, so she got all excited before your dates.
How about now – are you still the same man?
If not, now you know what to do.
Be proactive and take the scepter of your relationship into your hand.
Sharpen yourself again.
How to be the man again she once loved
Just the fact that you clicked on this article shows me that you want to change your current situation.
And that I can respect.
For that, I would like to give you a bonus kit with which you can drastically accelerate your journey to a highly attractive version of yourself.
I’m am also aware that her slip can create a huge breach of trust in you.
However, once you have found the answers to the three questions in this article and implement the three-step-plan, there is nothing to stop you not only from continuing the relationship with your partner but also from upgrading it.
Also, don’t lambaste yourself if not every step is implemented perfectly by you – that’s human.
After all, you’re becoming someone better.
And even if one day your paths should part, at least remember that time when you gave everything and decided to change your life.
This makes you grow and sets you apart from 99.99% of men, for whom it’s simply ‘apology accepted’.
Whereupon they remain trapped in a vicious circle, being cheated on over and over – without having any self-respect.
You know better now.
See you there.
Dan de Ram