A friend with benefits relationship: Only the joys and not the burden!
That’s what a lot of people think.
In reality, there is a lot more to it than meets the eye.
Not to worry: getting a successful Friends With Benefits relationship and maintaining one is definitely possible!
If you know what you’re doing.
You will read everything about it in this article.
You will learn…
- The 12 most important Friends With Benefits rules!
- How to get a Friend With Benefits.
- 5 amazing tips given by a female dating coach for the ideal Friends With Benefits relationship.
- Why you want to listen to Nelly Furtado.
- And much more to make your Friends With Benefits relationship run smoothly…
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After reading this article, you will have all the knowledge you need for getting the ultimate Friend with Benefits!
Friends with benefits: ideal! Or is it…?
It’s the ultimate dream of a lot of single people: having a Friend With Benefits.
The meaning of the Friends With Benefits relationship is quite simple:
You share a friendship with someone with whom you’re also sexually active.
Friends with extra (sexual) benefits. That is the most simple Friends With Benefits definition.
You regularly meet between the sheets, but there is no romantic relationship between you two.
A lot of guys think that they are the only ones who want this. But there are also a lot of women who want a friend with benefits.
A good friendship, good sex, but not having to commit to a relationship… after all, that is very appealing to many people.
And still, there is more to it than you would think.
What do you do when feelings do arise?
And what if your expectations don’t match the other person’s?
How do you prevent hurting the other person when you sleep with someone else?
It’s quite clear: the Friends With Benefits relationship begs a lot of questions.
These are a few of the reasons why a lot of people think that Friends With Benefits relationships don’t work.
A lot of people assume that sooner or later it will lead to a lot of headaches and drama.
But luckily you can avoid all this if you follow the right steps.
Having a Friends With benefits relationship is definitely possible.
Today I will not only teach you how to get such a relationship. I will also teach you how to maintain one.
Because there are most certainly specific rules you must adhere to, to enjoy this relationship to its fullest potential.
What those rules are, how to get a FWB and how to make it all work, you will read in this article.
This is how you get Friend With Benefits
Getting a friend with benefits is easier than you think it is.
The most important thing for you is to follow the right steps.
Here they are:
Create a connection with her
Nothing will happen without building a connection and bond with her.
If you’re just looking for a one-night stand, then you don’t need much connection.
A Friend With Benefits relationship is a little more complex. So you have to be willing to invest a bit more time.
Figure out her situation
Ask her if she is currently dating someone or if she’s looking for a relationship.
If she is looking for something serious, then it is probably not a good idea to see her as a Friend with Benefits. She will most likely become emotionally too invested in the relationship.
If she is single and not specifically looking for a relationship, then my friend, you have the ideal circumstances for this type of friendship.
Tell her what you want and give her a choice
Let her know that you are sexually attracted to her, but that you’re not looking for anything serious.
Propose to call each other whenever you’re in the mood and just want to have some fun.
Leave it at that and await her response.
Try not to come across as a needy and desperate guy who just wants to use her for sex.
Not only is this detrimental for your self-worth, it’s also a huge turnoff for women.
Most important Friends with benefits rules
Remember these well to keep your FWB-relationship running smoothly.
Tip #1: Never do this…
There is one very nasty trait that will immediately make her lose all her attraction for you.
As soon as you show this, you can kiss your Friend With Benefits goodbye.
What am I talking about?
I’m talking about neediness.
The needier you are, the less attractive you will be.
And the less attractive you are, the faster your Friend with benefits relationship will die out.
If you text or call her and she doesn’t want to come over for sex, leave it at that and don’t start begging her or behaving like a desperate lapdog.
Tip #2: Don’t be like Cosmo
This is a very important Friend With Benefits rule.
You probably know Cosmo. That gossip magazine with those hysterical covers where you read that Kim and Kanye have broken up for the sixteenth time.
Just to be clear, I have no clue if that is the case, I don’t really know Kim Kardashian and the last thing I read are gossip magazines.
I’m really not into gossiping, and I would bet my left nut you’re not either.
I am also sure that the one you’re having this FWB relationship with also isn’t a big fan of gossip.
So, what does that mean my dear reader?
Keep it your private little secret.
It’s unnecessary to let the rest of the world know you’re having sex with each other. So zip it 😉
Tip #3: Remember this important life lesson
Imagine: I come over to your house tonight and I make your favorite dish.
(Let’s pretend that I have Gordon Ramsay’s cooking skills).
You don’t have to do anything, I have it all covered.
Sounds perfect right?
Well, it gets even better:
Tomorrow I’ll do it all again. And the day after tomorrow again. And the day after that again. And that day after that again!
I’ll continue to do it each day for the following month 😊.
How does that sound?
I can tell you with absolute certainty that your favorite dish will no longer be your favorite at the end of that month.
You will be sick of it.
That’s how it will also be with your FWB relationship if you don’t keep it casual.
As my grandma used to say when I asked her to make my favorite dish over and over:
A wise life lesson that is just as true for your Friends With Benefits relation as it was for my Mac and Cheese obsession.
- Keep it casual– If you call her too often for sex, it will become boring and it will lose the excitement. Once or twice a week at the most is more than enough.
Tip #4: Don’t be like Pinocchio
This was a question I rather not answered whenever I was in a FWB-relationship.
I found it difficult to be honest about these things, because I was afraid to hurt her feelings.
But you know what it is?
You will definitely hurt her feelings if you are dishonest.
Be genuine – If she asks you if you’re seeing other women, be honest and say ‘Yes’. You have nothing to hide, you’re not in a romantic relationship and it’s not exclusive.
By the way, do you want to know how to get multiple Friends With Benefits and fuckbuddies?
Take a look at this article:
Tip #5: Do this when someone falls in love…
Yep, this is one of the most difficult Friends With Benefits rules.
You have an awesome FWB, the sex is good, everything is running smoothly and out of nowhere…
Somebody falls in love.
There are two possible scenarios:
Either you fall in love, or she does.
Let’s start with her. After all, ladies first.
She falls in love with you.
The big question is:
What do you want?
Do you like her too and do you want her to be your girlfriend?
Then it is time to take this FWB relationship to the next level.
Chances are that you two become more serious with each other and that you would have to say goodbye to all your other flings.
But do you want to stay single? Then it’s best to end it.
It’s not easy, but it is the most honest thing to do.
The longer you wait to do this, the more difficult it will become. So it’s best to rip off that band-aid in one swift motion.
It may hurt for a little while, but it’s the best decision for the long term.
The other option is that YOU fall in love with her.
In this case, it’s very important to see where she is in all this.
Is she open for a relationship? Does she like you just as much as you like her?
But if that is not the case, then the best Friends With Benefits advice I can give you is to get out.
Chances of you becoming jealous are high and that’s not fun for either you or her.
Do you want to know how to still turn it into a relationship?
Check out this article:
Tip #6: Play it safe.
We can keep this one nice and short.
Play it safe. –
No, condoms are not the most fun invention known to men.
But don’t be a fool, wrap your tool. Especially if you’re having sex with multiple women.
Tip #7: Don’t be an asshole
I see this go wrong all the time:
Man seduces woman and manages to get a Friend With Benefits.
Thus scoring the ultimate combination of sex + freedom.
But apart from the great sex and all the perks freedom gives you, there is one other crucial ingredient for a good FWB relationship:
This is one of the basic Friends With Benefits rules:
Be kind to her.
Friends don’t treat each other badly, so you should treat her with respect. Otherwise she will feel used and cheap, and no self-respecting man wants to put a woman in that position.
To her, you’re a Friend with benefits, not an Asshole with benefits.
Tip #8: Always have the following conversation
Without this important conversation you run a big risk of your little FWB adventure ending with drama.
A lot of drama.
What kind of conversation am I talking about?
I’m talking about a conversation about your and your Friend With Benefits boundaries. A Friend With Benefits contract if you will.
Yep, you’re reading this correctly: It’s of the utmost importance to have a sit-down with your Friend.
And no, this doesn’t have to be like the signing of the Constitutional Convention.
It’s simply about you both being clear about your boundaries.
If you don’t, chances are you end up hurting or disappointing each other.
How would you like it if you find her in the bed of your best friend, and she says to you:
So clearly set your boundaries and respect hers as well of course.
The Friends With Benefits Contract that you make together forms an important foundation of your FWB relationship.
Tip #9: Listen to Nelly Furtado
It’s not a fun message, but our Nelly is right in this case:
Your Friends With Benefits relationship will end.
She will meet someone. You will meet someone. You and your FWB will get into a relationship or it will die out like a candle in the night.
Whatever it is, it will eventually end.
Every Friends With Benefits relationship that I ever had eventually always reached its final destination.
This will also happen to you.
Maybe you don’t like hearing all this, but it’s best that you know beforehand.
It will prevent a lot of disappointment.
Tip #10: Avoid this dangerous venom of your FWB relationship
There is a dangerous phenomenon that will poison and destroy your Friends With Benefits relationship at once.
In fact: this is a well-known downfall for a lot of happy friendships and relationships.
What it is?
It begins with a “J”
And ends with “ealousy”.
Don’t be overprotective – Never become jealous or overprotective when you see her with another man.
She is not your girlfriend which means she can date and hang out with whoever she pleases.
The same applies to her whenever she sees you with another woman.
Is that too much to handle and do jealous feelings arise more often?
Then read this article:
Tip #11: Walk the right path
During dating there are roughly two paths you can walk:
The relationship path and the non-relationship path.
The relationship path leads to – you’ve guessed it – a relationship.
This is the path you walk if you want a relationship.
It’s decorated with personal and deep conversation, extensive dates and a strong and ever growing connection.
The other path is ideal for flings/fuckbuddies/sexual relationships and the FWB relationship.
A common mistake is that people walk the relationship path whilst they are in a Friends With Benefits relationship.
Absolutely fine if a romantic relationship is the thing that you want.
But do you want to keep it casual ?
Keep it simple.
This means no elaborate dates, trips away together or something that will make romantic feelings arise.
Tip #12: Are you getting into a relationship? Do this…
You have a fun and exciting Friend With Benefits. Whilst you are seeing your FWB, you meet another interesting woman.
You date her, you click and after a while you are sure:
She is wifey material.
Good for you!
But before you set sail in your relationship (pun intended), it’s quite essential to focus your attention on the woman you’re leaving at shore:
Your Friend With Benefits.
Maybe you still really like her.
Perhaps you preferably want to keep seeing her.
All very understandable.
Yet it is important to end things with your FWB.
Tell her if you’re getting into a relationship – If you’re getting into a relationship with someone else, you have to tell her. Don’t keep having sex with her, that would be cheating.
Frequently asked questions about the FWB relationship
It is important that you get this:
On the one hand we all have that animalistic side that loves sex purely for lust. On the other hand, we’re all people. So feelings could arise at any moment. On both sides.
If this happens, it’s simply over and you will have to end it before someone gets hurt.
Frequently asked questions and answers:
Can you become Friends With Benefits with an ex?
You can. But this could get really tricky and both your emotions could (and will) get involved which is not the greatest idea.
So it’s best to steer clear from your ex in this area.
What do I do when she starts developing feelings for me, but I don’t want a relationship?
You have to tell her that you’re not open to a serious relationship.
If it can’t continue in a fun, playful manner without expectations, you should stop having sex with each other.
It’s very likely she will be the one to stop seeing you, because her feelings will only keep growing.
What are the Friends With Benefits boundaries?
Keep it fun and simple, don’t develop deep emotions for each other.
Treat her well. Respect the fact that she wants to be FWB’s for the same reasons as you.
Now it’s time for the extra Friends With Benefits tips from a female dating coach!
By the way: If you want some digital flirting tips, make sure you check out this article:
Friends With Benefits tips from a female dating coach!
To help you even more, I have consulted our female coach Kayleigh – an expert in this field – to give you even more tips.
Here they are:
Tip #1: Be honest!
One of the most important things is that you’re not afraid to be honest about what you want.
Women can really appreciate that.
It’s happened to me more than once that I met a cool guy and that I knew that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him.
If, after a while he told me: “Listen, I really enjoy your company,. But right now I’m just enjoying my single life and I’m not really looking for a relationship.” I could only appreciate that.
It made it really easy for me as a woman. It allowed me to say to him: “Good, neither am I.”
But I do wanna rip your clothes off tonight.”
At that moment the tone has been set.
Bottom line: be open to her about what you want and see how she responds. And let’s be honest, this doesn’t work with every woman. It really depends on what type of woman you’re dealing with. Some women are simply serial monogamists: they always want a relationship.
Tip #2: Always do this!
This is an important one.
She may not be your girlfriend and you two are not in a romantic relationship. But that doesn’t mean that you should treat her as any other bootycall.
So treat her with respect.
It can happen quite fast that you don’t treat her with respect when there is no long term perspective.
If you do want to keep her as your Friend With Benefits, it’s important to show her some chivalry.
That doesn’t mean treating her as your girlfriend, that would create false expectations.
But be sweet and charming.
Ask her how she’s doing, what she’s been up to lately, how her day went. Also meet her outside the bedroom every now and then.
If you decide to take her out for drinks or whatever, she will only be inclined to reward you even more. Because she feels treated correctly.
Tip #3: Perform between the sheets
Alright, this one might be a bit obvious, but this is the essential part of being a Friend With Benefits.
If you don’t perform in the bedroom, it will be over before you know it.
It will also be over in a jiffy if you only think about yourself, and you don’t consider her pleasure.
Curious how you can give her an unforgettable experience between the sheets?
Then read this article:
If you apply what you learn here, you will have enough skills to make her head spin!
Tip #4: Absolutely never do this
Very cool for you that you met such an open minded woman. But that doesn’t mean that you get to act like Mr. Big shot.
What I mean by this, is that you shouldn’t take advantage of her laid back attitude.
She knows all too well that you guys are not exclusive. But she doesn’t want to feel like a number, or like one of the many.
So make sure you are a little discrete.
And I hope I don’t have to say this, but I’ll do it anyway, just to be sure: Don’t plan double dates.
Make sure you don’t have to rush out of the door because your next date is waiting for you.
Women aren’t stupid.
We will find out soon enough that you’re having your cake and eating it too. And even though that shouldn’t be a problem between Friends With Benefits, we still don’t find it attractive.
Tip #5: Weet waar je aan begint
I know that a lot of men dream about having a Friend With Benefits.
Still, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
Hopefully you know yourself well enough to know what you’re getting yourself into.
Friends With Benefits is the perfect solution for anyone who is not ready for – or not into – a romantic relationship.
If you know that you tend to attach yourself to people quite easily, or if you don’t want to be disappointed, or you can be a bit jealous, then it’s best not to go down that road.
Being Friends with benefits only works if both sides are clear about the fact that it will never become more.
So don’t try to start a Friends With Benefits relationship with a woman you have a thing for, because then you get off on the wrong foot.
So make sure that the relationship between you stays clear at all times. If you notice that it becomes more from either side and you don’t want that, it’s better to end it.
Hopefully you have enough tools to get cracking.
Let me know when you’ve managed to land a hottie like Margot Robbie 😉
Thus far KayLeigh’s tips!
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Have fun with your Friend With Benefits bro!
Dan de Ram