Ouch, ghosted after the first date…
These kinds of situations always hurt.
Why does it happen, and what can you do about it?
You will read about all that and more in this article.
You will discover…
9 painful (and less painful) reasons for getting ghosted after the first date.
- The biggest dating mistakes and how to prevent them (+ what you can learn from them!).
- The best message to send her when she doesn’t text you back after the first date.
- A catastrophic mistake that sends your date running (and how to NEVER make it again).
- And much, much more to prevent being ghosted after the first date…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
After reading this article, you’ll know exactly why you’ve had no contact after the first date and what you should do now!
“Hello…. is there anybody there?”
But let me first tell you:
I know what you’re going through.
Let me take you back to one of the very first dates I’ve ever had.
We had a good time, we laughed a lot and there seemed to be a strong connection.
I was very satisfied when the date ended and I was already looking forward to the next time I’d see her.
I woke up the next day and immediately grabbed my phone.
To my shock, the next day, there was still no sign of contact.
“Is this really happening?” I thought to myself.
With sweat dripping down my forehead, I sent her this message:
*Pssst… just between you and me: You may have guessed it already but up until this day, I’ve still had no response from her.*
Et voilà: I just had one of my first rejections ever. And I didn’t understand it at all.
We had a great time, right? Didn’t we have fun together? Everything went well, right?
Knowing what I know now, I would have never asked those questions.
And besides, at that time, I had no clue how to change the situation.
Luckily, you will know how to stack the cards in your favor. Because I have compiled the 9 most important reasons why there’s no contact after the first date.
You will gain more insight into your dates. Perhaps you will learn from your own ‘mistakes.’ Or maybe you will learn that she has reasons that are out of your control, and you can make your peace with it.
And even more valuable:
If you get ghosted after the first date more often, you will gain insight into your own patterns.
This will make you more aware of your ‘dating behavior’ so you can learn to avoid your pitfalls.
On top of that, throughout the article, I will give you extra tips and insights per reason, so you know what to do about it.
So, without further ado, let’s start with…
9 Reasons why there’s no contact after the first date
It’s always annoying when someone doesn’t reply. I’m sure you could use some good news.
I’ll give it to you in the first reason:
Reason #1: Your date is ghosting you because of personal reasons
The world doesn’t revolve around you 😊.
Sometimes this little fact is hard to believe, especially when you get ghosted after the first date.
Out of insecurity, our brain goes into overdrive. All sorts of thoughts come up, like:
- What did I do wrong?
- Why is he/she not responding to ME?
- Why am I being ghosted?
You had a fun date and now you feel a strong need to see her again.
But maybe your date does not have this need. Not because of you but because of something that is out of your control.
- The flu.
- A family emergency.
- A broken phone.
And in the meantime, YOU are thinking about yourself because you haven’t had a reply yet, while it might be because of something that’s completely out of your sphere of influence.
Don’t take it so personal. Don’t assume it’s something negative.
Don’t panic when you’ve not heard from her for a day or two.
That’s a different story.
Time to move on to reason número dos.
Reason #2: Your date indirectly rejects you
“When there is something strange…
….in your neighborhood…”
Wait a minute…
Ghosts don’t exist, do they?
Well, in dating land, they actually do, in the form of people who stop responding to your messages and disappear off the face of the earth.
This phenomenon is also called ghosting.
It’s annoying, obnoxious and above all else, very cowardly from the other person.
It’s a way to indirectly reject you, meaning without confrontation.
Whether you send hundreds of extra messages or call her countless times, it will do you no good when it comes to ghosting.
Remember that this gutless way of rejecting someone says more about them than it says about you. Don’t invest your precious time and energy in these kinds of people.
BUT WATCH OUT!
Sometimes people wrongly assume that they’ve been ghosted.
I often hear people say things like:
“I’ve been ghosted… he/she hasn’t texted me yet.”
To which I ask:
“Have you sent anything yourself?”
And believe it or not, I often get this answer:
“No, I think the other person should take the initiative.”
Okay then… that way of thinking will not get you very far. If the other person shares your mindset, you’d be ghosting each other.
So, put your pride and principles aside for once and just send her a message.
Looking for some inspiration? Check out this article:
Reason #3: There was no click
I want to save you from making one big mistake that a lot of people make.
You see, if there’s something I’ve learned from my being a dating coach for 10 years and hosting countless seduction courses, it’s this:
Attraction is learnable.
Whether you’re insecure, shy or the unluckiest guy in the world when it comes to love: with a bit of practice, you too can create an amazing love life.
But how fantastic that may sound, there’s one little downside:
It doesn’t mean you can control EVERYTHING in your love life.
Sometimes we start to think about these things, especially when we’re rejected.
And immediately, these sorts of questions pop up:
What went wrong? What did I do? Should I have left my brightly colored sombrero home, after all?
Don’t get me wrong; it’s good to analyze yourself/your behavior after a (failed) date.
But sometimes you get ghosted after the first date because of this uncomfortable but simple reason:
That doesn’t mean you did something wrong.
You can be the best chef that makes the world’s most amazing Mac and Cheese… but if Mac and Cheese is not my thing, I won’t like it.
Does my dislike for Mac and Cheese come with a reason?
Nope. It’s just not for me.
It’s the same thing when it comes to love: no matter how hard you try, sometimes you’re just not ‘it’ for the other person.
Not even 100 years of dating experience can force a click with certain people.
Unfortunate. But true.
So what do you do in a situation like that?
Dust yourself off. Put a smile on your face. Open attitude. And on to the next experience.
Reason #4: You invested too much
This is a nasty reason, that at the same time can teach you a lot.
A participant of one of our seduction courses came to me with the following question:
I kindly requested him to send me a screenshot of the conversations he had had with her before the date.
And this is what I saw:
His WhatsApp conversation with her consisted of almost exclusively green messages.
In other words: he was texting like a madman, but she barely invested in him or the conversation.
When I asked him about the date, he told me this:
- He wore a fancy suit.
- He brought her flowers.
- He paid for dinner in an extremely expensive restaurant.
You see, these can be beautiful or romantic gestures when you’ve been in a relationship for years.
But for a first date, this is really overkill. You’re investing way too much time, effort and energy in someone you hardly know.
And the biggest downside to it is this:
If you invest too much, you don’t give space for the other person to invest in you.
And for the other person, that can be quite suffocating and overwhelming. So overwhelming that she decides to ghost you.
Shame. If you recognize yourself in this story, learn to have a more relaxed attitude in dating.
It’s good to show interest but don’t immediately put the other person on a pedestal. Let him/her also prove that they are right for YOU instead of being the only one putting in the effort.
And: don’t fixate too early on one specific person. Keep it breezy and playful. Think in abundance, not in scarcity.
Reason #5: There was no tension
Pay close attention because this is a common one.
(And sadly, most people are oblivious to it).
You go to the cinema. You’re anxious to see this new blockbuster. You’ve been looking forward to this moment for a long time.
You’re in your chair, the lights go out and the movie starts.
Two hours later and more bored than ever, you walk out of the room… the movie was one big flop.
There was no tension, no excitement. It was a series of tedious and dreadfully long scenes.
Half a year later – and to your surprise – part two of this snoozefest comes out.
Would you like to go there?
Exactly. The same applies to dates.
If there’s no excitement in the date, the chances of making a sequel will be slim to none.
Now, I’m not saying that every date must take place in a house of horrors or an amusement park.
(Though, according to research, these kinds of activities do help with creating attraction).
But at the end of the day, the most important thing is this:
That is what creates attraction when it comes to dating.
If there’s no such tension, then the date is ‘just’ fun. But that’s all it will be.
Maybe you had fun conversations but to an outsider, you might as well have been brother and sister.
There was no flirting. You didn’t touch each other. There was little to no tension.
Sound familiar? Then now is the time to learn how to flirt and to apply it during your dates.
Reason #6: Your (digital) conversational skills weren’t up to par
As the ancient saying goes:
Small texting mistakes can have big consequences.
Do you remember the screenshot from the beginning of the article:
That last ‘did you come home safely’ was an important trigger for why there was no contact after the first date.
Mehh, it’s mostly a very unoriginal (and illogical) message.
It’s a standard run-of-the-mill post-date message.
You see, boring (text)messages are not exactly a great motivator to text someone back after a date.
That’s why you want to make sure you have cool, catchy and interesting conversations – both digitally and in real life.
Luckily, we from AttractionGym have loads of tips for you to give your (digital) conversations that oh so desperate boost they need:
Reason #7: You go in relationship-mode too fast
The Hollywood trap is considered a major risk after first dates. This might just be the reason why you got ghosted after the first date.
Glad you asked.
The most romantic Hollywood films are very cliché:
- There’s love at first sight
- There’s an amazing first date
- There’s a romantic kiss (in the rain)
- They fall in love immediately
Some people think that first dates work like this as well. That often happens when you REALLY like someone OR if you have little experience with dating.
It also happens frequently with people who are DESPERATE to be in a relationship.
The consequence being:
You create an overly romanticized picture that’s not based on the truth.
From that blind love, it’s easy to treat someone as ‘relationship material’ on the very first date. You think it’s romantic. For the other person, it feels suffocating.
Perhaps you talked about a relationship or you imagined all sorts of future endeavors with her…
But there was one problem:
The other person was not on the same page at all. Maybe he/she didn’t feel it (yet). Or that person is not looking for a relationship right now.
But your behavior only indicated one thing:
You want a relationship and you want it now.
So… unfortunately, you find yourself in a situation that she doesn’t text you back.
Your expectations were too far apart.
NEVER treat a first date as an ‘everything or nothing’ situation to your love life. Life is not a romantic movie.
Stay calm, enjoy the date and don’t set any crazy high expectations.
Reason #8: Your date thought it was way too fun
This is an interesting one.
A while ago, I had a great date with an amazing woman from New York.
Surprisingly enough, two days after our date, I still hadn’t heard from her. So I decided to send her this text:
Minutes later, I received this message:
Wow. That’s how you make things work out in your favor!
She had such a good time that she just didn’t know what to send.
This is something very human. It has to do with the loss aversion principle. Meaning that people want to avoid ‘loss’ at all costs.
People prefer not to lose something over winning something of the same value.
A date/person can be so valuable to you that you’re afraid of ruining it and losing him/her.
This will cause within you a state of paralysis, making you too AFRAID to send anything.
So, good news for you.
Important: If the other person has not sent anything yet and neither have you, then go ahead and send her a cool message.
If you’ve already sent her tons of messages, but you’ve had no reply, then this reason is not as relevant to you.
In that case, stop texting her and go on with your (love) life.
Reason #9: You were too sexual
Recently, during a coaching call, I got this question from one of our participants of the Mentoring Program:
“Yo Dan, I recently met a nice woman during the day. We hit it off straight away and went for a cup of coffee the same day. Eventually, we ended up at my place that night. We kissed and cuddled a lot but we didn’t have sex because she thought that was too fast. Now I haven’t heard from her anymore.”
Major respect of course, that this guy dares to approach women during the day. But obviously, this is an exciting situation. Especially when after meeting someone for the first time, it had almost led to sex. This can be very confusing for a woman.
That’s because the emotional high of the date has passed and her ratio kicks in. All kinds of thoughts come up. For example:
- Wasn’t that too fast?
- Was I too easy?
- How will it be the next time?
Out of fear or uncertainty, she doesn’t dare to go on a second date.
Obviously, this doesn’t just apply to dates with women you met during the day. It applies to dates in general.
If the first date already led to sex or the date was very sexual energy-wise, it could form a barrier for her to go on a second date with you.
She might expect you to want sex this time or that you move too fast (again).
Look, I’m not saying that it’s wrong to have sex on the first date. If you both want that: go for it.
But if you notice that things are moving too fast for her, pull back! Don’t put any pressure on her. Make sure she feels comfortable. Show social intelligence.
And most of all: think about consent. Hopefully, I don’t have to tell you to stop when she clearly tells you to stop.
Because if you DON’T, well, no wonder she’s ghosting you.
By the way, consent is a very important but sadly underexposed part of the dating industry.
This is how you make your next dates a big success
These were the 9 most important reasons you get ghosted or there is no contact after the first date.
Have a good think as to which of these reasons apply to you. And most of all, ask yourself the following question:
Is there something that I need to change on future dates?
Because that is how you’ll learn, that’s how you create an epic love life and transform into the most attractive BOSS version of yourself.
To help you in that transformational process, I will gladly give you our Transformation Kit for free!
In it, you will find countless flirting tips (for in real life and for online), approaching techniques and valuable insights.
So you can get the (love)life of your dreams.
Download the kit for free by clicking on the link at the bottom of this article.
Have fun and good luck on your next dates!
Dan de Ram