Let’s cut through it. When it comes to going out alone, beads of sweat immediately appear on most men’s foreheads.
Because it’s overwhelming for many.
Besides, you might be thinking:
- Why not just go out with my buddies? To party by myself can never be as amusing as going out with the boys.
- Why go out alone?
- Going to a bar by yourself? Without drinking alcohol? That sounds horrific.
- Don’t others think I’m weird for going out and party alone?
I can understand you asking yourself these questions. No one wants to come off like a loser who doesn’t have any friends. Besides, it’s a nerve-racking thing to give up the “safety net” of friends that you can fall into when a woman rejects you.
That’s why in this article I give you:
- 7 tips for a guaranteed epic solo night out
- The main principle for going out alone
- How to deflect the remarks you’ll get from people asking if you’ve friends
- How to go out alone and return home with a buddy
- The way to destroy your limiting beliefs about clubbing solo
- Flirty sentences to make you man to woman conversations spectacular
- More insights about going out alone…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
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As a dating coach and heartbreaker with style, I can only tell you: Going out alone is damn helpful.
You don’t want to be dependent on your friends’ availability all the time, do you? If you are going to a party alone (or club, bar, etc.), you’re flexible and free.
Finally, you can go to clubs where your friends would never go because they “don’t like the music.”
Over time, you will develop a level of self-competence that your friends will envy you for later.
Maybe you know quotes like:
- “Life begins outside your comfort zone.”
- “What seems like a hard test often proves to be a blessing.”
- Or other meaningless quotes that 13-year-olds misuse as their status.
But even if these sayings are often exaggerated, they’re correct in this case. When you go out alone, you’re forced to leave your comfort zone.
Because if you don’t want to be bored to death, you have to talk to other people and socialize.
How many people go out with their friends and don’t meet a single new woman? I see that all the time.
I’ve been coaching for years now and have met many men along the way. What I’ve noticed:
All men who are incredibly successful with women go out alone from time to time.
All men who have a big mouth, but in reality, have nothing on, never go out alone.
The main problem
Let’s be brutally honest for a second: Most people experience far too little and meet far too few new people in their lives.
They often stay for a longer period in the same circle of friends. This may sound good, but when you consider that these are often friends with whom you can’t talk about important things or explore new paths, it quickly becomes clear that this is a pretty lousy situation.
How do most people meet? Through mutual friends. And that’s all well and good, but it has two big disadvantages.
- Disadvantage 1: You can’t determine how often you get in contact with new people.
- Disadvantage 2: You always move from the same drawer.
What I mean by that’s that you’re always in the same subculture. Students usually go out with other students, musicians with other musicians, and video game fanatics with other video game fanatics. Yes, the social behavior of people is so primitive most of the time…
That way, you always get to know similarly minded people. But if you go out alone and create your own opportunities, you no longer have to be limited by the collective pigeonhole. You can approach any girl that triggers your attention.
Speaking of primitiveness: The human being has a strong tendency to cling to social conventions.
These are two conventional misconceptions that still prevent people from experiencing epic nights today:
- You can ONLY go out if you do it with friends.
- You can ONLY go out when you drink alcohol.
But you’re a pimp. And a pimp doesn’t play the same game as 95% of society. After all, most people go home alone too.
And when they do meet a boring girl at the birthday party of a mutual friend, they plunge headlong into a relationship. …and talk about true love…
I don’t know about you, but that’s a way of life I reject passionately.
But let’s get to the point. If you enter a relationship with the first woman who smiles at you, it can become the kind of relationship where you both don’t develop.
If you want a relationship with a special woman, you also need to meet many women to know what you like and what you don’t like. The more experience you gain on the way to find your “dream woman,” the better. And think about how many opportunities you let slip out of your hands if you never go out alone.
I’m well aware that this isn’t the standard advice that you would normally get. But you aren’t here to get standard advice either.
But now you get 7 groundbreaking tips for an epic solo night.
Not matter if you want to know “How to go to a bar alone,” “How to have fun alone,” or you want to practice “going out alone to get laid.”
After reading my going out alone tips, you’ll feel better equipped than a samurai and have all your questions answered.
Tip #1: Show limiting beliefs the middle finger
If you want to conquer all bars, dance floors, clubs and backstreets as the “Lone Wolf,” it’s of utmost importance that you remember one thing.
In fact, “remember” is too weak a word for that. Let’s put it more like this: It has to become part of your world view. Which is:
Nobody cares about you and whether you’re there or not.
People are far too busy with themselves (especially in nightlife) to pay attention to you if you don’t actively interact with them.
So, it’s a waste of your precious energy if you’re often struggling with one of these or similar thoughts:
- “Oh no! She no longer looks over at me! Surely she knows I’m here alone… Am I not cool anymore?”
- “The guy next to her looks mean. Could it be me? Did I get too close to him?”
- “I still have a stain on my shirt from dinner. I’m sure everyone will notice it…”
If you often have thoughts like this, then I’ve bad (you can also see them as liberating and positive) news for you: You aren’t so important.
When you go out alone, you often feel very anxious and observed. It’s normal. What helps is to be aware that you’re the only one who judges yourself. Everyone else gives a rat’s ass about you, to put it bluntly…
Maybe you think that everyone will bitch about you if you go out alone. Or that the people you talk to will think you’re weird because of it…
Believe me, every other person in the bar feels just like you at first: Anxious and out of place (yes, even the people who are there with a bunch of friends).
Most people fight this feeling with alcohol. But a pimp like you fights it by feeling more social and self-confident with every interaction, every compliment given and every joke made.
Besides, you should ask yourself: Who are you worried about?
Do you really believe that someone is standing around in a pub and brooding about what other people he doesn’t even know are probably doing here and who they’re there with?
That hardly ever happens. And if someone asks you why you’re here alone, just answer with a confident “Why not?”
In plain English: Let them talk, put on a smile and enjoy your evening.
It all comes down to dealing with you fear of social phobia. To tackle this, check out the special article I’ve written about it here:
Tip #2: Killer friendships and short-term bros
No one ever said you only have to talk to girls. When you’re alone, it can be useful to recruit new friends and allies who will help you through the night.
It isn’t necessary to make deep and intense friendships. Men are simple. Just say something casual about beer, football or women, and chances are you can gather a few badasses around you to help you win hearts.
The best way to do this is to make it look like you’ve known the boys for ages.
How do you manage it? Well, as always, let me reach into my mind trick box and present you with three effective methods:
- Smile a lot
- The more humor, the better. (Here you can hardly exaggerate with men)
- Distribute brofists
Another advantage: From the outside, you seem like a social and cool guy.
Be aware that you don’t have to wait until you’re in the club to turn on your “social mode.” On the contrary:
If you’re already out in the queue with people in front and behind you, it makes a big difference. How you go to the club at the beginning often decides how the rest of the evening will go.
So, rock the evening right off the bat.
And watch out, here comes a little (and maybe a little meaner) trick: Find a guy who has a smart mouth. By that, I mean a man who’s a good conversationalist.
Often, they don’t dare to approach new people, but once they’re in the conversation, they run at full speed. That means: If you can take over the contact part for him, you merge your forces like Goku and Vegeta. Together you become the unstoppable Gogeta of seduction, making you the most social men around.
He’ll consider you (and your gift) as a present in return and will put his weight behind it. Plus, with someone like him, there’s less impractical “pick-up talk” you’ll have to listen to when you go out with other players.
And we both know how much unnecessary rethinking of situations can ruin a good mood…
Nothing against logic! I love logic. But in a club full of chaos and drunk hot women, it doesn’t have a place in.
This ‘logic’ I elaborate in the art of flirting. To learn more about it, have a look at this article:
Tip #3: The most important rule
There’s only one rule you should follow when you want to go all James Bond and seduce women on your own. That rule is the absolute epic night guarantee.
It’s: Talk to people immediately.
And by “immediately” I mean “IMMEDIATELY”…
- Don’t wait till you get to the club.
- Don’t order a beer first.
- Don’t go to the bathroom first.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that your evening is already doomed to failure if you didn’t do it right away. But you don’t want to make it harder for yourself than it already is sometimes. So proactively provide the necessary kickstart, which immediately puts you into a social mindset.
But how do you do that? Here are some examples:
- Say hello to the doorman.
- Joke with the waitress at the cloakroom,
- Give a guy a casual compliment like “cool shirt!”
- Give a woman a high five.
Few people recognize these small but massively underestimated opportunities to put themselves in a relaxed and social state.
You may wonder why these things are necessary. Why can’t you just come out of your shell?
Well, the human brain is just a little bastard… Yeah, you read that right. Your own brain prevents you from being loose. But why does it do that?
I’ve to retract my bad words from just now because it only wants your best. It wants to protect you. The moment you enter a new environment, it begins to assess how dangerous it is. And that’s why you’re intimidated at first.
Here’s my advice to you: Show your (sometimes stupid) brain that you’re in a safe environment.
You can do this through actions and experiences. The more actions, the more experiences, the more signs to your brain that the environment is safe. Sounds logical, right? It is.
Science discovered there is something like state-dependent learning. You only gain a skill while being in a certain state.
Instead of suppressing the oppressive feeling (for example, by drinking alcohol or by submerging yourself in the crowd), it’s better to realize that it’s normal and part of the process. Accept that it’s there and dismantle it step by step.
The solution is and remains: Talk to people. As soon as possible.
You don’t know how to approach a woman?
Don’t worry, bro.
I’ve written this article for you so that in the future you will know exactly how to approach her in EVERY situation:
Tip #4: Don’t be a sheep
Maybe you’re thinking, “But what if I’ve great friends? Friends who are really going out and take a lot of action?”
If that’s the case, let me ask you a question: At the beginning of the evening, did you ever solemnly swear to yourself that you wouldn’t drink and let your friends talk you into it?
Maybe you know this scenario: You tell your friends at the pregame that you want to have a quieter evening today because you want to be productive the next day. They may give you a funny look, but they seem to respect your decision (yet).
But then there’s always that one guy… Yeah, that’s the buddy who ends most nights with a nuclear frenzy. He tells you not to be like that and hands you the bottle of vodka.
The evening begins to look more and more like a bad “Project X” copy, and your buddies order more and more alcohol. One of your friends has his birthday at midnight and it would be disrespectful of course if you didn’t toast him. At least from the perspective of your friends…
A few hours later, together with Vodka Victor, you hug the restaurant’s entire staff, women of all ages, and finally a streetlamp.
Your alarm clock rings the next morning and you just want to die… You drag yourself hungover to work and think, “No more alcohol!”
And why did it have to happen this way? Exactly: Peer pressure made you do it. You were a sheep in the flock instead of a hunting lion.
Peer pressure has a bad reputation, but of course, there’s a downside to everything.
This means: Choose wisely when you use peer pressure for yourself and when you prefer to reject it and do your own thing consciously.
Here is an example of the kind of peer pressure that’s actually useful for you and your success with women:
You’re in a club full of women with three buddies. At the beginning of the evening, you’ve already motivated each other to approach women. At first, you only joked around with beauties occasionally, but now you’re about to approach larger groups together.
One of your buddies catches you looking at a beautiful woman for half a second too long and gives you a friendly nudge in her direction.
You give her your hand, she smiles, gives you hers and introduces herself. Now you’re dancing with her and mentally thanking your bro.
Who knows if you’d have gotten over talking to her on your own?
I think it’s clear to everyone now that it’s all about group dynamics. But how do you know if your friends are helping you or just pulling you down?
Here are a few qualities your friends should have:
- They think it’s cool if you approach women and they’ll help you if necessary.
- They actively try to meet new people instead of standing around in the corner or at the bar all the time.
- They’re ready to explore new clubs or bars.
- They laugh a lot and try to transfer their positive mood to others.
- They don’t force you to drink alcohol and accept you sober.
If these points don’t apply to your friends, it doesn’t mean that you’ve to terminate the friendship forever.
However, it means that you should either go out with other people or ALONE if you want to experience epic nights with hot women.
Tip #5: You’re in the spotlight
Many men find it easier to approach women who are out alone.
This is usually because the potential consequences seem less negative.
And now I’m going to tell you a secret that may surprise you: Women are at least as nervous about talking to you as we men are.
That means a woman is more likely to approach you when you’re alone.
It is not that men are generally approached by the opposite sex, but it does happen now and then, and much sooner if you don’t show up with your “squad.”
But it isn’t only the response that’s easier for a woman. She also gets to know you a lot sooner when you play the “Lone Wolf.” Why? There are several reasons, some of which are easier to guess than others.
Reason #1: There are fewer disruptive factors.
What do I mean? She doesn’t know you, but she has to assess you somehow, and she can ask you more direct questions when you’re alone.
If she has to shake hands with each of your twelve friends from your football team for ten minutes beforehand and remember every name, including nicknames, this can prove more difficult.
Reason #2: She feels more competent.
(Almost) nobody likes to speak in front of groups. This generally leads to her being less nervous. This allows her to ask better questions and you can get closer to her without it immediately becoming “too much.”
Reason #3: She can introduce you more to her friends.
And we all know how important the acceptance of her friends can be…
Here you’ve to take the lead by telling her, “Hey, introduce me to your friends for a second,” or asking who she’s with.
Tip #6: Badass Missions
Mission impossible, Ocean’s 11, Transporter and similar films are so successful because they make a deep, male need the main motive:
Men love missions. Ever since they were little. When the teacher at a primary school asks which of the boys is strong enough to lift her bag onto the desk, a huge fiasco begins: The boys are literally clamoring to be the one who can complete the mission.
But what does that have to do with going out alone? Well, when you go out alone, you tend to dare little and give up quickly.
That’s because you don’t have friends around you who heat you up and occasionally kick your ass.
But you can also create this driving mentality on your own by setting yourself challenging missions and committing yourself to try everything in your power to complete them.
For example, set yourself the following task before you enter the club:
You’re not allowed to go home until you’ve approached at least ten different women.
Giving up after five women isn’t an option. It’s like taking off your sneakers after a sporty warm-up program, throwing yourself on a couch and watching a boring show.
Also, try to become more direct after five interactions.
Examples of direct openers:
- “I just saw you and wanted to meet you.”
- “I don’t believe we’ve met. My name is…”
- “Hey! Your face is awesome. What’s your name?”
It’s always good to have some lines that you know will hook the girl.
Tip #7: Going out alone gives you (almost) superpowers
I’m absolutely convinced that going out alone is extremely underestimated. This is perhaps simply because most people don’t like to do it.
But I think it can almost give you superpowers.
You not only work on your social skills but also learn to trust yourself and to take the initiative on your own. Over time, you will notice which thoughts bring you forward and which stand in your way.
This will teach you how to motivate yourself. In psychology, you speak of intrinsic (= from within) motivation, which is always seen as more stable and ultimately stronger than extrinsic (= from outside) motivation.
Let’s be honest: Far too many people have far too much trouble motivating themselves. Without pressure from outside, they can’t get their asses up on their own.
I see this high level of self-competence as a real-life superpower.
But there are other advantages: You don’t have to be in some dark, smoky, women-avoiding pub just because your friends want to spend their evening there.
It also makes it easier to take chances as soon as they arise. Let’s assume the following scenario: You approach two women in a bar and you like one of them very much. Unfortunately, a friend texts them and they have to go to another club.
1) If you’re traveling together with a friend, you can’t immediately decide whether you want to go with the girls or not. He might as well say “Just one more beer” while standing at the bar and wasting your time. In the end, the girls get tired of waiting and just go off without you.
2) Same situation, but this time you’re ALONE. You just go with them and get to know the rest of her circle of friends. You have a great evening and you exchange numbers so you can meet again soon. (Or you can take one of the lovely ladies home with you the same evening – this can also happen.)
How to go out by yourself: One last bonus tip that makes the difference
Many men stress themselves too much before going out on their own. This is neither good for their health, nor does it help them to get women.
If you would like to know more about the health effects of stress, make an appointment with the doctor of your choice, because with me you will learn about the impact of stress on seducing women.
In general, the calmer and more relaxed you are, the more likely you’re to bring women home consistently.
If the club is something like a second home for you, then no one can stop you. If you chill out in your living room, you don’t have high expectations. You just feel comfortable in your realm.
All the numbers, kisses and one-night stands come as soon as you feel comfortable and relaxed. You don’t have to worry about that BEFORE.
If you always have high expectations of yourself and are constantly disappointed because you don’t get results, then maybe it would be time to take a more relaxed and less serious view of the whole thing.
Make the club your living room instead. As long as you don’t take your shoes off there and put them on a table, you will win over a lot of women with this calmness you exude.
Alone you will get to know yourself better. And believe me, if you can master yourself, few women can put you off.
To help you with going out alone, I’ve made the Transformation Kit. It engrains the qualities of an attractive man in your system.
Dan de Ram