The world is in a state of emergency.
The streets are emptied. Everyone sticks excitedly to the displays of their laptops or smartphones. Grandpa Harold leaves the lawnmower standing, your mother lets the soup boil over and Captain Baloo makes an emergency landing on a Pacific island with his daredevil crew.
Why, you ask? Because today is the day!
For months, I’ve gotten email after email, all of them asking:
To be honest, I’ve been kicking it down the road for a long time. What I do when I approach a woman on the dancefloor or in a loud bar is just so subtle and non-verbal that it’s hard to put it into words. You have to see it with your own eyes to understand what I’m talking about.
But today I’m here and I feel more than ready to finally present you this long-awaited blog post.
Because men seem to have serious problems meeting women in bars and clubs…
And so you’ll get today:
- 10 Tips how to approach a girl at a bar and get a positive response
- Why you’ve already been rejected before even talking to her
- How to approach a woman at specific locations of the bar (dance floor, lounge, smoking area)
- Whether you’ve got to take dance lessons
- My tested 3-step-plan to take a girl from the dance floor, to the bar, to outside.
- Much more insights how to approach a woman at the bar or club…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
I hear you, bro. Especially clubs can be really overwhelming.
Loud music makes your ears bleed, flashlights go on and off so fast that you almost have an epileptic fit, pro-breakdancers remind you how badly you can dance and hot women deliver a twerk battle to tunes of Rihanna…
How the fuck is a muchacho supposed to approach a woman inside this chaos?
If you don’t know what you’re doing, it seems to be a thing of impossibility.
But let me assure you: Once you get the hang of it, you’ll feel as if you were in your own living room.
So, if you ever asked yourself questions like…
“How to get women?”
“What are women attracted to?”
or “How to flirt with a woman?”
… especially regarding nighttime scenarios – read carefully and grab pen and paper.
Because, getting the attention of beautiful mademoiselles becomes playfully easy if you implement these 10 golden tips.
How to approach a woman in a bar/ How to approach women in a club
Tip #1: Preparation 2.0
Washing your body, cleaning your asshole and smelling good is essential if you want to burn down a bar or club.
I don’t care if you showered in the morning – shower again. Don’t eat any onions or garlic beforehand and throw yourself into clothes that don’t make you look like a vagabond.
All these things sound like common sense, but you’d be surprised how many men get rejected by the bouncer because they look like an orc from Mordor…
Also, check where you’re going and how to get there. Don’t be a slacker and google bars/clubs that are hip that weekend you’re going out. There you can find events that you like and even get yourself on the guest list online often.
It doesn’t matter what event you attend. What’s important is that you feel comfortable with the music that’s played there and that it attracts an ambience that you can relate to and that puts people in a good mood.
I love going to ’90s parties. Not because I like the music so much (ok, maybe a bit…), but rather because the people there are in such a good mood.
Everyone sings along with Backstreet Boys and when the DJ puts on “Wannabe” from the Spice Girls, every woman is on the dancefloor and presents her wildest moves.
I prefer to avoid electro clubs and raves. The people dance there are mostly too introverted and prefer to do their own thing. But if it’s a place where you feel comfortable and you like women who go to such events, then GO FOR IT.
While you shouldn’t be dependent on others (Here you can learn how to go out on your own successfully), if you have fresh boys (and/or girls) with you to facilitate socializing, an epic night is almost guaranteed.
Whenever I take a woman home, I ask her out of curiosity what made her go along with me. Often, I get answers which goes in this direction:
It doesn’t sound so stupid, honey. Any psychopath can fake it, but having cool friends isn’t something you can just fake at the drop of a hat.
Tip #2: The Momentum Mindset (How to talk to girls at bars)
Do you remember the “Hyperbolic Time Chamber” from Dragonball Z? You know, the room where the clock ticks differently. One year inside the chamber is the equivalent to one day on the outside.
It’s similar in a club. Ten minutes of club time corresponds to one hour of daytime.
The reality of clubs is different. That’s also the reason why you can often kiss women there in under a minute without having exchanged a single word with them before.
However, this also means that if you stand in a corner for five minutes, you’re wasting precious time.
With the Momentum Mindset, you’re constantly wondering:
How can I make the current situation more fun and epic?
And this already starts in the queue in front of the club. To meet new people there has only advantages:
- Maybe later they’ll introduce you to a woman or agree to you seducing one of their friends
- Women you meet there are more receptive to you later on the dancefloor
- Hot women notice you and your social nature
But the MAIN reason why we do this isn’t for others, but FOR US.
Sure, we also do it to be perceived like a rock star, but mainly to feel like a rock star ourselves.
If you teach your brain to relax at the beginning of the night, you’ll feel much more comfortable in the club.
This is also the reason why it’s an official rule on our Attraction Bootcamps to approach the first two people you see when you enter a club/bar.
The other day a buddy of mine introduced me as “Dan, the famous artist”. It wasn’t arranged, but I just played along and said: “Sorry, no autographs today.”
It was fun, but more importantly, it put me in the right mindset.
You don’t have to be the most popular guy in town to get the attention of hot señoritas. But you can still act like him.
Like I said, a club has its own reality. It’s a dreamland where time passes differently and you can be whoever you want to be.
Tip #3: Dynamic
Most men use these first minutes to order a beer at the bar and then stand around like a fawn in the spotlight.
Not only are you wasting your valuable time, but women also perceive you as a creep. Or even worse, they don’t perceive you at all.
The worst thing about it is that you feel out of place yourself.
I promise you, even I would have trouble approaching a woman if I started my nights this way. Of course, I would still be able to do it, because I know how to hack my brain by now, but why make it unnecessarily difficult?
To give myself a kick start, I have established a rule for myself that I ALWAYS follow – no matter what happens.
It reads as follows:
This works so well for me because I have a little girl’s bladder and I always have to piss like a buffalo when I arrive at the club.
I’m even convinced that my brain wants to play a trick on me so that I don’t take action.
The brain always takes the path of least resistance. If you listen to it, you’ll never leave your comfort zone.
Tip #4: Approaching a girl in quiet areas
If you aren’t a Martian who has never been to a club, then you know the following inequality:
Club ≠ dancefloor.
Sure, clubs are mainly known for dancefloors where the bass crawls into your asshole from below and encourages you to unpack your dirtiest Magic Mike moves.
But there are also quieter environments within a club, such as lounges or smoking and transition areas, where two human beings can actually have a normal conversation.
But you aren’t here to be normal. You want to know how to be different from average Joe.
I’m going to give you a few tips on that.
Because a woman can understand you easily in this environment, you can approach her as you would during the day on the street.
But because you’re a boss and use the Momentum Mindset, you add an extra dose of confidence, sassy honesty and humor to your club appearance.
How the conversation proceeds exactly doesn’t matter. The important thing is that you show your true intentions as early as possible (verbally or non-verbally) and have fun being the bravest motherfucker in the whole club.
Tip #5: Approaching a girl on the dancefloor
I don’t understand men.
They see a hot mamacita on the dancefloor, stand next to her and say their pick-up line – but more into the air than directed at the woman.
The lady can’t hear him. And then the men are surprised that their approach remains more unsuccessful than the German national football team at the 2018 Soccer World Cup.
Those are rookie mistakes.
Before you say anything, you should ALWAYS get her attention. That’s the first step.
How you do it?
There are countless possibilities, but these are particularly simple:
- Tap her twice on the shoulder
- Turn her over with the back of your hand (this is much more comfortable than being touched with the inside of your hand)
- Point to her
- Wave her to you
- Reach out your hand to her
- Give her a high five
As long as her focus isn’t on you, you don’t even have to talk – otherwise it’ll be swallowed up by the club music.
A confident man generally only talks to people when he has their attention.
Tip #6: Openers for clubs/ bars
Okay, you got her attention. She’s looking at you, nor attracted nor not. So, what’s next?
What do you say? What’s your first line?
On the one hand it’s good that you ask yourself this question, because in a club this isn’t enough:
It would simply sink into the chaos of the night because it’s too long and too weak.
On the other hand, it’s bad that you ask yourself that question. Because it shows that you haven’t really understood the club game.
Because what’s most effective on the dancefloor is dominant appearance, body language and body contact.
The simpler and shorter what you say to her, the better.
Exchanging information verbally can be really annoying with loud music. Unnecessary babbling should be avoided and (if at all) moved to quieter areas.
Many men think that your opener has be extraordinary original.
Yeah, asking her what her favorite Pokémon is can be fun. But it can also cause confusion.
Then she thinks, “This guy is funny, but he’s trying too hard, and I don’t really know what he wants from me.”
That’s why I keep my openers simple.
Examples you can steal from me:
- “Hey, who the hell are you?”
- “Sweet smile!”
- “You look exotic, I like that in a woman.”
- “I love you.”
- “You seem fucking dope.”
- “You’re sexy as hell.”
- “You missed me, didn’t you?”
- “Damn, you’re hot…”
- “Don’t worry, it’s only a dream.”
Further openers for every situation can be found here:
Tip #7: Dancing
I’m afraid it’s not for everyone. There is no reason to go to the dancefloor if you don’t feel comfortable there and think that you’re better off at the bar or in quieter areas.
However, there are moments when…
1) you see a hot woman on the dancefloor and want to dance with her
2) the woman you’re talking to, realized that her favorite song is currently play and is dragging you onto the dancefloor
3) the conversation becomes monotonous and boring in the quieter area and you see no other way out than to lead your girl to the dancefloor.
You’ve experienced one of these situations before? Then the next tips are for you.
When you dance, it’s the same as when you approach. NEVER EVER HESITATE.
As soon as I step onto the dancefloor, I immediately start to dance.
Why? Two reasons:
- In the beginning you’re very stiff and you only loosen up with time. So, the earlier you start dancing, the better.
- Not dancing on the dancefloor is the worst thing you can do. You don’t want to be one of those guys that stands around looking like a sex offender.
You’re a good dancer? Congratulations!
If you can move well on the dancefloor, then women know that you can be also competent in bed.
Women often sleep with men simply because they’re good dancers. Read this quote from a 26-year-old heterosexual woman.
You aren’t a good dancer? No problem!
Many men think they have to have first-class stripper moves to impress women.
Nothing is less true.
When I dance with a woman, I move only slightly. I let her do most of it. I lean back, shift my weight alternately from one leg to the other and enjoy the show.
The slower you dance and the more you take the lead, the more sexual tension you’ll create.
No backflips, no splits, no tricks. Slow, solid dancing with self-confident posture is completely sufficient.
I recommend you to see dancing like sex. By that, I mean it’s wise to start with foreplay. After all, you wouldn’t put your best piece in a dry pussy, would you? OUCH!
That’s why it’s such a turnoff to a woman when a man creeps up behind her and starts rubbing against her…
NEVER DO THAT.
Even if a woman doesn’t mind (which is rarely the case), you don’t seem like an exciting challenge. At the end you leave the dancefloor with blue balls.
The “foreplay” during dancing can look like this:
- Dance in front of her without physical contact but with animated facial expressions:
Since you can’t have a proper conversation on the dancefloor anyway, you’ll captivate her with your facial expressions.
- Let her do a pirouette:
This is a move of partner dances like tango, salsa and co, but it doesn’t matter. You can also do it with rap music. A sweet and (still) innocent way to make physical contact.
- Push Pull:
Pull her close and push her away again. If you constantly take a step forward, it isn’t exciting and too easy for her. Keep her on her toes by playfully increasing the distance between you every now and then.
You’ll have an epic night if you focus exclusively on dancing with women. If you focus too much on seduction, the woman will notice and you’ll come over to try-hard. So, who cares? JUST DANCE.
Tip #8: Take the lead correctly (+ how to GET a girl at a bar)
If you do everything wrong, but are good at it, you’ll still achieve success.
Right, we’re talking about LEADING.
Spending the whole evening on the dancefloor with a woman is boring. Spending the whole evening with a woman in a lounge is boring.
A smoothie only tastes good if you put different ingredients into the blender.
If you bring variation into your evening, it’s more exciting. This is especially important if you’re bringing a woman home.
It’s unrealistic to lead a woman directly from the dancefloor to your bed without stopping.
You should get her used to following your lead first.
You met her in front of the DJ booth? Top. Then after a while, say “Come on, I have to get to know you” and lead her to a quieter area.
You meet her in the smoking area? Top. Then say “Let’s go! You and me. Dance” and lead her onto the dancefloor.
The important thing is that you lead SELF CONFIDENTLY.
You need practical tips? No problem.
- Take her hand or hook arm.
- Have a clear goal in mind and walk straight through the crowd.
- Make yourself tall, pull your shoulder blades together and keep your head up.
- Never say something like, “Excuse me, can I cut in” when you’re cutting in. Just do it.
- Don’t wait for people to make space. You’ll never get anywhere like that and the woman will start doubting your leadership. Make your way through; the people will let you through, believe me.
Of course, you can also lead her to the bar so you can grab drinks.
But who pays?
Tip #9: Drinks
Many wannabe dating coaches say:
Many women who consider themselves dating experts (these are the worst and unfortunately not too rare) say: “If a man doesn’t pay, he’s already in Dutch.”
In fact, there are situations where the right move is to buy her a drink.
But obviously you don’t want to be one of those losers who orders a bottle in the VIP area, invites women just because they’re hot and don’t get anything in return in the end. Not even a hug…
Some men approach a woman by asking:
That’s not the right way either, and it isn’t uncommon for women to dissolve into thin air like the superheroes in Avengers: Infinity War after they got their drink, leaving him with a “Thank you, sweetheart”.
The way I see it? Just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean she deserves to have a cool guy like you buying her a drink.
No matter what some women and society try to tell us… that’s sexist by definition and superficial.
But if you’ve had a great conversation for 30 minutes, then hey, feel free to buy her a drink, but only if you really want to.
I know that many curse me for such statements, but anything else is DISHONEST.
These are 3 things I like to say:
- “Okay, I’ll get us a drink, the next round is on you.”
- If the woman says something like “Hey, buy me a drink,“ I say “Only if you make out with me right now.” That often works, and if it doesn’t, at least it shows you aren’t a spineless man. Then you can either buy her a drink or say, “Nice. But how do I know you don’t want me just for the drink? Come, I want to get to know you.”
- “Come, let’s share a drink. That way I can be sure you didn’t put K.O. drops in my glass.”
The latter is an absolute pro tip. Order a drink with two straws and you won’t only save money, but you’ll get closer to her lips at the same time.
Tip #10: Expect nothing
This inconspicuous tip is essential.
Many men approach a woman and expect her to respond positively.
Bro, this is ABSURD.
She doesn’t even know you. She doesn’t owe you anything.
Women have a colder front in clubs than during the day. And rightly so. They’re constantly being approached by drunken idiots.
I see it again and again… The woman gives the man an irritated look and he either gets angry and says “You’re not my type anyway!”, or he lets his shoulders droop and leaves in despair.
If a woman looks at me irritated, I make myself aware that this is TOTALLY NORMAL and she has every reason to do so. This allows me to stay calm and give her the necessary time to get used to me.
You’ll be surprised how often women take off their “bitch shield” as soon as they realize that you aren’t a psychopath or rag.
How to approach ladies at the bar with a magnetic vibe
So, my friend. Now you’re ready to hit the bars and clubs.
Dress up, unpack your semi-perfect moonwalk skills and swing into nightlife like Spiderman.
And to help you get that radiating vibe that women are simply attracted to like crack a magnet, I have something for you.
Which is compiled with my best dating advice.
Including offline and online dating tips. As well as numerous flirt lines you can simply copy-paste and inject in your conversations.
With the Kit you will be the star of the dancefloor.
See you there.
Dan de Ram