13 Surprising Tips How to Approach a Girl in a Club (She Loves This)

how to approach a girl in the club

Seducing women in the club:

Most men are just as good at that as I am at singing.

In short:

They’re pretty bad.

This is because your average man has no idea how to flirt in the club.

Such a shame! Because clubs are the ideal place to seduce women, as long as you know what you’re doing.

In this article, you’ll learn everything about that.

You’ll get…

  • 13 simple tips on how to approach a girl in the club.
  • Tips for seducing a woman: you’ll know exactly what you need to do!
  • Handy tips for the approach and mindsets for a guaranteed killer night.
  • Why Keanu Reeves is a legend.
  • And much, much more…

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

After reading this article, you’ll never be stood speechless at the bar.

Let’s get right into it.

Tip #1: This is how you never have a bad night again

Many men make big mistakes seducing women in the club.

That often starts even before the night begins.

Ehh.. no, I’m not talking about the ridiculous choice of clothing that most men choose for going out. I’ll come back to that later.

This mistake has to do with having the wrong mindset.

The mindset that will ensure that for night upon night you will stand “safely” by the bar with your friends.

You don’t take any action and therefore you keep disappointing yourself.

This comes from the toxic mindset of “I HAVE TO”.

This mindset is characterised by these thoughts:

  • “What SHOULD I say?”
  • “What SHOULD I do?”

These thoughts will make you stuck.


Because you’re putting way too much pressure on yourself by thinking you SHOULD do something.

You’re way too caught up in doing it “right”. You’re so focused on HAVING to, that you no longer even enjoy it.

And that’s where you’re going wrong.

Because fun is at the root of how to get a girl in a club.

If you’re not enjoying it, then it’s not only unpleasant, but you also don’t achieve much.

>> How To Approach A Girl At A Bar The Ways She Desires: 10 Tips

And therefore I advise you to have this mindset:

How can I make tonight even more fun for myself?

This mindset works more effectively because you act from a source of enjoyment instead of pressure because you “have” to do something.

You make the assumption that you’re already enjoying yourself and seek for ways to have even more fun.

How do you do this?

Put a smile on that beautiful face of yours. Relax. Loosen up your body.

(You’re allowed to dance, you didn’t go to a club for nothing).

Start some conversions with people. And in the meanwhile make some jokes and make sure YOU are the one making the atmosphere in the club better.

Not because you ARE SUPPOSED TO, because you want to impress girls so badly.

But because you in and of yourself are a source of positive energy.

Whatever happens, you’ve had yourself an awesome night.

Tip #2: Reckoning with approach anxiety

You enter the club…

There are hot women everywhere.

“Hmm… I’ll just go get myself a drink first.” you tell yourself.

Because you don’t want to jump straight into the deep end, you linger at the bar for another while.

You know you’re supposed to start taking action. But you just can’t manage it.

All sorts of thoughts flash through your mind and you just can’t make yourself approach.

The consequence?

The umpteenth guy’s night with your friends, without even a whiff of female contact..


You’re not the only one.

So many guys have difficulty with how to approach a girl in a club.

Not only because the music is so loud. Or because she’s surrounded by her friends…

But because most men set the bar way too high for themselves.

The immediately focus on “women” and “pickup”. It HAS to be done.

Well then it’s no surprise that they feel approach anxiety.

Because you’ve not even spoken to anyone. If you start approaching women from that state, you’ll be jumping from first gear straight to the 5th.

And this doesn’t work for most men. They shut down straight away.

So then what do you do?

Approach people at the beginning of the night in a low-pressure way.

What do I mean by “people”? I mean both men and women.

Immediately speak to someone when you enter the building. It doesn’t matter what you say.

Even if it’s just “hi”, and then leave:

That’s still better than doing nothing.

Because it works like this:

Speaking to people in this low pressure way will cause you to warm up socially.

You slowly get out of your head by being socially active in small steps.

And the more often you do that, the smaller that step will feel like when it comes to talking to that total babe.

>> 5 Steps to Quickly Overcome Your Fear of Women

Tip #3: The TRUTH about pickup lines

“What should I say to her?”

It’s a question that I’ve received one trillion and one time during the bootcamps for men that I organize.

If you’ve been struggling with this issue a lot when approaching girls in a club, then I want to remember this:

I understand the question, but don’t ask it anymore.

It works like this:

Firstly, you’re too caught up in “HAVING TO” do things, if you’re asking yourself what you SHOULD say (remember tip 1);

Secondly, many men ask themselves this question.

They know the exact “right” opening line. Then, they think about it for way too long.

And after thinking about it, you get way too caught up in your head, and so approaching her becomes way harder.

As flirting-coach Dan de Ram always says:

Thinking is jerking off.

So let me impress this upon you bor:

Keep your opening lines short and simple

The truth is that people overestimate the importance of the opening line way too much.

The longer you think about this, the less action you will take.

What’s more, the chance is big that she won’t really understand you anyways.

So keep it short, simple and powerful.

My favorite opening line is this one:

“Hi, I’m Dan, who are you?”

Yep, it can be that simple.

It makes approaching a girl in a club 69 times easier because you aren’t overcomplicating things.

It’s not about being a smooth CasanovaPlayerPimp and having her head over heels after your first line.

It’s about making contact.

Because, dear friend, most men don’t do this at all when they go out.

But ok, I know you…

You probably want to be spoon-fed an original opener despite this explanation.

And I do admit: it’s more fun to vary your openers a bit.

So I’ve compiled these extra original opening lines especially for you. They’re totally free:

>> 50 Reverse Psychology Pick-Up Lines That Work Sometimes

Try some of these out. Be my guest.

But NEVER forget:

Don’t make it overly complicated for yourself. Rather say something than nothing.

Tip #4: Do this if when you approach her


You’ve agreed to chill out with a few friends for the evening.

One of your friends has invited another dude who you’ve never seen before.

One of these dudes is a bit weird.

Because he doesn’t seem so enthusiastic. He is a quiet and awkward addition while you’re trying to relax and play FIFA together.

The only one who speaks with him is the friend who brought him.

Would you be delighted if that guy randomly comes and joins your guy’s night out?

Ehh no… doesn’t sound exactly like a fun person to have around.”


That’s exactly what a woman thinks when she is approached in a club by a boring dude.

Remember this well:

She goes out to have fun.

If you go up to her like and stand there like a bag of potatoes, she’s not going to be very interested in continuing the interaction for very long.

Unfortunately this is what most men do.

No wonder she’s constantly being disappointed by men.

Because if you go up to her like a boring math teacher, she’s not going to see you as a valuable addition to her night.

So then what do you do?

Be sure to approach her with enthusiasm!

Wear a big smile on your face.

Don’t just focus on her. But also on her friends.

If you DON’T, then you’ll be like that one awkward guy who’s invited to chill with your friends.

It’s very strange when someone just joins a group, but doesn’t introduce himself to the GROUP.

When he focuses on just one person, he loses the group’s respect.

And when you lose the group’s respect, you can forget getting with her.

So remember pickup club:

  • Approach with enthusiasm.
  • Introduce yourself to her friends.

>> 15 Tips to Charm a Woman so She’ll Give You Her Heart

Tip #5: She’s not a freshly painted banister

It’s very important to take the title of this tip extremely seriously.

Because I see many men go wrong here when they try to get a girl in a club.

To explain this to you clearly, I’ll take you to my childhood.

I was a little baby Laurens, and just like all the other boys, I liked to touch things…

And I still do 😉

I used to touch everything with my dirty child fingers.

That’s why mother warned me when the front door was recently painted:

“Dan, you’re not allowed to touch that”; she’d say with a stern tone-of-voice.

It seems like most men treat women like a painted door in a club:

They absolutely won’t touch her.

Look, my friend.

I understand you’ve learned you’re not supposed to just touch people.

But in a club you MUST touch people.

First of all in a club some light touch is the best way to get her attention.

(For example turn her around to face you using the back of your hand on her shoulder. That’s how you get her attention).

Second, physical touch makes you seem more attractive, according to this research.

Attractive men dare to touch women. Unattractive men go for the hover hand:

Pay attention:

Of course this doesn’t mean you have the right to reach straight for her boobs, you pervert, you.

It means that you must build up your physical touch in small steps.

Pro tip:

Of course you keep a close watch on whether she’s enjoying it or not. You never want to move faster than a woman feels comfortable with.

What’s more, you actually want to move -slower- than the woman wants to 😉

Tip #6: This is how you get a one night stand

Time: 04:00 am.

You see how the hot girls slowly start to go home.

Some of them leave with a guy.

But you?

Tonight, you get to hold your own hand on your way home.

That sucks.

But why is this the way it is?

  • Were you frozen with fear?
  • Did you not approach anyone because you were afraid of rejection?
  • Did you not manage to make the conversation flirty, and did every conversation end with the age-old cold shoulder of the woman?

You can change all of this. And it’s easier than you think.

As you will read further along in this article from our female coach Roos, women go to the club because they want to meet someone awesome like you. They like it when you come and have a conversation with them.

And your interaction may be concluded pleasurably… or not. That’s part of it. Not everyone is a match for you.

And getting a girl in the club is not as hard as you may think.

Since most people are out to get seduced anyway.

A few small tips and adjustments can be enough to make the difference.

Those in-depth tips can be found here:

>> How to Have a One Night Stand – Explained By a Professional

By the way, it also helps if you know how to dance with a girl at a club.

Tip #7: Be like Keanu Reeves

There’s a huge difference between men who have success with women and men who don’t.

And no, this has little to do with your appearance.

Appearance is quite an overestimated part of it.

Everything about the truth behind appearance can be found here.

>> Do Looks Matter to Women? The Brutal Truth (+ 10 Tips)

I’m talking about something other than looks.

And what is that?

Keanu Reeves will teach you.

He’s an actor and there’s a specific interview he’s known for.

In this interview, Reeves waits for a little while before answering. 10 seconds to be exactly.

And I can tell you this: that’s a long time when you’re in a conversation.

I’m not telling you to wait for 10 seconds before answering every question a girl asks…

I’m telling you to keep your mouth shut more.

Most men just blab on and on when they’re in conversations with women.


Because they’re afraid of silences.

“As long as I keep bullshitting, she’ll go to bed with me.”
– Average Andy.

That’s not how it works dude.

You know what the paradox is?

Silences only make you more attractive.

If you dare to let silences happen, you show that you’re ok with the flirty tension between the two of you.

You look at her, you say something, and calmly wait for her to answer.

And if you don’t know what to say at any point.

That’s totally fine.

Keep your lips closed for that time.

It’s such a shame to break the tension between you by vomiting out all sorts of nonsense.

Stay relaxed, listen carefully to what she says and take the time to answer.

Be like Keanu f*cking Reeves, my friend.

Approaching women in a club: tips from a women

How awesome would it be to know what a woman thinks?

Would you like to know what to say in order to come across as attractive as possible?

Then I have good news for you.

One of our female coaches, Roos, will explain exactly how women like to be seduced in night life.

Roos’ 5 tips:

Us women, we’re heard animals. We’re much more fun, giggly and spontaneous in a group.

So we always seem to be having fun in a club.

Apart from those few who stand smoking cigarettes looking at their phone in the smoking area.

And admit it, what’s more fun, a loner or a socialite? With the disadvantage that the latter can seem quite intimidating.

At 23, I’m definitely experienced in being hit on in a club.

My friends will confirm this.

Because I’ve evolved from a little girl into a true goddess from a Venus-commercial.

While I had done modeling jobs before, I used to feel insecure in clubs.

You wouldn’t have noticed that easily, except perhaps if I was standing by myself.

In any case, I’ll now share my 5 first-hand tips on how to approach a girl in a club.

(And me, if you happen to bump into me 😉

Tip #8: Experience makes all the difference

A few years ago I was actually quite timid.

I felt like a little grey mouse. You know, the type of girl you couldn’t get a single word out of.

I used to find guys scary. Their hair, often plastered in gel, other scents and the seductive look on their face as they would approach me.

As if they were beings from another planet that wanted something from me.

Creepy! So I would quickly escape.

But I kept going out anyway. As if the force field of aliens kept attracting me. I soon understood that I kept being pulled back there because, deep down, I wanted to connect with these strange beings.

So I started to understand the strange planet that is nightlife. They were no longer aliens that wanted something from me, but became young men who were interested in me and wanted to get to know me.

Going out became fun. I saw the ‘game’ that came with meeting new people. And I got good at it.

The lesson you can glean from this:

Practice makes perfect.

Don’t let yourself be dissuaded when you meet a woman for the first time, and it doesn’t go so smoothly.

(A little awkwardness is actually quite attractive, as long as you handle it with confidence.)

Also know that you will have bad nights and encounters. That is part of it.

But know that if you keep goin, you’ll get more and more experience. And having success in night life will become easier.

Experience makes all the difference.

Tip #9: Use the club to your advantage

During the day or on the street, I rarely had anyone hitting on me.

Apparently that step is too big for men.

I understand it. You won’t see me approach a woman in the supermarket, while a cashier is scanning my chocolate bar and box of tampons.

Seducing a woman during the day isn’t easy.

And that’s why it’s the perfect place for it.

So realise this:

A large part of why women go out is to meet men.

We love the attention and WANT to be hit on.

So do us a favor and don’t leave us hanging 😉.

Tip #10: Don’t drink so much

When I was more insecure, some tequila or wine would help.

The thought was: a tipsy person is a fun person.

Now I see it more as a weakness if someone drinks a lot. Both myself and the men who approach me.

Drinking a few is fine, but the last thing you want is to have to get wasted to get in the mood.

Don’t drink so much. Just have a few, because otherwise the communication (and sex) will suffer. The biggest turn-off is having some slurring dude blabbing his head off at me incoherently.

Tip #11: Look me in the eye

If there’s one thing you can use to gauge whether a woman likes you, it’s eye contact.

Besides, when men give me a certain look, my knees turn into spaghetti.

I can’t tell you what’s so special about a guy being able to maintain straight eye contact, without nervously turning his head, it’s hard to explain.

Just do it 😉

Tip #12: This is how to pick me up

“The hunt is sweeter than the kill”
– Jacques Lacan

A famous saying. And while we don’t view seduction as hunting, this saying gives us a lot of insight into the flirting process.

But why, you may be wondering. Is diving under the sheets not the most amazing thing the night can bring us?

In some ways, that’s true. But as soon as you reach that goal, the desire for it disappears.

In other words:

You don’t want to achieve the goal immediately, you want to enjoy imagining what it’s going to be like to achieve that goal.

Your desire will take you in that direction.

But in the end, it’s your desire that feels good. Your desire is ‘sweet’.

If you achieve it too fast, then you haven’t had the chance to enjoy it for long enough. It loses its value.

When it comes to attracting us women, it’s about the desire to be wanted. Not about sex.

Us women, we like:

  • The first glance from head to toe when you walk towards me
  • The moment of first contact, when you show interest
  • The first time we touch
  • The moment that our eyes lock in just a little too intimately and our lips collide
  • The fantastic ride on the back of your bike to the home where we are to unload all of that sexual energy

In short:

The continuous feeling of desire for the next step.

Now you may be thinking:

“But in the end we slept together and you got what you wanted?”


But once it comes to that, my imagination takes free range and I start to desire entirely new things with you 😉

You’ll find even more tips here!

How cool is it when picking up women becomes easy peasy?

Wouldn’t it be awesome if all your friends were watching you jealousy as you leave with yet another smoking hot lady?

And how good would it feel to be socially free and the most attractive version of yourself?

All of this, dear reader, is very attainable.

I’ve seen it time and time again with men who apply the tips from the Transformation Kit.

What is this?

It’s a kit full of tips on flirting, approaching, conversation (including WhatsApp and Tinder) and much more.

And the great thing about it is, it doesn’t cost you anything.

You can download it completely for free by clicking on the link below.


Your bro,
Dan de Ram

Stop awkward conversations
and painful rejections

My free Transformation Kit will make you irresistible to women.

  • 12 Opening Lines that Actually Work
  • 5 Date Generating Texting Tips (Plus Copy-Paste Lines for Tinder)
  • The Friendzone Escape-Room Trick
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