So there’s a lady you are interested in.
Could be a girl you go to school with. Or maybe you met her through a communal friend.
Changes are you might not see her all that often to chitchat and flirt with her.
So you want to exchange contact details to ask her out for a date.
But how do you ask a girl for her phone number?
Read on and get:
- 9 Tips that make asking a girl for her number easy
- The right mindset that makes getting numbers your new normal
- How to set yourself apart from all the men who will never get her number
- 5 clever ways to get a girl’s phone number (without being creepy)
- How you can ask for her number online
- Why you absolutely never want to ask her number
- 4 common mistakes resulting in flakes, fakes and forged attraction
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
Tip #1: Why you won’t ask for her number
The next feeling is the WORST.
Imagine you’re at a party at a friend’s house.
The lights are dimmed. Music is playing. And everyone is sipping out of red cups.
As the night goes by, you end up talking to a cute girl and hitting it off. You’re having a blast together, but then she says:
Your mind is racing at a million miles per hour to come up with a way to ask for her number.
With your brain working in overdrive mode, you hear yourself answer:
So she turns around and walks away.
While you try to stay cool, you instantly feel burning regret taking over your insides…
Every guy on the planet has been in this scenario at least once.
Hell… even I’ve been there bro.
Afterward, I would think to myself: why didn’t I just ask her number?
Well, we all (don’t) do it for the same reason:
We’re too focused on what can go wrong, instead of what can go right.
- “What if she has a boyfriend?”
- “What if I stutter and make a fool of myself?”
- What if she rejects me?”
Excuse, after excuse, after excuse. And they’re all assumptions drenched in negativity.
If you assume your entire world will collapse, it’s pretty obvious you’ll flunk asking a girl’s number.
Instead of focusing on what can go wrong, focus on what can go right.
So how do you deal with those excuses and negative thinking?
Find out in the next tip.
Tip #2: The first step in getting her number
You probably even agree with that quote.
But let’s be honest, rejection SUCKS.
It feels as if you’re getting crushed by a tsunami of negative emotions.
So what YOU want to do is to come to terms with these emotions.
What’s the trick to doing exactly that?
Well, buckle up, bucko. Because I’m about to tell you something that you need to hear but might not like.
Insecurity and narcissism. They sound like opposites.
Insecurity = I’m not good enough, no-one loves me
Narcissism = I’m the best, everyone loves me.
But the two are actually much more alike than you think.
Because what happens when you get rejected once?
You enter your self-protection mode.
Which almost sounds like, “I can’t stand the idea of people not liking me.”
That’s oddly similar to being a ‘the world revolves around me’-narcissist.
Which brings me to an important question. How many people in the world do you think will genuinely like you and want to hang out with you?
It’s probably less than you think. If your answer isn’t less than two-thirds of all people, you’re kidding yourself.
Heck, it’s my job to be good with people and I KNOW that most people won’t like me.
And that’s more than fine. Because the world is a big place.
So what it ultimately all boils down to is this.
Do you want to live the rest of your life in self-protection mode, cowering in a safe but lonely cave?
Or do you accept the risk that you might get rejected by a random girl?
For all those cavemen among us, you may kindly exit this article through the red cross at the top of the page.
Now, my friend.
Since you’re willing to face your fears, let me give you some motivation!
P.S. want more help battling your fear of rejection, then check out this article.
Tip #3: Inspirational porn to get her digits
If you don’t know the next three songs, you’re NOT a Michael Jackson fan:
- Billie Jean
- Beat it
Kudos if you actually knew all three songs, because I tricked you a little.
Heartbreaker is hardly an MJ highlight. You may even call it a dud.
Which is precisely my point.
Michael Jackson actually created lots of songs that weren’t hits.
But did he stop?
He made a bunch of mediocre and forgetful songs.
And yet we all remember his greatest hits.
Now imagine a day that’ll be your greatest hit.
Say, your wedding day.
Do you think that on your wedding day, when you’re getting married to the love of your life, that you’ll be thinking of that one girl who didn’t want to give you her number?
Suppose you go out today and get rejected by a cute girl.
You know what’ll be funny?
Although the rejection may seem like a huge deal at the time, she’ll be nothing to you later.
Every girl who didn’t give you her number, gave you the cold shoulder, flaked on you… none of them will matter to you.
Because they’re the duds. The MJ song that nobody remembers.
If your life was a movie, the girl who doesn’t text you back will be listed in the credits as ‘cute girl #59’.
But the woman you’ll marry and spend the rest of your life with, her name will be in bold on the movie billboards.
And so there are extras in ‘your movie’, as well as starring roles.
So what you want to do is put yourself on the line and take risks.
Lots of risks.
Most of those risks will end in duds. But a lucky few will turn into the greatest moments of your life.
Now let’s get you some practical tips on how to make it happen.
Tip #4: The cheat code to get her number
I’ve already told you a terrible lie.
The lie is that I told you to…
ASK for a girl’s number.
And while you absolutely can ask for her digits, it’ll get you off on the wrong foot.
It gives you the idea that you need to ask her approval to stay in touch, much like a beggar asking for change.
In short, it almost implies that she’s doing you a favor.
And that couldn’t be further from the truth.
So it’s better to change your mindset so you’re not seeking her approval.
Look, I get it. You want her number because you have a lot of different desires.
You want to kiss her. Cuddle. Do the bedroom mambo. Maybe make her your girlfriend…
All these things that you want from her.
But every girl can offer you those things.
What’s so special about her?
You don’t know what’s so special about her?
Then why are you so obsessed with getting her number?
So before I even teach you the basics of getting her digits, I want to give you the right mindset.
I know, buddy.
But if you get the mindset right, you’ll also get her number.
See, it all starts with finding out why you want her number. What makes her different from other girls? What’s unique about her?
- Her downright awesome personality?
- Your shared love for bashing bad movies?
- Other common ground?
- The gentle vibe she gives you?
In the end, you want to have a clear idea of why it’s her you want to spend time with.
Do you feel the potential of a spark?
Now you can ask her out.
Tip #5: Asking her out in 5 basic ways
With the right mindset, getting her number is simply the natural next step in your interaction.
So let’s get practical real quick by feeding you 5 clever ways to get a girl’s phone number.
“Let’s exchange numbers.“
By exchanging your numbers, you both take part in a mutual act.
She’ll feel less pressure to give her number because there’s a more natural balance in your interaction.
After all, there’s an equal exchange on both sides.
Simply say “Let’s exchange numbers” as if it’s the most normal thing in the world.
And assume she’ll gladly give her number when you do.
Yet say it calmly and with confidence.
Hand her your phone
A compelling way of ‘asking’ for her number is to hand her your phone. This shows you’re confident that she wants to give you her number.
While you’re still talking, drop a “hey, give me your number” in a confident BUT polite way.
The last thing I want is calls from the police asking why guys are demanding phone numbers from women. My fine ass is too pretty for jail…
With your phone already in her hands, you imply that it’s just plain normal for her to give her number.
A bit cocky but effective.
Give her your number
If asking her number makes you needy, why not turn things around?
Giving her YOUR phone number sends out a strong message to her:
- It shows you’re confident she’s interested and wants your number.
- You’re not afraid to be rejected.
- You’re cool with how things play out.
Exactly the opposite of seeking her approval when you ASK for her number.
So how do you do it?
Reach out for her phone and state “Lemme give you my number”.
Or tell her you’ll be sharing your number for her to take down.
Just make sure you do it without doubt and don’t ASK if you can give it.
The extra plus here is, that if a woman is not interested you’ll know it right away. No time wasted barking up the wrong tree.
When you’re giving YOUR number, you want to make it easy for her to start the conversation. For example, tell her to send you a pic of her dog when she’s home. Use something you spoke about in your conversation or have in common.
Use your conversation
Afraid it’s awkward to ask her digits?
Then avoid going for her number out of the blue.
Use the natural course of your conversation to your advantage to get her number.
For instance, tell her you’re about a meet a friend and you want to stay in contact.
This feels less awkward because you follow a proper build-up to the moment you ask.
Remember to stay real though and don’t start with fake excuses to get a girl’s number.
Boring her to sleep when you talk? Then check out these 12 lines that hook in my free Transformation Kit, to boost your conversations.
“What’s your number?”
Looks a lot like a question, right?
And usually, you ASK questions…
Exactly what we want to avoid here.
The trick with this one is that you don’t frame it as a question.
Say it like a casual statement. At the same time, be cool and light-hearted about it. Perhaps even a little nonchalant…
This way it won’t come across as needy as it would be it a question.
Tip #6: How to get a girl’s phone number without being creepy
Ever wondered what makes a person creepy?
Research shows that it doesn’t help to be male.
Entering the #Metoo era, most men are probably more afraid than ever to ask for a girl’s number.
But there’s a big difference between showing interest and being creepy.
Because you use flirting to check if she’s interested and open to your advances.
If she’s not and you proceed, BIG chance you’re being creepy.
So before you approach and go for her number, you need to build up substantial interaction.
Show your interest by making eye contact, smiling, getting to know her, and add a little tease here and there. See how she reacts and if she invites you to continue by flirting back.
If you’re clearly flirting with her, she’ll never be surprised and think you’re creepy when you ask her number.
Are you missing the flirt signs women give you?
Get smarter with my women flirting signs article.
Tip #7: How to ask for her number on Tinder
What’s the biggest risk of Tinder?
No, in all seriousness you risk spending hours swiping, matching, and chatting…
Without any results.
Because in the end, you want to be meeting these ladies…
And for that, her mobile number is the first step.
So how to move from Tinder to texting?
As in real life, you need a flirting interaction to build on to get a girl’s number online.
With your Tinder convo on fire, the same mindset comes into play again…
Don’t ASK for her number.
Rather frame your message as a statement that shows you’re confident she’ll share her number.
These subtle nuances in your assumptions change your tone of voice entirely.
This message shows you’re not insecure about her response – you’re ASSUMING she’ll give it.
You want to avoid words like ‘can’, ‘may’, ‘do you mind’ or ‘maybe’ that show doubt and seek her permission.
In short, the right mindset should also be reflected in your texts.
And details really make the difference here, my friend.
Tip #8: How to actually ask for her number!
Even with all the dating knowledge in the world, you still probably won’t get her number.
No, it’s not because you have a face only a mother could love.
It’s because you’re lacking one of two things:
- You don’t take action and go for what you want
- Confidence. You do take action, but you don’t believe in your success
Let’s step away from the theory and make it concrete.
Everybody knows that working out and eating healthily leads to a lean and good-looking body.
But how many people have a good-looking body?
Why is that?
Because most people don’t have what it takes to put in the work.
They either lack initiative or don’t follow through.
And the same goes for turning your crush into your girlfriend.
Because you already know getting her number is WHAT you need to do.
Yet, you don’t do it.
Maybe you didn’t know HOW you can do it…
Which is why you are reading this article.
But just knowing that you need to exercise and how you can exercise does NOT equal a good-looking body.
You actually need to DO it.
And this is where most men screw up.
They don’t follow through because they don’t have in mind WHY they are doing it.
Without a clear WHY there’s nothing to drive you to take action.
Meaning you’ll probably still end up without her number…
So make sure you get a very clear idea of WHY you want it.
Do you want to ask her out on a date?
Become her booty call?
Make her your girlfriend?
It doesn’t matter as long if you know what drives you…
Because in the end, all my advice will be worthless if you’re not driven to take action.
Tip #9: Avoid these 4 mistakes
With all this awesome advice planted in your brain, you would think there’s nothing left to learn.
There’s always more at AttractionGym.
And I wouldn’t be a dating coach if I didn’t warn you of these most common mistakes I see my trainees make.
So here goes:
Waiting until the end of the conversation
Suppose you chatting it up with a cute lady you met at an event.
You’re about 20 – 30 minutes in and suddenly she’s like:
*awkwardly waits for you to ask her number*
Don’t do it, bro. If you wait until the end it WILL get awkward.
Instead, go for her number during the emotional peak.
For instance, when she laughs about a joke you make. Or when you find out you have something in common:
Asking her number right at the moment that you’re vibing together will feel natural and more genuine.
And yes, that’s usually in the middle of your conversation.
Adding her on social media
AKA the coward’s way.
Waiting for the conversation to end and adding her on social media afterward.
You and I both know it, and it’s pretty lame.
That’s because you’re not putting your balls on the line.
Instead of facing your fears and asking her number, you play it ‘safe’ and add her on Instagram with a hidden agenda.
And because you’re not clear about your intentions, there’s a BIG chance she’ll think you are a creepy dude.
Plus you won’t even know if she’s interested in you at all.
Keep it as a last resort because BIG chance you’ll ruin your chances with her in a single move.
So man up, and get her digits in person by being straightforward with her.
Why you get her number
Another common mistake I see my trainees make is that…
They DON’T tell her why they’re asking her number.
Why are you exchanging numbers?
- Your mission is to collect ‘em all?
- Wanna chat with her over text?
- Jerk off to her sexy Insta pics?
- Or do you want to go on a date with her?
You want to be clear about WHY you’re asking her number.
By being upfront about your intentions, she’ll know what to expect from you.
This’ll give her peace of mind and clarity.
Plus you’ll be more confident when you tell her what you’re up to.
Know when to stop
Even with all this advice, you’ll still get rejected from time to time.
And that’s okay.
Not every woman on earth has to like you.
Having said this, know when to stop if she’s not interested.
Be respectful if she says ‘no’ and don’t persist.
Accept that rejection is part of the game and spend your energy in getting the number of the next lady you’re interested in.
Because you now know exactly how to ask for a girl’s number.
If she’s not attracted to you, she won’t give her number.
That’s why my free Transformation Kit gives you a running start to boost your attractiveness and make her crazy for you.
Dan de Ram