It’s fucking hilarious that I’m sitting here writing this article right now.
Because ten years ago, I stumbled upon the art of seduction for the first time by googling “confidence with women.”
Today, pretty much no one believes me when I say that I used to be the shyest young boy I knew. And now it’s my job to make men feel confident with women.
Oh the irony…
In these ten years, I have tried everything in the book to become confident. Some things helped, some things didn’t.
To prevent you from wasting your precious time, I have written this “from Jim Levenstein to James Bond Guide,” in which you will learn an interesting perspective on self-confidence, which is both unusual and extremely effective.
You will learn:
- How to use the full potential of your charisma so that you can attract more attention than a neon sign in Las Vegas
- How even a braces-wearing League of Legends gamer can charm hot women
- Insightful confidence tips: Why self-confidence does not come from within
- How you earn more money, make new friends and have great sex (do I need to say more?)
- 12 missions that will boost your self-confidence and sharpen your killer instinct with women
- And much more tips on how to be confident around girls…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
Confidence (with women) = the most attractive quality?
You really don’t have to be a genius to understand that an extra portion of self-confidence is helpful in almost all situations of life.
This is especially true when flirting.
A study that has extensively researched the psychology between men and women has shown:
Self-confidence is an essentially important quality for women.
Interestingly, it has a very high value for women, whether they are looking for a one-night-stand, relationship, or marriage.
Even age does not seem to be a factor: Both 20-year-old girlies and 60-year-old grannies pay close attention to your level of self-confidence.
But you already guessed that developing bullet-proof self-confidence is essential if you want to take your success with women to the next level.
By “bullet-proof,” I mean the kind of confidence that is absolutely unshakable; that is, unaffected by what is happening around you.
The big question is: how to gain self-confidence??
First, you have to understand…
What self-confidence actually is
To be honest, I hate the word “confidence.”
Not because it’s hard to include it in your rap without it disrupting your flow…
No, no. I am not a rapper. I hate it because it’s been extremely overused.
Hardly any other word is used as vaguely as “self-confidence.” Not everyone means the same thing, which makes it extremely difficult to talk about.
All self-help sites use the term in their marketing to make money. They abuse it and expand it up to the point that it has almost completely lost its original meaning.
The final result is that countless men and women are confused. They don’t know what self-confidence means, what it is all about and how to develop it properly.
Let us put the word under our imaginary microscope and wipe out all the myths around it.
Pay attention to the origin and composition of the word:
You could say it means to trust in your capabilities fully.
Of course, you can only do that when you are aware of your capabilities…
The #1 myth “too much confidence is bad and is the same as arrogance” has been officially destroyed by this definition.
Confidence is one of those things of which there is no “too much,” kind of like peace, beauty or happiness.
Let me repeat: You cannot have too much self-confidence!
You have my permission to tie the shoelaces of those people together who say otherwise.
Trust yourself, your abilities, and your path.
This all sounds great, and I am not saying that the right mindset won’t help…
… but far more practical is to think of self-confidence as an activity, basically as something you DO.
Recently, I had a self-esteem setback of my own…
Because I strayed from my path for a few days. I just didn’t put as much effort into it as I usually do.
You could say I took a rest. This reflected in my results. So it can happen that your self-confidence slowly dies if you are too lazy.
This article is not for lazy people who read it and then come to the conclusion that they have done enough for their confidence today.
Therefore, I have added challenges/ practical exercises/ homework to this article. If you are active, you can start to strengthen your self-confidence from today onwards.
12 Missions to develop unshakable confidence with girls
I will stick out my neck even further: These 12 must-have exercises will turn you into a REAL LIFE JAMES BOND. You will not only learn step-by-step how to be confident with women. But also how to be super confident in general.
Whether a woman ignores your messages, mistreats you, or throws a high heel at you…
… you stay cool, calm and everything is bueno <3.
Ok, let’s jump into the pool of wisdom!
Mission #1: Create a clear vision
The other day I heard someone say:
I can’t remember who it was. But I hope that he will be abducted by aliens so that he can’t infect anyone on this planet with his pseudo-wisdom.
I always call these people “spirituality hipsters.”
They read books, meditate and drink liters of green smoothies. When they get hold of a book on personal development, they absorb the information it contains like a sponge, but they put very little of it into practice.
They dive deeper and deeper into the sea of information until they drown and finally come to the conclusion that attaining external goals is useless…
The way I talk about them, you’d think I’d hate spirituality hipsters.
That’s not true. Everyone is entitled to an opinion.
But what pisses me off about the whole thing is that they convince other people that it’s okay not to work on themselves.
And that, my friend, is UTTER NONSENSE.
A life without growth is like sex without orgasm. External goals have the potential to stimulate growth.
Growth is the most efficient way to gain self-confidence.
If you sleep with five women a month, it may not make much difference if I help you increase the number to ten women a month.
It requires a significant investment of time and energy, and will not have an immense impact on your life.
However, if you are a virgin and have never kissed a woman before, it will boost your confidence if we change this.
According to my accurate hypothesis, there is indeed a correlation between the variables “self-confidence” and “pussy.”
Suppose you make a lot of money.
Then you already know that you are someone who can make a lot of money. Making more money won’t help you greatly in spicing up your self-image.
However, if you just came out of school and are catapulted into the cold working life, you may doubt yourself. After all, you don’t know whether you will succeed.
Thinking “whatever, my confidence is not dependent on my outside performance.” won’t help at all.
Instead, have a clear goal in mind. Your self-confidence will grow with every step in this direction.
These do not necessarily have to be big goals. Not everyone wants to build a successful business, sleep with 500 women, or have muscles of steel. And that’s okay!
If your goal is to wander through your life like a zombie and to lie on the couch with a barely tolerable woman, then go ahead. I’m not here to judge.
But I like to assume you’ve got a lot of things planned in your life.
Realize that you cannot gain healthy self-confidence if you do not pursue your goals systematically.
That’s why your first task is:
The more detailed, the better!
Shoot for the stars!
By that I mean: Assume that there are no limits and everything is possible.
- You want to lose your virginity before New Year’s Eve? Write it down!
- You want to set a new personal record at bench pressing? Write it down!
- You want to form a boy band with your best buddies? Well… Write that down too!
No matter how unrealistic it may be, write it down. Otherwise, there is a certain probability that you will limit yourself and not write down what you really want.
My goal to become the Netherlands’ most famous and successful dating coach also sounded totally crazy at first.
But the further you go, the more feasible it becomes, and the more self-confidence you take with you on the way.
Mission #2: Focus on one thing at a time
Allow me to tell you a bit about myself:
I’m actually pretty dumb. There were times when I tried to accomplish four or five goals at the same time…
This had severe consequences: I neglected school, friends, and family.
Often, it also made me forget to eat, which is why I lost so much weight that I had to be careful not to fall through a manhole cover.
Concentrate on one thing instead. Take one step at a time, and leave no room for impatience.
I did not say it was easy. Your ego will step in the way by saying:
Here is a rule of thumb that you can always follow when in doubt:
If you are doing two things at once, you are doing neither.
Multitasking is probably the greatest myth of the 21st century.
A study by Stanford University shows that multitasking significantly reduces productivity.
Do this instead:
- Select a goal from the list you made earlier.
- Make sure you take the right actions for this one goal.
- Do not pursue the next goal until you have reached goal 1.
Whether it has to do with women or sports…
… work on it until you mastered it.
It won’t always be fun or easy, but it doesn’t matter. I know this is a typical saying that you often hear from your old father, but in this case, it is true: The way is the goal.
With the next exercises, we take the art of seduction as an example.
These are universal tips, which means you can apply them to other areas as well.
But because seduction is my specialty, I will explain to you exactly how you can build up more self-confidence in this area of life.
Mission #3: Talk to a stranger today (how to build confidence to approach a girl)
If you’ve never approached a strange woman on the street before, I have a mission for you:
- The aim is to approach her. Nothing more, but nothing less either! What you say, how she responds, and what happens afterward doesn’t matter.
- If you can’t think of anything to say, just give her a compliment:
“Hey, I just saw you, thought you were pretty and had to meet you.”
Maybe now you’re thinking:
Well, if that would remain the only thing you do, then your question would be justified.
But the truth is that most men never take that oh so small step.
Take it from me…
They search the entire Internet and create training plans that they never put into practice. They have a big mouth when it comes to seduction theories, but rarely actually talk to women.
If you are not able to approach a woman, then you really should not think about what the best seduction tactic is. That would be a waste of time in this case.
Forget the result for a moment. It is important that you have this experience under your belt.
Mission #4: Talk to 2000 women (how to talk to girls confidently)
This is an extensive exercise. Just think of it as one big step consisting of several small steps.
Every goal costs time and energy.
- To get a trained body, you have to spend hours and hours in the gym and pay close attention to your diet.
- You will get rich (in 99% of cases) only through work, time, and investment.
- You will only get a life full of beautiful women if you regularly mingle with people and approach women proactively.
In each of these examples, it does not happen overnight.
There are far too many people out there who get rich by lying to others: “With this hack, you can have your dream body/life/woman in just 30 days.”
Don’t fall for it!
There is no hack, no magic pill. What you need are habits that are congruent with your goal.
The aim of this exercise is to reach 2000 women.
Anyone who wants to become legendarily good with women must go through this phase. If you approach 5 women every day, you will make it in just over a year!
By the way, I have not chosen the number 2000 arbitrarily. Behind it:
- Desensitization: If you now think about approaching 2000 women, you might start to sweat. However, if you venture out of your comfort zone so often, you are expanding it significantly. This “extreme situation” affects you less and less. Only then do you have more freedom in a conversation and can be genuinely authentic.
- Habit: You can study all the techniques and tricks and read 100 books on the art of seduction, but if you don’t practice regularly and take steps in the right direction, you will never reach your goal. So first develop the habit, and only then think about techniques.
- Experience: If you approach 2000 women, you will get to know all the reactions you can get (spoiler: There are not that many). This way, you will know exactly how to deal with a certain reaction.
This phase is often referred to as the “Pain Period.” It is tough, nerve-racking, and requires a lot of willpower.
Most men never get through it.
They give up or start to distract themselves by pursuing other goals. They suddenly have the idea that they are not yet ready and that they have to read up on this topic even more…
But not with you! You are going to hang on this time.
Next time you doubt yourself, take a deep breath, connect with your inner Badass and attack again.
Mission #5: Talk to the 5 hottest women in the club
With the fourth exercise, you build up a good charismatic foundation.
Once you have successfully completed it, you will be prepared and equipped for all kinds of conversations.
Now we dare to take the next step: quality instead of quantity.
That forces you to have a new mindset.
Here’s what you do:
Go to a club and talk to 5 women you like so much that time seems to stand still.
In the past, you might not have said a word, but after you have approached 2000 women, you know precisely what reactions you can expect.
Whatever happens, the important thing is that you do something afterward that far too few men do:
This means that at the end of the evening, you sit down for a moment and ask yourself why something worked and what could have been done differently.
Did you behave differently than usual? Maybe you talked louder or touched her more than usual…
Whatever it was, write it down. Never underestimate the power of taking notes. I used to make this mistake in the past, but today my smartphone is full of notes.
The secret recipe to master this mission is:
In concrete terms, this means that you have to go out at least twice a week to talk to women.
If you are thinking now, “But what if I don’t have much time? “, let me tell you:
You can talk to five women in under one minute, if you really want to.
Mission #6: Win or lose
Now we sharpen your killer instincts.
Of course, it is fun to approach women, but if results such as one-night-stands, hot affairs or even committed relationships fail to materialize, it can be very demotivating.
So this is what we’re going to do:
You now stay with a woman until you either get a clear NO or she falls in love with you/ wants to sleep with you.
I’ve noticed that men give up too soon. Women want to be “conquered” in a certain way. If you think that a woman will go home after two jokes and a five-minute conversation with you, then I’m afraid I have to disappoint you.
It does happen from time to time (especially if you are good with women), but it is rather rare.
There are many moments during a conversation, after which most people would give up.
- “I don’t think she’s interested.”
- “She’s there with her friends.”
- “She said I’m not her type.”
… I get to hear often.
The crazy thing is that many men WANT to fail.
They look for the smallest excuse to leave a conversation. If they have only half-heartedly tried, they are more likely to tolerate a rejection than if they approach a woman with 100% conviction.
But you’re not going to do that!
You know that half-heartedness will not help you achieve your goals.
Therefore, the next exercise is: Talk to her until she either wants to go home with you or gives you a clean pass. No gray area!
This killer instinct is also useful for other areas of your life.
You teach yourself to gather your focus and give it all. You are not satisfied with partial results.
Every confident man has this “all or nothing” attitude.
He knows that he can achieve anything if he does enough for it, and he will not rest until he got what he wanted.
Why does this attitude help you develop badass self-confidence?
Because you can only praise yourself when you succeed. Even if you fail, you hold yourself accountable rather than blaming circumstances or other people. This will teach you to appreciate your own efforts.
Let’s simplify it with a formula:
More effort ➔ more appreciation
More appreciation ➔ More self-confidence
Yup, sometimes it’s that simple.
Mission #7: Tear down the gym
If you are already renting a crane and wrecking ball to drive to the nearest gym, let me tell you that I mean that figuratively.
If you don’t work out, it’s about time!
Regular training is one of the most efficient ways to strengthen your self-image. It helps your body release endorphins. These are hormones that make your brain feel happy.
But it also has other advantages:
- You become calmer: I’ll tell you a secret. I am somewhat nervous and jittery by nature. Today I have my body very well under control, but if I don’t go to the gym for two weeks, I look like I’m doing Kung Fu exercises when I talk to women.
- You become more productive: Your immune system and your cardiovascular system are strengthened. It kind of sharpens your saw. Of course, you can compensate for a blunt saw by sawing for longer, but how much more would you achieve if your saw blade was razor-sharp?
- You become more attractive: Strength training provides a more masculine appearance and increases your testosterone level. Lifting weights a few times a week can make women find you sexier, and men respect you more.
- Balance: Pursuing your goals can be nerve-racking. The emotional ups and downs can be exhausting. Exercise will help you get your mind right back to zero. After a good session, you often feel like a newborn.
Get on with it and tear down the walls in the gym. All or nothing, remember?
A workout does not have to last two hours. A 20-50 minute, intense workout is much more efficient from a sports science perspective. Start with twice a week and later increase it to three times.
You’ll thank me, I promise.
Mission #8: Surprise one of your friends
90% of my readers and coaching participants are far too nice to women.
This means that there is a high probability that YOU belong to this kind of man.
Studies show: Doing others a favor and being sincerely nice can strengthen your happiness and thus your self-image.
Well, I can’t quite deny that I’m a bit strange, but I’m not contradicting myself at all right now.
It’s quite simple, my friend. The mafia does it this way:
- They are extremely collegial among themselves.
- Strangers they meet rather indifferently or even cold-heartedly.
If you meet a woman and want to do her homework right away (like I did when I was 15), she is not indifferent enough for you.
But if you have known a woman for half a year, and she is always nice to you, then you can be the nicest person in the world.
Who would I be if I were to disagree with someone with a wise sounding name like “Sophocles”?
So the next “homework” is: Do a friend in need a favor.
The only rule here is not to offer the help. What you need to successfully complete this task are two things:
- Anticipation of what someone might need
Figure out what a friend might need and then help him get it.
These don’t have to be heroic, big deeds. For example, a movie night together, when your buddy is fresh out of a relationship and feels like shit, is entirely sufficient.
Mission #9: Make two new friends this week
Good friends are as rare as expensive whiskey at a student party.
In order to find just the right friends, you have to get to know a lot of people.
Follow these steps:
- Choose two topics that you find interesting. Think about: Sports, seducing women, personal development, earning money, programming, making music, … Search online for Meet-ups or Facebook groups in your area. Register there and visit some events.
- Introduce yourself to as many people as possible. Take the time to chat with just about everybody there. Your goal is to throw spaghetti on a wall and see which ones stick (metaphorically of course!). If you act like a fool and actually throw spaghetti around, please don’t tell people that I compelled you to do this.
- Be interested and a good listener. “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” – Dale Carnegie
- Exchange Facebook, Instagram or numbers with at least five people. Don’t be afraid to ask for the contact information, even if you have only known the person for 20 minutes. I often have the impression that two people who find each other interesting often don’t care to ask for each other’s numbers. Be the person who just does it.
- Send these five people a message the next day. “Hey yo, I’m going out with two dudes. Would you like to join?”
What you are suggesting is only a casual matter as long as it fits with the person and the circumstances under which you met. What do I mean by that? Do not take a fitness model to all you can eat, and do not take an introverted gamer to a club.
- Some of these five will not stick around. It doesn’t matter. All you need is one or two people. If no one has time or is in the mood, then try a second time on another day and/or get five new numbers.
- Do not judge. You’re there to have fun. So don’t take the whole thing too seriously. This is not an interview. Do not decide whether the person is cool enough to be one of your friends until the second meeting. In this way, you give them a real chance and prevent yourself from pushing them away prematurely, just because they have a slightly different sense of humor.
This is a foolproof way to make two new friends in one week. Have fun!
Mission #10: Make a woman come!
What makes a man feel like the ultimate womanizer?
Right. Making a woman orgasm.
And some people say confidence only comes from within…
When a woman tears her head back, claws her nails into your body and euphorically tells her friends about the sex with you, you can’t help but feel confident.
If you are not yet able to do this, the next homework is to become a master in bed.
Here is an article that will help you:
Mission #11: Make more money
I can already hear some spirituality hipsters screaming behind their laptops:
Firstly, you don’t have to shout. Secondly, money alone may not make you happy, but according to science, spending it smartly makes you happy.
For this reason, it is nonsense to set a goal of having $2,000,000 in your bank account.
Because it’s not an attractive goal.
Making a lot of money is hard work. If you go through all this trouble just to have a certain digital number in your bank account, don’t be surprised if reaching that number makes you less happy than you thought.
But if you’re chilling on an exotic island, and six Latinas are buttering you up with honey and whipping you…
What I mean is that money can help you create the life of your dreams.
And let’s not pretend money isn’t useful for seducing women. The more money a man has, the more attractive he becomes. Period.
Is it necessary to make a lot of cash to be successful with women?
You can be a hobo and still be phenomenally good with women.
Even highly indebted alcoholics occasionally manage to end up with a woman.
But would you like to…
- Be a loser who knows how to look like a winner?
- Be a real boss?
I think you prefer the latter.
The next mission is therefore: Think about how much money you want to earn.
Take a pen from your old pencil case, and write it on a piece of paper.
What do you want?
- Exotic travel destinations?
- A house by the lake?
- Several lightly dressed women at your side, who oil you up and waft air at you with a palm leaf?
Whatever it may be.
Then google how much it costs. Make it super concrete. No estimation!
Check how much a plane ticket costs, what you need for your dream home, or call an escort service. Find out how much a bottle of massage oil costs at Walmart, where you can get a palm leaf, and how much you have to pay for it…
Mission #12: Take the first step towards your dream career
Now you should know exactly how much money you need for your goal.
There are two ways to have more money:
- By saving money.
- By generating more money.
It depends on what you do and how much you make. For example, if you earn $6.50 per hour, then it’s worth thinking about trying to get a better paid job.
However, if you are earning quite a bit but are catapulting money out the window by throwing too pompous birthday parties, going on expensive spa holidays, and being addicted to cocaine, then you should start putting money aside for your dream life.
Maybe you think:
This is useful, but not necessary.
One of my clients saved enough money with a job he absolutely hated. In the end, he was able to afford coaching with me for half a year in Australia.
He quit his job, let me coach him, and experienced crazy adventures in the Land Down Under.
Today, he is enjoying life to the fullest, and he has had great success with women.
Because I am so fond of vividness, I have another formula for you to illustrate this thought step:
More money ➔ more opportunities.
More opportunities ➔ a more fulfilling life.
A more fulfilling life ➔ being more confident.
I believe in you!
The ultimate confidence guide
So, this was the “from Jim Levenstein to James Bond Guide.”
All questions on confidence like…
- “How to get confidence to talk to a girl?”
- “How to be more confident in a relationship?”
- “How to gain confidence with girls?”
- “How to be confident around women?”
…Should be answered by now. All you have to do now is take action, do the missions and stay on the path of unshakable self-confidence.
If you have any questions or want to invite me on a trip on your yacht or to your wedding, because the tips helped you, just leave a comment.
Maybe I’ll accept the invitation if I’m not too busy saving men from virginity or the friend-zone. 🙂
In the meanwhile, I recommend you download my free Transformation Kit.
It will help you with your quest for confidence. Going into more detail with my best advice. Including some powerful examples for you to simply follow.
Go for it!
Your ultimate bro,
Dan de Ram