How to Be a More Dominant Man and Set Your Woman On Fire

What you will learn:

  • What women find so fascinating about Christian Grey (Note: It’s not his money.)
  • Grey’s flirt phrases and how he wraps Ana around his fingers
  • The Fifty Shades Texting Experiment: Do Mr. Grey’s methods work in real life?
  • How Fifty Shades of Grey can help you build sexual tension that your neighbors will hate…
  • How to be more dominant in bed as a guy and how to unleash your male dominance potential
  • Male dominance in relationships: How to be more dominant in a relationship
  • And much more tips on dominance behavior

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

“What do you like in bed?”

I know, it’s a very direct question, especially considering that I’d only met the woman five minutes earlier…

But, you know me; I don’t beat around the bush. Besides, I somehow had the feeling that the brunette cutie with the ponytail was, in reality, way less innocent than she made the outside world believe.

So, I just asked.

When there is a strong sense of intimacy and enough sexual tension, you can ask a woman anything…

Multiply this by the “alcohol” factor, and you get the formula to discover the truth.

That was mid-2012 and the first time I ever heard the answer:

“Uhhhhh…sex like in ‘Fifty Shades of Grey!'”

I didn’t think anything of it at the time. I thought that was just some corny little woman’s book.

A few months later, there was a glitch in the matrix: another girl, another club, EXACTLY THE SAME ANSWER!

“What is this book about, and what kind of sex is it about?”

I asked, curious like a nerd.

What I discovered led to such a drastic change of perspective that I could no longer look at women the same way again.

The book is about…

  1. The sexual tension between Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey.
  2. Bondage (BD) and Sadomasochism (SM).

In the months that followed, it gradually became clearer to me:

Christian Grey makes women wetter than the monsoon.

You can always trust me blindly, but if you are not able to do so yet, I have listed some customer reviews I found on Amazon.

Why do women dig this book so much?

Today, we will crack the Grey Code together!

>> 10 Best Tinder Conversation Starters by Online Dating Experts.

Fifty Shades of Grey – The treasure map to the female brain?

My conclusion was that it was time to explore this book.

For those of you who are too lazy to read it and haven’t seen the (bad) movies yet, I present:

Dan’s super short summary of Fifty Shades of Grey:

Student Anastasia Steele (21) is a virgin and a bit of a wallflower; she is rather shy and reserved.

Christian Grey (27) is a billionaire and outrageously attractive. Oh yes, and he has an SM room in his house that he calls his “playroom.”

Ana falls for his enormous charm, but Christian wants a strange relationship with her:

He wants to make her his sub (= submissive woman) so that he can live out his BDSM fantasies. They flirt, argue, have lots of sex…and fall in love. The end. Okay…

I have to say in hindsight that Fifty Shades is not a must-read at all. The movies aren’t great either. The first one did not get five golden raspberries for no reason.

But, as a passionate dating nerd dedicated to the science of attraction, I have to admit that the build-up in Mr. Grey’s character is truly phenomenal.

There are two things we can do now:

  1. Dismiss Fifty Shades of Grey as an unrealistic, invented story.
  2. Analyze the (sub)communication between Miss Steele and Mr. Grey so that we can all learn from it.

Of course, we’re going to do the latter, and we’re going to do it in full dating nerd mode.

Many men attribute the attractiveness of Christian Grey to his wealth and incredible appearance, but that would be far too simplistic.

Could it be that his sex appeal comes from much more than just his money and good looks?

Which behaviors can you copy from Mr. Grey in order to be more attractive yourself?

What can we learn about the sexual fantasies of women?

But, most of all:

What is the secret of attraction that made Fifty Shades the best-selling erotic trilogy of all time?

Yeah, you read that right. As early as 2015, the trilogy broke the record with over 125,000,000 copies sold worldwide.

So I am officially shifting into fifth gear in nerd mode…

Get ready for takeoff!

You don’t need a helicopter to be as attractive as Christian Grey.

To be honest, cracking the Grey Code wasn’t a piece of cake. Many things speak for this mysterious man.

The question: What makes him so attractive?

The answer: He pushes almost all the buttons.

>> Still a Virgin? 10 Tips on How to Have Sex for The First Time.

When I read the book, I repeatedly encountered techniques that we teach our coaching participants.


  • Avoid asking questions with a high-pitched voice: Check!
  • Tease her: Check!
  • Hold intense eye contact: Check!

But Christian Grey doesn’t just have good “game”. There is more to it. You have to look beyond the dialogue or his appearance to understand the deeper principles.

Gentlemen, I’ve found what I was looking for…

I dare to say that the Grey Code has been officially cracked.

But, before I present it to you clearly, I will show you my favorite flirt examples from the book.

The genius thing is that you get pretty accurate insight into the woman’s world of thoughts when Christian flirts with her.

Fifty Shades Flirt Tip #1: Unmoved expression

There is a passage in which Ana meets Mr. Grey for the first time. She has an appointment with him, because she has to interview him for some university magazine.

What makes Christian different from most men when he meets a woman?

Look at what the mastery of a warm voice and a calm facial expression has done for his first impression on Ana.

It is no mystery that an impressive voice has high attraction potential. It’s not for nothing that voice actors who have mastered this are in such high demand, and it’s not for nothing that women get goose bumps when Josh Turner lets his deep voice do the magic.

When a woman can’t read your face and is, therefore, not quite sure what you think of her, it is very attractive as long as she suspects that you are interested in her. You see that facial expression on male models all the time.

Ryan Gosling has been nominated as the “sexiest man alive” several times, although he’s never accepted this title (for whatever reason).

He has perfected this facial expression and poses for countless magazine covers.

Compare this picture to Ana’s thoughts.

You can’t be quite sure what Ryan Gosling is thinking, but there is a subtle smile on his lips.

This makes him exciting for a woman, and she wants to know what’s behind this mysterious man.

So, here are tips that you can immediately put into practice to get the Grey Factor:

  • Speak slowly and carefully. It makes your voice seem less nervous.
  • Squint your eyes and put a soft, light smile on your lips.
  • Stay cool and don’t react too much to what a woman says.

>> 7 Underrated Things Women Find Extremely Attractive in Men.

Fifty Shades Flirt Tip #2: “What you love, you tease.”

The next text passage occurs during the interview between Ana and Christian.

Notice how he catches her off guard by teasing her:

There’s one thing Christian Grey is particularly good at.

Instead of laughing after his teasing sentence and/or saying “Just kidding“, he does something that only 0.00001% of men do:

He keeps the tension.

Fifty Shades Flirt Tip #3: Take the lead

You’ll never catch Christian letting the reins out of his hands.

What many men do wrong is that they do not take the lead.

A woman simply does not feel sexy when she constantly has to carry all of the responsibility on her shoulders.

The brutal truth is: Either you learn to carry the responsibility yourself, or you lose women to a man who is capable of doing so.

Never expect a woman to seduce you. Have you ever seen a woman get down on her knees to propose to a man?

I’m not saying these things never happen, but waiting for them instead of doing things yourself is unattractive and will only limit your success with women.

Let’s look at inspiration from the book:


How Christian Grey is taking the lead:

  • He’s not ASKING women out. He does NOT say, “Would you join me for a coffee?” but formulates it as a statement: “I wondered if you would join me for coffee.”
  • Ana mentions some obstacles, and he does everything in his power to clear her path. Yeah, I know, it’s easy for a billionaire… But don’t tell me that the average man couldn’t do more to overcome a woman’s objections!
  • When he finally repeats his suggestion, his whole body language says, “It’s just going to happen, sweetheart. Just face it.” She finds it annoying and attractive at the same time.

These are practicable methods you can benefit from as well.

>> 7 Kissing Tips and Techniques to Become an Amazing Kisser.

The Fifty Shades WhatsApp Experiment (How to show dominance via text)

What kind of dating coach would I be if I hadn’t tried to use the Grey Code on WhatsApp…

I met this woman in a club. Her good mood totally captivated me.

While everyone else looked as if their hamster had died that day, she was already on the dance floor, using an unfair trick on me that apparently works on men too:

She was having fun.

I pointed at her, gave her my hand, pulled her close, and asked for her name.

Her face was covered in glitter and, because we kissed later, so was mine.

I texted her the next day:

As you can see, her response is like a traffic light with three green lights. She literally says that I should have taken her home with me.

You can’t get clearer signals that a woman likes you.

But what was the recipe for success?

>> What Makes Women Attracted to Men? 11 Irresistible Qualities.

Honest directness.

Christian Grey is not ashamed of the fact that he has a crush on Ana. All his actions say, “I’m into you. Deal with it!”

This honest directness also works on WhatsApp, provided you do it in a playful way.

Just pretend you’re a billionaire with manners who also happens to not take dating too seriously.

I teased her with my P.S. message, playfully blaming her for the glitter on my face, just like Christian teased Ana for her recorder.

My last message puts a date at my place in her head.

I didn’t write, “Yo, come to me, let’s fuck!” Instead, I implied it in an innocent way: red wine and Aristocats.

Also notice how I literally copied Christian Grey’s format for proposing dates:

I wondered if you would join me for [FILL IN THE BLANK].

She had not been productive that day, which is understandable considering that she only returned home at 8 am.

She saw this as a good reason to not have a date with me.

My response:

I made use of the second Fifty Shades Flirt Tip once again. I teased her by pretending that she owed me something. My sub communication was: “You must make an effort for me.”

That’s the mindset of a billionaire.

It worked, but she came up with another obstacle: “Ok, that’s far…”

If that reminds you of the conversation between Ana and Christian, you’ve been paying attention. 😉

I’ll act like Mr. Grey, not allow it to disturb me, and take the lead:

How to be a more dominant person: The Revelation of the Grey Code

Hold on tight, young Padawan, because here comes the hardcore lesson!

How Christian Grey drives women completely crazy is due to a fact that most people underestimate excessively.

There are two kinds of men in flirting: tension breakers and tension builders.

To the great disappointment of women, 99% of men are tension breakers.

As soon as sexual tension builds up between them and a woman, they have to giggle like a girl, tell a joke or break eye contact.

Instead of building tension with silence, tension breakers try their best to constantly eliminate any tension.

Very nice of you, dear Mr. Tension Breaker, but you will never excite women by doing that!

“Then how, Dan?”

I’ll tell you. A tension builder adheres to a set of fixed rules that ensure that the tension between a man and a woman is never lost.

This is so extremely effective that, when used correctly, there is no other option than nuclear sexual discharge.

You can compare it to clouds that collect more and more static charge until the only way to discharge the voltage is lightning that penetrates the earth…

>> #1 Dating Expert Reveals His Top 10 Tips.

How to be a more dominant male DECODED: Christian Grey’s ultimate tension-building tip

Most men either never take their chance to kiss a woman or they immediately take the first opportunity.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to take the chance as soon as it arises, especially if you are new to the art of seduction.

What I mean is: Give the tension the space it needs to unfold.

The best sex in my life was with a woman I only slept with on the fourth date. By the third one, we could have done it, but I said with conviction: “Today we’re not going to have sex!”

Of course, we then found it interesting to try to push each other over the edge, but we both remained strong (it was not easy…).

When we met again, the tension was so strong that we had already started while I was still closing the door behind me. We didn’t even make it to bed, and said door had to serve as something to press her against…

As is characteristic of a tension builder, Christian Grey has a theatrical capacity:

He speaks with deliberate ambiguity. He is able to communicate sex with eye contact and calmness without having to verbalize it.

Look at what happens to the tension when Christian holds Ana in his arms:

He has a chance, but he doesn’t go for it…

It’s driving her crazy, literally. What man can control himself in such a situation?

Just a real tension builder!

One of my coach colleagues once told me that, as an experiment, he deliberately did not kiss three women on the first date.

The result?

They flooded him with messages and were desperate to meet him again.

Important note:

To not kiss on a first date is a tip for advanced players.

If you never dare to kiss women, do it as soon as possible.

Building tension like Christian Grey comes later; first, you have to learn the basics of seduction.

I then sat down together with my colleague, and we told each other all of our stories in which we had felt so much tension with women that Nikola Tesla could have used the electricity.

The conclusions are these tips on how to build more sexual tension:

  • Strong eye contact that says, “I want you, you’re mine, but not just yet.”
  • Never fill the silence with laughter, nervous questions or empty phrases.
  • Get close to her and make her think you are kissing her, but then clearly refrain from doing so for mysterious reasons.
  • Let her finish and hold the silence for 2 seconds before you or she says anything.
  • Kiss her softly and then say, “That’s all you’re getting for now.”
  • Become aware of your tics (everyone has them). Many men blink a lot, play nervously with their fingers or smile exaggeratedly. These non-verbal signals reduce the tension.

Bonus tip: How to dominate a woman in bed

Tying, spanking and teasing… But how far can you go with this?

It is all very close to the edge of what is allowed, but at no time is there serious violence or abuse in Fifty Shades.

Does it excite women being dominated? Yeah, it looks that way, my friend. But do people use it in their sex lives? I don’t think so.

These things are more likely to be tried in a one-night-stand than in a relationship where both partners trust each other.

I think that’s a pity…

I, uh… uhhhh *a friend of mine* loves his bondage set…

If you have no idea how to approach this whole thing, I can provide you with two of my articles that will revolutionize your sex life.

What you need are tips about:

>> Want To Turn Her On? Try These 9 Dirty Talk Phrases and Tips

>> The Art of Dominating a Woman in Bed in 5 Tips

And don’t forget to grab your free Transformation Kit down below.

You’re welcome.

Your bro,
Dan de Ram

Stop awkward conversations
and painful rejections

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