23 Easy Ways to Be More Social with Women as an Introvert

how to be more social

Do you ever find yourself with nothing to say during a group conversation?

Or do you not have a lot of friends and dates?

Do you you consider yourself an introvert?

Datingcoach Dan to the rescue.

This article is focused on turning you into a social superstar.

Stage freight when striking up new conversations or nervousness in groups will soon be a thing from the past.

In this article you get:

  • 21 Tips to become more social and outgoing especially if you are an introvert
  • 3 Simple exercises that make you more social
  • How one mindf*ck is stopping you from having a social life
  • How you make a rock-solid first impression (with an example!)
  • 7 Questions and 17 example sentences so you will always have something to say
  • How an introvert can start boosting his social skills
  • The #1 method how to get popular
  • Unique places to meet new people
  • A trick on how to be less shy
  • An eye contact your next girlfriend will love

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

Tip #1: How to instantly become more charismatic

Before we get into more in-depth stuff, I will start with some simple tips and tricks.

One will ensure that you immediately differentiate yourself from the masses.

The second is a simple trick that will instantly make you more social.

More precisely it is one small word.

The most beautiful word in every language

I meet many new people in a short amount of time.

Hundreds of men come to our courses every year, apart from that I also go out clubbing a lot.

And I have discovered that there is one word to make someone feel special!

Do you know what word?

It is…

Your name.

“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language”
– Dale Carnegie

Maybe the most used excuse of all:

“Sorry, I am bad with names.”

But here at AttractionGym we don’t do excuses.

So, if you DO remember the names of others you immediately set yourself apart.

The other person will notice that you are paying attention because you really have to do this in order to remember their name.

Apart from this, also repeat her name a couple of times. Everyone loves hearing their own name. It will make you feel special.

Pro tip:

I discovered through doing tests on Tinder and other dating apps that even here you are up to 20% more likely to get a response to a message when you use their name.

Use names in your messages sporadically for ultimate effect.

(So don’t do it every 2nd or 3rd message ! )

Want to be more social and less shy? Then next tip is for you.

Tip #2: The best eye contact tricks

Apply these tips and you will instantly come across as a more approachable person.

Not only this. you’ll also look more confident and show interest.

There is one body part that reveals everything to the outside world.

They will tell if you are lying, are nervous or if you are feeling sure of yourself.

The eyes. The classic ‘windows into the soul’.

Eye contact is a very important form of contact when you are face to face with someone or with a group of people.

Studies show that your eyes reveal a lot about how you are really feeling.

One-on-one eye contact ensures that you make a deeper connection. Switch periods of 10-15 seconds up by looking away, this will feel natural to both of you.

You can use eye contact to bring your conversation partner back into the conversation. During a group conversation, you can exchange strong eye contact with multiple people and this will ensure that all of them will continue to listen to you.

In a group, you want to change eye contact between people every 5 to 10 seconds. Or direct every sentence to another person.

This way they will feel addressed and included again.

In a social setting, you want the person you are talking to feel included.

In this video, I am coaching a girlfriend of mine on how to make good eye contact. The video is less than a minute and it contains a valuable lesson:

Learning about eye contact can also be very useful if you want to be able to identify when a woman’s into you.

Here’s an article about it:

>> Reading Eye Contact: 7 Signals She WANTS You

Let’s continue becoming more social by defeating an uncomfortable challenge forever!

Tip #3: How you can use awkward silences to your advantage

When you apply this the right way.

Silence often carries tension with it.

Of course, you want to avoid uncomfortable silences in your conversations.

But filling every space with words isn’t at all necessary.

But most people go about this is in the wrong way:

Do you get nervous when nobody is talking for a little bit? Are you looking around? Or do you start filling up the silence with fluff like “uhm” and “ehh”…?

This means you can’t handle the tension and the silence isn’t working to your advantage. It is getting socially awkward.

The solution?

Keep looking calmly at the other person and let pauses happen.

Letting pauses fall in your sentences gives you the time to think. Calmness will appear in your conversations. On a date, this will even lead to sexual tension.

Bonus social trick:

Do you not know what to say?  Keep looking at the other person in a calm way and nod calmly, the other person will be inclined to continue talking.


These were three simple tricks that you can immediately use to become more sociable.

This is only the tip of the social iceberg.

In the rest of the article, I have even more to help you become more social.

But first:

Tip #4: How to become a ‘social billionaire’


How do you climb Mt. Everest?


Step by step.


How did they build the Great Pyramids?


Stone by stone.


How to be more social and outgoing?

You get it.

The problem with many people is that they hope to win the lottery and get rich in one go instead of slowly earning their bucks.

They would rather take the cable cart up the mountain instead of climbing there step by step.

This is the flaw in people’s thinking:

They overestimate where they will be in three months, and underestimate where they are in a year.

This tip is especially valuable if you find it extra thrilling to become more sociable.

Small things can grow to become something really big.

Your social skills can also get better in a small amount of time by quickly taking many small steps.

The only thing you have to do is recognize these situations.

When you get it socializing becomes as easy as ABC.

The following will help you with this:

  • Say a little more to the cashier than just that you want to pay by card, that you don’t want any loyalty points and that she can keep the receipt. An enthusiastic “how is your day going?” is just as exciting but is often really appreciated.
  • Ask for advice when buying clothes. These people are there to help you.
  • Greet people when they walk by. Especially people who are walking with a dog, they are often more open to striking up a conversation.
  • Give compliments to strangers more easily. For example, to the waitress in a restaurant about the food or about small things like “your hair looks really nice by the way”. Friendliness is almost always 100% of the time appreciated.

These are all opportunities for you to strike up a conversation and get more comfortable in a social environment.

Becoming more social and confident doesn’t get easier than this.

Tip #5: How to always know what to say,especially when you’re an introvert

Why choke up when you can prepare yourself for half the questions you’ll be asked?

There is only a small amount of people who have had amazing social skills from childhood. Most people have had to learn it.

You can learn social skills quickly through getting yourself involved in new conversations again and again. This way you’ll be able to recognize patterns after some time.

This is because there are not an infinite amount of conversational ‘branches’.

When you start recognizing these patterns you will see that when talking to a new person, the same conversational ‘branches’ will come along.

You have been through it all in the past, and because it has already been reviewed you can simply just repeat it again now.

Maybe she will give it a little twist.

But it won’t be 100% original

You too can easily prepare yourself for the most standard questions.

Basic CV questions you will get no matter what.

To immediately come across as being a lot more social you want to start strong.

Do this by telling a bit more than what most people do in basic conversations.

They would say:

I am a software engineer for a large company”

Then you say:

I pretty much see the matrix on my screen everyday. It was me who caused  the view counter on Youtube to always get stuck for a bit at 301.”

Funny, details, and many more things for your conversation partner to reply to.

This is the whole idea behind preparing some of your answers.

Ensure that there are a lot of “conversational hooks” so that your partner can easily swing between subjects.

You can of course also turn it around.

Instead of asking: “What kind of work do you do?”

You already think about some more interesting and fun questions.

Questions that can always be used.

Check the next tip for more about this.

Tip #6: How to overcome shyness

“But Dan, I don’t want to come across so fake by having prepared everything”

I can tell you, even if you prepare so much …

… something as dynamic as conversations cannot be thought out from A to Z.

After all, you are in front of a person of whom you have no idea what their next step in the conversation will be.

And let’s not start about group conversations.

Good luck with that.

The standard questions and stories are there to break the ice.

As training wheels for you as a starting socializer.

Or as a safety net, which you can always fall back on in an emergency.

From these questions, you can talk about numerous topics that you couldn’t have thought of before.

New stories will always come up.

I will give you 5 example questions shortly.

But first a useful principle behind asking questions and the telling of stories:

“Bring what you are saying alive…

… by adding details.”

Someone once researched the effects of being specific.

At school one class was asked to write a random story based on their own insight.

Another class had to write a story about one of the bricks in the wall.

The first class didn’t exactly write literature.

The most beautiful stories came from those writing about the brick!

You could also say this is related to the stress of having too many choices.

A lot of choice leads to half-arsed results.

Therefore, never say:

  • “How was your day?”
  • “Tell me something interesting about yourself?”
  • “What do you like to do?”

Be more specific with your questions!

Here they come:

  • “What did you learn today?”
  • “What did your parents teach you that you still apply to your life today?”
  • “If you could be present during any historical event, which would it be?”
  • “What is the furthest you ever travelled?”
  • “If you could live during a different time period, what period would you choose? and why?”

I wrote an article with 131 date questions that are specific and which I also use regularly myself.

Besides I also have a nice bonus for men, in this you’ll learn 17 example sentences for nicer conversations with women. Get it here, it’s free!

Now that asking good questions is a challenge of the past, it is time to continue to be more social.

Tip #7: Why do we so desperately want to remain ‘ourselves’

This insight can change everything for you:

For a while now you’ve probably been one of the less social people in the group.

You have over the years gotten this ‘label’.

It is not that you are not social… you might have sometimes acted in a not so social way…

but people like to label things. It brings clarity to our chaotic reality.

The problem starts when you start believing in the label you’ve been given…

You will carry this label with you.

Every place you go you will act according to it.

“That’s just who I am” and “I am just not as easy going as other people”

Are thoughts that you carry with you.

You’ve started to identify with the label you’ve been given.

And no matter how much you want to change you will always be pulled back to this belief.

This isn’t because you are lazy, bad, or anti-social.

But because people like to act in ways that are consistent with their identity.

In marketing, psychology, and therapy this is known as a big psychological force.

Brand Consistency.

You are protecting your label.

And everything that rubs this label of your skin you want to avoid.

Just like the temporary tattoos from when we were young.

I avoided washing my arm for days, so that the tattoo would remain on my arm longer.

How more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it…

… the more something can change your way of seeing yourself, the more you will avoid it.

That is why such a job as becoming more sociable becomes an attack on the identity that you created.

But the rub here is:

It is only a temporary tattoo.

You can rub off your old label and slap on a new one.

One that you want. One that you have placed there yourself.

Not one that others have given to you.

Of course, it’s impossible to change your way of seeing yourself if you don’t have a clear idea of who you are.

If that’s your case, I highly recommend you read this article right here:

>> “Just Be Yourself”, THIS is What She Actually Means by That

Tip #8: Trusting your inner strength

Do you know the film ‘What happened to Monday’?

Short summary:

The government implements a one-child policy because food reserves are no longer adequate due to overpopulation.

One family of a father with seven daughters does not stick to the rules.

Because well, you are officially only allowed to have one child registered. How do you deal with this?

Every day of the week you just let one of the seven daughters go outside, and you let them lead one life.

Seven people live one life…

… sounds like a one-way road to failure.

That’s exactly what happens in the film.

And that’s why YOU don’t want to be someone else.

Of course, you can cheat (I’ll come back to this), but really becoming someone else is deadly… according to the film that is.

Don’t have a standard in mind of who you want to become.

You will never manage to become this idealized image.

That also brings us to the next social pitfall.

Tip #9: Ignore negativity

“Social media is taking over the world”

“Decapitated head found in strip club”

“Elvis arises from the dead”

Nowadays our lives are filled to the brim with information to the extreme.

Only the most extreme 2.1% of the bell-curve is shown to us. The best of the best… and the worst of the worst.

Makes sense, as this generates the most attention for media companies.

But this is the problem if we want to get better:

We start to compare ourselves.

For example, when buying a new phone, you will look at what kind of differences there are and if the new phone is better than the old one.

You’ll do the same when you want to learn a new skill.

However, this is a major pitfall.

You’ll be striving for perfection in becoming more social, but perfection doesn’t exist.

Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational”
– Hugh Mackay

Finding out along the way that ultimate perfection doesn’t exist can also be something that really de-motivates.

Stop making comparisons.

Making comparisons is an extremely dangerous game to be playing for your social health.

Tip #10: How going on a road trip will make you a better man

Do you know that film about that boy that runs away from home to find himself and go on an adventure?

‘Into the wild’ is what it’s called.

Spoiler: he dies.

Nice ending, right?

Great outcome #sarcasm.

The same with a road trip.

The end of a road trip is the return home.

Not that fun.

The fun is made on the road.

But people always want to see instant results in everything they do.

When they don’t get instant muscles from going to the gym once, or have endurance like Usain Bolt after they quit smoking for a day, then their motivation starts to resemble a bag of potatoes.

“Don’t rely on motivation for anything. It is fleeting and unreliable. Discipline, however, is unyielding. Force yourself to follow through”

Mike Tyson Some dude on Reddit

This is also the exact reason why the millions of new years resolutions fail year after year.

  • You need to learn to love lifting those weights everyday.
  • You need to start loving that you’ve managed to control yourself everyday for not smoking.
  • You need to start to love taking action.

You would be surprised by how many concrete results you have managed to make ‘suddenly’ after a month.

Master self-discipline is also extremely gratifying. You can use it as a way of improving your life and become a happier guy.

What do I mean by “improving your life”? This is a broad (but crucial) topic, man.

Read this article and you’ll get a clear idea:

>> 10 Simple Things That Improve Your Life TODAY!

Wondering how to be more social while working 9-5? Up next, you’ll get your answer.

Tip #11: How to never run out of good topics for conversation

One question that I get asked a lot:

“How do you keep coming up with new things to talk about?”

I get it.

Everyone is busy, you probably work a 40 our week or spend as much time studying.

Apart from this you also sleep an average of 8 hours a day.

In short, you don’t always find yourself in situations where the most epic things are happening, so you can expand your story arsenal.

If you are together with someone for a long time, there will be a say that you’ve pretty much told them everything about your life.

Does that mean over and out? Time to pack your bags and leave?


There are simple ways through which you can constantly expand your arsenal.

Even in your downtime, you can come up with new conversational material.

This way you’ll have a well-stocked armory in notime, something that will make the US and Russia jealous.

And you can keep repeating these until you don’t like them anymore.


Get your stories from other sources.

Let others do the work.

Did you know that children in sweatshops get bullied if they are NOT working for famous brands?

First of all, it’s untrue, secondly, I just got it from somewhere.

It’s still nice though. I got enough giggling reactions and interesting conversations from this.

Other sources:

  • YouTube. Go look for humor you like from different comedians. Or if you enjoy facts more, there are loads of pop-science channels to find.
  • Online articles that you find interesting. I often read Vice or the Onion. A little controversial at times but super funny stories are something I really relate to.
  • Films. Maybe you already guessed it because I used two film examples in the beginning in a short amount of time to make my point.

At the same time, don’t let these sources be a waste of your time. Use them smartly.

But as I said.

Let others do the work.

Now, let’s say you have a date with a girl you’re really attracted to.

She’s smart, beautiful, elegant…

How do you keep a conversation going with a girl that leaves you speechless?

Excellent question. Here’s a complete answer:

>> 13 Ways to Keep a Conversation with a Woman Who Leaves You Speechless

Tip #12: The all-determining first second in socializing with new people

It might be unfair…


Within a couple of seconds, someone has already formed an opinion about you.

So better make sure it is a good one.

That will help a lot during the conversation.

You yourself want to be cautious when forming judgments about people. This will only hinder the conversation. Doing this does not make you more social. I will come back to this point in the next tip.

Because of this, you want to present yourself in an inviting way.

Imagine two restaurants.

You’ve heard that the first one is a three-star restaurant with the most delicious food. There is supposed to be a top cook in the kitchen.

Eating there should be an amazing experience.

You don’t know much about the other restaurant. You only see the name: ‘The 19th hole’

Still, you enter the second restaurant.


The outside of the three-star restaurant looked bland and boring.

An empty wall, windows through which you couldn’t see inside, and a closed door, and no people standing outside of it.

At the other restaurant the door was open, you could see candle lights shine through the windows, and there are some people chatting outside.

Even if you have heard that the other restaurant should offer more quality. The first impression made you decide to go to the neighbors.

It is for the same reason that you want to make sure your first impression is inviting:

Not like this…

Please don’t do a ‘yankshake’

A good begin is half the win.

Tip #13: A big mistake which costs you big time


A while ago I noticed that this film was being shown on television in the evening.

“Ahh, gross. A film for women”, I immediately think.

This film won’t be watched that evening.

Until I start zapping and landed back on ‘Perfume’ by accident.

Exactly during the scene with the London Bridge where the assembled houses with rotten planks and rusty spikes started to collapse.

Hmm, maybe it is interesting after all.

I start watching.

Eventually, I am happy I did watch the movie.

If it was up to my prejudice, this would never have happened.

You can see how prejudices don’t always work to your advantage.

In this way you can also miss out on meeting interesting people.

If you from the start think “Ah, that must be this type of person”, your judgment is already formed.

Everything this person will say will be filtered through this prejudice. You are looking for any example to have your prejudices confirmed.

Big chance you’ll find something if you approach it this way.

Will this make you more social?


So stop being judgmental!

Give the other a chance and only form your opinion of them afterward.

You might waste a couple of minutes of your time but it might lead to a strong friendship.

Either way, every conversation makes you more sociable.

Tip #14: Steal like an artist

I know that I’ve just told you that you don’t want to be someone else.

That you want to trust your own power.

But there is a big difference between wanting to be someone else and learning from someone else.

In high school, during exams, I first used this tactic.

Curious which one?

Really just Cheating

What do you think that Picasso could paint the Guernica when he picked up a paintbrush for the first time? Or that Eminem rhymed his way out of his mother’s belly?

Of course not.

You can be certain that both artists have cheated by copying other artists like crazy.

There is even a quote by Picasso in which he encourages the learning from others

“Good artists copy, great artists steal”
– Pablo Picasso

But he isn’t the only one who gives this tip:

“Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal; bad poets deface what they take, and good poets make it into something better, or at least something different. The good poet welds his theft into a whole of feeling which is unique, utterly different from that from which it was torn”
—T. S. Eliot

One more to state my point:

“Start copying what you love. Copy copy copy copy. At the end of the copy, you will find your self”

—Yohji Yamamoto

Society used to have an education system that was made up out of gilds. A master would teach his skills on the job, to emerging talent.

Nowadays everything is classroom-based, in giant learning factories. In my opinion, getting really good at something has become a lot more difficult.

It is impossible to exactly like someone else.

Every person is unique, so whatever you copy from other people, your own personality will always shine through.

So find someone who can lead by example. Learn all the ins- and outs from him and try things out yourself afterward.

How to become more social you ask me?

Imitate and evolve.

Tip #15: Your words don’t make you more social

“This toothpick, in exchange for a bottle of ginger ale.”

5 minutes later I walk away from the pub with a refreshing drink in my hands.

What did I pay?

The toothpick I had in my pocket.

I participated in one of those challenges where you start with a toothpick and you have to exchange it until you have something much better.

I can already hear you thinking behind your screen:

“Dan, there is no one in this world crazy enough to exchange a drink for a toothpick, especially one that was probably already used.“

You are right in one sense, but not in the other.

True, if you just read this in words no one would accept this offer.

But I am giving too much value to the one used toothpick.

And it is not the remainders of my breakfast still on the toothpick that made it so valuable.

It is the energy I put in it to close this deal. 

Of course, the precise words I use do help.

But most of being perceived as sociable comes from the energy you show while you speak…

… or listen.

Just like with your appearance, it is expressiveness and enthusiasm that you put in your conversations that are extremely important.

You could be talking about the most boring topic.

As longs as you speak with the same energy as if you are talking about NASA launching a rocket from Cape Canaveral, you can get most people to hang on your every word on any topic of choice.

Tip #16: Use negativity, positively

Patrick lives in a 3m2 laundry room from Arnoud and I steal toilet paper from the gym in order to make ends meet.

Years ago.

Arnoud, Partick, and Mr. Modesty himself (me) are working for a start-up called AttractionGym.

There is one problem:

Because the job is so enjoyable, and because we are already putting in about 60 hours a week we don’t really see the urgency of always coming in on time.

This means we are often late for appointments.

On a yearly basis, this can easily cost you a whole work week in hours.

Of course, it was a complete disaster when we decided we were ‘going to try’ to be on time.


As Master Yoda said:

“Do. Or do not. There is no try.”

For the first two days, we arrived on time, and then we forgot our resolutions again.

This approach doesn’t work one Kuba.

Until we learned how to use The Force.

And we put in place a system.



For every 5 minutes you are late, you have to donate 5 dollars to a charity you HATE:

  • Dan – ‘United against Swearing‘
  • Arnoud – ‘The Church of Scientology’
  • Patrick – ‘Greenpeace’ (Don’t ask me why)

Let’s just say United against Swearing has generously been supported by me.

Fvcking bullshit?


Actually wonderful!

After making my third donation I was almost never late for more than 2 minutes.

That’s the power of having material consequences linked to your actions.

Look, you might say you’ll do something. That you’ll become more social.

But if you need to hold yourself accountable for taking action, I can already predict it isn’t going to work.

Excuses like:

“I’ll start tomorrow”

“I already made a mental effort, that must count right?”

This isn’t going to work.

Make sure that there’s a consequence tied to you flaking on your resolutions. Someone who gives you the boot to make sure you get out every day so your resolutions to become more sociable is realized.

A good friend.

Your mum.


As long as you are being pushed to take the first step.

After a while, it will become easier automatically.

Tip #17: How to be more social the smart way

If you are still living at home this is not the tip that conspires with your parents to throw you out of the house.

But you want to become more sociable?


The best way to do this is by being forced into having to take care of your own.

If you always let others solve your problems, you’ll never be on the front line yourself, then you will never develop the skills you want to have.

Even if you are still living with your parents you can always try and take care of your own business as much as possible:

  • Go and cook yourself sometimes and buy the groceries. Also, a great opportunity to speak to the cashier.
  • Put your own laundry in the laundry machine, switch on the switch (don’t forget washing powder)
  • Do your own boring taxes every year. And look up on the internet what all the questions mean.

“Dan, this has little to do with becoming more sociable. I am not speaking with anyone?”

You are right in this. However, through learning how to stand on your own feet you will feel more confident about being able to handle situations.

Confidence is a big part of becoming more social.

Train your confidence, you’ll notice that you’ll come across as much more social in conversations with others.

Tip #18: How to be more social in college

Making new friends…

How do you do it in this day and age?

In the past, this used to go pretty much automatically because you were in school. A couple of years later you were in a class with new people, because you went to high school or university.

… or in my case, because you have stayed in 4th grade for another year (long story)

My point being:

You would naturally find yourself in new surroundings with new people.

You didn’t have to do much for it and because everyone was in a similar place you have a lot in common with each other.

Becoming friends went naturally.

Now, it is a bit different.

You’re ‘trapped’ in your job and spend most of your time there.

Your colleagues are just colleagues and not really real friends. Besides, you are too busy with work to build any meaningful relationships.

By the way, in a bit, I will explain to you how make real friends instead of just acquaintances.

Now you have to actively go out to get to know new people.

How do you go about this?

  • Think where your interests lie.
    Do you enjoy dancing? Do you love inline skating? Or are you more of a culinary person?
  • Open your laptop, plug the charger in the side, connect to the Wi-Fi.
    And look if there are workshops, clubs or gatherings with similar interests as yours in your neighborhood that you can register for.
  • Register and make sure you consistently show up every time (this one is important)

Apart from this, I have also collected a list for you for some quick inspiration:

  • Are you crazy about inline skating? In almost every big city there will be weekly skate parades during the sunny periods of the year. People organize this, and everyone who is a little capable on eight or six wheels can participate.
  • Register for a sport you enjoy. Sports associations related to sports you are interested in can be found in pretty much every city or village.
  • Meetup.com. Pretty much any interests you can think of can be found on here. Whatever crazy thing you can imagine there will be people in the same niche as you.
  • Go travel by yourself or go on an organized trip. You could choose to go on a singles trip if that is something that sounds fun to you. When you travel alone you will also always meet people in hostels or hotels. A small effort to connect with them.

If you’re wondering what are places you could go to meet women near you, I got you covered:

>> 15 Hotspots to Meet Women Near You that Are 100% Your Type

Pro Tip:

Become the organizer of a group and let other people come to you.

See the next tip.

Tip #19: How to become more popular

In my hometown, years ago:

I want to expand my group of friends with new people.

Mainly with:

  • Nice guys to party with
  • Cool women to date

But how do you pull this off?

Become the organizer, the founder of an event.

This might sound difficult to your ears.

Like you have to organize an entire festival… but it isn’t that bad at all.

All you have to do is organize a space and invite 8 people.

What I organized were Werewolf-nights.  Werewolves is a social psychological game which makes you get to know each other really quickly.

Often the first game you play is a little hesitant, after this everyone really gets into it.

The goal of the game:

“The players are divided in two groups: the citizens and a smaller group of werewolves. The game is led by a neutral game host and runs in a sequence of days and nights: At night the werewolves eat an innocent citizen, in the daytime the village’s inhabitants (together with the werewolves) will look for revenge and one of them will be burned at the stake. The citizens of the village try to kill all werewolves on the other hand the werewolves want to eat all citizens.”
– Wikipedia

People heard about these nights at my home and more people joined, until we were a group of about 25 people.

A couple of bonuses because of this:

  • One time I kissed a girl that was sitting next to me during the ‘night part’ of the game, where everyone has their eyes closed. Exciting and very cute.
  • I met one of my good friends this way, as well as a couple of friends I go clubbing with. I still talk to them.
  • One time a night like this ended with a threesome, two girls from another city visited and asked if they could stay over (I admit, this was also part simply just getting very lucky)
  • Many more fun nights and when I moved to Amsterdam, I repeated the same trick!

Now the point is not that you will organize this specific game.

(although I would definitely recommend it)

Is there something you enjoy so much that you would like to do it in a group with people?

This could be playing Frisbee in the park. BBQ- days. Film nights. Boardgames + beer nights.

Just name it.

Tip #20: How to make deep connections, instead of superficial ones.

Numerous game mates, hundreds of Facebook friends and thousands of Instagram followers.

All ones and zeros you call friends. But are they real friends…

  • Have you ever even met them?
  • Can you call them at anytime to go out together?
  • Can you trust in them when you are feeling down?

Maybe, unlikely, surely not.

You can trust more in stale spaghetti.

With the following three ingredients I will give you a scientifically proven recipe, that will help you make strong friendships.

  • Common interests
  • Regularity in meet-ups
  • Physical distance to the other person according to science

“But Dan, by shooting up zombies together overnight I already have two out of three ingredients. Just as with cooking, you can skip some spices can’t you?”

Haha, nice try.

Nope, this is a holy unity of three.

Just like you require three elements for fire.

It also comes back to the basic elements of becoming more sociable. You have to be loyal and stick to your commitment to seeing each other regularly.

Being late one time is not an option.  Be loyal and on time, that’s how you become more social.

To kill two birds with one stone…

Become social and make new friends.

Tip #21: How to be more social and confident

  • Do you think that George Clooney, taught himself how to walk into a Nespresso store so smoothly?
  • Do you think that Ryan Gosling taught himself how to come across so charismatically?
  • Do you think that Dwayne Johnson, The Rock, did everything himself to turn himself into a rock?


All these people, one by one, have a waiting list of mentors behind them that teach them all the fine robes of the field.

You also took driving lessons to learn how to drive a car.

Or taken snowboard classes.

Coaching is a sensible investment.

It will pay you back double fold.

So also if you want to become more sociable coaching is a logical next step.

Tip #22: Hack – let other people start the conversation

There is one way to ensure you break the ice without speaking.

Though this does require a certain amount of confidence. If this is missing, people will see through your act and you’ll sink through the ice like an obese penguin.

Pea-cocking is what it is called.

Or in normal English…

Being noticeable.

The idea was invented in LA in the ‘pick-up community’.

Just take a look at the guys down here.

You might know these guys from the book by Neil Strauss, The Game.

Pea cocking works a bit more nuanced nowadays. You want to understand the modern ‘rules’. Otherwise you’ll look like a fool…

For example.

New Years Eve.

Those lights with foam rolls around them are being handed out.

Funny, hitting each other with light swords.

Instead of getting just the one, I make sure I get 10 of them.

I put one of them in every one of my trouser pockets.

Number 10 I put through the zipper of my jeans.

I more or less look like a Ultralisk from Starcraft:

People started pulling the lights from my pockets and complimenting me on my apparently good ‘sword fighting skills’ and people were ‘intrigued’ by the light coming out of my zipper.

In short, everyone started talking to ME.

This worked because it was the right situation…

Tip #23: Start immediately

Now that the information in this article is still fresh in your mind.

I’ve given you all the tools how to be more social in simple ways.

Without needing to jump into the deep immediately.

That’s why you should start working on it right off the bat.

Tomorrow your drive to get started will likely be gone again.

In order to help you get started right away, I have made the free Transformation Kit.

Check below all the things you’ll receive from me.

It gives you the foundation on how to become more sociable in all areas of life… offline and online.

Get it here, it’s totally free!

Your bro,
Dan de Ram

Stop awkward conversations
and painful rejections

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  • 12 Opening Lines that Actually Work
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