In this article you will learn:
- Why I want to blow my brain out every time I hear the word ‘alpha male’
- ‘What does alpha male mean?’: A clear definition on this myth-enshrouded term
- Why there actually is a hierarchy even if many people don’t want to admit it
- How your own brain constantly evaluates your status and how you can hack it
- ‘Alpha male’ characteristics decoded: How you become an absolute BOSS
- Why you should NEVER listen to people who say that as a man you can show feelings
- And much more…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
‘Alpha male’… my personal ugliest word of the year.
And it’s not because I don’t like the sound. It’s because the seduction scene completely ruined the concept.
Every time I hear the word ‘alpha male’, I imagine a bearded man pumped full of steroids standing on a pedestal.
He tries to further emphasize his V-shape by pushing his chest out excessively, and bellows unnaturally deep to demonstrate his masculinity.
Next to him stands a woman who is intimidated by him.
Hundreds of pickup nerds are gathered around the platform, admiring him and whispering in each other’s ears:
And then they all shout in the choir: ‘ALPHA, ALPHA, ALPHA!!’
Of course, my imagination is a bit exaggerated, but that’s how it works in a toned-down form in many pickup forums.
And that’s exactly why I cringe when I hear the word ‘alpha.’
But I’m not here to provoke an ‘anti-alpha’ protest. On the contrary.
As misleading and alienating as the term may be, it’s in essence a correct concept.
This blog post is my attempt to bring its true meaning back to light and provide you with the best 7 tips to become a man who is perceived as an alpha male by women (and not by other men).
The pyramid of dominance
There is a hierarchy between people. In fact, there is an infinite number of hierarchies.
Many feminists and ‘social justice warriors’ are immediately offended when I make such claims.
But I never throw around wild theories. The evidence is clear and goes back thousands of years.
In the history of mankind, there has always been someone at the top. Be it a pharaoh, an emperor, a king, or whatever. And I’m not going out on a limb here to say that was also the case under communism.
In behavioral research, the social behavior of animals has been observed for decades, and hierarchies of dominance have been established.
Its structure can be compared to a pyramid. Within a herd there are many animals at the bottom and the further you follow the hierarchical structure upwards, the fewer animals you’ll find at the top.
Behavioral researchers have tried to categorize the individual hierarchical levels and developed a hierarchy that looks like this:
Oh, that was the wrong hierarchy… my bad.
I was actually talking about this one:
- Alpha (the group leader)
- Beta (the rank second; support the alpha and take over the top rank if the alpha dies)
- Omega (the last in rank, subordinate to all others)
As you can imagine, it’s probably much better to be an alpha or beta than an omega.
But wait, it’s more complex than that.
There are also individuals acting outside a group who don’t fit into any of these categories. These are called ‘nomads’.
They can conflict with the alpha of a group, defeat it and thereby gain alpha status.
Now you may already realize that the rank system is much more nuanced than it’s shown in the pickup scene. There you often take the following position:
But you don’t have to be particularly wise to understand that this is limited pigeonholing.
Because these men think that way, they are often so busy being perceived as alpha that they forget the crucial details…
To be honest, when I first heard about this concept, I also tried to be an alpha male.
But I can assure you: …I’ve made a ridiculous monkey of myself rather than a respected silverback.
It was only when I began to focus on the details that characterize alpha behavior that I realized I was steadily climbing the social ladder.
Look out! It’s important that you climb this ladder.
Not just to be more attractive to women. It goes much further than that.
Studies show that your current status has a significant impact on your health, focus and mortality.
In fact, you have got a mechanism in your brain based on serotonin that tracks your social status. The higher your status, the better your central nervous system can regulate emotions.
Does that sound good or good?
But now you’re probably wondering what these behaviors are. That, my friend, is what you’re about to learn.
Tip #1: Self-control
As you may have noticed, women tend to be more emotional than men.
Let me just check how you’re doing:
- Are you more attracted to a woman when she makes you insecure?
- Are you meeting with friends to watch the latest episodes of a third-string reality show?
- Did you had to cry at Titanic?
None of these things apply to you? Congratulations.
You aren’t a woman.
Whether you think I’m sexist or not, science suggests that men and women deal with stress differently.
When women are stressed, they are more prone to psychological violence (also known as ‘drama’). This means that a woman can move up one or more ranks through increased empathy.
Men are more prone to physical violence under stress. For this reason a man has to show that he’s the calmest person in the room to climb the social ladder.
You’ve probably heard it’s unmanly to show your feelings, right?
Anyone who says that…
…is absolutely right!
Many men think it’s unfair, but that’s the reality. Fair or not.
Indeed, studies show that it’s very beneficial for a man to control his emotions instead of bringing them to the surface.
It’s a current trend that people try to be as emotional as possible.
But according to science, this has negative consequences for a man and the people around him.
I’ve had this experience myself.
When I was 18, I jumped on the bandwagon of this trend and was firmly convinced that it would make me more successful with women.
The result was that my circle of friends and every other woman I met thought I was gay.
I told myself that this was due to my non-existing-beard (at that time) and long eyelashes, but in fact my overly emotional behavior was responsible for this.
A calm man is respected.
When a woman sees that a man can handle stressful situations, she realizes that he has mental strength.
In addition, you’ll find it difficult to think clearly when you panic. So, it’s more than useful to learn how to control your emotions.
I can’t tell you what to do. I’m not your mother. I can only advise you to practice this art.
Do whatever it takes to stay calm.
Take a deep breath. Keep a cool head. Distance yourself from the situation for a moment, if necessary. Meditation also helps.
This way you ensure that you can think clearly and thereby earn massive respect.
The thing is you don’t even have to try to control your emotions through thoughts. IT’S NOT WORKING.
Have you ever felt bad and tried to convince yourself that you should be happy instead?
Yeah? How successful were you with that? I don’t suppose it did much good.
However, this wouldn’t be an AttractionGym article if I didn’t provide you with simple, practical tips.
The body is your most important tool.
Other people conclude your level of calmness based on 3 things:
- How fast you move: The faster you move, the more nervous you seem
- How deep your voice is: A relaxed larynx can emit deeper sounds
- How many nervous tics you’ve: Twitching movements and unstable eye contact give you away
Hack your own brain by doing these things, even if you’re actually cooking inside.
It will think:
The stress hormone production will be stopped as a result.
Tip #2: Alpha male body language
Speaking of the bidirectional relationship between body and mind…
If you take a closer look at the men who are highly attractive and respected by everyone, you’ll notice that they have a badass posture.
Let’s take a closer look at the alpha animal among all animals. Of course, we are talking about a lion.
Why male lions are associated with alphas is easy to explain:
- They are big and strong
- They only move when they really have to; but then they give 100%
- Their mane makes them look majestic
- Their gaze is focused
- They have an upright posture
Here is a picture from my childhood favorite movie:
As you can see, Mufasa is making himself as big as he can. He takes up a lot of space with his body. It makes him look ROYAL.
Even you can have this effect if you:
- Put your shoulder blades together and pull them down
- Tense your abdominal muscles slightly
- Straighten up your head (imagine a rope is attached to the top of your skull and you’re pulled up)
Not only will you look like a badass, you’ll feel like one too.
Tip #3: A clear vision
Why don’t we stick with the Lion King picture for a while? Scroll up and take a good look at Mufasa’s face.
He looks determined and ambitious. As if he has a clear goal in mind.
One of the things I’m very grateful to women for, among other things, is that they constantly spur you on to get the best out of yourself.
I mean, if I hadn’t been totally unsuccessful with them earlier, I never would have started working on myself.
The fact is, you have to grow if you really want to become an alpha.
I see again and again with men that they are motivated but don’t have a clear vision.
It’s like going blind to archery, firing arrows in all directions and hoping to hit something at some point.
You can’t hit what you’re not aiming at.
Sure, there is such a thing as luck, but a determined man leaves nothing to chance.
So, sit down and formulate a clear goal. Paper and pencil are allowed. Write down a weekly, a yearly and a three-year goal.
We usually overestimate what we can do in a week, but underestimate how far we can be in three years.
Keep that in mind when you set your goals.
Tip #4: Avoid being overly romantic
Everyone enjoys a certain amount of romance here and there.
But there are certain things an Alpha would never do:
- Always asking a woman out, even though she keeps claiming she doesn’t have time
- Send 3 messages at once
- Writing love letters, if she doesn’t do the same for him
- Standing under her balcony with a ghetto blaster
It’s incredible what some men will do for women in the name of love…
Never – and I repeat – NEVER should you do any of these things.
Unless, of course, you get sexual satisfaction from not being respected. If there’s such a thing…
These are unattractive behaviors of desperate men. This is the opposite of alpha behavior.
Well, now that we’ve cleared that up, we can move on.
Tip #5: Be humble
A quote that isn’t perceived as wise due to the use of vulgar language.
Behind this is a way of life that every man should take to heart.
Yes, if you want to be perceived as an alpha, then you have to be successful and act like one. There’s no question.
However, you won’t (!) succeed in doing this by rubbing your success in the face of everyone who encounters you.
The opposite is the case. This way you seem more like a man with inferiority complexes.
So, if you like to talk about how much money you make, what car is in your garage, or how many women you’ve slept with, chances are you don’t have a TRUE inner confidence.
A truly successful man has nothing to prove to others. Why should he? Because he knows he’s successful.
Boastful behavior signalizes a woman:
This is exactly the reason why many women are so disgusted by pictures of men posing with bare torso or in front of a BMW in the online dating world.
So, sit down, bitch. :p
Tip #6: A real man doesn’t complain
The other day I met up with one of my best friends again.
He said to me:
It’s not like I never have problems. Well, I rarely let anything get me down, but I’m not God. However, when I’m in a predicament, I do one of three things:
- I fix the problem
- I’m going a different way that isn’t affected by the problem
- I fully accept the problem
Actually, you only have these three options, but the fact is that most people often do none of them.
Instead of solving a problem, avoiding it, or accepting it 100%, they prefer complain about it to other people.
I’m not saying it can’t help to tell other people about your problems.
But an alpha male should always be aware of how he affects his outside world.
I’m just asking:
Who would you rather respect?
Someone who cries and complains about everything and everyone…
…or someone whose light-hearted nature makes you feel good about yourself?
I think you see what I’m getting at.
Let me tell you the brutal truth:
Crying and complaining won‘t get you anywhere. You’re welcome to do it, but you’re going to lose.
The reality is that no one is interested in your problems. The only ones who like to listen to your whining are other losers and people who want to hold you back.
I hope that it’s now clear enough that you can never be an alpha if you bring this behavior to light on a regular basis.
Tip #7: Sexual expression
99% of men (and women) are afraid to show their true sexuality.
An alpha male isn’t afraid to show a woman that he has a crush on her.
He’s so uninhibited when it comes to his sexual expression that the woman knows what is going on just by eye contact.
Whether it works or the woman reciprocates these feelings doesn’t interest him, because it’s simply the way he communicates.
He makes the first step, but also the second.
Nonetheless, he has social intelligence, which is why he can easily lean back when the woman shows him that it’s going a bit too fast.
He doesn’t take it personally and gives her the necessary space. The woman knows from the first to the last moment that she runs the risk of ending up in bed with him if she responds to his advances.
For this reason, not a single alpha male in the world is involuntarily in the friendzone.
And for exactly the same reason I have made for you a free Transformation Kit.
Consisting of my best dating advice to bring the alpha male out of you. And by doing so never having to fear the friendzone again.
But her enjoyment of you entering her loverzone.
Alright, bro. You now know how to connect with your inner alpha. Go out there, take the world from behind and let your alpha aura shine.
Dan de Ram