Did you hear that?
Once again, I gave myself such a hard facepalm that the clapping could be heard for miles.
Why do you ask? I came across another “dating guru” that gives advice like…
- “You just have to be yourself!”
- “Everything’s going to be okay!”
- “You just have to wait for the right one.”
Wow, I bet every guy knows what to do now…
When you get such tips from all sides, it’s clear to me why most men have no clue how to court with a woman properly.
But don’t worry, you’re in a place of enlightenment. Here you’ll find simple tips that you can’t find anywhere else and that you can apply today. Get ready for the ultimate court guide with some of the most effective ways to court!
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
The formula for courting successfully
It’s crucial that you understand some basic things if you want to win women’s hearts.
It doesn’t matter if she’s a stranger or a member of your circle of friends. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a bar or on the street. It doesn’t even matter what country or age you’re in; the courting-laws-of-nature between man and woman are and will always remain the same!
And this is what you have to learn if you want to take your love life into your own hands instead of leaving it to chance.
Here is a formula that you certainly didn’t learn in school:
Success = Attraction + Connection
Attraction is composed of two elements:
Leading. Dominant behavior. You’re the unshakable tower of strength. Learn from Brad Pitt and George Clooney. Check out Ocean’s Eleven and analyze the masculinity these actors represent in this film.
This is what you learn in this article.
Normally we should all be good at it. From an early age we learn how to send and receive information. However, on an emotional and truthful level, very few of us communicate.
But it’s only through this kind of communication that you build deep connections.
How to get women: The #1 courting method that makes you irresistible
Okay, now I’m going to take you down the deepest rabbit hole. Let’s figure out how to court together!
Let us first take a look at an ordinary conversation:
A man shoots one question after another into the face of a woman. And pay attention to the questions he asks her!
What’s the problem? The problem is that he only asks after rational information! And that’s BORING. You don’t get to know her, but facts about her. There’s a huge difference.
A woman can’t be attracted to you like that. Watch my choice of words: Be attracted. A woman wants to experience emotions with you. Not exchange rational information.
A woman wants to experience emotions with you. That’s what’s attractive.
The #1 courting method for this is: BE PLAYFUL! Play with her but also: Let her play with you! This creates a positive, highly attractive tension.
Unfortunately, we’ve been taught during our lives that tension isn’t a good thing. We want to be sweet and likable and avoid any form of tension at all costs.
Stress is usually seen as something negative. If you read the tips, I’m giving you in this article, you may think first:
Have a go at it! Dare and experience how much fun courting can be! There’s also such a thing a s positive stress and it’s exactly this stress that you learn to use here.
The basis of how to court a woman properly: The TCH principle
You may think:
Relaaaaaax – because I’m going to explain it to you. To make it accessible to you, we developed the TCH principle. This sounds like a chemical law, but it’s your courting toolbox.
It stands for:
- T ease
- C hallenge
- H umor
Think continuously whether what you say contains one or more of these elements. If it doesn’t, you’re not courting.
For most people, humor is the most accessible of these three elements. But it’s the other two that create the tension we were talking about earlier.
You can tease her if you learn anything new about her. Example:
The important thing is that you smile while you say these kind of lines! That way, you’ll show her that you’re courting and not a serious grouch.
Another method is to deliberately make an untrue statement. Assuming she’s a typical city girl. Then you can say:
Don’t forget here either to smile! This is what happens here: You playfully challenge her to react. She’ll probably want to answer something funny and that’s exactly what increases the tension. THIS is courting!
Keep that tension high. You may notice it rising and feel the need to “kill” that stress, for example by laughing (hahaha). Don’t do that! Ideally, the woman is the one who breaks the tension.
As a man, you score when you can handle the tension better than she can.
Pick-up lines and how to use them
We all know bad pick-up lines like “Did it hurt when you fell from the sky?” I’ve collected the worst pickup lines I’ve ever heard and put them together in this article.
But now you’ll learn what you really have to say to make a woman crazy about you. Get ready for an insight that will blow your mind:
It’s not as important as you think.
It’s how you say it and what you communicate non-verbally. You don’t need pickup lines.
Dr. Albert Mehrabian concluded in his study that 93% of communication is non-verbal.
Women are particularly sensitive to your non-verbal communication.
Basically, you can say almost anything if you do it with the right body language and tone of voice.
Even if you have the most original pick-up line at hand, it won’t give you the desired results if you don’t express it properly.
Therefore, don’t focus on the line, but on your mood and energy behind expressing it.
The best tip I can give you here:
Make sure that you find everything you say and do great and funny yourself.
If you manage to show her that, chances are it’ll be well received by her. But if you say something just to make a good impression, then it’s a shot in the dark.
Courty text messages
Okay, you got her number (Nice, bro!). But now what? How do you get her on a date? How do you keep that tension between you?
Here too, the secret is: Emotions! Do you trigger emotions in her? Or is the conversation boring and superficial? The standard question you should ask yourself before every message sent is:
Does this make her smile?
If the answer is “probably not”, then write something else.
If you want to add some non-verbal spice to your message, use the emoji with the tongue (you know which one I mean) to make it clear that a sentence is meant to be teasing.
Notice the different effects:
This determines the tone of the voice she hears in her head when she reads your message.
Also check out my free Texting Masterclass to take your “texting game” to the next level!
Courting online on Tinder or other dating apps
Maybe you’re registered at a dating website, or you’re developing fine thumb motor skills while swiping on Tinder. Or maybe you’ve met a woman you like on Facebook and are now wondering how to go about her.
The big difference to courting on WhatsApp is that you’ve never met the lady before.
So it’s essentially important to arouse her interest right from the first sentence.
Believe me, countless guys wrote to her. So make sure you stand out and she loves your message.
Ask yourself all the time: Could any average man say that?
If so, don’t text it! Remember the “make her smile” rule? It also applies here.
Courting with the right body language
The famous communication scientist Paul Watzlawick once stated:
That means you always exude something, whether you like it or not.
But don’t panic, here are 3 proven tips on how to gain control over your body when courting.
Tip #1: Learn to communicate with your body
In other words: Be more attractive to other people without necessarily saying anything. This is also called subcommunication. It takes place on the very clear level of body language.
Because this communication is so instinctive, it’s very difficult to fool anyone. Women can decide in a split second what impression you make on them.
Deceiving them is almost impossible.
But the good thing is: This is an area where you can improve extremely.
The first step is to know what you’re communicating. Look in the mirror more often or let others give you a picture of it. Filming yourself is also a good idea.
Tip #2: Know the difference between beautiful and sexy
There’s a difference between a handsome and an attractive man.
He communicates this mainly through his body. Many women prefer a semi-attractive man who exudes masculinity instead of a “beauty boy” with a model look.
But why? It has to do with how that man uses his body.
When you feel comfortable in your skin, you “wear” your body differently. Correct your posture so that a straight line forms from head to heel. This may seem like a small thing, but it makes a huge difference!
If you stand upright, for example, it’s also easier for you to breathe deeply and calmly.
It’s much easier to think clearly and have a calm aura when you breathe deeply. A good exercise for this is to put a book on your head and walk around the apartment. You can also improve your posture through regular strength training or yoga!
Tip #3: Learn to communicate with confidence
You’re in the here and now. You show that you’re not afraid of other men. You don’t hide and have the confidence that you can handle whatever comes your way. You exude that you’re in control of yourself and the situation.
And the body goes along with it: Shoulder-wide, stable stand, head up and chest out (without overdoing it).
Intense eye contact is often a sign of authority, as is physical contact with others. You can touch others gently on the chest, shoulder or forearm. It’s important that you perform your movements with certainty and consciously. Keep your head up and show that you know where you want to go.
You don’t walk like an old grandpa, you walk like fucking Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
Your attitude is that you want to spread positive energy. Try to make everyone feel good, so that you trigger positive emotions in people and leave them smiling.
If you do that, you’ll of course find that women are suddenly much more receptive to courting.
6 court tips for guys for the right court mindset
Some people think that courting is something you only do in a bar or club. But courting doesn’t always have to be sexual. However, due to the negative social conditioning that affects us, we’re too intimidated to court playfully with everyone around us.
But I say fuck that! Court everywhere! In every social situation.
Courting doesn’t always have to be sexual. But the negative social conditioning that affects us all has made the art of courting fall into oblivion.
Here are 6 tips to boost your court mentality.
Tip #1: Court to give, not to take
If you don’t expect anything in return, you’ll have much more fun courting, which the other person will notice. Consider courting as a gift that transmits positive energy!
Tip #2: Observe the reaction
If others don’t get happy because of your behavior, then it isn’t courting! Use their reaction as a mirror of your behavior.
If a woman reacts cautiously, it means you expected something in return. Your court (=gift) wasn’t unconditional.
A gift with conditions isn’t a gift. It’s then more of a transaction disguised as a gift, and that’s what people feel. Courting should lead to a true smile.
Tip #3: Court for yourself
Court because you like it. Of course, you want to come across as attractive. And of course, you’ll be misunderstood. But in general, people react positively (and if not, change your environment).
And that affects the happiness you have in your life. You exude the warmth that also makes you feel like a warm person.
Tip #4: Courting is attractive
When you court, it shows that you’re comfortable with yourself, that you’re brave and have a positive indifference. But above all it shows spontaneity. You’ve understood what is really important in life: Relationships.
People who have understood that this is more important than material things or work are also happier. Apparently, that’s human nature. We all (without exception) need human contact and warmth.
People who are happy give more. They’re generous and grateful.
It’s known from medicine how important a positive and happy attitude to life is for your health. It’s no coincidence that those who reach an advanced age have a close and warm community around them.
Tip #5: Courting enlarges your circle of friends
An attractive man has an exciting life.
These include (in my opinion) friends. You shouldn’t only have male friends, but female friends as well, and for several reasons:
Female friends can give you certain things that male friends can’t give you (thank God!)
Besides, women get a weird feeling if you don’t have any female friends. That’s why you’ll be more noticed by the female world when you go out on the dance floor with an (attractive) girlfriend.
Tip #6: Courting shows competence
It’s something you get better and better at if you focus on it. Period. The more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll feel with your courting tools.
Wherever you go, you’ll love it. You’ll meet more women, have more adventures and learn more. This also applies to your career.
It’s well known that, in almost all areas of your life, social skills are the career boost par excellence.
Courting during a train ride
A station serves a specific purpose. People get from A to B there and usually want to stay there as briefly as possible.
In contrast to a pedestrian zone, where they often walk back and forth aimlessly, public transport “users” have a destination. Be it university, work, home, family… whatever.
There they wait, full of stressful thoughts, which are intensified by the hectic and noise of the station. To attract a woman’s attention, it’s important that she understands that you’re talking to her. Assume that she’s going somewhere, which is why you have to stop her more dominantly.
If you see she’s in a hurry, just give her a “Sorry, sorry, just a second!” Find out what she’s up to so you know how much time you’ve left. If she doesn’t have time, get her number after a brief interaction. Say something like:
This shows that you respect her situation, but don’t let yourself be intimidated by it. That way you make it clear for her that she’s dealing with a man and not a milksop.
Courting at work
If you want to court at work, you must be much more careful than in a bar or on the street. However, it can be a great element of tension if your colleagues don’t know anything and you keep the “affair” with the woman a secret.
Walk slowly from step to step when courting with a colleague.
A good test for this is physical contact. Start with innocent touches using the outside of your hand. Touch her on her forearm or shoulder. If she doesn’t flinch, you’ll know you’re on the right track. In a funny conversation, you can playfully hug her. Pay attention to her reaction.
Don’t have a long lunch with her. It’s better to get her number and try to arrange something outside of work. If possible, you can accompany her when she leaves work.
The best tip is still: Court with everyone!
As already mentioned, courting is a way of life that you can use everywhere. So, it becomes part of your personality. You’re the courty colleague.
This way you can court with a lady without being seen as strange or conspicuous.
Courting at school
You want to court with a nice girl at school?
One of the biggest mistakes is to pay too much attention to her.
The nice thing about courting at school is that you see them regularly and so you can plant a small seed that grows into a majestic tree over time.
Compliment her casually or exchange a few sentences with her, only to distance yourself again afterwards. It shows you’re not needy and you’ve confidence. She’ll think: Damn, this guy is great!
When courting at school, it’s important that you make sure that she sees you as a potential partner and not as an ordinary friend. Otherwise, this is a direct route to the friend zone! Courting is the key here.
Exude masculinity and lead the conversation. Seek physical contact and watch how she reacts. Escort her to her seat in the canteen. You’re the leader!
To meet outside the school, say something like:
That’s what she’ll think: Does he like me? Or does he just see me as a good friend?
You leave her in the dark, and the longer she thinks about you, the more emotional she reacts to you.
Court tips for men from a woman
I once asked a friend what courting tips she would give men. Her name is Anna. She’s a psychologist who specializes in relationships. That’s why I thought her opinion was interesting.
Here’s her advice:
Nothing is more unattractive to us women than insecure men. If a man isn’t comfortable with himself, he can’t really court because we aren’t into insecurity. Seriously; even if you don’t have a six-pack, are bald and have too many wrinkles; a woman can overlook that. Let go of your insecurities and you’ll notice a big difference.
Courting “dry runs”
Walk towards a mirror and look at yourself. What do you see? Try to recognize the positive impressions and let the negative ones go. Do you have beautiful blue eyes? A chiseled jaw? Look at yourself and name five things you like about yourself. Repeat this twice a day for several weeks. You’ll notice how much more positive you perceive yourself!
And pssst, a secret: Women also practice their sweet and sexy look in the mirror (at least I do).
Courting in public
Here is a mission for you: Get on a bus, a tram or a train. See a woman you like? Avoid the feeling that “you’re not in her league”. Sit opposite her, or at least so that you can make eye contact with her.
Now practice! Don’t stare at her like a zombie, but let your eyes fall on her occasionally and smile, but not too much. When you get out, make the last eye contact with a nod or greet her with a “Hey!” I bet you’ll feel good afterward.
Courting with self-irony
Imagine you’re in a conversation with a nice lady. You think you’ll blush, stutter, or just don’t know what to say. You feel like you’re ruining the conversation and making one mistake after another.
I advise the opposite: Make fun of yourself. “Boy, am I stuttering here, look at me!” Women find men who don’t take themselves too seriously attractive.
Court with yourself
Learn to be shamelessly authentic. You’ll no longer pay attention to your friends or make yourself unnoticeable. Nobody likes fake people who put on a mask. Authentic people are much more attractive. Don’t dip under your beer-drinking women but stand among the ladies. There you’ll catch our attention.
Thank you Anna for your words of wisdom! – I’ll take over again.
Court tips from a dating coach that make the difference
With these tips, you’ll be ready to go out there and crush it in the women’s world!
To get a head start with courting skills, I have something special for you.
Filled with my best dating advice, explained in detail.
May the force be with you, my friend.
Dan de Ram