You’re staring at your screen.
Another message from a girl saying she‘d rather not go on a date with you.
Damn, how to flirt over text so women actually are excited to go on a date with you?
Well, you’ve come to the right place.
Today you’ll learn:
- 7 Tips how to flirt with a girl by text (+ examples)
- Flirty message fails revealed: How I messed up dates via text back then (read carefully so that you don’t make the same stupid mistakes!)
- How to flirt via text? The texting rules that allows you to create your own powerful messages
- What Tetris has to do with amazing flirty texts for her
- How you can save a seemingly hopeless situation with the right text (text flirting examples included)
- Subtle flirting: How you let pictures do all the work for you
- How you brainwash yourself so that you stay cool and relaxed even with the hottest women
- And many more tips on how to flirt through text…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
How I used to seduce as many women via text as Mr. Bean
A few years ago, I had no idea how all this Online Dating thing was supposed to work. I swiped pretty much every woman to the right, hoping for a few matches, and then tried to get the women to go on a date with me – just like I would when talking to them on the street.
But nothing happened… No hot Tinder one-night-stands, no nudes and no dates… But a lot of rejections. Yay!
I quickly saw how the wind blows differently when it comes to texting. What works great on the street can at best provide a “lol” on Tinder or WhatsApp.
I decided to solve the mysteries of Tinder as if I were Indiana Jones. All of them. No matter what it takes…
What follows are the lessons I learned on my ascent to the Olympus of texting.
I had been on my noble, selfless and knightly mission, to become legendarily good with women for more than 5 years by then.
I was making more and more love <3 with women, but every time I took my phone in my hand, something magical happened.
I had the rare gift of being able to turn a safe one-night stand into a “Sorry, I can’t” in a matter of seconds as soon as I started touching the screen of my smartphone with my fingers.
A bloody useless gift if you ask me.
I even managed to scare away women with my messages who I already had sex with!
How did I do that? My problem was this:
I was less interesting in my messages than a cucumber on a toothpick.
There are three things I basically hated about texting:
- You can’t see or hear what a woman is feeling at that specific moment you’re texting with her.
- Misunderstandings arise because you can’t always foresee how a person interprets something you text.
- She can go offline at any time, which makes it easy for her not to respond to your messages.
I was a person who preferred to communicate with his facial expressions and gestures rather than with damn emojis.
But this negative attitude towards texting is now a part of the past. Once you understand how that goddamn wind blows on Messaging platforms like WhatsApp and Instagram, and dating apps like Tinder and co. you start to love it more than Mr. Bean loves his teddy bear.
The big philosophical question when flirting via text
After a couple of years in which I spent so much time seducing women that you could almost call it a full-time job, I asked myself what the most important quality is for this.
I’ve come to the following conclusion:
So, the big philosophical question is:
Why do you text with a woman?
What are your goals? Your actions should be congruent with the goal. Well, I assume you’re here because you want to learn how to conquer a woman’s heart you text with.
Well, if that’s the case, I’ve some excellent advice for you:
Never text just to text.
You should only text with a woman you want to win over for two reasons:
- To schedule a date
- To flirt
After all, you don’t want to become her chat buddy, but her future f*ck buddy/ lover/ boyfriend.
Critics may think that I overthink flirtation processes. I must admit that for a moment I thought they might be right. That was the moment I was in the process of creating this flowchart:
You asked for her number so you could go on a date with her later.
What you should avoid is overloading the messenger servers with texts as long as a toilet paper roll…
A buddy once asked me to give him tips on his text game and showed me his conversations; literally scrolling through meters of messages until he finally suggested a date. When he started to use my flirt fundamentals, he could get a date after 4-6 messages instead of 30-60.
Don’t write novels and suggest a date sooner rather than later.
After 4-6 messages is a recommended starting point. This also applies to chatting on dating apps like Tinder or Bumble.
Ways to flirt with a girl via text: The rulebook for brilliant first texts
I don’t think I need to mention that every situation and every woman is different.
For this reason, it isn’t recommended to use the same first text repeatedly.
It has happened to me before that I texted to two different women with the same line without knowing they were best friends.
Of course, they were talking about it and my “tactic” got exposed. I was able to save the day, so one of them still wanted to meet me, but I f*cked it up with the other one…
What you need is a format that allows you to adapt each time to the given situation—a kind of rulebook for great first texts.
Tip #1: The right time for the first message
Through the series How I Met Your Mother, there’s a renaissance of the so-called “3-day rule”.
This is probably the biggest nonsense since the invention of hoverboards (if it would really hover, I would have a different attitude towards it) and fidget spinners.
Text her the same day or the next day (at the latest). The longer you wait, the more likely she’ll forget what a great guy you are.
Let’s create a new, more effective rule!
Let’s just call it the 24-hour rule.
Tip #2: Do the Tetris pro gamer
What distinguishes an amazing from a terrible Tetris player?
Right. The amazing one has a clear structure, while the terrible one sets the building blocks arbitrarily and haphazardly.
With texting, it’s similar. A master seducer thinks carefully about what his next message will be and what it should achieve.
His conversation has a clear structure with one goal: The date.
If you write any messages without thinking about what you want to achieve with, you risk running towards “nowhere-land.”
It’s a dark place, one you don’t want to be in…
What was that? You need a practical example? No problemo.
That’s the backstory:
- I met her at a birthday party. We kissed there but didn’t have sex (such days are supposed to happen…).
- We didn’t go home until 7 AM (she still lives with her parents).
- The next day was Easter Sunday.
- She looks like an elf (I’m not sure why… maybe because of her slim body and her graceful way of moving…), which is why I named her “Arwen” (Lord of the Rings fans have a clear advantage).
Her answer was flirty. But what made my first message a great first message?
The recipe for success was that I had a clear structure.
Let me turn on my pick-up nerd mode again for a second (this is the last time, I promise! *crossed fingers*)
- Reminding her of our “encounter”
I remind her how we partied until late.
- Teasing her playfully
Taking part in the Easter breakfast being roaring drunk is certainly not the finest moment of her life
This is a structure I can always rely on.
By the way, there are things I NEVER write. Read the examples in the table below with the voice of Patrick Star.
Because that’s probably what it sounds like in her head when you text something like that…
|What I never do||Examples of bad text:|
|Introducing myself||“Hey, this is Dan from yesterday.”
“Hey, it’s me, Dan. Remember me?”
|Text standard things||“Nice meeting you.”|
|Asking boring small talk questions||“Did you get home safe?”
“Was it still nice?”
“What are you doing?”
The good thing is that you’ll understand in a moment why these messages don’t work. That way, you’ll always know exactly what to look for when you send a text.
Tip #3: Challenge her
I once approached a woman on the street and got her number.
Yeah, I know… what a novelty…
Anyway, I didn’t stick to the 24-hour rule because – to be honest – I forgot about it because of the summer bootcamps in Barcelona and Riga.
It wasn’t until four weeks after we met that I sent her a text:
I’m aware that I only told her half the truth about my job. Yes, I know… I’m a terrible human being…
I used to be 100% honest about this, but imagine for a moment what it’s like to constantly date paranoid women who analyze everything you say and do. : p
Anyway, you may have noticed that I never introduce myself when texting. If she can’t remember me, she’ll just get negative points.
Of course, I help her to figure it out by texting “Theresa with an H,” because I’m probably the only guy calling her that. I’m such a gentleman…
I challenge her playfully to guess who I am. It’s so much more exciting than being a killjoy and revealing it right away.
You may also notice that I don’t ask small talk questions. The funny thing is, she does this part and she asks me questions.
The same thing happens in this conversation:
I challenge them and receive a response that suggests interest on her part.
You can tell she’s interested by two signs:
- She uses an emoji.
- She asks me a question.
If you’re having an uncreative moment and can’t think of a nickname, you can leave this task to her. Just hand her your phone confidently and say with a smile:
“Give yourself a cute nickname.”
Hannah was embarrassingly uncreative in this case, but it’s still better than nothing…
The nicknames I usually give out are: Cutiepie, Babyguurl’, Squeaky Duck, Sweet Mouse, Chili Pepper and Darth Vader <3.
Let’s continue with another 3 tips to take your “text game” to new heights…
Tip #4: Build a rollercoaster
One day I went to a nearby town with my ex-girlfriend. I had arranged tickets through a buddy who hosts a burlesque show and picked her up by car.
I’ve got the reputation of the slowest driver in the world, at least that’s how my friends would describe my driving skills.
I would describe myself as the safest driver in the world, but nobody asks me…
When I was 16, I did an internship at a crash test company and saw what enormous forces could be at work in a collision. Since then, I drive extremely carefully and am (still) accident-free.
But back to the story: I don’t know what was going on with me that day, but when I looked at my girlfriend, I accidentally steered to the right.
When I looked ahead again, I noticed that we were about to get off the road.
I just pulled the steering wheel to the left and one can only speak of luck that we had no oncoming traffic at that moment…
I’ve never seen a woman look at a man with such hatred as my girlfriend looked at me after that incident.
If you’ve known me a little longer, you’ve probably heard me say:
You have to let a woman feel everything but boredom & danger/insecurity.
This also (and especially) applies to flirting via text! A man is simply more like a VW Polo when it comes to emotions and a woman is more like a Ferrari.
She can feel more than we can, and sometimes she wants you to put your emotional foot down.
When she’s bored, she feels too little. If you put her in danger or she’s not safe, she feels too much.
These are the two extremes you shouldn’t go to. Besides, it’s your duty as a man to let her experience every emotion.
So, let her know that you’re funny, dominant, open, direct, honest, playful, challenging and interesting.
Just avoid the two emotions mentioned above. They’re for women as much as shopping is for me: Avoid it as much as possible.
So, remember this GOLDEN TIP for text messages:
Make sure your messages trigger emotions.
To show you how crazy you can drive women crazy when you follow this golden tip, here is a screenshot of a conversation with my cousin.
She’s head over heels in love with a guy, but he’s not in love with her. She wants to forget him, but she can’t.
Listen to her words:
Tip #5: Build a bridge
Now you know that you have to trigger many emotions when texting. My next must-have tip is:
Remind her of your connection.
It shouldn’t be your goal to get to know her through text.
Getting to know someone through texting is like nachos without salsa. It’s quite nice, but it doesn’t have the wow-effect you hope for.
You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Just remind her of when you met.
Remind her of the fun you had, the bullshit that came out of your mouths and the things you experienced together.
So, she gets pictures planted in her head.
You remind her about how much she already likes you. This can increase your chances of seeing her again immensely, by 400% in the next example.
One day we were shooting with a hidden camera (again). We were in Barcelona, and an assistant of mine was filming me kissing a woman at the main station in broad daylight.
So, I was full of motivation and could hardly stop approaching women. I met a hot, brunette Spanish woman who was exactly my type.
Her name was Skyla and we had a short but damn funny conversation. She was out with her girlfriend and was supposed to fly to Vietnam the same day to take a week’s vacation.
We created an insider in the five minutes we had together: I’m a pimp and she’s my “employee.”
I texted her the next day:
I know the tone of voice is a little raunchy, just like when we met. These are exactly the women I prefer.
If a joke works great in real life, it’s a good idea to bring it back when texting.
If you write something like this out of nowhere, it may be natural for a woman to be confused or even react negatively. But because the tone of voice reminded her of the conversation of that time, this is exactly the right one to send.
But then our contact broke off. She returned from her vacation to Barcelona and since I was still there, I suggested a date.
She ignored my message and all the others, which I can’t blame her for. I mean, she didn’t even know me…
Normally I would stop texting then, but I’m too crazy about exotic (Spanish) women, so I couldn’t help it.
So, I decided to drop the pimp mask and be vulnerable.
As you can see here, I reminded her of our connection and she immediately feels like meeting up again. And even though ten minutes earlier, I was nothing more than a blur…
You may notice that two spelling mistakes crept into my message. If I make a mistake, I often leave it on purpose.
This makes my messages seem more casual and not as if I had been thinking for five minutes about what would be the best text (which was the case).
Tip #6: Using pictures correctly
Remember MMS? They were those weird messages that you had to pay way too much to add a picture to your text.
I’ve never used it. I’m not that old school…
Anyway, nowadays, you can send pictures for free and since then, thousands of pictures are sent back and forth every day.
But which photos are most helpful to pick up women? We’ll answer this question together here. Because the third golden tip is:
Send her pictures that say more than a thousand words.
The next conversation is about a woman I met through Tinder. I wrote her a nonsensical text back then, blah-blah here, blah-blah there and finally we exchanged numbers.
I sent her a voice message (another useful feature) suggesting a date.
There’s one type of images that works very well:
A real text game pro has a whole collection of funny memes on the smartphone. They’ve got the potential to trigger more emotions in her than some texts could ever do…
In this case, I sent her this picture:
That’s all I had to do to get her making up time for me:
Save all photos that can trigger emotions in a woman. By this I don’t just mean memes, but also (and above all!) pictures that show that you experience a lot.
Suitable for this purpose are:
- Travel photos
- Photos of curious objects you’ve come across
- Lectures and presentations you’re giving (generally all situations where you’re speaking in front of a group of people)
- Pictures of people who look like the woman you’re trying to seduce (more about this later!)
You know me, I would never leave you without giving you an example.
I also met this woman in Barcelona. She was absolutely gorgeous and a damn good kisser…
Yes, I have a fetish for Spanish women and that will probably not change so quickly. To all American women who read my blog (for whatever reason): I love you too <3.
I once (that was a long time ago) discovered a sweet car at “BMW-Welt” in Munich, which I’ve often abused since then to seduce women with. (Thanks sweet car! I owe you one!)
The conversation could be summed up like this:
- I create a kind of role-play where I pick her up in this car.
- I playfully give her the order to put on a fancy dress.
- I put her on the rack by not dissolving my “proposal” immediately.
- I’m making a joke about how she could be bad in bed too.
- I suggest a date.
Each of my messages is designed to trigger emotions in her, and in doing so, you’re extremely different from the average Joe.
This is so much more exciting than a conversation full of small talk questions like “Hey, how are you?” or “What are you doing?”
You want more examples? No problem!
I think it’s damn funny to compare a woman to a cartoon character. To be honest, I do it all the time.
It challenges her playfully, somehow cute and in most cases, will make her justify herself.
I generally avoid questions as best I can, but if I do ask one, I don’t use a question mark like in the example above. The effect is that it sounds less questioning in one’s head. This makes you sound less needy and more confident.
I also noticed that pictures that you send to women “by accident” also work surprisingly well.
Bam! Contact restored.
As you can see, I saved her under “Solala.” That’s because she was f*cking hot…
And because I then sometimes – like everyone else – get a little too euphoric, I developed this trick to brainwash myself.
You can also call a woman “alright” or “quite ok…” When she texts you and one of these names is displayed, you can react to the messages in a much cooler, more grounded and thoughtful manner. This will increase your chances of getting a date.
Tip #7: The key to flirty texts
So bro, I hope you grew a long white beard through this article, you can do kung fu now and are addicted to jasmine tea.
What I’m trying to say is: I hope you’ve grown wiser about how to flirt with a girl by text.
To aid you more in your online dating endeavors, I have made for you a free Transformation Kit.
It consists my Texting Masterclass with numerous copy-paste messages and texting advice to get the girls out on dates with you.
Next to that you’ll find two-dozen flirt sentences you can use during your dates. As well as the mindset an attractive man radiates during encounters with women.
A particular vibe that simply draws women towards you.
And I’ll see you on the other side.
Be water, my friend.
Dan de Ram