In this article you’ll learn:
- 4 Ways how to flirt with women saving you from the awkwardness and creepiness
- Why women are rarely seduced properly
- My simple, logical and accurate advice to be more attractive
- The #1 mistake that kills your spontaneity, creativity and authenticity
- How to flirt with a woman including some of my most powerful (and most demonic) tips for men
- The elementary basics, for which most men think they’re too good (well, bad for them…)
- And many more effective tips to flirt with women…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
Listen, my friend.
Today’s article is dark, immoral, demonic, wicked, diabolical, and any other negative adjective you can think of.
At the very least, a lot of so-called “journalists” will do their best to take it that way.
But anyone with an open mind understands that today you’ll indeed learn an extremely noble art:
How to seduce women.
Well… I can understand that the word “seduce” is a little rough around the edges.
It sounds like you make people do something they don’t want to do. One immediately thinks about hypnosis, witchery, or the songs of the Sirens that almost killed Odysseus and all of his men.
So I can understand if the expression “seduction” bothers you somehow.
But what bothers me is that the world pretends that there’s no process of seduction.
As if every woman knows immediately and precisely whether she wants you, how much she wants you, and what she wants from you in the first place.
All you have to do is just be yourself, blah, blah, blah, blah…
You won’t be able to seduce every woman – that much is certain. But there are some women who don’t give a damn about you until they realize what a competent man you are.
Suddenly, they look at you more closely, and realize that it feels good to flirt with you. And, predictably, they become more interested in you.
She may even start to show you her sexual side (if you know what you’re doing).
THIS is seduction.
Or “pickup”, if you will…
If you’re a loyal reader of our blog, you already know what seduction isn’t (it doesn’t hurt to repeat it):
- Looking super fly
- Owning a private helicopter
- Having a six-pack to grate cheese with
- Being a Calvin Klein model
- Always being friendly and nice
- Waiting for love to fall into your lap
And the list goes on.
I’m not going to pretend that these things won’t help. But if you don’t (watch out, the bad word is coming…) seduce women properly, you’ll still sit alone in front of your 500-inch flat screen TV, and watch “The Bachelor”.
How the seduction process works and how to avoid the biggest mistakes, you’ll learn now.
Why men don’t really hit on women: 2 reasons
Reason #1: You’re like Jerry
Being afraid of beautiful women is a common problem for many men. It’s much more serious, painful and widespread than our society would like to admit.
This is partly because men don’t like to talk about it.
Here’s how most guys react when they see a beautiful woman:
They go into a state of shock.
There are evolutionary reasons for this. It sounds crazy, but not moving can actually provide survival benefits.
If you don’t move, your chances of not being attacked by a snake, a bear or any monster increase. So this stress response is deeply rooted in our DNA.
But the thing is:
Women aren’t monsters.
But I can tell you this as many times as you want, until you haven’t experienced it yourself, you’ll never understand it.
Don’t be that man…
A short intermezzo:
It’s Saturday, and Jerry wants to buy a pair of brown trousers from H&M. On the way there, his innocent eyes see a woman who has this Medusa effect on him:
He likes her so much that he stands there like a statue.
Jerry is overwhelmed. Chaos reigns in his head:
- “I like her, I want to meet her!”
- “What if I embarrass myself?”
- “What am I even supposed to say?”
- “Is my hair in the right place?”
- “I can’t do this!”
- “Come on, Jerry, pull yourself together… you can do it!”
- “Is this the right time?”
Jerry has experienced this situation too seldom, which is why he simply doesn’t have the necessary competence for it.
If I send someone who has never done martial arts into the ring against Conor McGregor, he’ll also be overwhelmed, and most likely throw in the towel before it even starts.
So my simple, logical and accurate advice to Jerry:
Get yourself into these situations as often as you can in the near future, and your radius of competence will expand.
Reason #2: You’re like Ricardo
Ricardo is the other extreme.
I like coaching a man like Jerry because it’s super easy. He’s like an empty vase, and everything I teach him is taken in and implemented by him.
It gets a bit more complicated when I’m dealing with Ricardo.
Ricardo is a full vase.
A vase full of stupid ideas, misconceptions and foolish pick-up lines.
He thinks he knows how the wheel spins. He assumes that he has understood what seduction is and how women think.
Or he has stupid ideas like:
As a dating coach, I have to empty this vase first. Often even smash it completely… and fill a new vase from ground zero.
My tip to Ricardo:
Before hitting on a woman, assume you know nothing. Flirt as if you were doing it for the first time.
This isn’t only a helpful mindset, but actually the truth. Every woman, every situation and every moment is different. You can’t know everything.
Once you realize this, you no longer hold on to your previous successes, but remain perceptive and constantly question your intentions and beliefs.
How to get women: 4 essential flirting tips for guys
Tip #1: Allow yourself to be clumsy
I’ll try to say it gracefully:
Open your goddamn eyes, bro!
How many flawless conversations do you perceive among other people? How many men do you know who seduce women as smoothly as James Bond?
It’s IDIOTIC (I won’t apologize for my extreme choice of words) to expect yourself to do everything right when flirting.
To give you a reality check:
I make mistakes too, and I’ve been a professional dating coach for almost a decade. Some of my conversations are so awkward that your toe nails would curl up.
Then why does it still work?
Because I don’t panic.
I just know that it isn’t only ok, but even HELPFUL to make mistakes.
I’m neither a seduction robot nor do I intend to become one. I want the opposite:
I want to feel human, natural and alive.
And mistakes are part of that.
So assume that it can get a little weird when you hit on a woman. It’s always a little awkward between two strangers, especially between a man and a woman.
If you stay calm and relaxed, the woman will also relax, and allow herself to drop the perfect mask that so many of us like to wear.
And what happens then?
Right, you’ve a REAL conversation with REAL connection.
Tip #2: You don’t need a pickup line (with one exception)
Say goodbye to the idea that you need a pickup line to seduce a woman.
Believe it or don’t believe it, but usually a simple “hi” will do.
I even like that “hi” pickup line, if you can call it one.
The subcommunication is:
But remember that for years I’ve done virtually nothing else. This means that I know how to show a woman what I want from her through my gestures, facial expressions, looks and energy.
Especially in the beginning, when you don’t know how to use your body when flirting, it can be very helpful to have a few sentences at hand.
I’m not talking about wannabe player lines, but about lines that suit you, and that you even enjoy saying out loud.
Tip #3: The most fatal flirting mistake
Suddenly, she’s standing in front of you…
You’re unprepared because she just walked into your field of vision…
What you shouldn’t be doing now is:
Waiting for the perfect moment.
The perfect moment is a lie. It doesn’t exist.
The only thing that happens when you wait half an eternity is that your enthusiasm, your spontaneity and your lust goes down the drain.
What’s left is a filtered, flaccid, mechanical robot version of you.
Do this instead:
Take a deep breath, walk straight up to her, and approach her.
Crazy thought, right?
But here’s how it works, Watson.
You don’t give your brain a chance to come up with any creative excuse a lá “she’s too busy”, “you don’t feel good enough”, “she has a friend with her” or any other nonsense.
The less you try to plan the conversation with the woman in advance, the more creative, spontaneous and authentic you seem/are when you talk to her.
Women will feel that you weren’t standing on the sideline, watching them and waiting for the right moment.
And you know what happens then?
They appreciate your courage, love your spontaneity and respect your personality.
Don’t wait for the perfect moment. When you see a woman, and feel the internal desire to get to know her, use it as fuel to move your body in her direction.
Tip #4: The elementary basics most men neglect
I often see it in martial arts.
Men like to get fancy and want to learn the most spectacular kicks.
Their guard is crappy and their fighting position is like an upside down pyramid: one small push to the right spot, and they crumble.
And I don’t even need strength for that…
They don’t care about the basics.
You’re a smart one so you’ll take them seriously.
I once made a fatal coaching mistake. The participant took himself way too seriously and thus turned off every woman within a radius of two miles.
I told him not to take himself so seriously and to have fun.
The problem is that he had no idea how to take himself less seriously. And having fun on command isn’t easy either.
So my feedback was not very helpful in this case.
What I then said to him was much more effective:
When you smile, your body language and mood automatically adjust.
Try it yourself. Put on a big grin for three minutes and you’ll find that even if it was originally put on compulsively, you’ll actually feel better afterwards.
- Look into her eyes
Strong eye contact is the most effective way to communicate sexual interest, create tension and connect.
I’ve often asked women after sex what they find most attractive about me.
The most common answer?
Do what you want with that knowledge.
- Speak up
Some men talk too loud and have to learn to speak more quietly.
But these men are as rare as my visits to McDonald’s.
Most men are helped if they’re told to speak up.
This is especially important in a nightclub.
I often see that our participants aren’t understood. The women try their best to like them, but when they have to ask every two seconds, it’s just annoying.
Are you possibly afraid that other people might hear what you’re saying? Even better if they do! If the woman sees that you don’t mind other people’s stares, and you just say what’s on your mind, the following is going on in her brain:
- Jim Carrey her on cloud nine
Jim Carrey’s facial expressions are of course too extreme. But they show what is possible…
Your voice, your face and your volume are flexible tools to give what you say more expression.
When Jerry tells a story, it usually sounds like a speech by the typical politician: monotonous and boring.
Don’t make the same mistake. Underline what you’re telling with a dynamic voice coloring, matching facial expressions and gestures.
- Relax, Maddafakka!
It’s okay to be a bit nervous, we’ve said that before.
“How do you flirt?” bonus tip: Focus on your body here and there. Are your shoulders tense all the time? Then relax them consciously. This counteracts your nervousness, and provides a higher degree of relaxation, which of course also transfers to the women.
But enough free tips for today. Enjoy!
Get my transformation kit here,
Dan de Ram