You haven’t been in a very good mood lately.
Perhaps it’s your job, your relationship, the place you live in, or other constraints that may underlie negative thinking.
And it’s like the more you give in to negative thoughts, the stronger they become. They prevent you from being confident, successful and happy. They make you grumpy and sad.
So obviously you want to replace your negative thoughts with a positive mindset.
But how do you that? This is exactly what you’ll learn in this article.
- How to have a positive mindset: 15 practical tips to boost positive thinking
- The power of thinking positively and why it helps you with women (and all the other things you want to achieve in life)
- How I turned myself from a pessimist to a cheerful optimist
- Why people always get stuck in the nagging pattern
- And a lot more…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
I’ve worked as a dating coach for years, and I’ve gained a lot of positivity from this experience.
Let me tell you a story:
It’s Saturday night. I’m in a nightclub in Amsterdam and the atmosphere’s crazy.
Everybody goes wild, and the dance floor is full of all sorts of happy people.
I’m there with one of my students.
He had never been out before.
Suddenly we stumbled upon a couple of beautiful, elegant señoritas.
Because my student had no experience approaching girls, I decided to go with him.
“Listen” I said.
So we approached these girls. Everything went smoothly.
My student did a great job at making conversation, and I could see that the ladies were having at a great time talking to him.
They laughed, danced and eventually he even got the number of one of them.
I congratulated him after that, and rightly so.
Getting a number of a beautiful woman if don’t have any experience isn’t always easy.
“Great job, man!” I said
“Yeah…” he answered a bit sad.
This guy just got a beautiful girl’s number… but he’s not satisfied.
And this isn’t the first time I’ve experienced this.
It happens a lot that my students are too harsh with themselves, even after they’ve done a great job talking to women.
Often men are afraid that a woman will reject them, but in reality, it’s often the men themselves who reject themselves through negative thinking.
And by the way, this doesn’t only happen to men who want to get better with women.
Almost everyone finds it hard to think positive.
Just look around you when you go to the supermarket, sit on the train or go to the gym:
A lot of people look grumpy and sad.
It’s because they are constantly dealing with all kinds of negative thoughts.
They’re so negative that they’re blind to positivity.
The thing is, positivity is such an incredibly powerful way to live a happy life and achieve things you would otherwise never achieve.
So how to have a positive mindset?
That’s exactly what I’m going to help you do today.
Today we grab negativity and set it on fire.
- You won’t get quasi-inspiring quotes in this article…
- I’m not going to give you any vague, spiritual tricks…
- I’m not going to be your positivity guru and tell you how great you are.
All these things make you feel temporarily positive.
But at AttractionGym, we don’t do short term.
At AttractionGym we go for long term results.
And I’m warning you:
Learning to think positive in the long term isn’t easy.
It took me a lot of time and effort to have a positive mindset (more about this later).
So pay very close attention, and start applying all the tips in this article today.
Positive thinking is something you’ll have to practice.
If you read these tips carefully and apply them, you’ll be able to get rid of negative thinking for good. You’ll be a happier person.
I admire your enthusiasm, my friend.
Alright, let’s start with the first tip.
Tip #1: How to feel positive
Positive thinking helps you in all aspects of your life. Here are some benefits of positive thinking:
- You feel better about yourself
- You live happier
- People around you respect you more
- People want to be around you
- You perform better at work
- You create more opportunities for yourself
- You become a source of inspiration for others
- You get way better with women
- And much more…
If positive thinking is so great, why is it so rare?
The answer is pretty simple:
A lot of people find positive thinking far too difficult to achieve.
This is because, unfortunately, negative thinking is way too easy.
It’s so easy to blame everything and cry about things that aren’t under your control.
- She rejected me because she doesn’t like guys like me
- Women only like assholes. That’s why I never get any
- I want to go to the gym but I don’t have time
- I never go out because women in clubs are superficial
- I’ll never be able to start my own business because the economy’s tough
- I’ll never be successful because I’ve had a tough childhood
This is negative thinking. And it’s preventing you from being happy and achieving your goals in life.
Many people think they have no control over what’s going on in their lives and how they’re feeling.
And it’s true: You can’t control everything that happens to you.
Here’s something you can always control:
How you deal with what happens in your life.
Negative thoughts come purely from emotions, just like positive thoughts.
And you can control your emotions. When you feel negative, you can take action to feel more positive.
Here’s how you take action:
- Have you been rejected? Learn from this and don’t make the same mistake in the future.
- Tough childhood? It’s your life. Take responsibility.
- The economy is bad? F*ck that, you’re responsible for your own success.
I know these statements can be very confronting.
This is because you’re used to negative thinking.
The idea that you can take action to transform your negativity into positivity sounds too scary and difficult for a lot of people.
And as I said, it’s not easy.
But what you get as a result is amazing.
When you first realize that you can take control of your own emotions and the way you react to what’s going on in your life….
…you’ll experience a sense of freedom that will give you tremendous relief and help you live a happy life.
So stop whining. And start improving your life.
So how do you go about improving your life?
This is a broad topic. That’s why I wrote an entire article about it!
If you want to know what exactly you should do to start taking control of your life, check out this article:
Let’s keep going with the next positive thinking tip.
Tip #2: Change your blueprint
Sometimes I miss being a kid.
The biggest concern I had as a young Dan was whether I had the best Pokémon cards.
As we get older, there are more and more things to worry about.
Little by little, the carefree little boy becomes a grown-up full of issues.
That’s a shame, man.
If you got used to negative thinking (often caused by events from your past, bad self-esteem, etc.) it can be very tricky to convert it to positive thinking.
It’s because your inner blueprint is made up of negativity and wrong beliefs.
Let’s take an example: Hitting on women.
If you get rejected by 9 women in a row on a night out, chances are the 10th woman is going to reject you too.
Your brain just had so many negative experiences in a row that it automatically assumes that you will be rejected again.
As soon as you have your first success that evening, you’ll forget those previous negative experiences.
In no time your brain is so satisfied with the positive result that the focus is suddenly on the success and not on the previous rejections.
You give your brain the proof that things can be done differently.
Your blueprint has just changed.
You can apply this example to your own life to have a positive mindset.
Life concerns and negative experiences make us see things much more negative than they are.
Because we’ve made a habit of thinking negatively.
That’s why as of today, you need to make positive thinking a habit.
Teach yourself to turn negative thoughts into more positive thoughts.
- “I’m constantly being rejected tonight.” -> “Things aren’t going so well tonight, but I’m learning from that.”
- “Others have success and I never do” -> “I’m going to work hard so I can experience success myself.”
- “I’m too fat, so I don’t have any success with women.” -> “I’m not at the ideal weight now, but I’m going to get there and soon I’ll get better at seducing girls“
Warning: At first, this is going to be hard for you. That’s because it’s still not a habit.
But I guarantee you: if you learn to think positive, in the long run, you’ll experience results that you never thought possible.
In the following tip, you’ll learn a simple trick that will help you make positive thinking a habit.
Tip #3: How to think more positive
Back in the days, I’d complain all the time.
As soon as I had the idea that something could fail, I assumed it was going to fail.
Something had to change.
I was able to become more positive using a simple but effective trick.
For this positive thinking exercise, you only need two things:
- A notebook.
- A pen.
Here’s what you do:
At the end of each day, write down 3 positive things of your day.
This can be anything: things you were proud of, something you were thankful for, or a positive result you achieved yourself.
Some days will be trickier than others. That’s all right.
Doing this already distinguishes you from 99% of all the nags who only focus on the negative side of life.
Once a month, read back the notebook. Pay attention to what’s written.
This is the fastest way to train positive thinking.
At first, it’s going to be hard to write down 3 things every day.
Not only because your brain is used to negative thinking, but also because learning a habit always takes time.
Do this every day, and after some time it’ll be like brushing your teeth.
This simple trick will transform you into a cheerful, positive badass.
Tip #4: Practice gratitude
Let me tell you something.
Everyone complains. I complain myself.
- Sometimes I complain about not having food in my fridge.
- Sometimes I complain that I’m too busy.
- And sometimes I complain because I’m tired.
But when I think about people who have it a lot worse than me, my first-world complaining suddenly stops.
Now, I know it’s not pleasant to think about poor children in Third World countries, people in war zones, or people with cancer.
But it helps you think about all the things YOU can be thankful for.
Gratitude is the key to positive thinking.
Ungrateful people can never think positive.
So regularly think about all the things you DO have.
Be proud of everything you have achieved so far.
And remember every day that there’ll always be people in much worse circumstances.
Put your own negativity into perspective so that you can make room for a life full of positive thinking.
Tip #5: Stay away from crabs
Having a positive mindset is great. But it gets really hard when everyone around you is negative.
This is exactly why I choose to surround myself with happy, positive people.
I prefer to avoid negative crabs.
When you put a bunch of crabs in a bucket, you’ll see a crab trying to climb out.
The rest of the crabs won’t let him. They’ll pull him back into the bucket.
This is the same with humans.
As crazy as it sounds, there are people around you who pull you back to negative thinking.
When they see that you are developing yourself into a more positive person, they’ll pull you back into the sad world of negativity.
This is because positive thinking is far too confrontational for many people.
If they see that you can do it, they will experience pressure to develop themselves.
Hear me out though:
I’m not saying you have to become completely paranoid about your friends.
On the contrary: spread your positive thinking all over the people around you.
I just want to warn you that there’ll always be negative people. You should avoid them as much as possible.
There’s a famous saying that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with
Be aware of this.
The more positive the people around you, the easier it is to think positive.
Tip #6: Be a superhero
Just as you want to surround yourself with positive people, you also want to be a positive person for others.
You do this by being the superhero of your social environment.
And don’t worry, I’m not saying you should wear a tight and shiny outfit.
You can become a superhero by helping others. As simple as that.
When you help others, positive thinking becomes a piece of cake.
Research has shown that helping others is beneficial to your well-being and helps you to be more positive in life.
But not only:
By helping others, you also make them feel better and make the world a better place.
And helping people doesn’t have to be hard. You can:
- Help a buddy move
- Take care of your grandparents
- Take care of your friend when his girlfriend just broke up
- Give someone a spontaneous gift
- Listen carefully to other people’s problems and try to empathize with their situation
As soon as you make a habit of helping others, you’ll start to think more positively and people will hold you in high esteem.
And is that good for your self-image?
Of course, it’s not the only way to develop your self-image.
Perhaps you have an inferiority complex, and you find it very hard to free yourself from negative thinking.
If that’s the case, I highly recommend you read this article:
It teaches you step by step how to develop self-confidence.
Alright, here’s another tip.
Tip #7: Be like Santa Claus
Alright, story time.
It was a sunny Saturday in February.
I was coaching a student hitting on girls during the day.
It was the first time he did this.
So I told him to warm up socially by first giving random people (woman or man) a compliment.
Purely to make their day.
In no time at all my student started to feel very good.
That’s logical: you get a lot of energy from making someone’s day.
But suddenly he approached a woman who didn’t seem to be in a good mood. She said:
She ran away in a hurry without thanking him for the compliment.
My student was disappointed. He told me:
“Why?” I replied.
He looked at me for a moment.
The message went off like a bomb.
So he kept on giving ‘compliments gifts’ to random girls in the street.
The result? 3 phone numbers and a date planned in a day.
As a coach, let me tell you that made me very proud.
So, keep in mind: If you want to think positive, be like Santa Claus.
Be the cheerful, positive dude who makes people feel good without wanting anything in return.
Don’t depend on someone else’s reaction. Make sure that the source of that strong positivity comes from yourself only.
It doesn’t matter if it’s about flirting with girls, your friends and family or your relationship with your colleagues at work:
Give people a spontaneous compliment every day.
Does it cheer them up? Great! You’ve made someone’s day.
It doesn’t? No problem.
You’ll take your Santa Claus bag full of compliments to someone else.
The more often you make someone feel good, the more people like to be around you and the more positive is your mindset.
I got you, brother.
I wrote a full article on how to compliment a girl the right way. Check it out here:
Tip #8: Practice meditation
Yeah, man, I got you.
At first, I was very suspicious of everything to do with meditation.
I used to associate meditation with being a stoned hippie or a monk who do nothing but make strange noises on top of a mountain.
However, my opinion on meditation changed when I started seeing the results…
Back in the days, every time I’d find myself in a spiral of negative thinking, it was often because of an abundance of stress.
My best friend, who had been practicing meditation for a while, told me about a meditation exercise that helped me tremendously find peace and think positive.
This is super important for improving your self-image too.
The exercise is very simple:
For 15 minutes you sit still and focus your attention on your breath. You count every time you breathe in and out.
After you’ve reached 10 you start again. Always take a deep breath and exhale completely.
I didn’t last 15 minutes at first.
I started with 5, then I meditated for 10 minutes and now I do it daily for 15 minutes as part of my morning routine.
The results of meditation are amazing:
- Positive thinking in general becomes much easier
- You start thinking positively about yourself
- You learn to cope better with stress
- It increases your concentration
- It becomes easier to make decisions
- You remember things better
- You get better at dealing with rejection
- You sleep better
- It boosts your self-confidence
- And a lot more…
Apart from my own experiences, science has also shown that meditation is good for you and will help you in multiple facets of your life.
I think you got the message: Start meditating.
Tip #9: How to have a positive mindset? The ultimate solution
Dan in 2010: An insecure boy full of negative thoughts.
Dan in 2020: A confident, positive guy who helps men develop themselves and get better with women.
Unbelievable what can change in 10 years.
Of course, I feel much better now than I did 10 years ago.
I’ll give you a short description of myself in 2010:
- I wasn’t working out.
- I ate unhealthily.
- I always wore the same clothes.
- I showered once a week (and I thought that was a lot).
- I hardly had any friends.
In short: I didn’t take care of myself at all.
So pay attention, dear reader:
If you think negatively about yourself, chances are it’s because you treat yourself negatively.
And that’s a deadly sin.
If you want to think positive about yourself, you have to see yourself as the most precious person in your life.
After all, you rarely neglect the people you love, so why on earth would you neglect yourself?
As long as you neglect yourself, you won’t be able to think positive.
If you want to have a positive mindset, here’s what you should do:
- Watch your diet.
- Start doing sport.
- Have good hygiene
- Take care of your appearance.
- Work on yourself: make sure you have a job you like, keep learning and look for new hobbies and challenges all the time.
- Work on your social skills.
- Learn to seduce women
A small side note about the last point:
If you want to take your seduction skills to the next level, my Transformation Kit is the perfect tool for you.
It teaches you the 5 most important ingredients needed to attract women.
Tip #10: The power of humor
Do you know what’s the big problem with a lot of men?
They take themselves way too seriously.
They praise themselves to the ladies just to impress them…
They see failure as a bad thing and they hate to be rejected.
By taking themselves so seriously they make it easy for themselves to think negatively.
Don’t be like that.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Have fun. Make fun of yourself.
The funnier your life is, the easier it is to think positive…
I myself try to get as much fun out of life as possible by laughing at myself every day, making jokes with friends and turning boring situations into funny ones.
At our AttractionGym office in Amsterdam, the work atmosphere is never boring.
We’re laughing all the time and we use humor to give the smallest things in daily life a pleasant twist.
Besides, scientific research has shown that laughing frequently is extremely beneficial to your own mental health.
So it’s time to have fun, man.
If that’s the case, you should start developing your sense of humor by finding out what you find funny.
Watch stand-up comedy, funny movies, silly memes online. Anything to help you find out what’s your sense of humor.
Positive thinking: How to be positive when everything is going wrong?
Good question, man.
Achieving a positive mindset can be tricky when life is full of negative events.
The following tips are going to help you deal with negativity in your life…
So you can stay happy even in the darkest times.
Tip #11: Allow negativity in your life
Let me tell you this first:
Even the most positive person feels negative at times.
Everybody feels sad or a little down.
Last week I failed my driving test (again).
Did that make me feel bad? Yeah.
Is this a reason to feel bad all the time from now on? No, man.
There will always be negative stuffs going on in your life.
The big question is: How do you deal with it?
Do you let your negative emotions control you?
Or do you choose to control these negative emotions?
Most people see negativity as something very bad.
That’s logical. But the big mistake they make is that they try to fight negativity.
The result of this is that negativity only comes back stronger and starts to settle in your brain like a disease.
In other words: the harder you fight against negative feelings, the longer they will last.
Therefore, first: accept that you feel like shyt.
That’s fine. Everybody does.
Accept these negative emotions instead of fighting them.
But then choose to put your negative feelings into perspective (see tip #4) and then turn them into positivity (see tip #13).
Tip #12: Solve your problems one by one
If you try to solve a lot of problems at the same time, in the end, you’re not going to solve anything.
Still, that’s what most people try to do.
It might seem logical to try to solve all your problems at once, but the truth is it’s the least efficient way to deal with problems.
So what do you do?
Tackle your problems methodically.
From now on, every time you experience something negative, write it down.
Of course, sometimes it’s going to be more than one problem. It doesn’t matter how many there are, as long as you write them down.
By putting your problems on paper with an efficient solution next to it, you give your head much more room to think positively in difficult times.
Then, one by one, you take action for each problem to get rid of them for good.
You’ll get the answer in the next tip.
Tip #13: How to turn every problem into a golden opportunity
By now you should have a list of problems that cause negativity in your head.
Then you looked for a solution and acted accordingly. Great.
But now you come across a problem “without” a solution.
First I have some good news for you:
Even a problem without a solution can help you practice positive thinking.
Let’s take the example of my driving test that I just failed.
I’m going to have to wait some time to pass the test again. There’s nothing I can do about it. Of course, that doesn’t make me happy.
However, what I can do now is accepting the situation and learn something from it.
As soon as you accept your problems, positive thinking suddenly becomes much easier.
Some problems simply do not have a (direct) solution.
So you have two options:
- Option 1: Complain about these problems.
- Option 2: Accept your problems and learn something from them.
Option 1 isn’t going to help you at all in your life.
Option 2, on the other hand, is extremely valuable for practicing positive thinking.
Write this down next to your “unsolvable” problem:
Then write down a possible lesson you can get out of this problem.
This positive thinking exercise will not be easy at the beginning, but it’ll give you amazing results in the long run.
You’ll be able to deal with problems much better and feel better about yourself.
Let’s keep going with the next tip!
Tip #14: Stop positive “thinking”
Relax, bro. You’ll get it in a second.
Positive thinking is fundamentally a very good thing…
But there’s a big mistake many people make when they want to have a positive mindset.
You can’t achieve a positive mindset if the only thing you do is thinking. You have to act too.
Let’s take an example: The pickup industry.
Back in the days (at the time of “The Game” by Neil Strauss) the so-called “Pick-Up artists” were using affirmations to make themselves feel better.
The goal was simple: By saying to yourself often enough that you’re great, you’re going to feel great.
But because they weren’t taking action to actually be great, in the end they were feeling like shyt.
With such self-assertion, there’s often a lack of emotions. So those guys were repeating things to themselves they didn’t believe in.
It awakened a cognitive dissonance that in the long run alienated them from themselves.
With positive thinking, it works the same way.
If you keep thinking “I feel good, I feel good” all the time, in the long run, this is only going to be counterproductive.
Do you want to feel good? Then you have to take action.
In other words: Focus more on your body than on your mind.
At the end of the day, positive thinking is something you live, not something you think.
So what do you do?
First, pay attention to your body language.
For example, put a big smile on your face and you’ll automatically feel more positive.
Research shows that these so-called ‘power poses’ help you to feel better and increase your self-confidence.
Try it yourself!
Tip #15: Power of thinking positively
Here’s a question:
What would you prefer to have as a girlfriend:
A grumpy girl who complains all the time?
Or a cheerful, positive woman who brings good energy into your life?
The choice is pretty simple.
And yet, so many men are in relationships with grumpy girls.
This is because they are themselves negative people.
They go for the first option available, without thinking about whether someone like that suits them.
The thing is, nobody wants to be with a negative person.
Women are attracted to happy guys who bring positive emotions into their lives.
So as soon as you start applying the positive thinking tips in this article, you’ll automatically get better with women.
Having a positive mindset helps you:
- Better deal with rejections.
- Become more attractive.
- Find a cute and positive girlfriend.
I see it in all the students who attend our Bootcamps.
As soon as they have mastered positive thinking, they achieve results they never dreamed of.
The final piece of the positivity puzzle
So now you know how to have a positive mindset.
Apply all the tips from this article in your life.
When you go out, use that big dose of positivity to meet amazing women.
And to help you, I have something very cool for you.
It’s called the Transformation Kit.
It’s a toolkit that will help you transform yourself into an attractive and positive motherf*cker.
- The best opening lines to get her hooked
- How to get out of the friendzone and be her lover (eBook)
- Steal my lines for more entertaining conversations online and offline
- Step-by-step instructions for attracting women
- And much more…
You can find it all in my Transformation Kit. Download it here, it’s free!
See you in the next article, man!
Dan de Ram