Charisma. It’s the difference between a Barack Obama and an Angela Merkel. Between a Tyler Durden and an Edward Norton and… between a chick magnet and a perpetual virgin.
When we talk about this topic, it isn’t difficult to list a few people we consider charismatic. You hear names like:
- Tony Robbins
- The Rock
- Will Smith
- Conor McGregor
- Robert Downey Jr.
- Johnny Depp
- Dan de Ram
These men are charismatic people. Few will argue with that.
But what is the meaning of charisma?
What is behind this vague word? How can it be made tangible and what are its characteristics?
Can charisma be LEARNED?
And if so, how can you get the charisma of a rock star?
In this article you will learn:
- The #1 secret of a breathtaking first impressions
- How to be charismatic immediately: A simple hack you can use TODAY
- 3 principles to become an excellent storyteller and unlock your charismatic power
- How you can improve your charismatic personality by becoming a real-life superhero.
- Why chivalry is more powerful than narcissism
- The #1 characteristic of charismatic leaders
- And many more tips on how to develop your personality…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
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Even if “success” is often associated with a high degree of charisma, it isn’t reserved for the celebrities among us.
Maybe you’ve met someone before or you know someone in your circle of friends for whom you’ve a lot of admiration.
Someone you always do a little bit more to make a good impression with…
Do you find the opinion of a certain person particularly important or do you even feel a slight tension when you talk to them?
A person with charisma is someone who impresses and attracts attention in social situations.
Charisma goes hand in hand with attraction… It’s a form of admiration that works like a magnet.
And precisely because charisma is accompanied by awe and admiration, many think that it’s impossible for them to get it.
They accept that charisma is simply innate and they themselves can never embody the mysterious charm they see in their heroes.
I’ve got good news and bad news for you, my friend.
The bad news is that charisma can’t be developed in the blink of an eye.
This means that I’m not Dumbledore and therefore I can’t teach you a spell that will make you the most charismatic rock star in the western hemisphere in a flash.
But the good news is that charisma can be trained very well.
If you’re actively working on certain qualities, which I will discuss with you in this article, I will lay both hands on the fact that your charisma thermometer will show maximum values.
So, let’s decode charisma step by step, starting with the beginning: The first impression.
What makes someone appear so impressive when he/she enters a room?
Tip #1: The formula for an outstanding first impression
Imagine we would enter a room together where one of your buddies’ party is taking place.
It’s still early in the evening and we see the first guests who are even less in the mood than Angela Merkel.
They sit at a table, look at each other a bit uncomfortably and boring small talk is made…
There is no music played yet and as soon as we approach the table, all eyes are immediately focused on us…
If we would now let our inner, non-charismatic being do the work, we would wave to the group with our hands half raised, maybe give them a little smile and a hesitant hello, and quickly join in.
Unfortunately, this first impression is more mediocre than a glass of vinegar water. Because the first thing you should realize, is:
A breathtaking, first impression begins with exuding the right emotions.
These are the charisma killers we’ll avoid at your buddy’s party:
- Or seem disinterested
Instead, we decide to exude emotions with which we immediately make a good impression:
When we enter the room and implement these charisma boosters in our actions, it could look like this, for example:
- A mischievous smile on our lips.
- A powerful “Yo, gentlemen, cool to see you!”
- Followed by an “Oh and of course the ladies too!”, accompanied by a theatrical, self-ironic bow of a gentleman.
Compare both “entrances”. Which way would we both have left a stronger impression?
Tip #2: Take your time
So far, so good. We’re now standing in front of the table and have made a charismatic appearance through rousing emotions.
Nevertheless, our charisma would be halfway through if we were to find a chair immediately and integrate ourselves into the group.
A crucial golden rule of attractive charisma is:
Take a moment to shine.
Even (and especially) when it’s a bit unpleasant.
Look, it’s indeed true that it works very well if you talk with your conversational partner about him/her and share crazy stories with each other and joke around.
However, in that case we speak of conversation techniques.
So, if we’ve just entered a room, we know that in the first 60 seconds it’s time to shine and make an overwhelming impression (and then later to draw attention to our conversational partners).
The point isn’t to tell some pathetic story now about the crappy weather or the late bus.
You will only really shine if you don’t forget these 3 elements:
- Positive energy
So, let’s take the time to give a “BrovHandshake” to each and every one at the table and to give a lighthearted compliment to the women present…
But before we sit down and chat, there’s one basic thing you should remember.
Tip #3: Enter the underwater world
When I talk about emotional charisma boosters like enthusiasm and pleasure or glamorous elements like fun and positive energy, you may think that we should jump into the room like an ADHD child on speed.
But that is not what we want.
An important principle and one of the simplest charisma hacks that we can implement immediately is: Enter the underwater world.
What I mean by that is, you’re moving as if you’re underwater, almost in slow motion.
- Speed stands for cuteness, fluffy puppies and cute hatchlings.
- Gentleness stands for control, strong bears and male lions.
Make sure that you enter the underwater world as a Blastoise and not as a Squirtle.
Enough about first impressions. We can sit down now, bro.
Let’s continue with tips on how to improve your charismatic appearance during the conversation.
Tip #4: Become a great conversationalist
Now you’re sitting next to a nice lady, and you’re starting to talk.
Our inner, non-charismatic being would now use every moment to say something interesting and try with all its might to impress her.
However, this kills your charisma faster than the thought of Rudi Völler an erection.
She would immediately realize how much you feel the need to make an impression on her.
To prevent you from coming across as that, here’s what you can do:
Listen attentively instead of talking incessantly.
Few people have mastered this skill.
Most of us don’t really listen when someone says something… We’re mostly busy with what we’re going to say next once the other person has finished talking.
If you – instead of constantly talking about you – show interest in what she says and are really curious about her stories, she can’t help but find you likeable.
I guarantee it.
Tip #5: The proper dose of validation
While she’s narrating, it’s important to take an additional look at our role in the conversation.
One of the traps that many guys fall into is that when they listen to her, they always think everything she says is fantastic.
They almost nod their heads off their torso and say after every second sentence: “Wow! That’s cool! I agree!! Exactly!!!”
Unfortunately, this takes all mysticism, all tension and finally all attraction out of our role as listeners.
Soon she’ll see us as a nice guy who doesn’t dare to disagree.
An important characteristic of a charismatic person is therefore that he doses validation.
This means that he only shares his enthusiasm when he REALLY feels it.
This includes looking at her critically from time to time, digging deeper or giving a dubious “Hmmm”.
A body hack that you can hold on to is what I call the “CEO”.
In this position you stand opposite her with crossed arms, eyes slightly squeezed together and a little grin and look at her without saying anything.
Tyler Durden mastered this expression like Michael Jackson the moonwalk:
Other body hacks that make it easier for you to dose your validation are:
- Look around critically every now and then.
- Don’t keep nodding.
- Keep the silence now and then.
But don’t forget to show your enthusiasm clearly if you find something really impressive.
Tip #6: Make your words more valuable than gold
Good. So far, you’ve listened carefully and appreciated her input at just the right moments.
It’s your turn to talk about yourself.
An important characteristic of a charismatic man is that his words are seen by others as pure gold. When he opens his mouth, it becomes silent and all eyes are on him.
The question, of course, is how to make your words more valuable…
And that works no differently than with gold:
Gold is more valuable than an ordinary stone, simply because it’s a scarce commodity.
When we have it, we make jewelry out of it.
The same applies to our words:
Since we don’t consider it necessary to talk all the time, we’re sparser with words anyway. And when we do speak, we focus on turning words into jewelry.
If you browse our blog, you will find a whole treasure trove of conversation techniques, principles and mindsets to turn your words into gold…
In this article you will learn the how-to entirely.
4 things that make your words a common stone:
- Much babbling in the form of whining and complaining
- Being boring and overly serious
- Communicate only on a superficial level
- Show boredom
4 things that will turn your words into gold:
- Choose words carefully
- Good mood
- Depth in what you say
- Enthusiasm and curiosity
It sounds very simple. But if you pay attention to it in everyday conversations, you will notice how many people constantly fall back on the 4 “stone elements”.
I’m constantly amazed at how many are constantly complaining and moaning.
And this often happens without them being aware of it themselves.
If they only knew what a charisma killer this is…
A key element on the way to becoming a charismatic man is therefore: Prudence.
Choose your words carefully. Believe me, you have time. You don’t always have to answer right away. Just give yourself three to five seconds before you speak.
Be aware of how influential and important your words are and always pay attention to the 4 “gold elements”.
Tip #7: Learn to speak with enthusiasm
So much for talking to the lady next to us.
We’re approached by someone on the other side of the group. He asks you what you’re doing at the moment and charismatic as we were before, all eyes are immediately on you.
What our inner, non-charismatic being would do now is to say, slightly overwhelmed, “Uhhhh, well, I work a lot. But things are going well.”
Unfortunately, this would leave even less of an impression than the weather forecast in the eight o’clock news. The group would soon start talking to each other again and no longer pay attention to you.
Another important characteristic of a charismatic man is therefore the following: He has mastered the art of lively storytelling.
To this art belong 3 principles:
Let’s discuss these principles individually.
Principle 1: Anticipation leads to inspiration
The first thing we do is to prepare the listeners for our story.
Instead of just giving a bland answer, we use anticipation phrases like:
- “You’re going to find this really cool, [name].”
- “Well, it’s like this…”
- “You really don’t want to know…”
- “Okay, this started a few months ago…”
- “I experienced something absolutely crazy. Hold on…”
To move from these anticipation phrases to our story, we use…
Principle 2: Answers in the form of a story
For example, when we’re asked what we did today, our listeners aren’t just waiting for an answer like “learned a lot” or “worked”.
The charismatic person knows this and won’t answer the question in the classical way but will conjure a stirring story out of it.
How do we initiate it?
Through sentences like:
- “I’ve experienced something crass. I was working on a project…”.
- “I learned a lot. Today I read about a new study that will amaze you…”
- “Meanwhile, I’m doing something unusual. A few weeks ago I was sitting behind my laptop and suddenly I thought…’.
Now we’ve created the icing on the cake on which we will now put the cherry.
Principle 3: Enthusiasm by embodying your story
To inspire people with a personal experience isn’t possible without this last principle.
Homo sapiens are emotional beings. And the reason people like to listen to a charismatic person is because they embody his story.
So, we don’t just slap our story in front of their feet… We evoke the exact feeling that goes along with this story.
Look at how The Rock does it in this video:
Let the story resurface in your mind as you tell it. Feel the emotions you experienced back then in your body and let them flow into your story through 3 means:
- Voice volume
- Facial expressions
So, when we tell a funny story, we can speak loudly, make large movements and make our face look funny.
In an emotional story, we can speak softly and appear emotional by putting on a serious expression.
In this way, animated storytelling brings our stories to life.
Tip #8: Be the superhero in every situation
Enough talk. It’s now late in the evening, the room is full of people and most of them have consumed a nice supply of golden yellow pleasure liquid.
The charismatic being would soon meet the demands of the group and get drunk with them.
And with that, we’ve exposed another great charisma killer. Because if we want to improve our charisma, we need a maximum of responsibility and vigilance.
A charismatic man has the mentality of a superhero…
Whether in a club or at a party with his friends… In every situation he looks around, looking for things that (1) could be better or (2) have to be done.
So, if a drunk guest is about to rush onto the table full of appetizers and filled glasses, he’s the one who catches him.
If someone gets sick, he’s the one who asks the host for a bucket.
The charismatic man is a real-life superhero. He exudes responsibility and alertness and uses his power to improve situations and help others.
Tip #9: Knights are stronger than narcissists
One could almost think that we have to become arrogant if we want to have charisma.
Another thing you often hear from “dating coaches” is that you have to be self-regarding to attract women.
However, this is a big facade. Because the atomic bombs among the charisma bombs are anything but arrogance.
A good example of this is once again The Rock.
He’s considered to be one of the most likeable people on our planet and wasn’t for nothing voted the Sexiest Man Alive in 2016.
What’s special about him is that he’s extremely sensitive to moments in which love and gratitude are expressed towards other people.
No asshole, no narcissist. The Rock spreads “love and gratitude” as he says on his Instagram profile:
The Rock has understood the weakness of narcissism … He knows that being narcissistic is in reality just a form of anxiety. The fear of being ordinary.
And despite his fame, popularity and success in life, Dwayne Johnson knows that the only truth is ultimately that he’s no better than anyone else and at the same time no one is better than him.
Behind the insidious facade of material success, he sees equality in every human being…
When people have self-doubt, he praises them for their strength.
When someone makes a good joke, he laughs loudest.
And when someone tells an inspiring story, for example, he takes a break to give him a high five and a compliment for it.
The knightly character of The Rock makes people feel better. And that’s what makes him a more powerful charisma bomb than all narcissists put together.
Tip #10: Be the source of inspiration
The evening is drawing to a close… We left an overwhelming impression today, listened attentively and told our stories with enthusiasm…
But the mood of the party slowly tires and the first guests go home.
But this last tip shouldn’t be missing!
The most important thing I want to make clear to you with this article is this:
Charisma isn’t something that you wrap up in a story or a joke or a cool line…
Charisma comes from the way you live.
This means that you’re a source of inspiration in everything you do.
This makes a charisma bomb a real role model.
And just as prudence is the key to how a charismatic man speaks, so is proactiveness the key to how he goes through life.
How to dot the I in your Charisma
With these 10 tips you’re guaranteed to leave a huge charisma crater at the next party. Energetic as you are, you certainly don’t just want to improve your charisma…
That’s why I’ve put together a Transformation Kit for you.
From approaching beauties during the day to rocking the club, from Tinder to date, this package is your new wingman.
Dan de Ram