How to Hookup with a Girl – from ‘Hi’ to Hookup in 9 Steps

how to hookup with girls

In the changing rooms you hear wild stories about red-hot one night stands.

The Casanova in your friend group sends your WhatsApp group a sexy photo of a girl he’s banged for the umpteenth time.

Everywhere on the planet, people are having sex. But how do you get it?

You’ll learn that and more today:

  • How to have her hanging by your every word straight from the opener
  • 4 ways to sexualize the conversation
  • The secret behind sexual self-esteem (important if you’re inexperienced)
  • The key to unlimited one nights stands
  • 9 tips to make you her (wet) dream man
  • Tinder hacks: from a match to a date in 10 messages
  • How to get sex if you’re still a virgin (+ example flirty sentences)
  • And much, much more…

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

Tip #1: Why women WON’T sleep with you

You’re on a date and you’ve been following the dating advice in Men’s Health for ages.

You’re funny, respectful, and ‘just yourself’.

Then you take her to her door and tell her goodbye with a clumsy hug.

Next day you wake up and read the following on your mobile phone:

Hey [your name]. Yesterday was nice, but I don’t feel anything more than friendship. Sorry.

*sound of your heart shattering into 1000.000 pieces*

What went wrong?

Your date was… Very. Very. Meh.

But there’s a sliver of hope, my friend.

A woman wouldn’t go on a date with you, unless she believes you might be a match for her.

Or you’re extremely rich and famous and she sees you as a walking wallet, or status symbol.

Or she’s hungry for a good pounding 😉

>> Get Out of the Friend Zone & Into Her Lover Zone – 13 Magic Moves.

If she thinks you’re nice enough to go out with, but then she throws you away afterward, like a piece of garbage, then there’s only one conclusion left, and it’s not pretty:

If the date sucks, that’s your fault.

That’s one tough pill to swallow, bro. And I know that all too well, because plenty of women have shoved that shitty message down my throat.

But there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Namely that the first realization you need to have before you become good with women…

Is that nobody is born with incredible charm.

Just like nobody is born with their driver’s license.

Charming women is a skill. Skills can be learned. And I’m living proof of that.

And awakening your inner Casanova starts with recognizing your errors.

That’s why I’m now going to hand you the three biggest possible barriers that lie between you and hooking up.

>> 33 Best Things To Do on a Date to Create Epic Memories.

#1 You’re too much of a teddy bear

People say:

“Every winner was once a loser.”

And every lady killer was once a teddy bear.

Teddy bears think that the key to her panties is friendship.

Meanwhile she brings her teddy bear to the cinema, but after they part ways, she answers a booty call from a badass.

Women long for a man who’s not just sweet, but also dangerous.

She wants a guy who opens the door for her, and when he comes home with her, will give her a firm spank on the bum.

A dude who is emotionally available, but not afraid to contradict her.

A hard ass who cries when Simba crawls under his dead father’s paws, but who also leaves his home for the gym during a snowstorm because it’s leg day.

I recently heard a friend say:

“I want a guy who can kind of contradict me. If he just does what I say it becomes really boring.”

So if you’re just this sweet guy, you’re also a doormat. It’s not how you’re going to hook up with a girl for the first time.

Muchos unattractivos bro..

Deep in the dark caves of your mind, there’s a chained badass

Set him free.

And once you’ve slit your inner nice guy’s throat, then you teach him some manners.

>> How to hook up with a girl from ‘Hi’ to Hookup in 9 easy steps.

#2 You have too little experience

My driving instructor once gave me an amazing lesson about “awareness”. It’s a vague word, but I’ll make it more clear soon.

And I’m going to give you a trick to download knowledge into your head like Neo in The Matrix.

Enter my memory.

I am in the car beside my driving instructor.

I’ve got the basics down and drive to the destination my passenger chose.

My instructor is silent while I cruise through the city at a relaxed speed.

Suddenly, my instructor places his notebook in front of the rear-view mirror and asks, What color is the car behind you?”

“Blue”, I reply hesitantly.

My instructor lowers the notebook.

There’s no car…

My teacher saw that I wasn’t looking behind me properly and set a trap.

Was I ignoring the rear view because I didn’t know I was supposed to look?

Of course not. Everyone knows that you’re supposed to look.

But driving the car took so much of my attention, that I had none left for the rear-view mirror.

In other words: I didn’t have enough experience.

Now I can drive, while listening to an audiobook, while solving a Rubik’s Cube in one hand. (Not that I do that, mister policeman).

Seducing women is no different.

The more dates you have under your belt, the easier it gets.

The experienced dater does not doubt which cafe he should take her to, or how he wants to kiss her.

Now the question isn’t “how to get more experience”, because that’s obvious… talk to women.

But most men give up too easily. Some openly admit that they find it hard, and most men hide behind excuses like “seducing women only works if you’re handsome boo-hoo-hoo”.

So the smartest question to ask is: “how to get a lot of experience quickly and easily?”

I’ll tell you what I did:

  • Immediately start with a course, because my first night out didn’t go any further than 2-3 interactions in 4 hours…
  • Getting daily inspiration from articles, videos and newsletters.
  • I looked at others and watched how they seduced women. So my brain grew to recognise the most subtle detail of any flirt.

So don’t take on this project by yourself. Take all the help you can get. Online. Offline. So you reach ramming speed and you hu with a lot of ladies.

>> My Tinder Experiences: 11 Must-Have Tips from my 300+ Tinder Dates.

#3 You don’t flirt

When I rub my crystal ball, I get a vision.

I see that you’re an intelligent and educated man.

Fan of gadgets, videogames and fast cars.

But I also see something else.

On dates, you ask women boring questions, like: “What kind of work do you do?” and “What are your hobbies?”

And that shows little promise for success with women.

Listen, I understand that information is necessary to get to know her. I also want to know what the average week of a woman looks like.

But dating is not about simple information exchange.

It’s about evoking emotions.

A few years ago, I was at a house party. Everyone at the party were friends of mine.

One of the girls was someone who I hooked up with multiple times.

When the party was over, we biked home together. On the way I suggested we dive under the sheets together.

But she declined the offer, because she had to get up early the next day. Fine.

But a few minutes later, I received a message.

I flipped my phone open (yes, this was a long, long time ago) and saw a long, long message from this same girl.

In summary: She didn’t need to get up early, but she felt neglected because I had been hanging out with other people the whole night.

The lesson?

If you want a positive reaction, you have to warm her up emotionally, even if you’ve hooked up with her multiple times.

If you want a kiss, a second date, sex, or just an answer to your message, spike her emotions. That’s how you ask a girl to hookup.

Tip #2: Find the right hunting ground

If you’re looking for a cultural holiday, the last place you’ll want to go is Cancun.

Hunting for pussy in the historical temple of Parthenon? You’re asking for trouble.

The best hunting grounds are those where women relax amidst a large crowd.

For example, someone who’s chilling in a mass of dancing people is more down for sex than someone who’s meditating at the peak of a mountain.

Festivals, clubs and tourist hotspots are therefore ideal for one night stands.

For example, there’s no place in NYC with more tourists than Times Square. So if you go there, 9 times out of 10 you’re going to be talking to a tourist.

And for the vacationer, you can be an exciting, local adventure. So if her agenda isn’t packed, she’ll come with you on a date quite easily. And if we hit it off, I’ll make sure she goes home with an exciting story to tell.

Pro tip:

Visit clubs in a tourist city. Amsterdam. Las Vegas. Berlin. Paris. New York. That will raise your chances of having a one night stand exponentially.

Also, some clubs and parties are looser than others.

If you aren’t familiar with the scene, then you immediately have a reason to speak to strangers. Ask hip-looking people what the best places are to meet women.

Pro tip:

And if you’re in a tourist city anyway, change your Tinder profile. Put some badass pictures of yourself and write a bio like, “In town for a couple of days. Looking to taste the local cuisine and have an adventure.”

Some women are more likely to sleep with you if they know for sure that it’s a one-time thing. So there’s no danger of you sticking around.

If you want exciting material to talk about once you’ve finally got that woman hooked? Then check out this article with practical hints to attractive conversations. They’ll help you initiate a hookup.

Tip #3: Lock and load that hunting rifle

With this next tip, she’s going to be hanging by your every word.

Do women respond coldly to your fantastic openers? Then you probably spit game like a toddler who’s trying to blow out his birthday candles, and gets his saliva all over the cake.

Your words have little power and don’t hit her in the feels.

It’s time for the big guns, so you can make your target nuts for you with one pull of the trigger.

First, a high-caliber example:

In broad daylight, two friends and I are walking through Amsterdam. (Since I don’t want my ass kicked, I’m going to call them Bert and Ernie.)

My amigos are not familiar with seducing women, but they like having a bit of fun.

A bunch of cuties walk by.

*Dating coach-mode activated*

I whisper an opener in Bert’s ear and tell him to give the compliment once Ernie has stopped them.

With a huge smile, Ernie stops the two women and says that his bro has something very important to tell them.

The female duo look excitedly at Bert and he gives them a compliment with the facial expression of a mannequin.

One of the two cuties wants to walk away. The other stops her and turns to her first admirer.

With pupils the size of dinner plates she asks, “are you going to tell me what was so important?”

And…. CUT.

A warm applause for the stars of the story

But now the question we’re all asking: Why the different responses?


I don’t mean that Bert doesn’t have the capacity to get a hotty.


What I mean is that he only used 3% of his capacity.

His capacity for self-expression.

  • No hand gestures
  • Little to no expression in his face.
  • A monotonous voice.

So the well-intended compliment wasn’t interpreted by the girl as something “Very important”.

Your words are important, but your expression supports your words. Just go and read the jokes of your favorite comedian with a monotonous voice and you’ll get what I’m talking about.

>> How to Tempt a Girl: The Complete Guide to Seduce her.

So use your full expression next time a woman gives you a compliment and she’s hanging by your every word.

Tip #4: Approach your prey

How often have you seen a woman and thought:

“If only I had a little more skills/time/balls, then I would have approached her 100%.”

Probably every day. There’s no shortage of female beauty out there.

But what would you do if you did talk to her?

The following hilarious attempt is not so far from the truth for many men:

Chandler’s opener was genius. But there was no continuation. No structure.

That’s why it failed.

Approaching women and hoping for the best is a recipe for failure.

A pointless conversation is not only her worst nightmare.

But approaching a woman without a clear intention turns you into a quivering chihuahua.

Her doing her best to listen to your croaking voice.

With some pre-defined structure to hold on to, you’ll become calm and not repel her.

I would bet that you talk about your identity and ideas with passion.

So make the conversation relevant to her. Then she’ll be much more interested in it.

Pro tip:

Describe the impression she makes on you. How she comes across to you doesn’t take much thought on your part and for her it’s very interesting.

With relevant sentences, you’ll draw her into the conversation and she’ll gladly chat with you.

If you can consistently have conversations with female strangers, then your insecurity will be magically turned into confidence.

Suddenly, you’ll approach women with the bravado of a crocodile hunter.

For more tips and infield images of approaches, the THE most viewed video about approaching women.

In a brief moment I’ll tell you how to sexualize the conversation.

>> How To Make Her Laugh – 10 Tips Girls Do ‘Not’ Want You To Know.

Tip #5: Sexualize the conversation

Bad news: Hollywood has been lying to you.

Every romcom teaches us that we can seduce women by treating her like our mate.

So most men can have cute conversations with women.

The key word here is: Cute.

A legion of sexually frustrated dudes is trapped in that oh-so-cute friendzone.

Women don’t throw you in the friend-zone-dungeon because they’re cruel.

But because you are more gender non-conforming than a Ken doll.

And no matter how much you fancy a woman. If you can’t satisfy her physical desires, she’ll find someone who can.

Now, I’m pretty sure that my male readers have a sausage neatly tucked away in their draws.

So the problem isn’t there.

But between your ears.

If she thinks you pack the sexual punch of a bag of hay, then you are knowingly reigning in your true sexuality and desires.

Release those reigns, amigo.

Let your sexual steed roam free with the wind!

That freedom is not only healthy, but women find sensual men sexy.

This doesn’t mean that you’re going to hop onto every woman’s leg and start humping.

Start with sexualizing the conversation.

A simple way is the following: accuse her.

“Excuse me. You stole my heart. Can I have it back?”

Just kidding, that sentence is super lame. But I couldn’t resist.

The true idea is that you accuse her of having a naughty spirit. As if she’s thinking of dicks 24/7.

Of course she doesn’t really, but by continually twisting her words, she’ll automatically start thinking of sex.

>> Want To Turn Her On? Try These 9 Dirty Talk Phrases and Tips.

Before you know it, she’ll start making all sorts of sexual comments.

That’s when it’s almost time to kiss her.

A few examples:

“It’s hot in here.”

“Yes, I have that effect on women all the time.”

“The only option is to get on top of it.”

“Wow. You nasty.”

“I’m hungry. Let’s eat something.”

“I’m going to eat you!” *grab her hand and start chewing*


You don’t say any of this with a serious tone of voice. You say it with a casual grin on your face. As if your teasing your sister.

Sexualizing is not that complicated and can be pretty silly.

Don’t, however, become a clown. Then you’ve pushed it too far.

Pro tip:

A fun exercise is to watch a random YouTube video and sexualize every sentence.

By the way, download my favorite sexual pickup lines here for free.

 Tip #6: Dress like her dream guy

With a tinge of embarrassment, I would like to bring to your attention the film She’s All That, so you understand the importance of style.

It’s a chick-flick that I saw eh… by coincidence, that has a simple story:

The high school football hero makes a bet with his friends that he could turn the biggest geek in the school into the Prom Queen.

What starts as a joke, turns very real when he totally falls for her when she walks down the stairs like a completely different person at the party.

If some cotton, a pair of glasses and some braces, plus a different hair style can create such a powerful illusion to us, then you bet you that we can use what we wear to the same effect.

The saying: “Clothes make the man”, exists for a reason.

Maybe you, just like me, don’t care so much about clothes. Bro fist.

For the first five years of my seduction career, I dressed as if I’d picked my wardrobe up from the Salvation Army.

But then we invited two new coaches to the SummerBootcamp.

Dudes with tight hair, a fresh style and big guns. Not to mention, great seduction skills.

That summer I saw how our new coaches ‘hu’ with beautiful women with half of the effort.

For them it was quite easy to hookup with a girl during the day.

Even though my seduction skills were better at the time, I couldn’t compete with their killer combination: technique + style.

Back in Amsterdam, I immediately hired a stylist.

Is your appearance in dire need of a makeover, but do you not know where to start?

Think about what kind of women you want to attract: badass, mature, good-girls, artistic, sporty, spiritual or successful.

You attract what you are.

Then you want to look at what type of clothing fits with your new image. Think about the style of your hair and beard.

Let the most desired men in the world be your guide: George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Russell Brand, Ryan Gosling, Robert Pattinson, Idris Elba.

>> Seducing a Woman Over Text – 7 Examples of Building Tension.

Bonus points if you share the same age and build as the celebrity. That way you can guarantee that style will work for you too.

Pro tip:

If I’m in doubt about whether or not I’m going to like a Tinder date, then I’ll ask her to come out shopping (as long as I get a good idea of her style on her pics).

Many women enjoy doing this, I have a second opinion during my shopping trip (which I loathe), and I don’t waste time if there’s no chemistry.

Quite smart.

Tip #7: The key to unlimited one night stands

The guys who take action and follow our advice regularly kiss a gorgeous lady on a given night. They know how to initiate a hookup.

These awesome dudes often send me emails like:

“Dear Daan,

I can often hook up with a girl. But usually they expect more than just sex.

How do I make it clear that I just want a hookup?

Because you don’t just say beforehand: I want sex but not a relationship! Do you? Seems like that would kill the attraction.”

Short answer: be honest.

But that’s not a free pass to be an insensitive prick. Like our cripple friend from Southpark, Jimmy.

A hand of applause for Jimmy’s radical honesty. But deduct a few points for his lack of social intelligence.

The crutch-walker isn’t only rude, but he completely skips the mating dance.

Even women who are open for a one night stand want to play the game of cat and mouse first.

Women see being seduced as part of foreplay. And the more exciting the foreplay, the more exciting the sex…

If you plainly state that you just want to drill her hole, then you’ll scare off all the good ones.

Even for hookups, flirting is essential.

>> 9 Tips to Get and Keep a Casual Sex Relationship.

I can hear you thinking:

“But how can I flirt if she knows that I just want to bang? Won’t she lose all interest if I’m open about it?”

The nuanced answer: Be honest in that for you, hooking up is an everyday occurrence, like eating a cheese sandwich (in which case, I hope you’re not a vegan). Even be honest about wanting to hook up with her.

But be honest to yourself too.

  • Does she have bad taste in series?
  • Does she drink sweet, girly cocktails?
  • Is her favorite position missionary?

Tease her with that.

Dare to push her away, and she’ll stay attracted to you. Even if she knows you just want to hook-up with her.

Tip #8: How to hookup with a girl on Tinder

The following Tinder hack will get you from a match to a date in 10 messages.

Do you look for women who are down for an adventure?

Then you want that exact message to be clear in your Tinder bio and pictures.

Are you looking for a hookup, but is your profile full of the following types of images?

  • A soft stare in the camera with a big smile
  • You alone in your room, softly picking your guitar
  • You in the park, while you’re walking your cute little doggy
  • You on the beach looking at a beautiful sunset
  • You with your cute little nephew clasped in your arms

Then you’re sending the wrong message, bro.

Every Tinderella will spontaneously throw up the content of her stomach when she sees that dude.

And that’s a shame, because those were exactly the types of women you wanted to attract, right?

The reason your profile causes severe churning in the stomach of adventurous girls, is that you seem way too lovey-dovey and icky-sticky.

Crazy chicks, simply put, want a good pounding without any responsibilities after.

You become more powerful by emitting more dominance.

  • Look away from the camera without smiling.
  • Show your muscles
  • Emphasise your jawline, or hide your lack thereof behind a masculine beard
  • Wear a biker jacket or other tough-looking clothing
  • Show danger: borrow some boxing gloves from your homie, or go do some motocross, and shoot action pics

Once you’ve attracted a hottie with your pics, you need to make her go nuts with a testosterone-fueled bio.

I have a beautiful example from a guy who doesn’t make any excuses:

To get fuck buddies, you don’t have to be as aggressive as Chad. What’s more, if you’re too aggressive, no woman will dare to go on a date with you.

But our testosterone-tripping muscle-man is balancing out his aggression with a big dose of humor. He creates funny images, jokes about his own intelligence, uses emojis.

If you’re a huge dude, I honestly think this bio will get you a fair amount of matches.

If you’re not just pure muscle with a personality, then make it clear in your bio that you’re not looking for anything serious.

So keep it lighthearted.

Pay attention:

With a testosterone-fueled profile, you’re going to get less matches. But because you’ve now filtered out all the relationship seeking ladies, your dates are going to convert to hookups much more easily.

The above points will help you get hookups on Tinder.

>> 13 Tinder Hacks for Guys: Shortcuts to More Cuties.

Tip #9: Tried and tested lines that lead to attraction

An essential question Socrates asked himself:

“What is better, spontaneous… or practiced opening lines?”

I’m a big proponent of spontaneous flirting.

No pre-prepared lines. Just an unabridged stream of free spirit and feeling.

But I’m just as much a fan of canned openers.

Because my uncalibrated responses have often had me cockblocked.

On the other side, some of my spirit-babies are so fun that I like to repeat them.

And because you’ve made it this fare, I’m going to share them with you.

Imagine you’re on a date with a shy girl.

Even though you’re flirty and spike her emotions, she’s not taking the bait.

Then use the following sentence:

“When you kiss someone, do you prefer the top lip or the bottom lip?”

It’s a question that paints a sexual picture in her head. And more important, based on her answer, you can see whether she’s keeping her distance because she’s shy, or because she’s not ready to kiss you yet.


Pose the question with a cheeky grin. Because you’re about to kiss her, but you want to make it as good for her as possible.

If she says something wrong when you’re on a date, say this:

“I’m starting to have doubts. At first you seemed like a relaxed, adventurous girl. But now I’m wondering whether we’re going to have more fights than fun.”

The great thing about this line is that she now knows that you like her less than you did before.

Now she’s going to do her best to regain her previous status.

Also, she now knows that the path to your approval is by being relaxed and adventurous.

Two essential ingredients for a hookup with a girl.

But the previous two sentences don’t make clear for her what you have in mind for her that night.

She’s thinking, “Is it just going to be a kiss, or does he have other plans?”

If you want to hookup with her, then you’re going to have to make that clear at some point.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.

What’s more, women love to be desired.

If you express your desires with the right energy, then she’ll become like playdough in your hands: You can do with her as you please.

If you want to kiss her, for example, say:

“This probably sounds silly, but my eyes are constantly drawn to your lips. They look quite… kissable.”

She’ll probably freeze up briefly. And look you deep in the eye to see if you really mean it.

Maintain eye contact.

And if she speaks even just one word, then you go in for the kiss with the same passion that you promised her.

Pro tip:

This sentence is even more powerful if you stop her mid-sentence.

This is why flirt lines are handy to have.

I even have 20+ more of them…

For you…

To immediately be able to apply them to your own dates, I’ve made the Transformation Kit for you.

You can download that for free, so you can hit the ground running.

Pick it up below. It’s completely free.

Your bro,
Daan de Ram

Stop awkward conversations
and painful rejections

My free Transformation Kit will make you irresistible to women.

  • 12 Opening Lines that Actually Work
  • 5 Date Generating Texting Tips (Plus Copy-Paste Lines for Tinder)
  • The Friendzone Escape-Room Trick
Yes, give me the Transformation Kit!

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