Did you ever wonder why…
- Your conversations with women either go nowhere or die like an engine without fuel?
- You manage to talk to women for longer than five minutes, but you can’t get them to be excited about you?
- You already have exciting conversations with women, but not the success you want yet?
Maybe you have analyzed other men’s flirting behavior and wondered why it looks so easy for them, while you seem paralyzed and start doubting yourself confidence…
Or maybe it’s less dramatic, and you’re just here because you want to pimp your social skills up a notch.
Whatever the reason, I am here to provide you with conversation techniques to attract, seduce, and keep women (if she’s cool enough).
And not only that. You can use these conversation techniques anywhere, anytime. Whether you want to make a strong impression at a job interview or to make new friends.
The skills you will learn today are so useful in so many areas of life that you could call them real-life superpowers.
I bet you can tell I’m motivated!
Here’s a summary of what I am about to tattoo into your brain today:
- 13 Golden conversation techniques to keep a conversation going for as long as you like
- How to start a conversation with a woman
- How to achieve MORE with less
- High-Impact things to talk about with a girl
- A SIMPLE method to turn an ordinary conversation with a woman into high-level-flirting
- More insights how to keep a conversation with a woman…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
How I learned how to talk to women
The story I’m about to tell you is a little painful… But I’ve learned and grown from it, so keep your pity for yourself. Thanks though.
Anyway, there is a technique that I already used in high school. You want to know which one?
Copy + Paste.
Looking back, it ain‘t that stoopid. Do you really believe that Picasso painted the Guernica with his first brushstroke? Or that Eminem was born to double-time spitting?
You can bet your ass that they have learned a shit ton from their role models and colleagues (or let me put it this way: they were inspired by them).
In earlier, society had an educational system consisting of some so-called “guilds.” A student learned from his master by emulating his knowledge, wisdom, and skills.
Nowadays, you are simply thrown into a big pot of knowledge in the hope that something will stick. Both have advantages and disadvantages, of course.
Anyway, my dating strategy in 12th grade was to analyze the coolest dude in school down to the smallest detail. He looked like a tanned surfer boy and had kissed almost all (at least the pretty ones) girls.
I spent hours sitting on the library couch, watching him flirt, and taking notes. Some might say I was a hardcore nerd (that’s how it must have looked from the outside), but I’ve never been much into school stuff.
I was only interested in one thing: Why is this guy such a womanizer?
My (rather scary) observations weren’t useless! After a while, I adopted the behavioral patterns and language of this charismatic class clown, and I actually managed to lose my not-so-sacred virginity by doing so.
When the surprisingly cute brunette was laying in my arms after sex, I wondered:
I made a list in my head, “Okay, she knows my name, my age, uh… “. But that must have been it. Oh, yeah, she must have noticed my sense of humor. And where I live (obviously).
The crux of the matter may surprise you:
Despite the circumstances, she said it felt like she’d known me for years... It felt somehow special to her.
I was happy that day, and I fell asleep with a smile on my nerdy face.
In case you’re looking to be more social overall with women. Not just with conversations but also in terms of behavior and how you handle women in general.
Then take a look at this article:
13 ways how to keep a conversation with a woman
Through my nearly scientific research of the school surfer boy, I knew PRECISELY through which conversation techniques I had triggered this feeling in her.
But you don’t have to do what I did. Everything I wrote down in my school file and acquired over the years, you can now learn in 10 minutes.
With greetings from your chief executive Dan de Ram.
Tip #1: How to actually strike up a conversation with a girl
I can understand if you’re asking yourself this question.
And because you don’t know how, you don’t talk to girls that much. Also understandable.
But deep down, there’s something else at stake…
I see it again and again with our Bootcamp participants. They are often terrified of approaching a woman. Mainly because they don’t know how to do it, or they think they need the perfect conversation starter.
When I give them an opening line, and they use it, suddenly everything is fine: the women appreciate the courage, and the compliments lead to a sweet smile on their faces.
After a few exercises, the participants get the hang of it and easily come up with their own original ideas for approaching women.
If you are not there yet and have no idea what to say to a girl, I got something for you:
Many men have difficulties with what to say AFTER they approach a lady for the first time.
They are more afraid of the conversation itself than they are of the Boogeyman.
What should I talk about?
A question you may have asked yourself at some point.
In my experience, this is the greatest fear men have in my coaching sessions. And it is absolutely not necessary.
We will blow it away with penetrating power. With a wrecking ball that Miley Cyrus would be jealous of.
Tip #2: Answer your own questions
I suppose you really want to get to know her and not just use her to fill the empty space in your bed.
If the latter is the case, we have tips for you too, but not in this article. Are you still here? Perfect, let’s not waste time and get right back to the question:
How do you get to know someone?
The simple answer: By asking questions. Easy, huh?
I can already hear Wannabe dating coaches and loyal supporters of the PUA community bi*ching:
Eeeeaasy cowboy, relax.
Don’t judge too quickly. Firstly, this technique is far from asking one question after the other like the FBI, and secondly, there is a nuance that makes the conversation run very naturally.
Suppose you ask her where she lives. What do you think her answer will be? How many words will it consist of?
Probably from no more than two words like “in London” or something like that. And yes, that’s all you can expect from her.
It is not surprising that she gives such short answers to strangers. Remember, she doesn’t know you, so why would she tell you her whole life story?
One fundamentally important thing is still missing:
That’s why I’m going to show you how to build trust with a simple method:
By answering your own question first.
Kinda like this:
As you can see, I didn’t only mention that I am currently living in Amsterdam (I rarely live in the same city for more than six months). If you want to get the conversation going, you need to do more than that.
This is what I also do:
- I say it very enthusiastically. I always try to tell everything with 100% passion. The mindset here is, “Everything I say is awesome.” She will feel your passion and adapt to it.
- I use open loops.
- Last but not the least (and very effective)… By giving details, I show that it is normal to talk to strangers. From then on, trust increases enormously.
If she doesn’t seem interested anyway: No problem.
Just ask another question. As long as she doesn’t run away and is standing in front of you with a smile, you can assume that everything is fine.
A second option is to skip questions. Just start talking about where you live without question ever being asked. Who cares.
100%! Women are people too.
And deep inside, every person needs social contact. We cannot and will not live without it.
Transitions are therefore not necessary.
And you start telling the story. Then you briefly ask:
I have a whole article with questions that make any woman feel special and interesting.
Check them out here:
Tip #3: Be a bridge builder
Long beard, Rudolf, small gifts, red costume, snow-sleigh…
What comes to your mind?
95% chance you’re thinking about Santa Claus right now.
You associated my words with Santa Claus WITHOUT me mentioning him at all.
You can do that with anything, it doesn’t even have to be logical. After all, we’re talking to women, not Captain Spock. 😉
Listen to a conversation between two best friends. They’re doing topic hopping, which means they keep jumping from one topic to another.
You don’t have to imitate me to understand women better. Sometimes I do things that may be too far. I’m aware of that, but I am only trying to share my insights, so you don’t have to do those things.
Anyway, one day I snuck into the ladies’ room in a club and locked myself in a cabin. Why? Because I’m a pervert?
I cannot completely deny that, but that evening I had the most innocent intentions: To find out what women talk about when there’s no trace of men.
Among the topics that were discussed in detail by the ladies were: men, work colleagues, girlfriends, sex…
Funny enough, a year later, I found an empirical study that confirmed my own investigation behind closed doors.
The following table results from this study. As you can see, women mostly talk about family, relationship problems, and sexual partners.
Do you think she will ask for an explanation when you jump back and forth between two unrelated topics? Absolutely not.
If you aren’t so good at building bridges between different topics, I recommend a simple but effective exercise:
- Choose a topic that you find interesting. Bonus points if it is a topic that women can also relate to (tip: psychology).
- Then write down five words that you associate with this topic. It’s ok and even desirable if some of these words only have a little to do with the topic in the broadest sense.
- Then, for each of these words, write down a story from your life that has something to do with it. You have an abundance of experiences.
Maybe you can’t come up with a story right now because I put you under pressure. This effect will be ten times stronger in front of a woman, so it’s smart to prepare.
Now you can do topic hopping. Jump back and forth between these stories and other topics while talking to a woman.
How to start a story? To be honest, there’s nothing easier than that if you use a good transitional phrase:
This is a natural way to give a conversation a new direction.
On to the third and final conversation technique, so you NEVER run out of things to say. This is the complete opposite of what I told you earlier. This 180-degree U-turn will knock your socks off.
Tip #4: Say more by saying less
If you use the previous conversation techniques, I am convinced that you should have a conversation now.
There is another problem, though…
Unfortunately, I often see men who get to a point where they cannot be stopped. They repeat one story after another and/or constantly ask the woman new things.
They talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk…
Why? The main reason is that they’re afraid of…
……… Silence ………
But you can also (and especially!) seduce women through silence.
Many men fear that pauses in a conversation mean that the conversation is not exciting enough.
But you should give her a chance to talk. You actually want that.
In this study, you will see that, on average, men interrupt women very often and thus do not allow them to finish or invest in the conversation themselves.
Remember, she’s human too. She has to collect her thoughts before saying something just like you do.
Add to that the expectation that you’re going to interrupt her because the average guy does it to her all the time.
You don’t want to be an average, Dude!
So wait a few seconds after you finish your sentence. Or after she finishes hers. It’s highly possible she wasn’t quite done with her story.
Someone once told me about a comparison that is so special that it has remained in my memory:
You can’t really talk while you’re breathing in. And that’s 50% of the time. Use this breath-in moment to actually hear what she’s just said. Or form what you really want to say next. That way, you’ll see that there’s a lot more to her pretty face than you think.
How does this work in practice?
At the beginning of the conversation, you have a little weight on your shoulders. As a man, you should start the conversation in the best case, but in any case, lead it, so make sure you have the discussion material you want. You can’t expect her to be in charge of the conversation.
First, YOU have to invest and create trust. After a few minutes, the situation is normal for her, and it will be a smoother ride. First bumps will appear, but you have to take them for granted.
Furthermore, you shouldn’t fall into the usual trap of focusing too much on what YOU have to say, but also give her the chance to participate in the conversation actively. You even want that to happen.
Let me illustrate this principle so that you will never forget it and can even name it in your sleep:
Let’s say you’re busy for days with a Christmas gift for your little brother. Every evening you go to the attic where you secretly stick, cut, and dye.
You are not convinced at first, but then you put even more energy into it. You know how time-consuming it is for such a surprise, but your little bro is worth it!
You create the perfect gift.
On December 6th, you give it to your brother. But he doesn’t like it…
He breaks it, throws it on the floor, and runs away angrily.
How would you feel? If you’re not a psychopath, I’d assume you’d feel like shit.
Because people give more importance to something when they have put a lot of energy into it.
Moral of this story: Let a woman invest as much as possible into the conversation.
In the best case, she will invest more in your conversation than Dan Bilzerian does in escorting ladies.
So far, so good. Now you have effective tools to keep a conversation going properly.
But you certainly don’t want to end up in the dreaded Friend Zone by being her #1 contact person for her problems.
If that is your goal, don’t let me stop you.
By the way… get here everything you need to know to avoid the friendzone forever. And even escape it:
But if you’ve had enough of this and want to learn how to create REAL ATTRACTION, read on.
We now come to the keys that will add the necessary spice to your conversations so that women will perceive you as a sexually attractive man.
Tip #5: R.I.P. Boring Questions
I’ve mentioned it before, but the disadvantage of just asking questions is not only that you let HER do all the hard work, but more importantly, it doesn’t seem authentic.
People often ask questions without really being interested in the answer. Most people ask questions simply to avoid silence and out of fear that the conversation might die otherwise.
This sub communicates that you don’t trust your own abilities when it comes to having a conversation with women. You practically leave it up to her. Not very gentlemanly…
Out of fear of judgment, many men prefer to stay in the safe (= boring) zone and ask standard questions.
For women, this is extremely tiring and boring. You absorb their energy like a black hole.
Let’s compare a conversation with a bank account. By asking questions, you withdraw money. You’re not depositing anything. After a while, the balance turns dark red, and it looks bad.
What you should do instead is keep a healthy bank account by depositing enough money.
After you have invested enough, and the balance is positive, the interest takes over your job. You can sit back and relax on your pile of gold. In other words: she will invest.
Do you need more conversation techniques to generate these golden piles of attraction?
Tip #6: Know her better than she knows herself
You want her to take an active part in the conversation? We already know that asking questions is not the way to do this.
Which is why you should rephrase them as… *drum roll*… statements!
This way, you can provoke a reaction. Of course, she can’t let you get away with it if the claim is false. She is almost forced to justify herself and correct you.
On the other hand, she can’t be quiet either, if you’re right. As she then wants to know how you knew what was said.
You can, therefore, see using statements as a win-win situation.
Depending on where you approach women, you can use different statements.
In the club, you can use challenging statements. The environment is ideal for this. During the day, out on the street, I would take it a little easier. It is exciting enough for her to be approached in this situation because it is still unusual.
Here are a few examples that will help you get on the right track:
Want more lines like these that range from innocent to flirty, and all the way to spicy xxx?
(I mean you gotta have a few lines that spark her sexual desire, right?)
As you can see, these statements all start with the words “You seem like…”
With these words, you point your arrows at her personality.
Who is she?
That’s what we want to find out using this method…
EVERYONE (and especially every woman) wants to feel special. If you take this into account in your conversations, your impact on people quadruples.
Since everyone’s favorite subject is him/herself, you don’t need to put a lot of effort into asking her piercing questions. All you have to do is use the following conversation “technique”:
Tip #7: Active listening
Suppose you were to make the following statement:
The answer could then be as follows:
She has now given you some information.
Whenever I receive such an answer, I immediately know four topics I can talk about, questions I can ask, personal stories I can tell, and ways to tease her.
Ukraine, her studies, moving to Munich, living in a village…
However, you don’t necessarily have to step in immediately, because she may deepen her information herself if you use these three standard phrases:
Why does it work so well?
You show that you listen. That, in turn, shows you’re interested in her. And you give her the command to move on.
This works well for women because they find male leadership and determination very hot by nature.
Men lead. So it is quite normal (and desirable) that you as a man command in a positive way what the woman should do.
Don’t know how to lead? Or express your masculine edge that attracts the feminine? Do a quick check-up here:
However, we can go one step further with this conversation technique. Apart from letting her talk endlessly while you can sit back in a quiet chill mode, it creates a deep connection with her.
So it is not surprising that if you master this technique to the smallest detail, she will say the following words to you:
(Yes, even with you she will always say my name 😉 )
So with this technique comes a lot of responsibility, as Peter Parker’s uncle would probably say if he had been a dating coach (and wasn’t killed by some random robber).
Can you accept this responsibility?
Then keep reading!
Tip #8: Communication with a woman on an emotional level
People have a deep need to be understood. The feeling of entering a deep connection with another person inspires their soul.
A deep connection is created based on emotions. Not based on facts.
Feelings are easier described through pictures.
The Expressionist art movement, for example, allows artists to express their emotions free of any logic, thereby reaching millions of people.
You can also use this “Picasso Effect” when flirting.
Look at these two sentences and notice the different effect it has on your emotional world:
I don’t know about you, but I already know which car I would rather have in my garage.
For figurative speaking, I use a two simple tools:
Metaphors and analogies will become your new best friends.
A metaphor is an illustration of a word. Example: “castle in the air.”
An analogy is a visual comparison. Example: “I have as many bikini girls around me as a lifeguard. ”
In practice, this may look like this:
An emotional response could look like this:
Women are totally into this kind of visualization. Just pay attention to what they post on Social Media…
Tip #9: How she gets to know you
We, humans, are mainly busy with ourselves. We are the center of the universe.
Of course, this is why we like to talk about… us…
Most men try to impress a woman and therefore talk mainly about THEMSELVES. They sell themselves, so to speak, to the woman, and think that this is how they get her attention.
But it doesn’t work out as well as they hope.
I suggest another way that turns the tables:
If you let the woman talk about herself (and, of course, listen to her instead of staring at her breasts), then you go from being a seller to being a buyer.
You just sit there and think about whether you like her answers and whether you think she is cool enough. At the same time, she thinks to herself:
Make her feel like she can be herself with you. That way, you get exactly what you want: a feminine woman who feels comfortable with you.
Tip #10: The intention behind your words
Most men, who have nothing to do with the art of seduction, think that it is important WHAT you say to a woman when you want to win her over or get her into bed.
I can’t deny that WHAT you say is often important, but I have kissed women many times without saying a single word multiple times. After all, the music in clubs is often loud, and I want to spare my angel’s voice.
Pick-up dudes claim that it’s not what you say that matters, but HOW you say it. Do you say something like a bunny or with male determination and conviction?
I like that better… That explains why you can often say the biggest crap and women still react very positively to it.
The problem with this is that many pick-up dudes span the bow, start saying ridiculous things, thus giving the whole “success with women” community a bad reputation.
Moreover, this view is still incomplete.
Yes, WHAT you say is important, HOW you say it is important, but most people forget the WHY.
WHY are you saying something? What is your intention? Is your intention to take advantage of a woman? Is your intention to make a woman’s day? To tease her? Guide her?
Your intention and motivation will always shine through.
It always starts with the WHY, then comes the HOW and then (and only then, but it counts!) the actual content.
You know me, so of course, you also know my nerdy side. But screw it, here’s a flowchart to illustrate it:
Let’s say you are a passionate fitness junkie, and it’s not only important to you that a woman is doing sports, but even a MUST.
So you ask her:
Here, the WHY is that you want to find out if she meets your standards.
HOW would you communicate WHAT (= “Do you ever work out”) then?
Probably similar to a CEO at a job interview: with a frown, serious look, and maybe even crossed arms.
If you are very conscious of WHY you are saying something, then an appropriate HOW and WHAT automatically follows.
All you then have to do is this:
Tip #11: Use 100% conviction
There’s one thing a lot of insecure men do that I consider one of the greatest flirting sins of all…
They treat a woman like a princess.
You are looking for a solution for each of her problems, answer her messages immediately, and are always there for her.
You practically do everything for this ONE woman.
That’s very nice of you but… Do you really want to make a woman your #1 priority in life?
You’re not doing yourself or the women any favor.
Men are very determined, whether in their career or the development of a badass personality, and that’s a good thing.
But if you treat women like that, you’re only shooting yourself in the foot, with a bazooka.
Imagine what it must feel like to have someone around you all the time, which is dependent on your attention and love…
It makes you look like an annoying little boy.
How can you make clear that you are not a dependent brat, but a man with standards and vision?
By saying everything with passion.
Don’t talk about your Porsche, but if you’re going to talk about cars, then rather about the passion behind them. Tell her how free you feel when you drive along a country road and hear the sound of the engine in the background.
If you have a job where you work with people, talk about how nice it is to make other people smile and how it makes your day better every time you can help.
Women follow positive emotions. If you can trigger those in her, the probability that she wants to see you again shoots up like a SpaceX rocket.
Tip #12: Flirt shamelessly
A definition of flirting could be:
You should not only TALK to a woman, but you should also FLIRT with her. Why?
I think of flirting as a game. Ideally, it becomes more and more exciting and thrilling between you. Every sentence gets funnier. The game is all about who can best bear the tension. Whoever breaks it, loses.
When it comes to successful flirting, the winner should clearly always be the same:
You, the man!
If the woman wins, she sees it – consciously or unconsciously – as a sign that you are not strong enough.
Unfortunately, it’s usually the men who lose in the flirt game. But we will prevent this from now on (at least for you) by internalizing the THC principle.
THC stands for:
- T easing
- H umor
- C hallenge
Nerd mode activated.
Let me explain:
- Challenge her by talking to her as if she was a little girl crossing the street without her mom for the first time.
- Tease her by looking at her like she’s a cute little troublemaker.
- Be humorous by joking around as you would do with a buddy.
That’s how you stop a woman from thinking:
All the insights about the THC-method to flirting, you can find here:
Tip #13: How to hack the conversations Matrix
Damn, that was quite a comprehensive article…
Now you know all the ingredients to keep a conversation with a woman.
But there is one thing missing:
Conversation techniques are simply the sort of things that need to be practiced a hundred or a thousand times to be able to apply them blindly.
Go out there and put the tips into practice, otherwise, they will go to waste on this website or in your brain. We don’t want that.
Let me know how it goes, and let me know if you need any help with it.
Just think of me as a whiter version of Morpheus, helping you – the Chosen One – to see the truth and change the Matrix.
And to help you hack the matrix and yell: “I know Kung Fu!” I have something for you.
My free Transformation Kit filled with my best advice.
You’ve got a ton of examples and principles here. But to engrave it into you system, the Kit will do it for you.
Get your hack, my Transformation Kit, to the matrix right here.
May you do well!
Dan de Ram