Your relationship has come to an end. That hurts like hell at first. Especially when you’re the one that got dumped. You just feel like shit.
You probably find this hard to believe, but it’s good that your relationship is over now. The end of a relationship, even if it’s painful, is an important event in your life.
To be honest: I love it when a relationship in my life comes to an end.
Why this is and why breakups might even can be the BEST things that can happen to you + how you can use this knowledge to get your ex back, you’ll learn today.
Besides that I show you:
- How to make your ex-girlfriend want you back: 7 foolproof steps to get her back
- The 5 most likely reasons why she broke up with you (she would never tell you)
- Why and when chatting via WhatsApp is more effective than a real conversation
- Getting back together: A simple hack from which you can profit shamelessly
- What you can do when she doesn’t want any contact with you
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
How to make a girl jealous and want you back
Let me tell you a story of a coaching student. I’m sure you can relate to him.
“It felt like the devil was playing with me. I attended a workshop at the bank that was about marketing.
There were four of us in the room of a trendy office building in Manhattan. The workshop was so boring that I literally fell asleep.
Dennis, my colleague, had the most fun. He was busy filming me with his phone as I I fall asleep repeatedly.
When the workshop was finally over, I decided to go for a walk.
I clearly needed some fresh air. Besides, it was Friday and my mind was still on her…
The relationship with my ex had been over for a month now, but I still had to think about her… a lot. I knew she had a new boyfriend.
She always had a boyfriend. Smart women are never single for long.
And you know what the best part was? She was sitting on a bench in f*cking Manhattan. With her new boyfriend. What was that for a stupid coincidence?
The image was burned into my memory … Why did I have to see my being super happy with her new boyfriend. It took a few minutes to gather myself.
The feelings of unease and curiosity fought for supremacy. Curiosity won. I walked in a wide arc around the bench, so they couldn’t see me.
‘This guy doesn’t look so special,’ I thought. ‘How stupid of her to choose him over me!’
We shared joy and sorrow… hours of talks, having fun, making love. Lena. My heart was hers. She was the love of my life.
It took, no exaggeration, six months to get our first date. She strutted into the bar where we met.
I felt tiny and she gave me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. I was instantly on fire.
But after three wonderful months (I know, three months is nothing, but it meant a lot to me), Lena pulled the plug”.
The 5 most likely reasons why she broke up with you
Sometimes when your partner wants to break up, it can come out of the blue. Or you can feel something’s wrong before it even happens. But it’s not always easy to see exactly what was wrong.
Let’s take a closer look here. Because if you can’t see the real problem, your relationships will never last long, even if you manage to get her back.
These are the most likely reasons why you lost her.
You might wonder why she didn’t tell you about the real reasons. But it’s human that she didn’t want to hurt you.
1. You didn’t build up enough tension
Women tend to be more emotional than men and have a strong desire to flirt and experience sexual tension in a relationship.
How you do this, you can find out here:
If you’ve been seeing a woman for a long time, it’s important that you maintain the tension. If everything is very bourgeois, there’s a high risk that the initial passion between you will quickly fade away.
That’s why you should never stop seducing your girlfriend:
- Surprise her with small gifts – this makes her feel seen.
- Give your creativity free rein to communicate to your girlfriend that she is the best / most feminine/ most beautiful / most spontaneous / sweetest woman in the world!
- Take time for yourself, so that a) she doesn’t get too fed up with you and b) she doesn’t take you for granted. This way you give her the opportunity to miss you, so to speak.
If you completely renounce such things, the passion may quickly disappear.
(This man has been married for 47 years and still has rituals that make his wife feel special).
2. You were too dependent
Every human being has a certain degree of neediness. A feeling of ‘I need someone by my side otherwise I can’t be happy.’
Ideally, this longing is equally strong for both partners. If you are too needy, then the danger of being abandoned increases.
If you make a woman the center of your life, it makes you too dependent on her. And that makes you very unattractive to her.
So as a man, you need something that’s more important to you than a relationship with a woman. Some mission or higher purpose that you have in your life.
Flirting is the perfect antidote for neediness. Neediness is a stiffening – you exude she’s your only option… Flirting does the opposite.
By flirting with other women, you communicate independence, courage and strength to let go and leave her if necessary.
3. You didn’t man up
For a successful relationship, a certain degree of polarity between two partners is required.
Nowadays, many men only have poor contact with the masculine parts of their character.
The danger is that the woman will first fall in love with you because of your smile, humor, passion or common interests, but after some time she’ll notice that you lack male strength and therefore lose interest.
Masculine behavior in a relationship means:
#1 – You set clear boundaries
Women are constantly testing you because they want to see if you are just throwing your boundaries overboard for them. That’s one of the least attractive qualities in a woman.
Even after 10 years of relationship she still will do that and you can’t blame her for. It’s her nature. Show her lovingly but clearly your limits when she does something you aren’t comfortable with.
#2 – You lead
The phrase ‘You decide, honey’ can be one of the biggest turn-offs for a woman.
#3 – You don’t have to ask permission to do things that make you feel good
She wants a masculine man, so she can feel feminine. A man who has his own life together and can throw her on the bed and make decisions.
As long as you don’t hurt her with these decisions or harm her in any way, you don’t have to worry about coming off too strong.
4. You didn’t prevent the two of you from drifting apart
Many men mistakenly assume that a relationship is static. But relationships are always moving somehow.
It’s like your health. If you don’t take care of it, it’ll go downhill eventually.
Therefore, you must actively take care of the relationship and talk to your partner about her wishes and desires.
Sit down together and talk about common goals you might have for your relationship.
5. You couldn’t prevent arguments from escalating
Maybe you had a disagreement, the argument escalated and you broke up because of it.
In a relationship it’s important to know the values of the other. One must constantly try to find the middle way and consensus on various issues.
You need the ability to put your ego aside and start thinking ‘What can I learn here? I want to understand her better.
This way you achieve open communication about what you think and feel. Let her know exactly what you find disrespectful or painful.
Ask your girlfriend about these things too. It’ll bring you together.
That way you can see what’s lacking in your relationship.
Once you understand what the problem is, you can take the necessary steps to get attraction and harmony back into the relationship.
Or maybe you realize that your values are so different that you simply cannot be happy together.
Now let’s get down to practicalities: The step-by-step guide to getting her back.
I also taught this to my coaching student at that time.
“I wanted to be with Lena again.
We were made for each other, she just had to realize that.
It was time to use my newfound knowledge of psychology and get her back.”
When it’s better to text via WhatsApp than to talk
If your ex has ended the relationship and you are looking for contact again afterwards, then everything you say is biased.
It’s hard to not let the despair and the fact that you miss her hide – so, for example the pain is audible in your voice.
Your ex now sees you in a different light, as someone she can no longer be with.
Therefore, you must be especially careful about your communication.
WhatsApp (or SMS) comes to your rescue here.
The advantage of text messages is that you can think about your answer as long as you want.
They are much less emotionally charged than a phone call or a face-to-face conversation.
Let these lighthearted messages do their job. They act like plant seeds in her head, making the woman think.
If you really want to call her (which you probably already did then), that’s fine. I won’t say anything.
But how did it go?
Probably not so terrific. If you’re open to try a different approach – such as getting your ex back with a few simple WhatsApp messages – just keep reading.
If you know you can’t control yourself once you receive a message, it’s handy to know how to wipe your ‘footprints’ in WhatsApp.
Usually the ticks on her phone turn blue when you read her messages. I’m going to show you how to stop that from happening.
Then you can immediately read everything she sends you and don’t have the pressure of having to answer directly.
Here’s how you can wipe your ‘footprints’ on WhatsApp
To erase your footprints in WhatsApp, you need to go to Settings -> Account -> Privacy in the menu. There you will see the option ‘Read receipt’ and can disable it.
In the notification bar you usually cannot read the complete content of the individual messages.
For Android phones there is ‘Dashdow-WhatsApp’ which changes the chat header of WhatsApp.
This means that a message appears on the screen in the form of a pellet, together with the picture of the contact when you receive the message.
This allows you to read the message in its entirety without leaving the unwanted blue check marks on her screen. You can download ‘Dashdow-WhatsApp’ for free.
There is no app for IPhone as far as I know, but you can do the following:
- Make sure that WhatsApp is not running in the background. This prevents you from accidentally ending an open chat before you have used this trick.
- Open WhatsApp, but not the messages yet. Then open the Control Panel by sliding from the bottom of the screen to the top.
- Tap on the aircraft symbol to activate the flight mode. Close the Control Panel again and open the chat you want to read.
- Go back to the list of chats. Open the control panel again and press the flight mode icon again.
- With the steps above, your iPhone won’t have Wi-Fi and mobile data connection it normally has when you open WhatsApp.
- After you reactivate your Internet connection, WhatsApp doesn’t send the information that you have read the message.
Now the real work can begin.
This is how to make a woman want you back: 7 foolproof steps
#1: You’ve got to understand what went wrong
Step #1 is perhaps the most difficult. You must be honest with yourself and look at what you did so that the relationship ended.
Most importantly, what your ex didn’t say. Maybe she couldn’t articulate it, maybe she didn’t want to.
Talk about it with friends who can look at the situation more objectively. Ask yourself:
You can see this as an opportunity. Most people only go into action when they get triggered.
This breakup could be your trigger right now.
#2: Healthy distance
You need to create a healthy distance between the two of you. This will give her the opportunity to miss you and give you the chance to feel happy alone again.
Take at least a month for that. Yes, you read it right: 30 days.
Let me explain why:
In NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) there is the ‘anchor’ concept: An event is linked with an emotion.
Once at a soccer game I got so sick that I threw up. I drank too much beer and ate too many sausages. That was 10 years ago now.
Since then, I never had beer and sausages together. It’s not that I don’t like those things.
The point is that on that day I made an anchor between beer and sausages and vomiting.
Your ex probably links you with negative emotions right now. The goal is to minimize this. You must replace the negative memories with new, positive experiences.
#3: Break the ice
Only after the cooldown period should you think about making contact again.
However, it‘s important that you do it smartly.
So, keep the following rules in mind when you contact her again:
- Keep your messages light-hearted. It isn’t a good idea to send difficult questions or complicated stories.
- For now, you just want to initiate contact. It’s all about getting back on her radar. Don’t try to set up a date right away.
- Be positive. Avoid any negativity.
- No pointless questions, long stories or several messages in a row.
Send her something to cheer her up.
That also fits the next point.
#4: Remind her of the good aspects of your relationship
If she responds positively to your messages, the next step is to remind her of the good times of your former relation relationship.
If you want to schedule a meeting with her, do it in a simple, relaxed way.
Don’t expect an immediate answer. Give your messages some time to work.
#5: Let her know you still want to be a part of her life
Now it comes to the point where you show her that you still want to be involved in her life.
You can do this by saying something like:
Only now should you let her know how you feel about her.
This is risky but can be very effective. Do that with a text telling her how much you appreciate her.
Send her a compliment, a short text to let her know that you miss her:
#6: Show her that you love your life
She should know that you have an awesome life.
You can send her one of these, for example:
Suffice it to say here that you are on the road with someone else, you don’t have to go into detail.
If your ex is interested, she’ll most likely ask you herself.
It’s a bit sneaky, but you give her the opportunity to miss you and at the same time build up some tension.
#7: Flirt subtly and try to set up a date
If she continues to respond positively, you can now flirt a little more – however, keep it subtle.
Remind you of something intimate that you have experienced together or tell a story with a sexy undertone.
Only now should you try to arrange a meeting.
It should be a relaxed meeting and not a romantic date. The best thing would be just a coffee or a simple lunch.
Don’t think you’re back together. You need to take things slow.
It can only work if you both have changed and are approaching the whole thing in a better way.
How to make you ex girl want you back when doesn’t want contact anymore
There are some situations in which your ex doesn’t want contact anymore. We’ll go through them one by one.
She doesn’t want any contact because it’s over for her
Like I said, let your breakup rest for at least 30 days.
This will help you to get rid of your neediness.
Your new attempts at contact must come from a place of strength, not weakness and dependence.
Begging for attention brings at most some compassion and that isn’t something you should strive for.
Now it’s time to think. What was the main reason for your breakup?
What signs did you miss?
Follow the seven steps I’ve given you. It’s impossible to have a new relationship with your ex if you don’t take responsibility.
Use your new knowledge so that you don’t make the same mistakes again.
Let her see that you have evolved and that you are now able to create different feelings in her than before.
How to make a girl miss you and wand you back when she has a new boyfriend
Back to the story of my coaching student.
“When my ex had a new boyfriend after me, I was still so focused on her that I ran after her for another year.
We still had contact because she liked my humor and adventurous attitude.
In the meantime she met other men again. As I was saying, smart women are rarely alone for long…
Though it all seemed hopeless, we reestablished contact after her boyfriend disappeared.”
What I’m trying to tell you is: Never underestimate the power of perseverance.
Sometimes you can create attraction again through persistence if you are creative with it.
There may come a point where a woman notices positively that you have so much ‘stamina’.
But this isn’t the first advice I give to our coaching students.
Many men underestimate how important it is that everything you try to do must come from a place of strength.
If you don’t do this, you’ll become a stalker and that’s the last thing you want.
There is a big difference between ‘wanting something’ and ‘needing something’.
My coaching student told me:
“At that time I sent dozens of e-mails to my ex.
When we got back together, she told me that she had kept the mails and that they had indeed made a strong impression. Why? Because they were written from a place of strength.”
You wonder how you get to this place of strength?
How to make a girl want u back: The only method that always works
The goal of this approach isn’t to trick your ex in any way.
If you rebuild the tension between you, it only means that you are taking the lead as a man.
Women love it when a man knows what it means to lead and to make the relationship exciting.
On the other hand, if there is a real breakup between you and your ex has absolutely no feelings for you, then even this plan won’t magically bring you back together.
The goal of the method is for your ex to rediscover the person in you with whom she has fallen in love. The version of you that exudes joy, energy and confidence.
Ask yourself how much of this person you’ve lost in your relationship. As I like to say, the only true method is to develop yourself.
“I only got my ex back because I was working on myself! I improved my skills with women until I had 3-4 dates every week.
My circle of friends has grown enormously. I have got to know myself better and know what I want and don’t want to do.
I wouldn’t want to go back to the person I was before the breakup.”
Become an attractive person with an attractive life. If you think it’s worth fighting for your relationship, then go for it.
But more importantly, build up inner strength in the process instead of losing yourself!
I wish you nothing but the best. So I’ve made for you a free Transformation Kit.
Simply press the link, and the Kit arrives in your inbox instantly.
May the force be with you.
Dan de Ram