If you’re here, chances are your relationship isn’t working the way you want.
That sucks, man.
The good news is: there are some easy ways to improve your relationship.
In this article, you get a step-by-step guide on how to make your relationship stronger.
- 3 Reasons why your relationship is not going well
- The best way to make your partner turned on again
- 10 Activities that make your relationship more fun
- How to make your relationship stronger, explained step-by-step
- The 7-hour rule: Ultimate solution to common relationship arguments
- Communication tips to sustain a relationship
- And much more…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
Tip #1: Why your relationship isn’t going well (the 3 reasons)
Alright, let’s get started.
Before taking action to improve your relationship, you want to understand why your relationship isn’t working.
Chances are you’re in a relationship rut. This is actually very common.
Relationship ruts usually happen for 3 reasons:
- You’re not expressing certain needs
- You’re not setting your limits
- You’re accumulating inner struggles
This probably sounds familiar. If not, no worries: these are often unconscious patterns.
I’m going to deal with each point below, read on!
Reason 1: You’re not expressing your needs
A common example of not expressing your needs is when you feel like seeing your friends but you don’t share it with your girlfriend. You’re don’t want to hurt her, so you put your needs in second place.
This is not going to help your relationship, man.
Unconsciously, you’re probably going to blame your relationship (or your girlfriend) for this unfulfilled need.
This is the beginning of the end. We’ll go through how to avoid this issue later in this article.
In the meantime, let’s keep going with reason #2.
Reason 2: You’re not setting boundaries
A relationship is always about compromise.
Some people find it hard to admit, but it’s true…
And that’s also absolutely fine.
It’s not a problem. It’s just a challenge.
You care about each other, so you also give up some things for each other.
The thing is, when you don’t set boundaries in your relationship, this compromise goes to sh*t.
So what do I mean by setting boundaries?
Here’s a common example: When you don’t go to meet your friends because your girlfriend demands that you stay at home.
This contributes to creating issues in your relationship.
I’ll give you more tips on how to deal with these things later on!
No matter what kind of boundaries we’re talking about, know that you can (and even must) solve these things to make your relationship stronger.
Reason 3: You’re accumulating too much sh*t
That’s a typical male problem. Society teaches men they have to be strong and not vulnerable. It makes them believe that they have to figure everything out by themselves.
Perhaps you’re sad, stressed or even desperate. By not expressing your feelings, they are going to grow stronger and bigger. Often this is the reason why your relationship isn’t going well.
Regardless of what’s happening, it can be tricky to share these things with your girlfriend.
But if you start blaming yourself, saying that you’re a bad boyfriend, or that you are ‘not allowed to feel’ these things, then this is when your inner struggles start accumulating.
So what can you do?
Accept your feelings. Make an effort to share them with your girlfriend, no matter how hard this can be.
The thing is, when you keep everything to yourself, you create a wall between you and your girlfriend. This makes the communication in your relationship worse.
Now, your girlfriend might not like what she hears. She might take it personally and think that you don’t love her anymore.
No worries, there’s a solution. Let’s go through it in the next tip.
Tip #2: The ultimate mindset
In this tip, you get the most important starting point to make your relationship stronger.
This is a defining moment in your relationship.
What am I talking about?
Here’s an example:
Your relationship isn’t going well because your partner doesn’t want to have sex anymore.
Then it’s very easy to think:
Hold on, man. If you want to fix your relationship, stop thinking your girlfriend is the only cause of the problem.
Problems in a relationship rarely exist because of only one person.
Now, I’m not saying you should instead point the finger at yourself.
What you should do is start thinking from the perspective of your relationship. This is the best mindset you can achieve.
Now let’s see how you can develop this mindset.
How to develop this mindset
Alright, let’s use the same example.
Your girlfriend doesn’t feel like having sex anymore?
That sucks. And the cause may be something beyond your control. She might be depressed for whatever reason so she doesn’t feel like having sex.
But maybe you’re the reason she doesn’t feel like having sex.
Maybe she doesn’t feel appreciated in the relationship. Or you’re not making an effort to make sex enjoyable for her.
So start working on these things. Chances are this will make your relationship stronger.
Suppose one day you break up, then you will be able to look yourself in the mirror and say that you really did everything you could to make it work.
But if you apply the following tips correctly, your relationship doesn’t have to end.
Tip #3: Avoid making this mistake!
First, I want to congratulate you.
You’re reading this article, meaning you’ve acknowledged that your relationship isn’t going well. That’s very healthy. It’s a step towards improvement.
Because let’s be honest:
So many people are not happy in their relationship, yet they do nothing about it.
But that’s not your case. And that’s great.
Now, what you don’t want to do is think too much about what could happen now that your relationship isn’t going well.
This may sound exaggerated, but I see it happening all the time.
Don’t try to predict the consequences. As much as you might want to regain control, you can’t predict the future.
Make peace with that. Instead, focus your full attention on the things you can change.
So let’s look for solutions that you can apply now!
Tip #4: How to make a relationship stronger
Now I’m going to share a secret with you.
Most people don’t understand why things go so well at the beginning of a relationship.
The obvious reason is that everything is new and exciting. That’s true.
But there’s a deeper reason behind it.
I remember the first date I had with this beautiful girl. I did everything I could to look as sharp as possible. I went to the gym, put on my best clothes and some perfume.
I went through so much trouble because I hadn’t conquered her yet.
I wanted to show the best version of myself.
When you’re in a relationship, you lose this principle. You make the mistake to think that from now on you don’t have to do anything to make the relationship run smoothly.
All you do is watch Netflix on a sofa. You don’t take her out anymore. You don’t try to look good.
That’s a big mistake! You should flirt with your girlfriend every day.
Let’s see how you can do that in the next tip.
Tip #5: Relight the fire
I’m going to make an assumption about your relationship…
Everything in your relationship is ‘certain’.
You have a set routine. You do pretty much the same things every week with your girlfriend. Sex is usually boring.
Am I right? Probably.
The thing is, humans love patterns. That’s totally normal. Just like it’s normal that sometimes your relationship doesn’t go well for a while (more on that later).
But too many patterns are bad for your relationship. It makes everything too predictable.
It’s like watching the same movie for the 30th time. Even if it was the most exciting thriller, you’d fall asleep!
What you want to do is breaking your patterns a little.
Here’s some inspiration:
- Plan a weekend getaway with your girlfriend to a place you’ve never been to
- If you usually don’t text her during the day, try sending her a cute picture from time to time
- Tease (in a fun and playful way) each other a bit more
- Give yourself a little place, this could be very healthy
- Go out partying together
Let me tell you a story to illustrate my point.
Back in the day, my relationship wasn’t going so well. I remember going out with my girlfriend to a bar.
There was this guy flirting with her really hard. We were playing pool with a bunch of people, and the guy wouldn’t get away from her.
Of course, it pissed me off a little bit.
But you know what?
It was super positive for our relationship.
Seeing that guy trying to flirt with my girlfriend reminded me how hot she was. It increased my attraction towards her. It made me notice that I wasn’t doing my best for her. I remember the extra effort I put that night to please her in bed.
The reason these tips work so well is that you get a little ‘positive uncertainty’ again in your relationship.
Positive uncertainty will rekindle love in your relationship.
There are other things you can do to relight the fire with your girlfriend.
If you need more tips about it, you should check out this article:
Now let’s keep going with the next tip.
Tip #6: How to communicate better
The previous tip may have opened your eyes to the real reason why your relationship isn’t going well.
Now it’s time to express your feelings and improve your communication skills.
You want to communicate the right way.
Sometimes couples communicate very aggressively with each other.
An example of a relationship in which the man thinks his wife is complaining too much:
I think you’ll agree that this is not the right way to communicate.
By saying something like that, you’re being super aggressive.
You’re making an absolute statement. As if your girlfriend is ALWAYS complaining, and as if she is NEVER sweet towards you. It makes her feel unappreciated. This is how arguments start.
So how can you communicate in a better way?
Here’s an example:
In this example, you’re not attacking her directly. You’re explaining very calmly how you feel. You’re being honest. You’re giving her an opportunity to disagree.
If you communicate in this way, you’ll see that your relationship will automatically become stronger and healthier.
Bad communication is one of the most common relationship problems. So learning to communicate the right way is a must.
You might be wondering what some other common relationship problems are and how you can solve them.
I got you, man. I wrote an entire article about this, check it out here:
Tip #7: The 7:00pm rule
Here’s a perfect way to stop arguing so much with your girlfriend:
Before explaining to you what it is, know that arguing with your girlfriend is normal. Couples fight all the time. It shows that you have boundaries and you indicate them to each other.
But if arguments become a recurring pattern, without anything positive growing out from the chaos… then that’s bad.
That’s when the 7:00pm rule comes in.
Because late at night, you’re often less restrained. You’re tired of the day. That makes it trickier to resist a drink or an unhealthy snack, for example.
Research has shown that people don’t make the right choices when they’re tired.
That’s why you should never argue after 7:00pm!
Sometimes putting off a fight is the solution. Yeah, it can be that simple.
Tip #8: Try out new things
As discussed earlier in this article, it’s crucial that you put some uncertainty into your relationship to make it stronger.
If your only hobby is playing online games or watching videos on YouTube, this is not helping your relationship.
Growing as a human being, self-development… I believe that’s an essential part of our existence.
Your relationship won’t run smoothly if you never have anything new to talk about. When you grow as a person, your life is always in motion.
I’m not saying you should read 10 self-help books a day either.
But start developing yourself in some way.
It can be a sport, a dance, a hobby… Anything. Something new.
Working on yourself is a great way to make your relationship stronger.
Now, because it’s such a broad topic, I wrote a full article on how you can improve your life and work on yourself.
I suggest you check it out here:
Tip #9: My relationship is stuck: what do I do
If you’ve been with your girlfriend for some time and things aren’t working, chances are your relationship is stuck in a rut.
You’re probably asking yourself…
My advice? No, you shouldn’t. Don’t give up yet.
What you should do is apply the 100-day rule.
Another rule, you say?
Yeah, and a great one:
For the next 100 days, you do EVERYTHING to make your partner happy. Give her the best compliments and your full attention. Take her on memorable dates. Surprise her.
Why should you do this?
Because by committing yourself 100% for 100 days, you give your relationship the opportunity to grow stronger than ever.
Tip #10: Tip from Aristotle
If your relationship isn’t working, you’re probably trying to understand the reasons: Is it the routine? Bad (or lack of) communication?
Trying to analyze what’s going on in your relationship is a great idea, but sometimes it won’t bring you any answers.
Back in 300 B.C., the Greek philosopher Aristotle wrote about the effects of testicle removal. It was a way of punishing men when they committed crimes (quite extreme if you ask me.)
Obviously, the castration changed their behavior. That’s because a hormonal change was set in motion. Research has shown that the influence of hormones on human behavior is huge.
So perhaps what’s going on is that you have low testosterone levels. In many cases, this can create a relationship rut.
I suggest you watch this TED talk, it explains everything you need to know about testosterone and its effects on relationships:
No worries, though: Hormones levels can be stabilized with some basic and natural exercises.
If you think you have low testosterone levels, tell your doctor about it. He will give you some easy solutions to increase your masculinity.
In the meantime, if you want to be more masculine, here’s an article with some easy tips you can apply right now:
In the long term, this can help you make your relationship healthier.
Bonus Tip: Start flirting again
As discussed earlier in this article, a simple way to make a relationship stronger is by flirting more with your girlfriend.
And not only with your girlfriend. You should also start flirting with other people too.
(I’m not saying you should cheat on your girlfriend!)
The thing is, learning to flirt is learning to play with a very powerful resource: sexual energy.
It’s okay to flirt with people. It’s playful and doesn’t mean you’re cheating. Flirting is a social skill that will allow you to have more fun, confidence, and in the long term, will help you improve your relationship.
In my Transformation Kit, you get all the tools you need to learn how to flirt.
It gives you a lot of tips you can apply to start flirting with your girlfriend again and relight the fire in your relationship.
- The best lines to get her hooked
- How to be attractive (to your girlfriend)
- Steal my lines for more entertaining conversations both online and offline
- And much more…
You can find it all in my Transformation Kit. Download it here, it’s free!
Sending you a lot of positive vibes. I’m sure your relationship is going to be okay!
Dan de Ram