You often catch yourself scared that your girl might see other people.
Perhaps you continuously ask what she is doing.
Sweat breaks out if you don’t hear from her for a few hours.
It’s clear. You are jealous and afraid to lose her. So you behave overly controlling.
Here’s the paradox. By being extremely controlling you WILL lose her. So I am here to give you how to not be jealous in your relationship. Making you two happy together for the long run.
In this article you get:
- 3 Tips how to no be jealous in a relationship
- Destructive jealousy decoded: Recognize it by these signs
- Where jealousy really comes from
- How to stop being jealous and controlling (+ how to deal with jealousy in a relationship)
- What you can do if your partner is overly attached
- Three must-have tips that will help you overcome morbid jealousy faster than Houdini unlocked shackles
- And much more tips on overcoming jealousy…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
How jealousy killed my relationship
In front of you lies the handbag of your date / girlfriend / wife and in it her phone.
You see it unprotected in front of you.
Have you waited a long time for this moment? The first touch already turns you on massively. Man…this time, you had to wait reaaaally long for it.
Your mouth is watering as if there was no tomorrow.
Finally, you can spy on her by every trick in the book:
- “I wonder who wrote to her?”
- “I wonder who she’s writing with these days?”
- “I wonder which photos she hides from me in her gallery?”
She activated her key code…
Maybe this situation sounds familiar to you, bro.
I’m talking about jealousy. More specifically: Morbid jealousy.
The green-eyed monster.
I still remember how jealous I was when I first dated a woman with whom everything was just right.
She was not only beautiful, athletic, and an absolute grenade in bed.
This lovely dame shared the same passions as I did:
- She was enthusiastic about personal development
- She was exceptionally spontaneous and adventurous
- She loved to listen to Mozart painting masterpieces
- She maintained an even more gigantic meme and GIF collection than I did
We constantly inspired each other in our creativity, as if we were muses for each other and experienced the most epic things.
But because she was so special and rather a lucky choice for me (because at that time I certainly didn’t know how to approach women in any situation and we met each other rather by chance), I was incredibly afraid of losing her.
I turned into a paranoid ghoul, driven by compulsive checking, and eventually lost her.
Maybe you just started dating your 11/10, you are in a relationship with her or married to her, and feel how jealousy grows inside you day by day.
If you don’t want to lose the incredible woman at your side, I recommend you to open your ears and eyes.
Morbid jealousy: The relationship killer #1
What’s wrong with being jealous, anyway?
- “If someone is jealous, it just means they care about you.”
- “Your partner is only trying to protect you.”
These interpretations have surely crossed your path before.
Maybe your lady has even given you a…
- “I think it’s cute when you’re jealous.”
- “It’s okay if you’re jealous. That shows me that you care a lot about me.” or
- “I think it’s incredibly masculine of you to want to protect me.”
… if you felt jealous and she noticed.
But have such statements ever reassured you?
You probably feel even more insecure after her calming attempts.
“Does she like seeing me jealous? ”, you might ask yourself.
After all, she thinks it’s ‘sweet’ to see you like this.
And that might even make you more paranoid.
It’s like trying to put out a forest fire with a flamethrower.
And honestly – have you ever seen anyone who could successfully put out a fire this way?
So, she makes such remarks to reassure you, but is often unaware that she’s only doing the following:
Increasing your need for controlling her even more.
And often to such an extent that it’s reflected in your overall behavior towards her.
You become a puppet of your own fears and…
Until you constrain her in her freedom so much that she wants to break up with you.
Our present time is a technological blessing
We can talk to emigrated compañeros via Facetime, check the weather in Mozambique on a live stream, and even order exotic goat smegma in buckets via 1-Click on Amazon…
But advanced technology also carries a big curse in its blessing…
We can track exactly WHO does WHAT and WHEN.
Whether it’s Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat…
Lisa’s nibbles strawberry yogurt with fruit chunks?
You already know, thanks to her posts.
As if that wasn’t enough, Snapchat Geo View also gives you highly accurate information about where a person is currently located (as long as they have this feature enabled).
She wanted to come straight home after work, so what is she doing now at Central Park?
It has NEVER been easier to spy on the lives of your acquaintances and fall into a frenzy of jealousy.
But how can you tell whether you’re actually suffering from morbid jealousy?
Tell from these signals if you’re suffering from destructive jealousy
From a subtle remark to loud confrontations:
The ‘green-eyed monster’ (how Shakespeare called it) can wear a wide variety of costumes.
Typical signals of jealousy are:
- Your partner in crime is invited to a party. ‘Are there any men there?’ or a similar remark comes from you while you’re feeling extremely nervous
- You’re in a bar together. A guy’s coming by to talk to your chosen one. You cross your arms and are angry, hurt, or sad that she is talking to him. Greet him? You wouldn’t think of it even in a dream.
- You control her more than the German Stasi ever could: You want to document every move of her. Her mobile phone is lying unattended in front of you, or she forgot to switch off her laptop? You can’t imagine anything better than that. Time to take a close look at whom she’s hanging out with!
- ‘She can do anything with anyone as long as it’s not fun,’ is the motto after you take care of your relationship with her.
- Paranoia Deluxe: I wonder if she really goes out to dinner with Tiffany? What if she meets someone more attractive than you? This is your worst nightmare.
Sounds obvious, right?
But it becomes morbid when your paranoia towards her is one thing:
Although she loves you and assures you every day that you’re her number one, you cannot believe her words.
Instead, like Drake, you could sing a whole song about your ‘trust issues’ and eventually scare her off with your doubts, so that one day she actually leaves you.
50 points for Gryffindor – excellent question Mister BROtter.
The birth of the green-eyed monster
Let me introduce you:
This here is Jeff.
Jeff is one of the reasons why we men are more likely to get our asses kicked at the idea of our partner performing the lustful act of coitus with another.
Women, on the other hand, are more likely to feel these negative emotions when they imagine that their potential Mr. Right is emotionally close to another woman – for example, fall in love with another woman and leave her for her.
This phenomenon can be traced in countless studies.
Why is that?
In the lifetime of our Stone Age-friend Jeff, there were saber-toothed tigers and mammoths, but one crucial thing DIDN’T exist:
A DNA test.
If Mrs. Caveman was pregnant, there was no paternity test.
So, how can Jeff be sure that the miniature cavemen actually come from his precious seed and not from some other shaggy-haired comrade?
And what if tribes or rabid animals try to kill his pregnant Mrs. Caveman and the unborn child cold-bloodedly?
How would it be for Mrs. Cavemen, anyway, if Jeff left her for another woman he fell in love with and no one cared for her brat after it’s birth?
Jeff and his descendants formed a certain highly sensitive feeling over thousands of years.
An overcautiousness that should prevent these risks…
You guessed right, amigo:
Yes, by now, chances that your chosen one gets eaten by a mammoth aren’t so high anymore…
Thanks to protective institutions of the government such as the police or the army, it’s now actually possible to go out onto the streets without getting instantly murdered.
But like our coccyx, this is a remnant that we have inherited from our ancestors.
We should be grateful for that.
I mean, it would also be relatively psychopathic if you didn’t care if your princess was molested by a shady people.
And when your chosen one knows that you love her, she will be more relaxed about planning some offspring.
After all, your potential children will then be raised by two parties, enjoy full parental care, and are probably better off financially.
Jealousy is something we ALL have inside us – for thousands of years.
But this is only part of the reason why you can feel jealousy in your body.
Morbid jealousy usually arises for deeper reasons such as:
Like many fears, these cronies often stem from traumas you may have experienced during your upbringing.
- Did you use to have to fight a lot for the recognition and love of others?
- Have you ever been abandoned by a parent?
- Did you ever feel like you couldn’t please anybody, and like you were never good enough?
The mental pain that results from this can negatively influence not only your behavior but also your fundamental beliefs.
“I must do everything possible to make sure that she ONLY does something with me.” – can then quickly become your universal formula, so that your life is determined by the green-eyed monster.
- Are you ready to take your life into your own hands from today?
- Are you tired of being dominated by fear and doubt?
- Do you want to rekindle your relationship from now on and transform yourself into a self-determined, attractive man she can hardly keep her hands off?
Cool, let’s go!
Here are my tips for you:
Tip #1: Sharpen your focus
When your lady is out with her friends again and doesn’t answer your messages or calls, it’s easy to imagine the most terrifying horror scenarios.
But just because she’s unavailable right now, a part of you will certainly agree with me when I say:
Logically, this doesn’t mean anything yet.
What part of you do you think would improve your relationships with women?
The part that imagines endless horror scenarios of your lady throwing a bukkake party with your best friends?
Or the realistic, relaxed part in you that is sure that nothing of that is happening and trusts her?
What you believe vs. What she actually does
The voice of jealousy:
- She’s probably at a house party of her colleague, that sleazy Daniel.
- She probably turned her cell phone off so that I can’t reach her.
- Now she’ll probably let some other horny guy flirt and touch her.
- I bet she got drunk and let Daniel take her doggy.
- Now she’s probably expecting me to reward her for her misdeeds – I’m going to teach her a lesson!!
- She is at a friend’s housewarming party and is looking forward to her Girls Night.
- It’s probably just too loud to get wind that you have tried to contact her several times.
- She dances and sings with her friends.
- Because she likes the party so much, she forgets all sense of time and doesn’t even realize that she will be home two hours later than announced.
- After sharing a taxi with her friend, she arrives home and is looking forward to cuddling up next to you
Do you feel what the feeling of jealousy can do to you if you let it dominate you?
You start acting as if your worst fears have already come true.
And what do you think your ma’am thinks, if you still don’t trust him – even though she proves to you how unreasonable your fears are?
Well, she takes the part you give her:
Et voilá, mon ami.
A cheating woman just has been born.
If you really want to prevent this self-fulfilling prophecy, I rather recommend the following:
Make fun of your feelings of jealousy.
Every time you notice that a feeling of strong jealousy arises, you ridicule these emotions.
By comparing your fears with the most serious problems of the people of our planet.
I know that this is not the most positive way, and some may find this form of coping morally reprehensible…
But when I feel shitty, here’s what I do occasionally:
I watch videos from charities.
Whether it’s UNICEF (United Nations Children’s Fund), WFP (World Food Program) or ILO (International Labor Organization) – when I see videos of starving, poor, maybe even sick or disabled people, I quickly realize again how damn good I actually have it and how tiny my problems really are.
This tip, which may seem strange to you, I sometimes advise some of my clients when they are trapped in their head.
You should try it too.
The moment you look at the clips, you will probably feel a sense of deep shame.
You realize that your paranoid feelings are far away from the essential problems of Mother Earth.
Not only does that help you stay focused.
You also realize that it’s not all about you.
At least that’s how I feel.
Tip #2: Syphon energy from your jealousy
Jealousy – as already mentioned – has been programmed into us for thousands of years.
Everyone feels jealous at times – even animals.
Your buddy’s 24/7 drooling bulldog, who answers to the loving name Alberta, starts barking terribly when she notices that her master is paying more attention to someone else.
However, as you have already learned, morbid jealousy leads to the things you fear most:
Your girlfriend really leaves you at some point when you rob her of her freedom, which ultimately leads to loneliness.
Therefore, it is even more important that you don’t give your negative feelings control over sabotaging your behavior.
If your girlfriend comes home late, as shown in tip #1, don’t accuse her of the most demonic, inhumane things.
Instead, stick to my four-step plan as soon as you feel jealous:
- Step 1: Become aware that you feel jealous and close your eyes.
- Step 2: Breathe in and out deeply while focusing on the feelings in your body. Are you getting a twinge in your chest? Do you feel any tension in any part of your body? Focus on that.
- Step 3: Breathe through your feelings – for example, if you feel the tension in your back, imagine that you breathe in and out through this tension each time.
- Step 4: As soon as you gradually feel that you’re entering a calmer state, slowly open your eyes again.
Now you’re in a calmer state, in which it is much easier for you to act more clearly and constructively.
You gained control of a big part of your jealousy.
This four-step plan may sound a bit like wishy-washy spiritual humbug at first sight, but trust me:
Countless men I have recommended this tip, silence their paranoid thoughts regularly with the help of this four-step plan.
Tip #3: Boost your confidence
Whether on TV, ads, or social networks such as Facebook or Instagram:
We are bombarded 24/7 with ideal images of perfect women and flawless men.
While women with the measurements 90-60-90 are praised like goddesses on catwalks, the perfect man should not only be ‘muscular built, tanned, and be able to stem 200 pounds – no, he must also drive a Bugatti Veyron and traipse around in designer rags.
All this is suggested to us in the media.
Where does this lead to?
It triggers the urge to compare ourselves with utopian, photo-shopped ideal images constantly.
A comparison that we can never win thanks to Photoshop.
The edited Barbies and Kens of this planet are meant to make us feel as if we were never good enough.
And that makes sense.
Because if we feel like we’re missing something to achieve true coolness, we buy it.
Mixed with a dose of morbid jealousy, this elixir is more explosive than a TNT charge:
You doubt whether you’re good enough for her and feel a tremendous fear that your mademoiselle will find someone better.
Hello, again, self-fulfilling prophecy! Thanks for helping me get rid of my girlfriend!
Women want to feel safe with their husbands.
But how can she feel safe with you if you can’t even trust yourself?
So, what is to be done?
The secret recipe to finally get rid of inferiority complexes and morbid jealousy isn’t as complicated as you might think…
It reads as follows:
Strengthen your confidence.
When you’re firmly convinced that you’re the best option for your chica, something wonderful happens.
Not only does your mindset change fundamentally – but your behavior towards your girl also reaches a new level of attractiveness.
Compare yourself to someone else? Hah, bullshit!
Compulsive checking belongs to the past, and your partner can breathe a sigh of relief.
You care about her, but you don’t rob her of her freedom.
What if she wants to leave you for another man or maybe even cheats on you?
You feel like she’s choosing a loser over ‘winning the lottery.’
And when she’s gone, you trust that you’ll meet another beautiful woman, one with whom you might even get along better.
Glad you asked, bro!
Fortunately, I’ve already written an article about how to free yourself from self-doubts ONCE AND FOR ALL and develop a James-Bond-ish self-confidence: < How to increase you self-confidence online soon
Hasta la vista, destructive jealousy!
Yeah, bro, morbid jealousy can be a huge hurdle in a relationship.
It’s the relationship killer #1 and can separate even the most lovey-dovey couples within a few weeks.
However, the fact that you came across this blog shows me one thing:
You’re aware of its harmfulness and have decided to take proactive action against it.
And reading it to the end means you now have the tool to no be jealous in your relationship anymore.
Because you’re such an incredibly motivated bro, I’d give you a free Kit that will rapidly accelerate your development into a more attractive person, in addition to the tips mentioned in this article:
It’s time to make the green-eyed monster your bitch!
Dan de Ram