If you’re a doer, you’re afraid of failure like a small child fears the mysterious monster under the bed.
But I don’t think I need to mention that we all fail at times. It’s obvious. Of course, there are some who are better at it than others. That’s also obvious.
And then there are those who spend their entire lives in a continuous ‘should I do it or leave it?’ loop.
In the years that I have helped men grab their personal challenges by the balls, I have often been asked how you best deal with being afraid to fail.
The fear of looking like a ‘loser’ in the eyes of others seems to plague more people than I had previously thought.
But it’s good that you’re here, because I’ve reached deep into my bag of tricks and brought out my best tips to overcome your fears, no matter how scared of failure you are.
In this article you learn:
- 7 Tips to conquer your fear of failure
- Why it’s helpful to look at life as a computer game
- What you should be more afraid of
- Why failure is fun
- What you can learn from the Vikings about being scared of failing
- How to overcome your fears effectively: A secret floor exercises hack
- Much more insights to release yourself from the grip of fear…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
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Tip #1: The biggest illusion of mankind
Before I give you any practical advice, let me ask you a simple question.
Who says you must achieve anything in life at all?
Funny question, isn’t it? But I’m actually serious.
Let me assure you: You don’t have to do shit. And I know you’re probably surprised that’s coming out of my mouth. Or that my fingers are typing those letters on the keyboard, in this case.
I hear you thinking:
Not quite. I’m absolutely convinced that a life full of success, progress and a certain obsession leads to deep satisfaction and true, inner self-confidence.
However, we humans are the only beings who put enormous pressure on ourselves because of this.
Have you ever seen a squirrel doubting itself? Or a duck that doesn’t think it’s good enough?
It’s no secret that pressure has a paralyzing character, which ultimately often leads us to rot in our comfort zone instead of living the life we actually want to live.
So, before you even try to be successful in life, realize that it’s an illusion to think that you MUST be successful.
Yes, you should strive for success, but no, you won’t burn in hell if you drive a Nissan Micra, earn your living by buttering pretzels, or die a virgin.
In the eyes of the universe, you still have the same value as a multi-millionaire who is committed to expanding the drinking water supply and preventing breast cancer… which is none.
You’re nothing more than a lump of atoms that will be forgotten in 100 years (which isn’t even the blink of an eye for the universe).
So. There is nothing to achieve.
The real motivation behind your obsession with success should be one thing only:
I don’t believe in reincarnation, which is why I consider life a unique opportunity.
Just think of it as a computer role-play game that you can only play through once.
Role-playing is more fun if you make an effort and take the hero to the highest possible level.
But you can also play through the game mediocrely. The result is the same: At some point it will be over; whether your hero was strong, weak, unpopular or popular.
Be a strong and popular hero. Life is more beautiful and memorable this way.
But know that you don’t have to be.
Makes sense? Alright let’s go!
Tip #2: Use your brain and not the other way around
One realization I’ve made time and again is that you’ll lose if you argue with your brain.
Most people give far too much value to what their brain is currently thinking.
Hey, why don’t you take a minute and see what kind of thoughts are floating around in your head…
I would even go so far as to say that 90% of our thoughts are either random or even harmful and only 10% are productive. And I don’t think I’m going out on a limb with this.
To always listen to your thoughts and let them determine your actions is crazy!
Your brain thinks you’ll fail? So what? Ten seconds later, your brain thinks you’re a ballet dancing elephant. So, why would you take that thought too seriously?
Tip #3: What you should be even more afraid of
Okay, you’re afraid of failing.
But you know what you should be more afraid of?
- Of you settling for less than you deserve.
- From not taking action.
- Of you allowing fear of failure to paralyze you.
Everybody’s afraid of something. It’s just the nature of the human brain
It’s not about being free of all fears.
It’s about learning how you do it NEVERTHELESS.
Just because you’re scared doesn’t mean you can’t do anything.
You don’t have to get rid of it, you just have to accept that it’s there, dance with it and then it’s balls to the wall towards the goal.
You don’t have to feel good to tackle anything.
If you want to do something, do it. No matter what it feels like. No matter if you’re afraid of it.
Not many men possess this ability, yet it’s highly attractive to women.
The mamacitas of this world want to see the warrior in you who faces fear, takes up his sword and goes out to take life from behind.
Tip #4: Greet failure with a hug
How does learning work?
- You ride a bicycle, shift your weight too much to one side and fall on your face.
- You swim, don’t move your arms and legs harmoniously and you sink.
- You talk to a woman, you’re too reserved and you get rejected.
As you can see, failure has a great educational effect.
Learning comes less from success and more from failure.
If you want to learn something faster, you must make many mistakes, then sit on your buttocks and analyze the mistakes. Right or right?
But not every mistake will get you ahead. The mistakes you make again and again because you’re stubborn and the ones you make when you only half-heartedly try, have little potential for transformation.
But what really gets you ahead are the mistakes that happen when you’re outside your comfort zone; say do something new.
Then there can be no talk of failure. Your brain works hard and you use new methods to fix old problems.
Unfortunately, these mistakes are particularly painful, which is why most people avoid them.
So much has been lost…
But you’re a BOSS and you welcome these mistakes with open arms because you know how valuable they are.
Tip #5: Fail on purpose
This idea sounds at first as if it’s free of any common sense.
To overcome the fear of failure, you can fail on purpose.
Of course, this isn’t possible in every situation. If you run a multi-million-dollar business and you have responsibility for hundreds of people, then please don’t throw it into the abyss and say: ‘But Dan said …’
However, experiencing the worst-case scenario and realizing that it isn’t so bad can often mean the end of fear of failure.
Let’s say you’re in a club and you see a woman who’s almost too attractive. You would never succeed if you approached her – at least you think that your chances are zero.
You’re desperate to meet her, but every cell in your body refuses.
Instead of leaving it undone and going home disappointed, you can think of the following:
Suddenly the pressure drops. You talk to her and expect to be rejected.
But hey, what the hell is she doing??? She’s not rejecting you at all. And you wanted to go down in history with your rejection…
Deliberate failure can be powerful.
The Vikings were notorious for being fearless warriors. They literally sprinted into the battle lines of the enemy – no sign of fear of failure.
But you know why they were so fearless?
Because they believed that they would come to Valhalla when they died gloriously in battle.
They wanted to die!
But it rarely happened because many battles were won.
In the same way, you’ll rarely be rejected when you deliberately want to get rejections.
And hey, even if you get one, you might realize one thing afterwards that should never be underestimated: You stay safe and sound.
Make this experience often enough and you’ll begin to find failure no longer a bad thing.
Tip #6: Expect less
If you have too high expectations of yourself, don’t be surprised if you’re afraid that you won’t be able to live up to them.
By this I don’t mean that you should be satisfied with less, but that you realize that perfection doesn’t exist.
And if it does exist, at least it isn’t desirable.
Let’s compare it to floor exercises. A sport that strives for perfection as if it was the Holy Grail.
What is more respectable? When a perfect athlete does a trick and executes it 100% precisely?
Or when a disabled athlete (with one arm or one leg or whatever) can do exactly the same trick, albeit with balance difficulties while he’s landing?
Or what if a top athlete dares a trick that has never been done before? The shape is a little rough in the middle part, but he dares to do it.
My opinion is clear: Fuck perfection.
You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to dare. That’s what ultimately matters.
Tip #7: Meditate
Take a moment and read these lines extremely slowly. You sit here, focused on every single word. Listen to the voice echoing in your head as you read. Is it your own real-life voice? Are you reading this to yourself? If so, who is the listener?
Meditation is much less complicated than many people would have you believe. Ideally the previous lines have already brought you into a form of meditation.
If I were to try to define meditation, this would be it: The awareness of mental processes.
No more, but also no less.
Meditation forces you to no longer identify with thoughts and emotions. Instead of getting caught up in an emotion, you learn to simply observe them – as the silent observer that you are.
You’ll realize that fear of failure is nothing more than EMOTIONS. They come and go like the clouds in the sky or like women with whom you have an affair.
It’s one of the most effective and always available tools that personality development has to offer.
And yet few people do it on a daily basis (myself included). Why?
Because it’s fucking difficult.
Sit down and try to focus on your breathing for just 30 seconds. It’s impossible.
A flood of thoughts tears us out every time.
Meditation is not really about thinking nothing. The goal is to listen to this inner babble and to distance yourself from it.
You’ll find that thoughts become less, but that isn’t the goal.
So, the next time you feel fear of failure, just think about this:
It may take a while before you gain enough control over your emotions, but there is no reason not to train them (daily).
The final blow
With 7 tips in the pocket to conquer your fear of failure, you will be able to gain much more in life.
To really give you the transformation to the best version of yourself, I advise you to take a look at my free Transformation Kit.
It contains my best advise for life, dating and attractivess. Exactly what you have been looking for.
Dan de Ram