If you’re reading this article, chances are you often find yourself feeling filled with self-doubt and short on confidence.
Perhaps you think you’re ugly, boring, stupid or fat.
In the end, it all comes down to one word: Insecurity.
You’d love to meet women, pursue your goals, have a vibrant social life…
There are so many things you’d love to do, but your insecurity stops you from acting.
You want to have a fulfilling, happy life. You want to overcome your insecurity.
That’s exactly what you get in this article.
- 15 Practical tips on how to overcome insecurity
- How to get rid of your insecurity about women, your appearance, your self-image and much more.
- The Donald Duck method and how you can use it to build self-esteem
- An effective trick which helped me overcome my insecurity (and how you can do it too!).
- And much more way to fix your insecurity….
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
It’s Friday night around 1:00 in the morning…
You’ve decided to go out for an evening with your friends.
Then suddenly, dancing in the middle of the dance floor, you see a woman.
She seems to have everything: A beautiful body, a sexy look and a breathtakingly beautiful face.
Damn, you’d like to meet her.
“See that chick?”
“She’s really pretty, man!”
“Yeah, I know…”
Then you keep looking at this beautiful girl from the bar.
She’s dancing with her friends, having a good time.
Wow. She really is one of the most beautiful women you’ve seen in ages.
You know you have to take action to meet this gorgeous girl.
So you take a deep breath, you start walking to go talk to her and… you turn around and go back to the bar. Where you spend the rest of the evening chatting with your friends.
Then you see another guy flirting with that same girl and taking her home at the end of the night.
When you go back home, you fall asleep lonely and frustrated in your bed, thinking of that girl you probably won’t ever see again.
If you’re reading this article, chances are this story seems familiar.
Why did that happen? One word: Insecurity.
Your insecurity controls you. It’s like a sneaky monster who decides what you do and what you don’t.
You want to talk to a beautiful woman? Your insecurity won’t let you.
It locks you up and keeps you from having fun.
So what do you do?
I’ve got some good news for you, man.
You can kill that insecurity monster.
Good question, dear reader.
This is exactly what you’ll get in this article.
15 Practical tips that will give you the tools to deal with all forms of insecurities for the rest of your life.
At the end of this article, you’ll know exactly how to overcome insecurity and become a confident motherf*cker.
But before that, I want to make something clear:
You should read this article carefully.
Make sure to be fully focused reading these tips so you get the most out of them.
And when you’re done reading, apply the tips immediately so that you can stop being insecure in countless situations (work, relationships, social situations).
Nice. Let’s get straight to the tips now.
First we’re going to take a look at the most common mistake people make when it comes to dealing with insecurity.
Tip #1: Overcoming insecurity: the #1 mistake people make
“Are we all going to get drunk tonight?” One of our coaches asked us at last year’s Summer Bootcamp in Barcelona.
It was still the weekend before the actual Bootcamp would start, so all the coaches had an evening off.
“No.” Replied another coach.
All my colleagues and I agreed on this. Our flirting skills suffer when we’re drunk.
It’s the world upside-down, right?
Most guys get drunk to loosen up and be more confident with girls.
The thing is, at AttractionGym, we’ve practiced so much sober dating that we can hardly do otherwise now (more on this later).
Unfortunately, a lot of people use alcohol or drugs to experience a temporary escape and feel less insecure.
Although in the short term you may feel a bit more self-confident, in the long term relying on alcohol or drugs is useless.
Of course, I’m sure you’re aware that they’re bad for your mind and your body.
On top of that, if you want to deal with insecurity, drinking is the last thing you should do.
You’re just opting for a temporary solution. This is only going to increase your insecurity and your dependence on external sources.
What you want to do though, is create strong and genuine self-confidence so that you never have to depend on a drink or a pill again.
Self-confidence is a very attractive trait of personality. Women love confident guy.
Of course, it’s not the only women find attractive in men. If you want to know what exactly makes a man attractive, read this article:
So how to grow in self-confidence? We’ll talk about this in the next tip.
Tip #2: Forget this saying immediately…
Ever heard this saying?
My whole life I thought it was a good motto until a few years ago.
Then I realized it doesn’t make any sense.
Of course, I understand that it’s a good idea for kids to learn to think before they decide to eat finger paint to find out what this tastes like…
But apart from that, hear me out:
Do you want to overcome insecurity? Then forget this saying completely.
Thinking too much makes you insecure.
Thinking too much keeps you from talking to that girl, from having fun at a party, from telling people what you actually think.
The message I want to give you is this:
Get out of your head and stop thinking.
Yeah, I know. It’s easier said than done.
That’s why the following tip will give you an effective method to immediately stop all that unnecessary thinking.
Time to transform yourself from thinker to doer.
Tip #3: Get out of your comfort zone
Welcome, dear reader, to the comfort zone:
In the comfort zone, everything is, well, comfortable.
It’s nice and cozy, there’s a big TV, a PlayStation and a huge sofa.
There’s just one thing that’s not here.
No, you won’t find cute ladies like her in your comfort zone.
If you want to meet women… You’ll have to get out of your f*cking comfort zone.
And it doesn’t only apply to women.
To get a great job, build up an awesome circle of friends and live the life you want, you’ll have to get out of your comfort zone.
So why do a lot of people choose to stay in the comfort zone, especially if they’re insecure?
Because the comfort zone is cozy and safe. It’s an ideal place for insecure people.
But you’re never going to overcome your insecurity if you stay in the comfort zone, bro.
That’s why I’m going to help you get out of the comfort zone today.
The best way to get yourself out of your comfort zone is by exposing yourself to your insecurities.
So, for example:
- Afraid to speak to women? Speak to one today.
- Fear of flying? Get on a plane right away.
- Fear of being social? Go to a party on your own.
- Fear of heights? Go climbing and look straight down.
Research has shown that exposure therapy (where you directly tackle a fear by exposing yourself to it) is an extremely effective method to get rid of fears and insecurities.
Exposure therapy is your exit from the comfort zone and the entrance to a great and positive life.
But no worries, bro.
I’m won’t ask you today to do all kinds of crazy things to get rid of your insecurity.
It’s better to take a step-by-step approach to overcome your insecurity…
Which brings me to the next tip.
Tip #4: How to overcome insecurity
As I said earlier in this article, at AttractionGym we don’t need alcohol to hit on women.
I taught myself to get into a club and start having fun right away, without the slightest drop of alcohol…
And I’m not even a social person by nature. I used to be so bad at flirting, man.
Socializing, flirting, and being confident are all skills I’ve taught myself…
…in very small steps.
Here’s the thing:
If you tell a very insecure guy to go out by himself and approach the hottest girls in the club, things are not going to work out for him.
You shouldn’t set yourself too difficult goals. If you do, you’re going to feel even more insecure than at first.
You want to break the vicious circle by taking action in small steps that eventually lead you to your goal.
It doesn’t matter what you’re insecure about: you can build self-confidence one step at a time.
During our Bootcamps, we don’t ask our students to approach the most beautiful girls in the club right away. We warm-up and build momentum for them to feel comfortable.
Whatever your insecurities are, write them down and put together a step-by-step plan involving exposure therapy. Be as precise as you can.
This way, slowly but surely, you’ll overcome your insecurity.
Tip #5: The Donald Duck method
Recently I coached a student and used the Donald Duck method to get rid of his fear of talking to strangers.
I appreciate your enthusiasm, dear reader.
Alright, let’s put it this way:
Insecurity is a sneaky little voice getting inside your head.
Some people suffer from thoughts like this everyday:
- “You’re not good enough”
- “She doesn’t like you anyway”
- “You’re ugly”
- “You’re way too fat”
This internal voice can make even the biggest macho an insecure little boy.
If you have these kinds of thoughts yourself, you can use the Donald Duck method to eliminate these negative thoughts for good.
To get a good understanding of the Donald Duck method I will first show you a video of Donald himself:
Funny little voice, right?
A Donald Duck voice sounds ridiculous.
You can overcome your insecurity by changing the sneaky voice in your head into an infantile Donald Duck voice.
Try to think of the sentence: “She doesn’t like you anyway” with a Donald Duck voice in your head if you feel insecure about a girl.
It worked for my student. It worked for me. It will work for you.
Of course, you don’t necessarily have to use a Donald Duck voice.
Calimero voice works as well.
Anything ridiculous will do.
Bonus: The #1 kit to get rid of your insecurity
If you’re looking for a step-by-step approach to overcome insecurity, then I’ve got something really cool for you.
It’s called the Transformation Kit. It teaches you everything you need to know on how to become an attractive self-confident guy.
Including my proven Approach Achiever. The tool to help you approach anyone in an attractive fashion.
Tip #6: Insecure about your looks? Read this.
Being insecure about your looks sucks.
But let me tell you something:
You can change the way you look.
(And yes, I understand that this is impossible to a certain extent).
Still, there are countless things you can change about your appearance.
- Are you too fat or too skinny? Start working out.
- Are you wearing glasses? Buy lenses.
- Do you look unkempt? Buy decent clothes and think about your hygiene.
In short: If there is something about your appearance that you can change, do so.
(Really, don’t be like those who complain about their weight without doing anything about it.)
Of course, appearance is to a large extent something you are born with.
But keep this in mind:
The only one who’s worrying about your looks is yourself.
Believe me, people are far too preoccupied with their own shit to worry about your appearance.
How often do you have these thoughts when you see someone walking down the street?
- “What an ugly shirt!”
- “Holy shit, he’s so fat!”
- “Gee, what a weird body”
- “My God, she’s got a big nose”
Unless you’re a pretty judgmental person (shame on you if that’s the case), chances are you rarely or never have these kinds of thoughts.
And do you know why?
Because you’re already too preoccupied with yourself. And you’re not the only one.
Everyone is concerned about their appearance and their lives.
Keep this in mind: You’re not the only one.
Most of us feel insecure sometimes.
Heck, I feel insecure sometimes. And I’m a dating coach.
Even that hot chick you met at the bar is insecure about something.
So be easy on yourself.
Now, if you’re very insecure about your looks, chances are you think you’re unable to seduce women.
Do you think you’re unattractive? If you want the answer to this question, check out this article:
Let’s continue with the next point.
Tip #7: Take care of your looks
Here’s an embarrassing description of my looks in my early high school days:
- I always wore the same dirty, black hoody
- I barely showered
- I’d use loads of greasy gel on my hair
- I always had holes in my jeans (homeless style holes, not stylish holes)
- My shoes were so worn you could almost see my socks
- I was too fat
And of course, I was extremely insecure!
If I could go back in time, I would give the Dan of that time a big slap, followed by a lecture on the importance of personal care.
Here’s the thing:
If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll remain permanently insecure.
Show that you respect yourself by taking care of yourself.
And no, you don’t have to look like George Clooney’s either.
Just cover the basics:
- Make sure you have nice, decent clothes
- Brush your teeth twice a day
- Wash yourself every day
- Put some perfume
- Work out
- Eat healthily
- Visit the hairdresser regularly
I know, for some it’s obvious as fuck. But trust me, for a lot of guys this is not the case.
Here’s an article where you’ll get more in-depth information about how to dress properly to impress women:
Tip #8: Go on a date with yourself
Here’s a question:
Would you go on a date with yourself?
I know this question sounds weird, but it’s the best way to measure your self-confidence…
If you often go on dates with yourself, chances are you have high self-esteem.
But if you never go on a date with yourself… you should ask yourself why.
Do you think you’re too stupid? Too ugly? Not interesting or funny enough?
Why don’t you go on a date with yourself?
Asking yourself this question is crucial if you want to know what your insecurities are.
And as soon as you understand your insecurities, you can start doing something about them.
- Do you think you’re too stupid? Read books, study or think of online courses.
- Do you think you’re too ugly? Improve your looks (see tip #7).
- Do you think you’re not interesting enough? Build an interesting life. Set yourself goals and have hobbies, interests and a vibrant social life.
- Do you think you’re not funny? Develop a sense of humor.
In short: Don’t forget that if you are insecure, you can take action to be a more confident guy.
How do you do that?
That’s a broad topic, so I wrote an entire article about it. Read it here:
Tip #9: This makes you more confident within 5 minutes.
No worries, you don’t have to buy a shady magic pill on the dark web to become more confident in 5 minutes.
Instead, I have an exercise for you…
An exercise you can do right now.
All you have to do is get up from your chair, stand wide with your hands on your hips and put on a big smile.
Take a deep breath in and out.
After 5 minutes you can sit down again.
Great. What you just did is called a ‘power pose’.
In 5 minutes:
- Your testosterone has increased by 20%
- Your cortisol (stress hormone) has decreased by 22%
In other words: You feel more confident now
And only by changing your physiology!
A Harvard study has shown that a power pose immediately makes you less insecure in social situations.
This is a typical example of why acting works much better to overcome your insecurity than thinking.
Tip #10: How to overcome insecurity and jealousy
Let’s suppose you’re in the toilet.
It’s 2020, so like most people when they use the bathroom, you’re scrolling down your Instagram feed.
This is what you see:
- Dave got himself a new beautiful girlfriend…
- Pete just bought an awesome sports car…
- Isabel has a new job that you’re fucking jealous of…
And on top of that, you see images of contemporary superstars who all post pictures like this:
So you’re taking a sh*t, looking at all those people who seem to have the life you dream of.
In comparison, the life you have sucks.
And this makes you very insecure.
The longer you think about it, the more frustrated you get…
Luckily, there’s a solution.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Now.
If there’s one thing that leads you into the dark underworld of insecurity, it is comparing yourself to others.
Nowadays we are bombarded with all those people who seem to have a perfect life.
Of course, this is going to make you feel insignificant and insecure.
But stop it today, bro.
First of all, a lot of that bullshit on social media is fake.
Because so much people are constantly looking for social validation, they only share the positive things going on in their lives.
This helps them compensate for their own insecurities.
For example, the other day I went to a really boring birthday party.
The birthday boy decided to take a picture of everyone.
The result? A beautiful photo in which everyone seems to have a great time.
But the reality? Everyone was bored as f*ck.
The truth is, comparing yourself to others is useless. The only thing it does is make you feel more insecure.
So how to overcome insecurity and jealousy?
Here’s what you do:
Compare yourself today and yourself five years ago.
When I think of the Dan of 5 years ago, I’m really fucking glad I’m the Dan of 5 years later.
The only person you should compare yourself to is yourself.
So start working on yourself and become a better person, step by step.
Then compare yourself to yourself and be damn proud of the result.
Fuck social media. You’re a badass. Don’t compare yourself to others.
Is that clear? Cool.
Let’s keep going with the next tip.
Tip #11: The trick that helped me stop feeling insecure
When people ask me what I do, this is my answer:
You’d expect a dating coach to be a confident mother*cker…
But back in the days, nothing could be further from the truth.
I used to be a very insecure guy.
Luckily, I overcame my insecurity little by little.
And there’s one trick that helped me a lot, and it still does to this day.
It’s very easy. All you need is a notebook and a pen.
Here’s what you have to do:
At the end of each day, write down 3 things you’re proud of.
For example, this is what I wrote in my notebook yesterday:
- I approached a beautiful girl in a park today.
- Great coaching session this morning, got amazing feedback from the students.
- Worked out very hard today.
Just by looking at these three sentences I immediately become happier and more confident.
The thing is, people forget to praise themselves from time to time.
In our society, it’s the norm to be “modest”.
Fuck the norm.
Every night before you go to sleep, write down 3 things you are proud of or thankful for.
This trick is infallible. If you do this everyday, you’ll start having a positive mindset.
Because having a positive mindset is the key to overcome your insecurity, I wrote an article about it. Check this out:
>> EXPLICIT LINK: POSITIVE MINDSET
Tip #12: Hang out with my cousins
Every few months I organize a “cousin’s day” together with my brother and my cousins.
The principle is very simple: We play FIFA and have fun.
However, FIFA is not what makes the evening so much fun (In fact, I suck at FIFA)
What makes this evening so much fun is being together, especially because both my cousins are great, positive guys.
So after that little party, I feel much more positive myself (even though I lost 9-0).
Why? It’s quite simple:
You can overcome your insecurity by surrounding yourself with the right people.
You can overcome your insecurity by surrounding yourself with cheerful, positive people who support you in everything you do in life.
If you surround yourself with cool, self-confident people, chances are you’ll become more confident yourself.
The thing is, it works the other way around.
If you’re surrounded by toxic and negative people, your insecurity will only grow.
So make sure you let the right people into your life.
You should avoid hanging out with negative people. If possible, remove them from your life altogether.
Tip #13: Learn to accept compliments
Suppose I tell you:
How would you react?
A lot of (insecure) people become shy or awkward when they receive a compliment.
And it makes sense: The compliment doesn’t match with their own (negative) self-image.
Some people even think you don’t mean the compliment or that they don’t deserve it.
But hear me out, man:
If you want to overcome insecurity, you’ll have to learn to deal with compliments.
I know. Chances are it’s because you find it so uncomfortable to have the spotlight on yourself that you immediately put someone else in the spotlight (and often you don’t even mean it.)
So what do you do with you get a compliment?
Really simple. You say ‘Thank you’.
That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.
Thank someone for the compliment and keep on with the conversation. That’s what confident people do. That’s all there is to it.
Tip #14: Help others
Did you know that helping others makes you a more confident person?
Research shows that helping others makes you a happier and more positive person.
Moreover, by helping others, people will appreciate you more which is great for your self-image.
So what do you do to help others?
No worries, you don’t have to be a superhero.
Helping others can be very simple:
- Help a friend move
- Surprise your grandparents with a visit
- Learn to listen to others when they have a problem
- Give someone a spontaneous gift
- Do voluntary work
- Compliment someone on doing a great job
If you suck at complimenting people, no worries: there are ways to do it right. I wrote an article about this, read it here:
Helping others helps you overcome insecurity and makes the world a better place.
Fantastic, isn’t it?
Tip #15: Practice brutal honesty
The other day I was coaching a student in Amsterdam.
That day, a coach in training was there with us so he could observe and learn everything about being a coach.
We were walking down the streets and saw a gorgeous girl walking past us.
Since my student was already talking to another girl, the coach in training asked me if he could go and approach this girl.
And he was gone.
He walked towards this gorgeous lady and started talking to her. The place was crowded.
Here’s what he said:
Do you know why?
Because he was 100% honest with his feelings.
A lot of guys think they should approach a woman like some kind of James Bond.
Nothing can go wrong and everything has to be smooth.
The result? You feel very insecure and you’re afraid of making mistakes.
That’s why a lot of men never speak to a girl they don’t know.
What our highly esteemed soon-to-be-coach did was completely different:
He felt nervous and expressed it. He showed his vulnerability.
Women love that sh*t. Being able to express your feelings is very attractive. It shows you’re a genuine and confident guy.
So if you want to overcome insecurity, be honest about your feelings.
Be open and honest about your insecurities. This is a great way to stop being insecure. Try it yourself.
My tool to break through your insecurity
Great! Now you know how to overcome insecurity.
Apply the tips in this article and you’ll become more confident.
Remember though: It’s a slow process, so be patient.
Now, if you want to take things to the next level, I got something very cool for you.
It’s called the Transformation Kit.
It’s a toolkit with all kinds of examples, techniques and tips to help you cope with your insecurity when you’re talking to a girl.
The Transformation Kit is the extra step you need to take to become an attractive guy.
Oh, and by the way: it’s free.
See you in the next article!
Dan de Ram.