In this article, you will learn:
- How to be less insecure: What we can learn from lobsters about unshakable self-confidence
- Become a man: Why excuses are no longer an option from today and how to become a BOSS
- My story revealed: How I overcame my self-doubts and became a professional dating coach
- Dealing with insecurity: What you must sacrifice to achieve social freedom
- How to become the man you want to be and stop doubting yourself
- And many more tips on how to overcome insecurities and low self-esteem…
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Several elementary and basic problems can make seduction especially difficult.
Topics such as masculinity, self-confidence, and fears are the big questions that are constantly presented to me as a dating coach in a new form.
When I tell acquaintances about my profession, they often think I’m talking about nothing else but how to get women into bed as quickly as possible.
Yes, we at AttractionGym are happy to talk about that, but we like to take things deeper also.
Because we are firmly convinced that true attraction only comes when you grow as a man.
Our readers know this about us, so ‘Hey, how can I manipulate that hoe, fuck her, and then get rid of her without her making a fuss’ questions hardly reach us.
And that’s a good thing. I like to leave that type of customers to my competitors.
Instead, I often get asked more profound questions, such as:
- ‘How do I become more confident?’
- ‘How do I become more masculine?’
- ‘How do I overcome my self-doubts? ‘
No wonder. It’s hard to find good advice on these problems elsewhere.
I have not seen a single forum that isn’t flooded with bad advice.
These are difficult questions, so it isn’t easy to give a good answer (especially one that is scientifically sound).
Unlike the average flirt coach, who is brimming with spiritual naivety and never leaves his mother’s basement, I was kind enough to spend years studying implementation in practice and scientific research.
So, everything you read in this article has hand and foot.
How to overcome insecurities: 7 practical tips to stop doubting yourself
Men who aren’t successful with women will always have a portion of self-doubt that they can’t shake off.
If you want something in life but can’t get it, it’s always bad for your self-confidence.
Especially when everyone around you seems to be getting it right, whenever a pretty woman walks by holding hands with a loser, you wonder:
The longer this situation lasts, the bigger your self-doubt will be.
That’s the bad news.
The good news is:
Overcoming self-doubt is easier than you think.
That’s why I have these 7 tips for you to bring your confidence to a James Bond-level.
And not only that.
I’ll explain to you exactly why the run-of-the-mill advice on self-confidence is completely plucked out of the air.
Following bad advice is a waste of time, energy, and money that you should avoid at all costs.
Are you ready for my tips?
Dope! Here they come.
Tip #1: Overcome insecurities = Crawl up the pyramid!
I’m not going to lie to you.
It isn’t easy to be successful with women.
Women are merciless in their selection. They all – even those who don’t deserve it – want the most competent, popular, and idolized man.
This selection process is older than mankind. Much older.
Even in lobsters, hierarchical social structures can be identified, and it’s estimated that these crustaceans exist for 300 million years.
The male lobsters compete for the hierarchical top.
The lobsters at the top of the pyramid are particularly significant and have relatively high serotonin levels. This means that they feel self-confident and strong.
In the human body, this hormone has the same effect. For this reason, depressed people often suffer from a serotonin deficiency.
All lobsters at the bottom of the pyramid make themselves small, hide, and have low serotonin levels.
The female lobsters don’t even bother to find out which is the most attractive male lobster. They let the men work it out amongst themselves.
Consequently, the lobsters at the bottom of the pyramid go empty, and all the women swarm around those at the top.
You wonder, why am I telling you all this and what this has to do with your self-doubts?
If you want to be self-confident, attractive, and free of negative thoughts about yourself, you must climb the pyramid.
Lobsters are too stupid for that. They don’t know how to move up in the hierarchy. For them, it’s more a game of chance, where the biggest and strongest lobster has clear advantages.
But we humans (at least most of us) are intelligent enough to learn how to get to the top despite being disadvantaged.
And I’m going to show you how it’s done:
- Make yourself bigger: The more space you take up with your body language, the more confident you will feel.
- Speak up: This is how you sub communicates to others and especially to yourself, that you don’t doubt your words.
- Speak the unfiltered truth: Combined with the first two points, this will ensure that you have a backbone and are respected. Do you think a woman’s favorite movie sucks? Then tell her that too.
- Be brave: Have you ever heard of a hero who is afraid? Heroes are always portrayed as brave, and that is no coincidence. It’s not about being free of all fear, but about developing more courage. If your courage is bigger than your fear, you can say goodbye to your self-doubts.
The higher you’re in the hierarchy, the more serotonin will flow through your body.
You will be bursting with self-confidence, free of self-doubt, and full of pride in yourself and in what you have accomplished.
For this reason, the rock on which the Lion King stands is called ‘Pride Rock.’
Why most people never reach the top?
Because there’s one thing they don’t understand:
Tip #2: You have to earn it
If you have self-doubts, it’s very easy to hide behind them.
It gets worse when men make up all kinds of excuses why they can’t grow:
- ‘I can’t go to the gym because I don’t have time.’
- ‘Women don’t like me because I’m too short.’
- ‘I’m an introvert, so clubs aren’t for me.’
Believe me. I’ve heard every excuse in the book.
Men (and women) invent the craziest things to avoid the truth, and that is:
You want something you don’t have yet, and the lack of it makes you insecure.
I could now waste valuable time teaching you how to eliminate your self-doubt without external success.
But do I want to? No.
And you probably don’t want me to teach you about this either.
You can be the most narcissistic macho in the world, but if you can’t prove your competence, you might as well forget it.
Confidence without delivered performance is like a good mark on a test you cheated on.
We all know this brainless person who is all mouthy but doesn’t take any action… Nobody respects such a person.
For this reason, I explain to my coaching students that they must earn their self-confidence.
If you don’t roll up your sleeves and get dirty, you can say as many positive affirmations in front of a mirror as you want. Nothing will happen.
On the other hand, many people work their asses off but never get what they want.
That’s why the rest of this article will be about how you can make it ridiculously easy for yourself.
Tip #3: Formulate a crystal-clear goal
Let me back up that point with a personal story.
I’ve been coaching men even before I joined AttractionGym.
Back then, there were two of us: My best bro and me.
But then he met his dream woman, married her, and I also found myself in a monogamous relationship.
As a result, I no longer offered coaching sessions and did not work towards my goal of becoming the world’s best dating coach.
Suddenly I had nothing to burn for. Nothing that made me jump out of bed in the morning
I started playing computer games again.
My day consisted of sleeping way too long, playing 3 hours, 2 hours in the gym lifting weights, and in the evening, satisfying my girlfriend, and whoop … the day was over.
I felt like a soulless wanderer, dragging his body aimlessly through the day.
Instead of working passionately on a vision, I walked around half the day in my sleeping pants, looking forward to the next episode of Game of Thrones and spending too much time online.
How it affected my psyche?
Well, my self-doubts and panic attacks from the past seemed to slowly but surely creep back to the surface.
I stopped believing in myself and continuously sought distraction to numb myself.
Of course, I knew exactly why I felt this way, so I took the necessary steps:
- I ended the relationship with my girlfriend, even though I still loved her
- I booked a flight to Malaysia to regain my old strength
- I fucked every pretty woman I saw there (what a crazy time…)
- I attained a new, unshakable level of social freedom and self-confidence and felt like a half-god
- I realized that it was my destiny to make other men feel the same way
- I landed back in the Netherlands, immediately opened my laptop, and worked on my goal
- Two weeks later I was discovered and trained by one of the co-founders of AttractionGym, Arnoud
- A little later I dominated the Dutch dating market with my mentor and am now the head coach of the best dating company on this planet
What did this do to my self-doubts and panic attacks?
It swept them away like a hurricane.
If you want to shoot your self-confidence into the stratosphere and beyond, you need to choose a target you can work on.
This can be anything. It doesn’t matter what you choose, but you must have a goal.
- Maybe you’d like to win a boxing match sometime.
- Maybe you’d like to move up in the job to the supervisor.
- Maybe you want to become a player like me.
But I have to warn you: I literally sacrificed everything in my life to be where I am now.
I’ve been working hard. Success doesn’t just fall in your lap. But in the end, it’s worth it.
Determined devotion can erase any self-doubt.
Then when you look in the mirror, you no longer see a man full of doubt.
You see the man who, despite his doubts, works hard to achieve his goal.
Instead of making your self-esteem dependent on something you don’t have, you base it on something you do.
This is the way to rise above your doubts.
Tip #4: Clean up your mess!
It’s common amongst some dating and life coaches, but also amongst psychologists and friends, to be told that you’re ok the way you are and should feel good.
Very helpful advice…
No, it’s not okay the way you are.
And you know it.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t have clicked on this article.
And you’re glad that you’re finally in a place where you aren’t told that everything is ok because you know that this is bullshit that won’t get you anywhere.
You know when you should feel good?
If you are who you might be, or at least on your way to becoming him.
To get there, you must clean up your mess.
I’m not talking about your room, although that could be a good start.
Get your life in order.
Find out which bad habits are toxic for your growth.
- You can’t get out of bed in the morning and press snooze five times on your alarm clock? Start by getting out of bed the first time it rings.
- You don’t do sports? Sign a contract at a gym today or tomorrow at the latest.
- Are you not working hard enough? Learn how to boost your productivity.
- Do you have no time for yourself? Work more efficiently or outsource certain tasks.
- You have no idea how to approach women? Then apply for coaching.
Here’s an example to show you how effective this can be.
If someone has depression, the first therapeutic measure is often to tell them to get up at the same time every day.
Unfortunately, it isn’t always that simple, but often depressions are cured by it.
Clean up the mess of your life.
Tip #5: Act like the man you want to be
Men with insecurities spend a lot of time trying to find out why they’re insecure.
It’s good that you’re getting to the bottom of it. Just make sure you don’t waste too much valuable energy on it.
Why you’re insecure exactly is less important than learning how to act more confidently.
And you do that by already acting like the man you want to be.
In challenging situations, ask yourself how the best version of yourself would act.
It can be a famous role model or someone in your environment whom you admire.
And if you can’t find a role model, you can think about how you would act if you were much further along in your development.
Whoever you choose: It’s important not to get caught up in your self-doubt and always try to be better than them.
Think about what a BOSS would do and then do precisely that.
Tip #6: Practice exposure therapy
During coaching sessions, I ask my students from time to time how they’re feeling at that specific moment.
In most cases, they’re plagued by nervousness, self-doubt, and fear at the beginning of the coaching.
It often takes less than an hour for them to approach women with such confidence as if they had never done anything else in their lives before.
And there’s a powerful lesson behind this:
Negative thoughts about yourself never last long when you take action.
The self-doubt BEFORE a certain action is always bigger than DURING the action.
Often the brain is so busy during an action that it has no capacity at all to form doubtful thoughts.
These thoughts would only annoy you for 15 minutes, and then you would discard them, but you haven’t had this often experience enough to really believe in it.
So try to have this experience as often as possible.
If you don’t think you can make a good impression on women, then talk to 10 women and see if you still have that thought afterward.
Most self-doubts are the result of anticipatory fear.
This means that you think about the future and imagine it very negatively.
Did I miss something? Has a device really been developed that allows you to look into the future?
I think not. You have no idea what’s going to happen, bro.
The most effective way to get rid of anticipatory fear isn’t to run away from it.
So if you notice that you’re avoiding certain social situations, then you need to develop a plan to make sure that you no longer do so.
- ‘Twice a week, I’ll approach at least five women.’
- ‘When I go to the club, I’m going to talk to the first 3 women I see.’
- ‘I will kiss women on the first date, no matter what.’
And over time, your confidence will experience a gigantic boost.
Which brings us to the next point.
Tip #7: The Kaizen way
Now you know that exposure is the most effective way out of your self-doubt.
Expose yourself (preferably daily) to ‘danger,’ and you won’t recognize yourself in half a year.
That sounds great for now. But also scary.
That’s why I would like to introduce you to the Kaizen philosophy.
Kaizen is the change for the better in small, continuous steps.
You don’t have to go from 0 to 100. You just have to go from 0 to 1. And then from 1 to 2. Slow but steady. Almost like anal sex.
You can’t bring yourself to approach a woman?
No problem. Then start by making eye contact with women and keep it as long as possible.
If you succeed, you can walk up to her and say ‘hi.’ And then you can go away again.
If that’s what you’re thinking, you haven’t understood anything.
I don’t think YOU thought so, but my years of experience in coaching men shows that most guys have this toxic mindset:
When they see a woman, they want to make a perfect impression.
Of course, they don’t succeed, and they begin to doubt themselves.
As a result, they keep poking me with questions like:
They want to avoid rejection at all costs, but the truth is that if you’re going to be truly successful with women, you must learn to deal with them.
And you’ll learn it step by step.
How to overcome your insecurities forever: THE ultimate insecurity slayer
Have you ever played Assassin’s Creed?
You play an assassin who sacrifices himself entirely for the freedom of people.
He would give his life for it without even blinking an eye.
It doesn’t have to be that extreme if you want to be free of self-doubts. You don’t have to give your life for it.
But be inspired by the credo of the Assassins and sacrifice at least a moment of your life to approach a woman despite massive self-doubt.
Just a moment of strength.
It doesn’t take much more than that.
And the next day, you do it all over again.
Imagine where you could already be in half a year’s time.
To help you on your way to becoming an attractive man, I have something else for you:
Check the contents below, click the link, and I’ll see you on the other side
Dan de Ram