How to Stop Being a People Pleaser & Have More People Like You

how to stop being a people pleaser

“You’re such a nice guy, but I only see you as a friend.”

These are the words that so many men disappear mercilessly into the friend zone.

You, as a true gentleman, are nice to women. You treat them with respect…

But still, they don’t pay any attention to you.

What’s more: you see her go off with the biggest asshole.

What’s going wrong here and what can you do about it?

You’ll find the answers in this article:

  • 11 Practical tips to kill you inner people pleasing personality and become attractive
  • Why being too nice/kind works against you when it comes to picking up women
  • How to become successful without becoming an asshole (yes, that’s possible)
  • A handy exercise to immediately become more attractive to women
  • How to seduce a bitchy cheerleader
  • And much, much more to deal with self-destructive people pleasing…

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

People pleasers finish last

Are you too nice to women? You’re not the only one, bro.

I used to be like that too.

At secondary school I was madly in love with a girl from a higher year.

Mind you: this was before my AttractionGym career. Those days I had no idea of how to capture the heart of a woman.

The 15-year-old me thought it worked like this:

Just be super nice and kind. That is what we men are taught by our culture, society, parents and social surroundings after all.

And if you ask a random woman what her dream guy would be like? She’d say something like this:

“I want a guy who’s sweet, kind and romantic. He’s always there for me, respects me and goes for me 100%.”
– Every woman every

So my strategy was simple:

  • I did everything for her
  • I overloaded her with compliments
  • I always made her #1
  • I showed off to her and made all sorts of romantic gestures

But did any of this work?

Well, let’s just say that my strategy failed harder than this guy’s marriage proposal:

She left me hanging and went off with another guy who had a gigantic amount of asshole in his personality.

My heart was broken and I just didn’t get it.

If women are looking for a nice guy, then why does being nice not work?

Blimey… well if only I knew what I know now…

I would have given my 15-year-old self a smack in the face. I would have taught him that constantly being nice doesn’t work…

I would have taught him how you do get success in seducing women…

But hey, I can’t turn back time.

Luckily I can share all my knowledge with you, dear reader.

Now, I’m a successful coach at AttractionGym. I help other men become better with women.

Today I’m going to kill your inner nice guy with 11 practical tips.

Your days of being that “friendly guy she can talk to” are over.

It’s time to transform you into that attractive sexual masculine steed that girls do want to get with.

You’re going to learn how to stop being a people pleaser.

Let’s do this sh*t.

Tip #1: Why people pleasing doesn’t work

You have to be sweet. You have to be nice. RESPEKT WAHMEN.

These are the words that every male feminist likes to utter.

But let’s be honest… How many male feminists do you know who are successful with women?

Ok, I’m going to just assume that you aren’t a male feminist. But you are a people pleaser.

The reason why this cute little puppy behavior doesn’t work is simple:

People pleasers have a hidden agenda.

By being nice, kind, and treating her with respect, you’re trying to achieve an underlying goal:

You want to sleep with her.

“No Dan, I just want to…”

Shhh.. be quiet, dear reader. I too told myself that I just wanted to “make her happy” and that I wanted a “romantic relationship with her”.

Maybe those things are even true, but if you deny that you don’t really want to sleep with yer, you’re lying to me, to yourself and to her.

And that’s not good.

A woman never falls for a guy who isn’t clear about his intentions.

But you’ll learn what women are attracted to in the following tip.

>> 7 Ways to Be More Masculine: Feel Great and More Attractive

Tip #2: What women are attracted to…

“Women are only attracted to assholes who have a lot of money!”
– The dude who understands nothing about women.

No, women don’t fall for assholes. I know it sometimes seems that way. But an asshole who humiliates women and treats them badly will not have long-term success.

But if women don’t fall for assholes, why don’t they fall for people pleasers?

Look, see it this way:

Tens of thousands of years ago, the alpha man of the tribe was the one who had the most success with women.

Because this alpha man had certain attractive properties:

  • Masculinity
  • Power
  • Leadership
  • Dominance

These properties meant that the posterity would have a higher chance of surviving than a caveman who acted like a pussy.

And today this is still the case: women aren’t attracted to pussies.

What’s more is that a people pleasing man is absolutely not interesting for a woman.

Because the female brain is excited by experiencing different emotions.

If she just feels “friendly” emotions with you, then she’s basically experiencing nothing.

You’re predictable to and easy to get. There’s absolutely no challenge left for her.

Yes, you’re nice. That’s why to her you’re a fun chat buddy she can blab on to.

But you’re not the attractive, dominant man who can seduce her.

So you don’t want to be an asshole, but you do want to be a confident man who knows his worth.

A man who is clear about his intentions, isn’t scared of his sexuality and won’t back away from a challenge.

If you want to know how to become that type of guy, read on…

>> Too Nice for Your Own Good? 7 Ways to Not Be a Boring and Unattractive Nice Guy

Tip #3: Don’t put her on #1

“I want a guy who will put me on #1.”
– The biggest lie women tell.

A woman doesn’t want a guy who treats her as his #1, believe me. Because if you do treat her like that, the pressure is on her.

And thus: if you make her your #1 priority in life, what does that say about you?

  • You imply that SHE is more important than you.
  • You imply that you have nothing better in your life than her.
  • You imply that your whole f*cking life revolves around her.
  • You are pretty much a slave at her service.

These are all extremely unattractive properties.

Of course, every woman wants to be respected.

But a woman wants a man who’s also on his path. She wants a guy who’s chasing a higher purpose.

So DON’T make her your #1 priority.

A woman doesn’t want to be a #1, she wants to be with the #1.

If your whole life revolves around that one woman, then it’s time to change this.

Find hobbies, interests, and goals that make you a more interesting and attractive man.

This has different advantages:

  • Your happiness doesn’t depend on one woman alone
  • You grow
  • You learn to make yourself happy
  • You become less needy towards women
  • A man who places his goals above a woman is more attractive than a man who places his woman above his goals

Think about the prehistoric, male leader of the tribe:

Was he kissing ass and people pleasing in order to be found attracted?


His focus was on leading. He was busy surviving. He had a higher purpose.

And that’s pretty darn attractive.

Want to learn more about attractive traits? Then read this article:

>> 7 Ways to Get a More Masculine Edge (to Balance the Feminine)

Tip #4: Know your worth

Cast your eyes on this stunner:

Are you sitting there with your mouth-watering? You’re probably not the only one.

Many men would sacrifice a lot to spend a night in bed with this hottie.

The average guy will immediately do his best to impress her. He’ll use sweet and kind nice guy behavior to try and get into her panties…

But if you think about it, that’s incredibly dumb.


Because you don’t even know her.


Us men, we can get a hard-on from just looking at a picture of a hot woman.

But the whole problem is, we don’t even know who she really is:

  • You don’t know what she does.
  • How her voice sounds
  • What her values are
  • You don’t know what she’s open to
  • Whether you’re a match
  • What kind of person she is

In other words: You’re immediately sold purely because of her looks. What does this say about you?

Do you know what your values are? Do you know what you stand for?

Do you even know what qualities your ‘dream woman’ needs to have?

Most men can only answer this question with a big fat no.

But as soon as you know what your most important values are and you know what traits you’re looking for in a woman… you’ll quickly lose all that people pleasing behavior.


Because you’re no longer trying to impress, but you’re being critical and trying to determine whether a woman really matches with you.

This way you prevent yourself from becoming that happy puppy who blindly does everything for a woman.

Here’s an exercise to go with this tip:

Write at least 10 characteristics that your ideal woman needs to have.

Also, write your 10 biggest turn-offs in a woman. As soon as a woman is guilty of one of those turn-offs, she’s 1-0 behind.

This way you’ll make sure that YOU are the one who has value.

You are not easily sold on every hot chick. This will allow you to quickly reckon with your inner nice guy.

Also, this will get you a first meeting with ladies you really match with.

Want to know more essential tips on how to stop being a people pleaser? Then read on.

Tip #5: The power of qualifying

Have you made your list of 10 traits of your ideal woman?


Then let’s start qualifying.

Qualifying means: making sure a woman really matches with you.

As you know know the Average Andy never does this. He’s immediately sold.

But you are different. You are a badass with high standards.

The time of showering women with buckets of compliments with no reason is over.

From now on you are going to qualify her.

For example:

You’re looking for an adventurous woman.

Then you can say something like:

What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?

With this question you already start to qualify her. If she gives you an interesting answer like:

“Last year I traveled around Asia.”

Then make sure you don’t jump right back into the happy puppy, people pleasing mode:


Stay cool. You can give her a compliment if you like her answer. But don’t go over the top.

  • “Ah, awesome. Nice to hear that you’re one of the adventurous types.”

If she doesn’t give you an answer that excites you…

(For example, she says she went to the local petting zoo.)

Then you can tease her about this (see next tip). You can decide that this woman is not adventurous enough for you.

That’s also totally fine.

Remember: You are the badass who knows his worth. Not an ass kisser.

So use this list of values and turn-offs to make women qualify themselves.

You’ll be surprised how quickly your people-pleasing syndrome fades…

Pro tip:

Have a look at these conversation boosters for more example phrases to use during your talks with women.

Next we’ll dive into how teasing will help you stop being a people pleaser.

Tip #6: How I picked up a bitchy cheerleader

Two years ago I was in Denver, Colorado.

My eye fell on a nice lady who was enjoying herself on the dance floor.

The problem: There were already a bunch of hyenas circling around her, trying to catch her attention.

And yes: They tried to do this by showering her with compliments.

I didn’t do that.

What I did is the following:

I approached her and said:

“You remind me of those bitchy American cheerleaders you see in the movies.”

I had a huge smile on my face while I said that.

Her response?


She started playfully punching my arm.

“Noooooo why do you think that? I don’t look like that at all!”

And there you have it: The conversation was started. All those nice guy drooling hyenas watched as I took her home with me.

The big secret here?

Tease and challenge her.

Women love it when a man dares to tease and challenge her.

Why? Because most men don’t.

They play it the nice guy safe and friendly way.

Such a shame.

Because by now you know the female brain becomes excited when she experiences different emotions.

And that’s why teasing works so well.

It activates her emotional brain.

If you want to read more about teasing women and why this works so well, then read this article:

The boy who teases girls, is asking for kisses: 7 tips to seduce women.

Perhaps Hollywood is responsible for a lot of our culture’s nice guy behavior.

But in some cases we can learn from entertainment about how to stop being a people pleaser.

For a great example, read on.

Tip #7: An example from Hank Moody

One of the biggest womanizers in TV-series (and my personal hero) is none other than Hank Moody.

And today, our dear Hank is going to help you become an attractive mathafackaaaa (instead of a nice guy pussy).

The biggest problem of nice guys is that they play it safe. By respecting a woman enough, they ultimately want to get her into their bed.

Well, think again.

Women want a man who dares to be sexual. Women love sex. You won’t get there by playing safe and friendly.

Most women would rather talk about sex than about the weather.

But to be able to do that, you will have to be sexual.

And how do you do that? Hank Moody shows us here:

Notice how Moody sexualises the conversation easily with:

  • Strong eye contact.
  • Speaking slower.
  • Making over-the-top sexual statements.

Is he embarrassed about this? No. He OWNS his sexuality completely and that makes him so attractive.

F*ck the nice guy safe route. Dare to be sexual. Dare to build sexual tension between you and a woman.

In this article you will read everything about:

>> 11 Subtle Ways to Seduce a Woman Without Being Creepy

An important way to generate sexual tension between you and her is to touch her.

This is something that nice guys rarely do. Such untapped potential. So read the next tip about touch…

Tip #8: The big danger of #metoo…

The #metoo craziness has had a horrible consequence:

Men no longer know how to seduce a woman.

#Metoo has made men afraid. They are scared that the tiniest touch will have people screaming #metoo in their ear.

And that’s a shame. For both men and women.

Women like being touched.

What’s more: This study has shown that a man who dares to touch is seen as more attractive than a man who doesn’t.

The typical guy doesn’t dare to touch women. This leads to embarrassing pics like this one:

Listen bud,

If you’re scared to touch a woman, how the f*ck are you going to f*ck her?

Don’t keep your hands to yourself.

Ok, before I start attracting all kinds of #metoo crazies, I want to add something to this:

Touch her in the right way.

Do this by building up your touch slowly.

At the start of the conversation you can touch her lightly every so often. For example putting your hand on her shoulder or touching her arm when she laughs at your jokes.

If she responds positively to your touch, then proceed a little further. Think about giving her a hug or putting your arm around her.

Watch for her reaction. Does she not like your touch? Then don’t escalate.

In any case, don’t be the friendly guy who’s scared as hell to touch a woman. There is nothing more unattractive than that.

We’re not finished yet, so read on.

In the next tip you will find out more about how to stop being a pushover.

>> How to Be More Manly – 5 Simple Hacks

Tip #9: Learn these 2 letters

“Will you carry my coat for me?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Will you buy me a drink?”

“Yes, absolutely!”

“Will you listen to me while I talk about this guy I have a crush on for hours?”

“Uhh… yeah I guess so?”



Learn to f*cking say NO!

People pleasers often have the problem that they say “yes” to things too often.

Perhaps you have this problem too. Especially with a pretty lady.

But this yes-man behavior comes with many disadvantages.

  • You let people walk all over you
  • You allow women to use you
  • You don’t stand up for your own values
  • You don’t come across as manly or attractive
  • You become an all-round pussy

Quit saying yes. Say no more often. Even to pretty ladies. Stop putting others first. See how they respond.

Believe me: you’ll thank me later.

Still feeling tired of pleasing people? This next unexpected tip will help you a lot.

Tip #10: Have a masculine facial expression

When you’re walking down the street, you see a lot of grumpy faces.

I recommend everyone to wear a smile on their face, to make everyone’s life more pleasant…


Don’t exaggerate.

A man who’s too sweet and nice to women often does this.

Some men always have an overly friendly smile on their face. This makes your nice guy vibe even more nice.

Just look at these examples.

Who looks more attractive?

This clown:

Or this badass:

Look, bro,

I’m not saying you need to look angry or grumpy all the time.

But if you know you naturally veer towards nice guy behavior, then you probably have an overly friendly facial expression a lot of the time.

Some guys can’t even frown.

This is far from attractive. Let me say this: if you can only smile politely, it comes across as kinda faggy.

A woman doesn’t want a faggy pussy boy, she wants an attractive man. If you don’t feel like smiling, then don’t.

Make strong eye contact and practice your manly facial expressions.

Because, hey, how would this scene have looked if James Bond constantly had a faggy smile on his face?

Exactly: the scene should probably never have been made if it hadn’t been for 007’s manly facial expression.

Practice your own facial expressions and you’ll see your people pleasing behavior drastically decrease.

Now, for our final tip on how to stop people pleasing.

Tip #11: Man up!

Men like this one were our ancestors:


  • They could climb, fight, hunt, survive and kill.
  • He could endure icy cold or incredibly hot temperatures.
  • He protected and lead his tribe. He could make weapons and knew how to use them.
  • He was a f*cking badass. The opposite of a people pleaser.

This is the average man of today:

He no longer has to hunt for his food. He lives in comfort. Everything is sorted for him.

He is not a leader and lets his woman walk all over him. He doesn’t set boundaries and lets other people dictate the rules.

And… he is vegan.

Am I exaggerating? I could be…

But one thing is for sure.

Men are losing their masculinity.

Men are to sweet, kind and nice. Especially for women.

That’s why it’s important to stay true to your inner caveman. He’s still there hiding somewhere inside you.

And no, you don’t have to go out hunting pigeons.

It’s more about learning to defend yourself.

Learning how to stop pleasing everyone.

There are two things that have helped me a lot with this:

  • Fitness
  • Martial arts

This research has shown that fitness raises testosterone levels.

Martial arts are good for increasing discipline, power, and resilience.

All of this leads to a self-confident, manlier version of yourself. A version of yourself who isn’t just nice in the hopes that other people will like him back.


It’s time to leave your inner nice guy behind for good.

You are an attractive guy. Not a yes-man.

Ex People pleasers used this

If you want more tips about seducing women, then don’t forget to download the Transformation Kit.

In this pack you’ll find a lot of tips for approaching women, flirting (also for Tinder/WhatsApp) + a way to free yourself from the friendzone.

(Which you’ll never land in every again, starting from today)

The Transformation Kit is completely free and you can download it by clicking the link below this article.

See you in the next article, bro.

Your sweet, kind and friendly nice guy,
Dan de Ram

Stop awkward conversations
and painful rejections

My free Transformation Kit will make you irresistible to women.

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