How to Stop Being the Nice Guy – Being True to Yourself in 12 Steps

In this article, you learn:

  • 12 practical tips on how to stop being a nice guy unleashing the alpha in you
  • Why being nice isn’t a good strategy
  • How you put the gun to your inner Nice Guy’s head and pull the trigger
  • The answer to the question of whether you need to become an asshole now
  • How to stop being Mr. Nice Guy: A tip from a Disney movie to increase your sex appeal
  • And many more tips on how to stop being a yes man…

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

You hear that one sentence that makes your breakfast omelet come up every time and makes your heart stop for a moment:

“You are nice and super kind, but I think of you more as a friend.”


This sentence is especially painful if you have already fallen in love with her and imagined a rosy future.

Many men get to hear it and get catapulted into the friendzone for thousands of years.

A somewhat confrontational question:

Do you feel addresses in the following points?

  • You’re ‘too kind,’ and always nice to women.
  • You’re convinced that there’s a true gentleman inside you.
  • You always treat women with respect and are very obliging.
  • You want the best for her, even if she doesn’t want the best for you.
  • You’ve already been heartbroken – often by her getting involved with the biggest asshole instead of you.

Yeah, some points apply to you and you’re wondering what the hell is going wrong?

Don’t worry, amigo.

Because today, with loving severity, I’m going to turn you into a charming BADASS that all these assholes will envy.

Being too nice only harms yourself. Read on and later check out this article:

>> Too Nice for Your Own Good? 7 Ways to Not Be a Boring and Unattractive Nice Guy

‘Nice Guys finish last’ – Is this true?

You think I don’t know what it’s like to be too nice to women and end up being punished for it?

Then you thought wrong.

In fact, if you look up the term ‘Nice Guy’ in an outdated dictionary, you should find a picture of me in the tenth grade below:

Damn, did I look nerdy…

I was madly in love with a girl in the ninth grade.

As a naive rascal who was still wet behind the ears, I thought I had the solution:

“I’ll just show her what a nice guy I am; then she’ll definitely fall in love with me. That’s exactly what she wants!”

Many of us are brought up in this belief: Be nice to people, courteous and reserved, and you’ll get what you want.

Instead of developing your masculine qualities, you are squeezed into a cute niceness box by your parents, the school system, and society.

As a result, my strategy was:

  • I complimented her
  • I promised her everything under the sun
  • I always had an open ear for her problems
  • I tried to spend every spare minute with her

You think it worked?


I failed more miserably than that guy’s marriage proposal:

Instead of profiting from my cavalier attitude, she scooted with a guy whose asshole factor would have gone off any scale.

My heart was splintering into every single part and I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong.

If I had known then what I know now…

…that woman would still have pictures of me on her refrigerator today.

Anyway, I can’t turn back time and I don’t want to.

But what I can do is share my knowledge with you so that you don’t make the same painful mistakes.

The times when you were the ‘nice boy next door’ are over as of today.

Through 12 practical tips, we will slash your inner Nice Guy and bring to light your wild, masculine and sexual qualities.

>> 7 Underrated Things Women Find Extremely Attractive in Men

How NOT to be a nice guy: 12 tips to unleash your inner BEAST

Tip #1: Own your sexuality

“You must be nice! You must be kind! ‘RESPECT WOMEN!”

Words that every male feminist loves to say.

But let’s see who’s behind these wanna-be words…

Ah… I knew it.

Men who hope to be accepted by the female sex as a result.


But I take it you’re not a feminist. You’re just too nice to women.

Then let me blurt things out:

The reason why this nice behavior doesn’t work is simple:

You subconsciously try to achieve a hidden goal through your kindness:

You want to sleep with her.

“No, Dan, I just want to make her…”

Shh… Shut up! I once told myself I wanted to ‘make her happy’ and have a ‘romantic relationship’ with her.

Maybe all these things are true, but if you deny that you want to sleep with her, then you are lying to me, to yourself and especially to her.

And that is, as they say in sophisticated English language:


You never keep intensive eye contact, never touch women and flirt or only do that carefully?

Then you’ll have a hard time seducing women because they can’t respect a man who can’t even own his sexuality.

Sounds tough?

Cool, because this was also my intention.

The harder I confront you with the truth now, the sooner your inner, unattractive Nice Guy will disappear.

Affected by layers of being afraid of sex? Time to peel them away with this artice:

>> 4 Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Sex Without Shame

Tip #2: What women REALLY crave…

“Women want rich assholes!” 
– The 40-year-old virgin ‘womanizer’ who still lives with mom

No, women don’t want assholes.

I know sometimes it seems that way. But a man who humiliates and treats women badly won’t be able to keep attractive and confident women in his life in the long run.


Because no woman who thinks anything of herself can be poorly treated in the long run.


A man who is called an asshole by others can have quite attractive qualities – such as

  • Masculinity
  • ‘Backbone‘
  • Leadership qualities
  • Strength
  • Courage

Why are these characteristics so attractive?

It’s very simple:

If you don’t possess these qualities, how much reliance can you have on yourself when the going gets rough?

At the moment, we live here in America with a certain amount of security, but who knows how long this will remain so. Besides, even here, evil lurks. And how useful is a man who can do nothing but be nice?

Then, as a woman, I’d rather have an asshole by my side…

All of these qualities are explained and taught in-depth in this article. Use it to your advantage:

>> What Makes Women Attracted to Men? 11 Irresistible Qualities

Tip #3: What you can learn from the Joker

The Joker…

You can love him, you can hate him, but you can never find him boring.

This is mainly because he’s unpredictable.

And this characteristic is also one reason why ‘assholes’ can be so interesting for women.


Women want to experience emotions.

If she only experiences positive emotions with you, it’s about as exciting as a James Bond movie where everything goes smoothly for the agent.

Waaaay too boring.

If you’re predictable and easy to get, there is no challenge for a woman anymore.

I know… you don’t like to create negative feelings in someone.

And that is part of the problem.

Life isn’t always positive and if you’re always nice, it seems like you’re too naive to realize that.

Imagine you’re a father someday and your sons cause trouble. Are you always nice to them?

I hope not, because children are little monsters and they need your fatherly discipline.

This may seem a bit far-fetched for you, but it may be that by being too nice to women, you communicate that you would be a bad father.

Women want to see a certain amount of authority in you.

Tip #4: Push women off their pedestals

“I want a man who makes me his #1 priority.”
– The biggest lie of women

Believe it or not, but a woman is secretly disappointed in you if you make her your top priority.

There’s a simple reason for this:

It creates enormous pressure on them. After all, she’s responsible for your well-being.

Life is sometimes stressful enough, so why should she place the burden of being someone else’s main mission on herself?

When you put women on a pedestal, it says things about you that you certainly don’t want to say. Namely:

  • That you don’t have a mission in life that’s more important to you than anything else
  • That you haven’t anything else in life but her to make you happy
  • That your life’s happiness depends heavily on another person
  • That you’re as controllable as a lapdog

A woman also wants to feel your tender, loving side – that’s for sure. But she doesn’t want it to be your highest goal to show her this side.

So why would you make her your #1 in life when she doesn’t want to be it?

You know what she wants instead?

She wants to be with the #1.

And if you want to be the #1, then you must kick life’s ass.

Pursue hobbies, interests, and goals that make you a more interesting and attractive man.

This has advantages of inestimable value:

A man who puts his goals above a woman is always more attractive than a man who puts a woman above his goals.

Think of a prehistoric male tribal leader:

Was he constantly busy kissing asses and sending love messages?


He was busy surviving. He protected and led his tribe. He scouted and conquered territories.

In short, he had a higher purpose.

And the Stone Age women found this sexy because it ensured the safety and survival of their children – not through daily love poems.

To learn more about how to take your masculinity to the next level, be sure to check out this article:

>> 7 Ways to Get a More Masculine Edge (to Balance the Feminine)

Tip #5: Are you good enough?

Look at this woman:

If you’re thinking, ‘Wow, I’d die for a woman like that if I had to?’ I’m sure you’re not the only one.

So, the average man (who you no longer want to be) will do everything to impress her. He tries to please his señorita by being nice and saying:

No, I’m not that kind of guy.”

But if men would think rationally about what they’re doing, they would understand how stupid they are.


Because they have no idea who this woman is.

They don’t know…

  • What she does
  • The sound of her voice
  • What’s important to her in life
  • If she’s a good match for them
  • If she’s wrong in the garret
  • If she has a killer turtle at home

In other words, you were only impressed by her looks.

Which brings up the question: What does that mean?

A legitimate question.

You know…

  • What your values are?
  • What you stand for?
  • What qualities your dream woman should have?
  • What you actually want from women?

For most men, the answer to all these questions is a fat ‘FUCK NO’.

But as soon as you know your own inner values, you also know what requirements your dream woman must meet.

Instead of automatically trying to impress her, you then critically check whether she really suits you. That way, you avoid going blinded by love.

This exercise will help you:

  • Write down at least 10 characteristics that your ideal woman should have.
  • Write down the 10 biggest no-gos on a woman.

As soon as she doesn’t meet YOUR requirements, she’ already 0:1 behind. At least that’s how it should be, but Nice Guys like to ignore all red flags and still find the woman super cool.

Pro tip:

Check your list from time to time to make sure it’s still authentic. With growing experience, your requirements and wishes will change, which should be reflected in your list.

And make damn sure you only go after women who are worth it.

Tip #6: A man with standards…

You made your list?


Then I can show you how to be the ultimate boss in her eyes.

The magic word for this is:


Works in 11/10 cases.

But what also works is:


Qualifying means: Checking whether a woman really matches you.

As you already know, the Average Andy never does this, and he’s got to pay for it.

But you’re different. You’re a man of standards.

The days are numbered where you shower women with compliments and still sit alone in your basement at night, masturbating into a stinky tennis sock.

Does that sound like you?

I hope not.

But even if…

No problemo, muchacho. Because now you’ll learn how to use the power of qualifying.

An example:

Let’s assume you’re looking for an adventurous woman. Then you could ask her:

“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”

With this question, you qualify her and she might give you an interesting answer:

“I traveled through Asia alone last year.”

So far, so good. Just be careful you don’t fall into exaggerated euphoria:



No! Stay cool. You can complement her if you like her answer, but don’t overdo it.


“Ah, fantastic. Nice to hear that. I like adventurous people.”

This answer sounds much more solid and authentic.

There is no reason to lose control and hide behind artificial enthusiasm because this is just your conditioned fake personality instead of your true, authentic personality.

But now let’s discuss what you should do if you don’t like her answer.

For example, she says that her life’s most adventurous trip was a day trip to Brentwood.

This is a good time to tease her.

>> How to Tease Women – 7 Ways She Actually Likes + 11 Examples

However, keep in mind that you’ll never come to a common denominator with some women.

If you still feel the need to justify yourself or play the good guy, just ask yourself:

“Who am I? Am I a kissass or a man of standards?”

The decision is entirely up to you, but if you are in doubt, just remember the list you created in tip #5.

>> Are You and Your Girlfriend Compatible? Do This Relationship Test

Tip #7: How to win a cheerleader’s heart

A few years ago, I honored a club with my noble presence.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a beauty who performed a half acrobatic show on the dance floor to the song ‘Single Ladies.’

Of course, within a very short time, she was surrounded by smeary, greedy and needy men.

With striking dance moves, they tried to get closer to her and to catch her attention.

What did I do?

The opposite.

I walked up to her and I said:

“You remind me of those bitchy cheerleaders you always see in those Hollywood movies.”

Of course, I had a playful smile on my lips.

Her reaction?


She immediately began to explain herself.

“Not at all waaahhhh, why do you think that? I don’t look like that at all!”

After two minutes, we danced tightly entangled and the typical nice guys had to watch me with open mouth.

The big secret?

Teasing and challenging.

Women love it when a man dares to be a little cheeky.


Because they know exactly how much courage it takes.

Most men don’t dare. They prefer to play the nice, friendly guy.

Too bad for them.

Pro tip:

There’s no shame in having a few flirty lines in the back of your head to start off any conversation with a woman in a flirty and attractive way.

Heck, it’s even the smart thing to do.

So grab your free 20+ flirty examples lines that always hook right here.

Tip #8: What you can learn from Hank Moody

One of the most laid-back TV casanovas is none other than Hank Moody.

And our good old Hank will help you become an attractive maddafakka today.

The biggest problem with nice guys is that they play it safe. They think:

“Okay, now I can’t say the wrong thing or she won’t sleep with me.”

Think about it, homie.

Women want a man who dares to be sexual.

Maybe you didn’t know it yet, but women love sex.

Most women would much rather talk about sex than about the autumn weather, the increasingly weakening Gulf Stream or your new boring machine (unless ‘boring machine’ is a synonym for your new sex toy).

In any case, you need to know how to get sexual because there is, of course, a wrong way to go, which you want to avoid, as it makes you look like a horny pervert.

Here’s how Hank Moody does it:

Notice how Moody effortlessly sexualizes the conversation through:

  • Strong eye contact
  • Speaking slowly
  • Exaggerated, sexual comments

Is he ashamed of it?

Not a bit.

He owns his sexuality 100%, and this is exactly what makes him seem boundlessly self-confident.

The ‘sure road’ is a lie. It doesn’t exist.

So dare to get sexual. Dare to build sexual tension between you and a woman.

>> Sexual Attraction – 15 Things She Wants You to Know, But Will Never Tell You

What’s important here is…

Buckle up…


Who’d have thought it?

We’ll talk about that now.

Tip #9: How to touch her PROPERLY

The #metoo campaign has caused a major disaster:

Many men no longer dare to touch women.

They’re afraid of having to defend themselves in court for sexual harassment because of the slightest touch.

Or that a #metoo activist cuts off their balls and throws them to their crocodiles to eat.

That’s too bad. For both men and women.

Women like to be touched appropriately.

In fact, studies have shown that a man who touches other people is perceived as more attractive than a man who doesn’t.

The latter leads rather to embarrassing photos:

Watch out; if your hand accidentally touches her shoulder, you’ll burn in hellfire forever!!!

Listen, bro.

If you don’t touch a woman, how the hell are you going to kiss her, let alone sleep with her?

Maybe now you’re thinking:

“Copy that, Dan. But how am I supposed to do that exactly?”

It’s very simple.

Use your hands.

After all, God didn’t give them to you just to masturbate.

But before any #metoo activists throw Molotov cocktails through my window, I want to emphasize something:

Find out with how much touch the woman still feels comfortable. This will give you exactly the quantity and intimacy of physical contact that is appropriate.

At the beginning of the conversation, you can touch her lightly now and then. You can put your hand on her shoulder or touch her arm when she laughs.

If she reacts positively, you can go one step further. For example, hug her or put your arm around her.

Always pay attention to her reaction.

This is very important for women.

If she senses that you are an emotionally intelligent man who understands when she feels comfortable with a touch and when not, you’ll immediately be more attractive to her.

“But Dan, what do I do if she doesn’t like my touch?”


You’re taking a big step back.

Tip #10: Say no!

“Can you carry my bag”


“Buy me a drink?”

“Yes, absolutely!”

“Will you listen to me when I talk for hours about the guy I’m in love with?”

“Uhhh… of course.”


Learn to use the sacred word ‘NO.’

Over-friendly people often have the problem that they can’t do this. Maybe this sounds familiar to you, especially with beautiful women.

But all this hypocrisy has enormous disadvantages:

  • You’ll have to do things you don’t really want to do
  • You let others take advantage of you
  • You don’t stand behind your own values (see tip #5)
  • Your masculinity is suffering
  • You seem unattractive
  • You’re going to be Mr. Nice Guy

Stop saying ‘yes’ all the time when you don’t really want something. Even with the woman of your dreams.

Show her that you know who you are, know your boundaries and expect other people to accept them.

That’s what people actually mean with ‘be yourself’:

>> “Just Be Yourself”, THIS is What She Actually Means by That

Tip #11: Show her your lion look

When you walk through the streets, you see tired, lifeless faces.

Others have already noticed this and that is why they trumpet out into the world:

“Everyone should walk the streets with a big grin on their face to make life better for everyone…”

Holy f*ck.

You can overdo it.

And men who are too kind to women do just that.

They have this over-friendly smile on their face, which makes their appearance even sweeter, softer and more harmless.

Let’s look at an example.

Who looks more attractive?

That sheep:

Or that lion:

I’m not saying you should look like you’re pissed off all the time from now on.

But if you are always friendly, it will show in your facial expressions. The hardness of life hasn’t yet been drawn into your milky boy face, so to speak.

Many of our coaching students can’t even frown when we ask them to do so…

If you smile friendly all the time, you’ll appear somewhat inauthentic and feminine. And a woman doesn’t want a soft-boiled egg; she wants a one out of steel.

That means:

If you don’t have to smile, don’t smile.

Do and show exactly what you feel right now. Is it anger? Then show your anger. Is it joy? Then show your joy.

But don’t automatically smile like Cheshire Cat.

What would this scene have looked like if James Bond had had a big grin on his face the whole time?

You got it: If it weren’t for Bond’s manly expression, this scene wouldn’t have happened.

Practice in your masculine expression and you’ll see that you’ll earn more respect from women and men around you.

Tip #12: A Disney tip to become more sexy

In the Disney film ‘Mulan’ you’ll learn the solution:

Man up.

Real men are becoming rare.

That’s the man from before:

  • He could climb, fight, fish, hunt, kill and survive in the wilderness
  • He could survive extreme heat and cold
  • He wasn’t all thumbs: He could build shelters and make weapons and tools
  • He was a fucking boss

This is the man of today:

  • He doesn’t have to look for food anymore
  • He no longer has to do hard, physical labor
  • He has a comfortable bed that King Ludwig II would have been jealous of
  • He is no longer directly responsible for the lives of other people
  • He puts on a snowsuit the minute it gets a little colder
  • He is vegan, knits little potholders, watches American’s Next Topmodel and cries when he scrapes his knee

Maybe I’m exaggerating a little. But one thing is certain:

The average man today is far less masculine than the average man in the past.

Scientists have come to the same conclusion. They have observed in studies that men’s testosterone levels have been declining rapidly for 30 years:

(Source: Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism; 2007; 92:196-202)

So it isn’t only the behavior of men that got less masculine, but also their fundamental biology.

Therefore, it’s important to remain faithful to the inner beast that lurks within you and is only waiting to break out.

And no, you don’t have to go out and hunt down a boar with your bare hands.

It’s about rediscovering your inner masculinity and connecting with it.

There are two things, among others, that have helped me in this respect:

Fitness and martial arts.

Countless studies have shown that weight training increases your testosterone levels.

Martial arts also makes you more disciplined, tougher, and more brutal (when it matters).

All this makes you a more confident, masculine and simply BETTER man.

A man you can rely on, a man who isn’t dependent on the recognition of other people and who rests deep within himself. #hippietalk

It’s time to tell your inner Nice Guy to leave and never return.

Use my free Transformation Kit.

Your bro,
Dan de Ram

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and painful rejections

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