Do you want to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend?
Do you have an ex who you can’t get rid of, or do you want to know how to stop talking to someone you love?
Or maybe there’s a person in your life with whom, for whatever reason, you simply want to stop spending time with?
Then you’re presented with a difficult task. Because breaking contact with someone is not easy.
That’s why you’ll find all the tips you need in this article.
In this article you’ll learn…
- 7 Effective tips on how to stop talking to someone as quickly and painlessly as possible.
- 3 Important questions to ask yourself before you break contact.
- A handy technique stolen from the police to make a difficult conversation easier.
- A powerful exercise for if you’re not sure if you want to break contact.
- And much more…
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After reading this article you’ll know exactly how to stop talking to someone you love in a safe, direct and honest way.
But before I share my 7 tips with you, I must tell you an uncomfortable truth…
The painful truth about breaking contact…
Dear reader, I have good and bad news for you.
Let me start with the bad:
You’re probably going to hurt his person.
It’s very understandable that people look for the most painless and easy way to break contact.
But the fact remains that breaking contact simply isn’t fun.
Not for you, and not for the person in question. There’s a big chance that this will hurt both of you.
Now I could give you a bunch of sweet, soft and subtle ways to deliver this message.
But unfortunately this wouldn’t give you the desired result.
The last thing you want is for the message to be unclear.
You don’t want to create unnecessary pain or drama, because you haven’t been clear or honest enough.
You want to (temporarily) stop talking to this person. A decision that big necessitates a firm approach.
So to make this decision properly, you need to be tough.
It’s not pleasant, but necessary. And it will be more than worth it in the long run.
Luckily there are effective ways to make this decision.
You can break contact without unnecessary drama or pain, as long as you know what you’re doing.
I’ve therefore laid down these 7 effective tips for you, to help you rip off the bandaid as quickly and painlessly as possible.
#1: Ask yourself these 3 questions…
“I broke up with her during a horrible fight and now she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I was really mad, but didn’t want to end it. It was an impulse. I regret it so badly.”
A good friend of mine came to me with these words. He had broken up with his girlfriend in a fit of anger. In hindsight, he realized it was a stupid mistake.
You want to avoid this at all cost. Now you may think:
This could well be the case. But you should still think about why you’re making that decision.
Because people often choose to stop talking to someone they love because there’s a certain negative emotion underlying the situation. We may be very angry or disappointed with someone.
But remember that that negative emotion is not always a good advisor.
Disappointment, frustration or anger can sometimes lead us to make impulsive decisions.
Remember: Reestablishing broken contact can sometimes be just as hard as breaking it.
And if you do it, think carefully about HOW you want to do it.
If you’ve only had one date with someone, you don’t need to make a big deal about breaking contact. Sometimes you don’t even need to say anything. But if it’s someone you’ve had a relationship with, it is of course different.
In short, before you make the decision, think about these questions:
- What are my reasons for breaking contact? Do I really want this and why?
- What’s my connection to this person/what are the consequences of this decision?
- What’s the most healthy/safe way for me to break contact?
That last question is crucial and for many people it’s a big challenge. So let’s zoom in on it in the next tip.
#2: Take this into account if you break contact
You know what’s really painful?
Yikes, you wouldn’t wish that upon your worst enemy. But I was talking about something else.
A few years ago I was dating a lady who broke contact with me. She did this in a very classy, loving and reasonable way:
A quick text message.
It felt like she’d stuffed my heart in a blender. The connection we had didn’t seem to hold any more value for her when she decided to break up in such a cowardly way.
If you want to show the other person some respect, it’s really important to say it face-to-face.
Like I said: There’s no easy quick fix for breaking contact.
Face-to-face isn’t easy, but it is honest, direct, personal, and the most effective.
Don’t do it in public. This can create uncomfortable situations for you both. It’s also hard for others to express their emotions in public.
So the first step when considering how to break contact with someone? Do it face-to-face if at all possible, in a personal, private setting.
But there are exceptions…
Here they are:
#1: In extreme, unresolvable situations
Did he/she set your dog on fire because you wouldn’t go on a date with them?
Were you treated like trash and does this person have no respect for you?
Then breaking contact via a message or silent treatment is permitted.
#2: If you have a fragile or weak bond
Did you have a first date and was there no chemistry?
No worries, you don’t need to plan a second date purely to break contact.
An honest message or phone call is enough in this case.
#3: If your safety is in danger
Do you want to break contact with a narcissistic or psychotic ex?
Does this person react disproportionately angry at rejection?
Have you had violent or intense conflict with this person before?
These are all well-founded reasons NOT to break contact face-to-face.
So now the question is: how do you stop talking to someone you like concretely? You’ll find out in the next tip.
#3: Use this effective police technique
The police use a harsh but effective technique for having so-called “bad-news” conversations.
Every cop knows that people aren’t waiting for a long-ass speech when being given bad news.
So when the police knock on your door to deliver bad news, they don’t sugar coat it.
They tell you very directly what’s happened.
And that’s exactly how you want to break contact.
Don’t beat around the bush.
Be as direct and clear as possible about what you want to tell them. Yep, this isn’t the easiest thing to do, but it is the best option.
Because first, you’re not making it harder for that person than it already is. Think about a rotten tooth that’s being pulled. You’d rather have it yanked out in one go, than have it slowly and torturously prodded until it finally comes out.
Second, don’t make assumptions.
It may be the case that this person thinks about this in exactly the same way, and is ready to break contact.
In that case you’ll be glad you took a direct approach and didn’t create unnecessary drama around it.
#4: Put on your body armor
I have something for you.
You’ll need it.
You can probably use some protection if you’re going to stop talking to someone you love.
Anyways, silly joke. But the underlying message is clear:
Not that you need a bullet-proof vest and peppers pray just in case..
(At least I hope not.)
It’s about you mentally taking care of yourself in advance.
Look, like I said at the beginning, there’s a fair chance you’re going to hurt this person.
And pain is something that brings up emotions. So there’s a chance that this person will:
- Start to scream
- Insult you personally
- Starts cursing
- Says things that will trigger you
It goes without saying that this is not pleasant. But it’s often a necessary evil. That’s why it’s good to be prepared for this in advance.
Show understanding for the other person’s emotions.
You don’t need to agree with what he or she says. As long as you understand that this person is emotionally triggered.
Don’t take it personally:
DON’T change your mind when the other person has an emotional response.
It could be that the other person’s anger or sadness hits you hard. This might make you doubt your decision.
Now I won’t say that it’s forbidden. But I’ll say that taking back your decision because of another person’s emotions is often not a good reason.
Before you know it you’ll be talking to this person again and it’ll fail for exactly the same reason you initially wanted to stop talking to them.
So keep a cool head. Take the emotional outburst of the other person like a champ, and DON’T change your mind during it.
#5: Put actions to your words
This is very important.
Let me explain what I mean with an example from a friend of mine. Let’s call him Rick.
Rick was addicted to pot. The whole friend group realized this and we decided to have a talk with him about this.
After a long and emotional conversation, Rick saw the consequences of this addiction and decided to quit immediately.
Great decision. But of course there was a twist…
Rick wanted to stop, but he didn’t want to throw away his leftover pot. He said the following:
You guessed it:
It didn’t take long before he started smoking pot again. This is because Rick didn’t really stop. He only half heartedly stopped.
You want to prevent this at all cost. You don’t want to make a half hearted decision.
Stick to your decision for at least 30 days.
The reason for this is as follows:
With difficult decisions like this, we often try to soften the pain for others.
We make compromises or give the other person some hope that it might still turn around.
But because of that you get something you absolutely DON’T want:
You don’t break contact completely.
So the person stays in your life (to a certain degree) and in the worst case you give him/her false hope.
You think that “softening” the message is the easy way out. But in the long term you’re just making things harder for yourself.
I’m not saying that that’s impossible. In most cases you still can talk to them later. But it’s better to let some time pass.
The last thing you want is to have to break contact again because you weren’t clear enough.
So stick to your initial decision and see what that yields.
Delete this person from your phone/social media. Limit other influences that this person has in your life. Throw away objects that remind you of them.
To stop talking with someone is an absolute decision. If you do it, do it properly.
By the way, if you want more tips about breaking up with your girlfriend, check out this article.
#6: Do this after breaking contact
This is something that most people don’t think about when they want to know how to stop talking to someone they like.
As you know, breaking contact is difficult.
But the period that follows is even harder.
Pulling a rotten tooth sucks, but the pain that follows is usually the worst part.
Make sure you take care of yourself afterwards
Because it may become a difficult period for you. And it’s a typically ‘male’ thing to want to solve that all by yourself.
Most men don’t like to admit it when they’re feeling emotional pain. So they keep this to themselves.
But the consequences of this are far from pleasant, and it’s totally ineffective. You just keep yourself in that difficult state of mind for longer. All those feelings don’t simply disappear.
NOT giving yourself any aftercare is the thing that will make things unnecessarily difficult for yourself. Your aftercare should look like this:
First, make sure you can talk about this with someone. We often want to solve our issues ourselves, but the reality is that this isn’t always possible.
Breaking contact with someone is a big decision. There’s a big chance that it’s going to make you emotional. You’re going to have to deal with that. Find a good friend or family member with whom you can talk about your feelings.
Second, make sure there’s a positive distraction for yourself.
Positive distraction is the type of distraction that will help you grow as a person.
Think about sports, a new hobby or working towards a personal goal.
These types of distractions give you a positive and fulfilled feeling, something that you’ll need after making such a difficult decision.
This will also be much healthier than negative distractions, like alcohol, drugs or Netflix binges that last for weeks, while you bury yourself under a mountain of Twinkies.
Give yourself time to experience your emotions.
There’s a good chance you’ll feel sad, angry or confused after you’ve stopped talking to someone.
That is OK. It’s not an easy decision. Don’t be too hard on yourself and give yourself enough time to feel crappy.
#7: Give yourself an extra push with this exercise
Are you finding it hard to make a final decision?
Are you procrastinating on making the decision (even though you know that it doesn’t help at all)?
Then the following decision can help you.
You just need a pen and a piece of paper.
(A laptop or tablet is totally fine too. We’re in the 21st century after all).
This is what you do:
Set a timer for 10 minutes. Use these 10 minutes to write how your future will look in 5 years if you DON’T break contact. Be as specific as possible.
What consequences will this have for your life? How does this make you feel? What are the consequences?
Then write for 10 minutes about how your future will look if you DO dare to stop talking to this person.
Which positive consequences does this have for you? What does it mean for your life?
This exercise serves as an extra motivation to take action.
Cutting the cord is never easy, but it’s doubly worth it in the long term, if it’s right for you.
This exercise can have another result:
Maybe you discover that this person is worth a lot more to you than you thought. Maybe it shows you that a future without this person isn’t a good option for you.
If you have this feeling after doing the exercise, then I recommend you go and study tip #1 of this article again.
What makes you an attractive person…
I want to give you a compliment.
You’re an attractive motherf*cker.
Because you think about which people fit in your life and which people don’t.
And that’s an important quality in attractive people.
Attractive people only let the right people into their lives.
There are plenty more traits that attractive people possess.
If you manage to combine those traits, you’ll transform into the best, most attractive version of yourself.
You’ll discover what those traits are in the free Transformation Kit.
Among other things, you’ll get the #1 secret of the sexually attractive man. You’ll also get many flirt tips, tips for approaching women and a step-by-step guide to get out of the friendzone.
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Go have fun with it.
Dan de Ram