15 Reasons “Not Getting Laid” Happens To Some Men But Not Others

If you’re reading this, you probably haven’t had sex for a while.

And of course, you’re probably tired of spanking your monkey all the time.

You came to the right place, man.

Today you get 13 reasons why you’re not getting laid (+bonus).

And a lot of practical tips to get a woman in bed.

Here’s what you get:

  • 5 Benefits of having regular sex (you’re missing out!)
  • I can’t get laid: Most common reasons
  • How to make the switch from being unattractive to being attractive
  • Example of witty lines to make sure you never run out of things to say
  • The Trojan Horse technique and why you should never use it
  • The ultimate solution to start getting laid
  • And a lot more…

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

First, the bad news!

Research shows abstinence has a negative impact on your health…

…if you’re a fruit fly.

Not exactly our closest relative.

But if a fruit fly experiences negative effects because of sexual frustration, obviously we humans do too.

Regardless of that research, here are the advantages of making thick in her warm:

  • It increases self-confidence.
  • Regular sex repels the flu.
  • It reduces stress.
  • Making love reduces headaches.
  • It improves your sleep quality.

In short: regular sex is good!

But how long can a man go without sex?

It depends on the man. Factors such as age, hormones, diet, genes, and health play a role.

What we do know is that ejaculation is not harmful. Some studies suggest that regular ejaculation is good for the prostate. Other studies say that cuming less often improves sperm quality.

The truth is that you can’t put an exact number on the maximum time a man can go without sex.

Some guys can go years without getting laid, while others start to get anxious after seven days.

When you start to feel sexually frustrated, then don’t think twice: it’s time to take action.

Your next question is probably:

“How do I start getting laid?!”

Before we get to that, we have to answer the question:

“Why aren’t you having sex?”

One possible answer is…

Reason #1: You’re a spectator and not a player

This reason applies to 99% of men who never get laid, so pay attention.

The evolution of technology in our society has brought a lot of benefits, but also some downsides.

One of them is that it’s becoming easier and easier to step into the role of spectator.

With TV, social media, internet, games, porn, etc. you can spend your life watching how others do something.

Think about it:

  • How much people watch football, instead of playing football themselves?
  • How much people watch romantic comedies but never have romances?
  • What about watching porn all the time instead of having sex with beautiful women?

This may sound exaggerated, but the truth is that most people watch sport, Netflix, and porn but never participate in any of these activities.

This mindset (‘watching’ as opposed to ‘participating’) is a huge problem for many men. They see beautiful ladies all the time, but how often do they approach them?

Porn addiction in particular is a real issue.

I am not anti-porno, but I am anti-passive.

And that’s what porn does: It puts you in ‘passive mode.’

The most common reason guys never get laid is because they never take action.

Now, there are deeper causes that play a role. We’ll talk about them shortly.

I’ll also give you tips on how to start taking action right away. So let’s keep going!

Reason #2: You believe you don’t deserve sex

Here’s a hard truth:

Your beliefs always become your reality.

If you believe deep down that you are not worthy of a beautiful woman, this will manifest itself in all kinds of micro-expressions.

  • You believe she won’t laugh at your joke? That’s why you’re speaking too softly.
  • You believe she’ll never be interested? That’s why you don’t talk to her.
  • You believe you’re not worthy of love? That’s why you don’t take action.

It’s a hard truth, but there’s something great about it: If you change your beliefs, then getting laid suddenly becomes easy!

That’s right: At AttractionGym we see success in love and dating as a form of self-development.

Of course it’s important to learn some lines and techniques, but in the end your attractiveness is mainly determined by who you ARE, not what you DO.

That’s why we teach men how to be authentically attractive, instead of faking attractiveness.

But you might ask yourself: what’s attractive?

The truth is there are specific things women find attractive in men.

To get a deeper understanding, check out this article:

>> 7 Underrated Things Women Find Extremely Attractive in Men


Reason #3: Your environment isn’t helping

Here’s a question for you:

 “Do you know why my house’s always nice and tidy?”

Because my environment shapes me.

For example, at work, where do you think you’ll be more productive?

In a neat environment with very few distractions? Or in a crowded office full of empty Starbucks cups?

You got it: In the clean environment.

 “That’s cool, Dan. But how is this going to help me get laid?” 

Well, how often you get sex is directly related to how productive you are with women.

You never get laid? Then your productivity is low.

And if your productivity is low, chances are it’s because of your environment.

Many men get demotivated by their circle of friends when it comes to women.

For example:

Suppose your friends aren’t the most women-friendly people in the world.

For example, they say stuff like: “Pfff… women are so superficial. It’s all about money, fame and looks.”

If you hear these kinds of bullsh*t statements every day, you’re going to start believe them eventually. And your motivation to get better with women is going to decrease as a result.

Your friends aren’t like that?

Alright, let’s take another example:

Let’s suppose your friends all are in a relationship and spend more time at home with their girlfriends than they do outside.

Is this going to make you want to go out to meet women?

I doubt it.

A lot of our clients suffer from a different type of environment:

A group of party animals who always go out, but prefer to get super drunk rather than talk to girls.

That’s why our clients are so happy when they get to meet like-minded people.

If you join one of our Bootcamps, you’ll join a group of enthusiastic men with the same goal:

Getting better with women.

A lot of our clients become friends and keep hanging out together after the Bootcamp.

That stimulating environment alone will make you more successful.

Reason #4: You don’t know what to say

If you ever spoke to a woman, I’m sure you’re familiar with this awkward moment:

You’re chatting to a super cute girl and suddenly… you run out of things to talk about.

She looks at you, waiting for you to say something…

…but not a word comes out of your mouth.

You’re out of ideas. So you commit a deadly sin:

You say:

“So what do you do for a living?”

The light in her eyes disappears. The attraction she felt for you is gone.

Now, that sucks. And trust me: Before I started getting better with women, it’d happen to me all the time.

Luckily, that changed.

Sure, of course, sometimes there’s a silence.

But I don’t fill it up compulsively with a boring question I don’t even want to know the answer to.

So how do I keep the conversation going?

With one of the many lines I’ve come up with over the years.

Here are three examples:

“Oh, you’re an artist? Cool. Say someone is painting a portrait of you. What would you choose as your background?”

“What’s your favorite Pokémon?”

“If you have to choose between dogs, cats, and guinea pigs. Which one do you prefer to eat?”

I’ve tested these lines over the years, and they work like a charm.

Now, if you don’t feel comfortable using them, but you still want to be able to spark awesome conversations, then check out this article:

>> What Should I Say to a Girl – 17 Best ‘Tricks’ to Spark Awesome Conversations


Reason #5: You’re too nice with women

Warning: This is not a free pass to become an asshole.

Nobody likes assholes.

Regardless of what some frustrated men say online:

In 99.984589% of the cases, women do NOT fall for assholes.

Be nice to girls.

But don’t be too nice.

For example:

  • Don’t overload your Whatsapp conversations with compliments and emojis
  • Don’t buy her a bunch of flowers if you just started dating
  • Don’t stay on the phone with her for hours if you still have work to do.

Women don’t fall for Mr. nice guys.

Why? Because they want a man who has the balls to show his intentions.

 “What? I don’t get it, Dan”

What I mean is that if you find a girl attractive and you’re flirting with her, you’re going to want to get her in bed.

You know it. She knows it.

And if you act like you don’t want have sex with her (although you do), this is going to be a real turn-off for her.

Women are attracted to guys who show their intentions and embrace their sexuality.

Now, is this the only thing girls are attracted to? Of course not.

If you need to know more about what exactly makes women attracted to men, read this article:

>> What Makes Women Attracted to Men? 11 Irresistible Qualities


Reason #6: How to have realistic standards

Standards are healthy. They reflect self-esteem.

But what if no one can meet your standards?

Ask yourself:

 “Does my dream girl even exist?”

There are women out there, hot as f*ck, who work out five days a week, never smoke, have a PhD, read a lot of books, etc…

But if you combine that with other requirements, such as:

  • Must earn at least ___ per month
  • Must come from a good family
  • Must love exactly the same kind of movies
  • Must like the same jokes I like
  • Must be able to cook


…Then you’re dreaming. Because this woman doesn’t exist.

Now, I’m not saying you should have too low standards either.

It’s good to have high standards, but at the same time: be realistic.

Pro tip:

Are all your standards based on appearance?

If that’s the case, this should ring the alarm bell.

Nothing wrong with dating a girl if you find her very attractive.

The second question you want to ask yourself is essential:

 “Am I worthy of her?”

Now, listen, nobody’s perfect.

But can you meet your own standards?

If not, your standards are too high, man.

For example, if you’ve had three partners in the 30 years you’ve been alive, it’s crazy to expect meeting high quality girls right away.

If that sounds familiar, your standards might be too high.

And perhaps that’s why you can’t get laid.

Reason #7: You’re emotionally monotonous

This tip is for all those who received the following message after a date:

Thanks for tonight. But I didn’t feel like going on. Sorry.

What do you think happened?

Chances are you were emotionally monotonous.

Emotional monotony means:

  • You speak monotonously
  • You cover only safe topics
  • You ask silly questions
  • You act like an asexual robot.

In short: you’re predictable.

And one of the biggest turn-off for a woman is…



Let’s say you’re watching a movie.

If you already know what’s going to happen, you’re going to lose interest and there’s little reason to keep watching it.

Same goes for interactions.

When it comes to women, predictability is the worst enemy of sexual tension.

No sexual tension = no sex.

So, how do you create sexual tension?


You got it: by being unpredictable.

Here are some tips:

  • When you’re speaking, try varying intonations. Practice by reading a random sentence in different intonations: playful, nonchalant…
  • Tell stories that stimulate her emotions. Imagine that you’re watching your own reality TV show. Ask yourself: “Does this story make me feel emotions, or am I falling asleep?”
  • Talk about sex as easily as you’d talk about the weather.
  • Never ask questions that you don’t want to know the answer to.
  • Get physical at the right moment.

Reason #8: The Trojan Horse technique

If you’re a nice guy but you can’t get laid, chances are you’re behaving too negatively.

That sounds almost impossible: how can you be nice and negative at the same time?

The same way a Bounty tastes like chocolate and coconut.

You have a negative core surrounded by a small layer of love.

Yes, pretty vague, I know. Let’s take a real-life example.

This is a message from a stereotypical nice guy.

This is what the message actually says:

“Damn, girl. You’ve got really nice titties!”

I call this the Trojan Horse Technique.

You pretend to be a cute little animal, but you’re hiding something undesirable.

If you’re hiding a lot of negativity, it could look like this:

This nice guy gives a girl a compliment, but his Trojan Horse is ignored.

Instead of moving on, he shows his true face.

Here’s an insight that all men should understand:

No matter how nice you are, a woman NEVER owes you anything for it.

Reason #9: One of the worst symptoms of not getting laid

If you haven’t slept with a woman in a long time, chances are you watch porn.

You probably watch porn several times a week, if not everyday.

What’s wrong with watching porn?

A lot of things. But let’s focus on one:

Porn becomes a substitute for the real deal.

Your brain doesn’t make the difference between real sex and porn.

When you watch the latest Pornhub videos, your brain thinks you’re copulating.

And it’ll reward you with a good portion of serotonin and dopamine. As if to say, “Well done, bro! You’re doing your biological job!”

But nothing is further from the truth.

The truth is that you sit back in your office chair with your boxers around your ankles and a toilet roll in your hand.

You can’t get laid?

Then that’s a sign you need to change.

It might be your style, your flirting skills, or the fact that you never go out.

Whatever it takes to get girls, one thing’s for sure:

Watching excessive porn isn’t going to motivate you to get better with women.

And the amount of time you spend without sex keeps increasing.

Suppose you’re addicted to porn. What do you do?

Ask yourself:

“How beautiful would my life be a year from now if I started taking positive action?”

Now compare this situation with the next one:

“How sad would my life be a year from now if I stayed exactly the same as I am now?”

See the contrast? That’s your fuel to take action.  

Start working on yourself and improving your life.

You can already make massive leaps by just tackling 10 simple things.

Which 10 things you ask?

I covered it in an article, check this out:

>> 10 Simple Things That Improve Your Life TODAY!


Reason #10: I can’t get laid – The power of belief

Your beliefs dictate what you see, what you do, who you are, and as a result: your success with girls.

Now, of course, not every belief is relevant.

For example, believing in Santa Claus isn’t going to help you meet women.

But there are beliefs that prevent you from having sex.

Let’s have a look at one of the most common:

”Decent women are rare.

Girls are mean, too busy, or have no interest in me.”

The thing is: If that’s what you think, that’s what you’ll get.

A friend of mine has had bad experiences in the past with girls, so he’s convinced that most women ‘suck’.

Because of this, when he meets a girl, he automatically focuses on the negative and ignore the positive.

Decent women aren’t rare.

They’re actually everywhere.

But you see what you believe.

Do you tend to focus on bad things when it comes to girls?

Then turn it around.

Make a conscious effort to focus only on their positive aspects.

They might not be as bad as you first thought.

“But Dan, you say decent women are everywhere, but where should I go to meet them ?”

That’s a very good question. Read this article to find out:

>> 15 Hotspots to Meet Women Near You that Are 100% Your Type


Reason #12: What do you really want

Alright, story time:

A friend of mine downloaded Tinder because he wanted to get laid.

Eventually he hooked up with a cute girl. They had a good time, so they started to see each other again.

After a few months he realized she was seeing another man and he didn’t like it.

So he told her he wanted a relationship. Turned out she wanted the same thing.

So the girl became his girlfriend.

After some time, things got nasty. They started fighting a lot. So he broke up with her.

Guess what he did then? He downloaded Tinder again for a little adventure.

The thing is my friend didn’t know what he wanted. He said he just wanted to hook up but when it didn’t feel right anymore, suddenly he wanted a relationship.

And when he got himself a girlfriend, the relationship went to shyt in no time because it’s not even what he wanted in the first time.

So ask yourself:

What do I really want?”

When you found out the answer, it’s time for you to take action. Keep reading for more insights.

Reason #13: Embrace your masculinity

Fact: Young men (between 18 and 21 years old) don’t get a lot of success on Tinder.

Can you guess why?

(Hint, the title gives away the answer.)

That’s right. They’re not masculine enough. And most women are into masculine guys.

Do you know why mature men get a lot of attention from women?

Because life experience and masculinity are closely related.

A 50 years old friend mine get more women now than never before.

(He’s a personal trainer with a heavily trained body. It helps.)

Anyway, the point is: masculinity is sexy.

So what’s masculinity and how to be more masculine?

No, it’s not just about having a big beard and working out obsessively.

Although both definitely help, the most important aspect of exuding masculinity is having a mission.

You know who you are, what you want to achieve and don’t give up until you have it.

You’re always working on yourself, and your masculinity increases as a result.

Now, you still need to learn how to flirt.

Which brings me to the next reason why you can’t get laid.

Reason #14: You never get out of your comfort zone

I’m sure you saw on Instagram all the inspirational quotes telling you to get out of your comfort zone.

Well, I couldn’t agree more.

And you know what? It’s the only way for you to meet women.

Now, I know setting new routines can be hard.

That’s why I have an easy step-by-step plan for you.

First of all, what should you expect by leaving your comfort zone?

In short: Stress.

But it comes in two forms: healthy and unhealthy.

How do you differentiate the two?

Well, if a certain activity is so stressful that it paralyzes you, then it’s unhealthy. Cut it out.

The best new routines feel challenging, but achievable.

Here come three ways to break out of your comfort zone:

  • Do things differently everyday. Take a different route to work. Become vegan for a week (or longer). Take cold showers. Talk to the supermarket cashier (with more than two words.)
  • Start small. Perhaps starting a new daily routine feels too much. Then choose one day of the week where you’re going to do something new. You want to meet girls, right? Then choose an activity away from home. Go to a museum, for example, or sign up for dance classes.
  • Stick a different label on comfort. We like to fall back into old habits because it feels safe. But sticking to old habits means that you’re not growing as a person. Therefore, see excessive sitting in your comfort zone as failure.

Reason #15: You don’t know how to flirt

Let me tell you a little secret.

If you don’t know how to talk to women, then you’re going to spend a lot of time without having sex.

That’s the bitter truth.

Of course, Tinder can help. But you can ruin a first Tinder date if the conversation is too boring.

Whether you want to meet women through a dating app or in real life, one thing’s for sure…

Knowing how to flirt isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a skill you can learn. You can get better with women, regardless of your look and the car you drive.

Where do you start?

That’s when things get interesting.

I created a toolkit to help you start dating right away.

It includes all of the best tips for making yourself an attractive man.

You get:

  • The best opening lines to get her hooked
  • How to get out of the friendzone and be her lover (eBook)
  • Steal my lines for more entertaining conversations online and offline
  • Step-by-step instructions for attracting women
  • And much more…

You can find it all in my Transformation Kit.

Download it here, it’s free!

Your bro,

Dan de Ram.

Stop awkward conversations
and painful rejections

My free Transformation Kit will make you irresistible to women.

  • 12 Opening Lines that Actually Work
  • 5 Date Generating Texting Tips (Plus Copy-Paste Lines for Tinder)
  • The Friendzone Escape-Room Trick
Yes, give me the Transformation Kit!

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