She’s just like Katy Perry’s song.
One moment she’s hot for you, the next ice cold.
You start wondering if there is a future between you two, but you’re not receiving the energy you want from her.
To help you figure it out, I’ve created a list of 12 signs that she’s leading you on.
- #1: She sees you as an OPTION instead of a PRIORITY
- #2: She is leading you on over text
- #3 She ‘doesn’t know
- #4: She’s inconsistent
- #5: She often cancels
- #6: She often texts you late at night.
- #7: The conversations never exceed small talk
- #8: You’re the backup plan
- #9: Her words don’t match her actions
- #10: You never have ‘real’ dates
- #11: She doesn’t introduce you to her family & friends
- #12: She never makes plans for the future with you
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
After this article, you’ll be able to say if she wants you or just playing.
Is she leading you on? These are the signs…
But without the following, this article is useless for you:
However, the more signs, the better.
Do you recognize one or two signals in the article?
Then that doesn’t mean much, and you are probably just worrying about nothing.
Do you recognize 10 or more signs in your situation?
Then she’s probably leading you on. (I’ll tell you afterward what you could best do if you’re in that situation)
However, the more signs you recognize, how likelier it is that she is just leading you on.
That’s why I recommend you, for your peace of mind, to read the whole article from beginning till the end.
Of to the first signal.
#1: She sees you as an OPTION instead of a PRIORITY
Maybe she doesn’t say it out loud, but it feels that way.
She sees you as an option.
What are the signs she doesn’t treat you as a priority?
- Every time you meet up its last minute
- Many of your plans aren’t definitive, so you sometimes keep your agenda empty for no reason.
- All the effort comes from your side.
- She never invites you to an important event like a new years eve party
- the dates have hit a wall. It’s not getting to new highs and just always feels the same
These are all signs that she doesn’t see you as a priority but an option.
This isn’t a surprise if you guys have been dating for less than a month.
Are you dating for a more extended period, or in some ‘complicated relationship?
Then all this has more significance.
#2: She is leading you on over text
With these text examples, you’ll be able to judge on your own if your conversation is going a little strenuously.
Which is a sign she is leading you on.
- She’s hardly satisfied. Look, busy people lead busy lives. So it’s not strange if you sometimes have to wait a few hours for her to reply. But it’s a problem if she NEVER responds to your texts quickly.
- Most of the conversation comes from you. This may signify that you say too much, or she writes too little.
- She barely uses complete sentences. Understandably, someone replies to a text with ‘lol,’ ‘haha,’ or an emoji. But if that’s her primary way of answering? Then it often is a sign of disinterest.
Don’t put too much emphasis on what’s on how she texts you. A better indicator of whether she’s leading you on is how she treats you IRL.
#3 She ‘doesn’t know
Suppose you’ve only reached a handful of dates. In that case, it’s expected that she isn’t sure where she stands regarding the possible relationship.
However, if this has been going on for mooooonths and she’s still not sure?
Then that’s a vital sign she’s leading you on.
Don’t take her actions as bad intent.
Instead, look at it from the opposite side of view.
Often, we assume the big reason for people to lead others on is just for their amusement, and they can cause they are bullies.
But this is false. Instead, they do not dare to reject you because they’re afraid that they will hurt you.
Leading someone often comes from good intentions.
Sadly, it’s not experienced that way. It feels like shit from the other end because you’re not getting what you’re looking for.
Do you fancy her and what to make her your girlfriend? Then check out this article:
#4: She’s inconsistent
Women that are just playing often act like the ebb and flow of the ocean.
Some there’s a high tide of love and affection.
The next, it’s low, and she’ll almost ghost you for a week.
This is highly frustrating as these periods of high tide are just enough to keep you in limbo and not move on.
All this results in you waiting (and wasting) your time for a poor “relationship.”
Someone who genuinely likes you and is open to a commitment wouldn’t treat you that way.
That kind of person will give you consistent attention, not only when it suits her.
Of course, there are busy periods where she’ll have other priorities. But such a person will generally not disappear on you for a week.
#5: She often cancels
You got this whole day planned for you two, and suddenly you read:
Please don’t drop her too fast now.
It’s not a problem if she cancels sometimes. It happens to everyone.
However, when sometimes because often and you start seeing a pattern.
When she isn’t taking your time seriously enough. And is frankly just not treating you like you’re important to her.
At least, not important enough to make a day off for when she can also meet someone more likable.
You measure the impact of canceling a date bt the context of your relationship.
Have you just matched with her two days ago on Tinder?
You aren’t (logically) a priority in her life atm.
Plus, there is a real chance something important came up that caused her to cancel.
I’ve experienced it multiple times where a woman from Tinder canceled. Heck, even the follow-up dates had to be postponed sometimes.
But because I reacted super laid back and understanding, I still went on a date with these ladies.
On to our next (often confusing) sign.
#6: She often texts you late at night.
It’s 1 am on a Saturday, and you receive a text from her.
This message stems purely from lust.
Is that bad?
Absolutely not. It’s fantastic when people are free and open about their sexual desires.
However, it’s essential to consider this message as a molecule investment.
You’re a McDonald’s drive-through for her.
Which again, isn’t a problem, unless…
…this is the only way you see her, and you’re seeking something more meaningful.
Do you (almost) always meet this way?
Then she’s probably not looking for a relationship.
#7: The conversations never exceed small talk
This next sign is a bit complicated because of its nuance:
A lack of depth.
In the dating phase, it makes sense if your conversations remain relatively superficial.
Why share very personal things with someone if you don’t know yet whether you want to meet again or whether you can trust her?
That’s why most people hold off at the beginning of a “relationship.”
Are you meeting up regularly and for a while now?
Then the lack of depth in the conversations is noteworthy.
After all, we are naturally curious about the passions & motivations of someone we care about. And we’d like to share our drive with these special people.
Are you stuck in small talk?
In that case, roughly speaking, one of three things is at play:
- She’s emotionally damaged and finds it difficult to open up to people
- She’s deliberately shallow because she doesn’t seek a deeper connection with you
- She’s afraid to open up to you again because she once exposed herself to you but didn’t get the reaction she wanted
#8: You’re the backup plan
This signal isn’t black & white.
If you’re always her backup plan, it’s not an immediate sign she’s leading you on.
After all, you’re on speed dial when her original plan falls apart.
It actually shows how much she likes you.
If you guys are only dating after her other plans fall through, you’re not good enough for her in the first place.
And who knows… you might even be in last place.
You might not be number 1 on her speed dial, but 5th in line.
So, do the two of you never plan a date well in advance?
Then there is a chance that she is leading you on.
#9: Her words don’t match her actions
Over text or in real life, she might be telling you all sorts of nice things.
Things that make you think she cares about you.
But you feel like it’s all just an act at the moment.
What’s going on?
When we want to convince someone (like ourselves) of something, we often tend to pretend until it feels true.
Even if we know that it’s an act, we’ll keep pushing it.
So maybe your crush is saying everything you want to hear, not because it’s true, but because she likes you enough to keep you with her.
So don’t JUST pay attention to what you say.
Actions speak louder than words. Emphasize her doings.
For example, does she take any excuse to see you? Does she like to sleep next to you? Does she share her fears and dreams with you?
Then she most likely likes you!
If she gives you little attention and only puts you first when no one else is in line?
Then she’s probably just playing with you.
#10: You never have ‘real’ dates
But be aware there is a BIG difference between:
- A woman who likes you but who has little dating experience herself.
- A woman who simply doesn’t invest much in you.
When you like someone, you want to spend time with them and do amazing things.
Doing something amazing doesn’t have to be huge. It can be straightforward, especially when she has little dating experience. It could just be a night of binge-watching a new Netflix series on the couch.
But is all you guys do Netflix and chill?
Then you have never been on an actual date…
And that’s a red flag. She sees you as a fuck buddy rather than relationship material.
Is it your intention to start a relationship with her?
Try planning an actual date, somewhere outdoor.
Is she not into it?
Then she probably has different wishes regarding this “relationship.”
#11: She doesn’t introduce you to her family & friends
She’ll want to make you a part of her personal life if she likes you.
That means more than just having a cup of coffee with the two of you.
It means that she’ll be happy to introduce you to her family and friends.
Someone who is just playing would do the opposite.
That person likes you but isn’t taking it all too seriously. She prefers to keep it to herself and not involve the rest of her life.
Do you want to know if your crush sees you as a potential partner?
Suggesting something like a bowling evening (or any other group activity) where you both invite some friends.
Her reaction will tell you where she stands.
#12: She never makes plans for the future with you
Wait a minute and relax.
I’m not talking about moving in together, adopting a puppy, or having a mini you running around.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
I’m talking about simple plans.
Such as planning a museum visit a week in advance.
Or if you date each other a little longer, book a weekend away.
It’s not a problem to be spontaneous. On the contrary, it brings excitement and tension into the relationship.
However, it’s a red flag if all you do is spontaneously plan.
It’s about the overall picture.
Test the waters and see what happens when you try to plan.
It takes two to tango.
What to do if you are just being led on?
If you feel she’s giving you just enough attention so that you’ll stay, then send her this.
Do you know what the beauty of these messages is?
It’s a mature way that shows you respect yourself.
And maybe even better:
If it turns out that she does care about you. She will work hard and do her best to keep you in her life.
Is she not making any effort?
Then she’s no good for you, and you should move on.
Only send this message if you have been dating intensively for at least a month. If you’ve only seen each other 3 times or less, she doesn’t owe you anything, and this message would feel insane to her.
Furthermore, I would like to emphasize that you do have to date.
You don’t want to send this message to your crush that you’ve never even gotten to second base with.
Are you being led on?
Then it’s wise to look at other potential partners.
Or at least rearrange your life, so it’s easier for you to meet people who want to see you.
You can learn all that through my free transformation kit that I put together especially for you.
You can download this Transformation Kit below.
Dan de Ram.