“Just Be Yourself”, THIS is What She Actually Means by That

be yourself

”One day, you’ll meet the right woman who truly loves you for who you are.
For every Jack, there’s a Jill.
Just be yourself!”

You probably heard this juicy piece of ’advice’ dozens of times by now.

Just be yourself, bro.

And does it work?

Probably not, seeing that you’re reading this article. And my guess is that you’re also still single, even after ‘being yourself’.

That’s why in this article I’m going to show you…

  • How to be yourself, this is harder than it sounds
  • Why ‘Being yourself’ keeps you from succeeding
  • The women’s paradox: What she really means when she tells you to be true to yourself
  • My #1 flirt tips to finally become successful with women
  • And much more…

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

The most popular dating tip: Just be yourself!

‘Be yourself’ is probably the most popular ‘dating tip’ that women give to clueless men every day.

Whether from:

  • Your mother
  • Your grandma
  • Your great-grandmother
  • One of your friends
  • Or a señorita who gave you the fluff

And even if there is a positive intention behind it (which I will tell you about later in this article), this tip only donates one thing:

Endless confusion.

This is also the reason why I receive emails like this every week:

“Hey, Dan! What do women mean when they tell you to just be yourself? A fellow student and good friend recently told me that I would automatically get a partner if I were authentic. What do you think?”

Do you want to know how I react to such emails?


I usually reply with a counter-question:

‘Interesting – and how did that turn out to work for you till now?’

Their answer is often “Not as great as I imagined… but how can I change that? How can I be myself?”, which confirms one thing above all:

Men’s world needs clarity.

And it’s high time to bust this myth…

Sit up straight and hold on tight. Because now I’m going to put your reality into a blender…

Reason #1: ‘I want to be myself’ – Who the hell am I, anyway?

Glued to the spot I’m standing in the corner.

All around me, I watch tipsy people who clink their beer bottles, dance to Schlager music, and have a good time.

I am on the 18th birthday of a schoolmate whom I got to know a few weeks earlier through an advanced course.

I don’t know anybody apart from him.

All guests seem to be enjoying themselves, but all I feel is a pulsation pressure of anxiety from my hair tips to my toes.

I feel as out of place as a nun at an eroticism convention…

“What the hell have I gotten myself into?” I ask myself over and over.

I’m afraid of what other guests might think about me. You must think I’m a loser, standing here alone – I don’t even drink alcohol…

I’m afraid to talk to anybody. I probably don’t have anything in common with anyone anyway…

>> Understand and Fix Your Fear of Strangers – 5 Life-Changing Tips

Shit, I want to leave.

After an hour of ‘Mimimi’ monologue, I let my father pick me up.

On the way back, I burst into tears, frustrated that I couldn’t even jump over my own shadow.

From that day on, I vowed to make ‘social freedom’ one of my greatest missions in life.

I never wanted to be a victim of my fears again.

But let’s rewind.

  • What the hell was wrong with me?
  • Why did I act like that at the party?
  • Where did my fears come from?

Was I just Dan, the born intimidated party pooper, who is introverted through and untalented in making new contacts – or was there something deeper behind it?

If you think the latter is the case, you’re dead right.

Because humans are usually outgoing by nature.

Just think back to your last visit to the supermarket or waiting room when you saw a small child waddling around euphorically:

In fact, as little rug rats at the beginning of our life years, we are quite carefree.

We dance, sing, scream. We simply don’t give a f*ck…

until we become socially conditioned.

Be it through social norms or our parental upbringing.

Don’t get me wrong.

Both things are important to become civilized participants of our ‘tribe.’

However, if you have a strict upbringing, experienced some harsh traumas in your childhood, or grew up in an environment that affected you negatively, you begin to block your true self.

Let me give you another example from my life.

When I was a young Danny, I lived with my family in a modest rented apartment.

Because we had very fussy neighbors, my parents always had to make sure that we weren’t too loud.

After all, they didn’t want us having to leave the apartment because of too many complaints – it had already been difficult for them to get an apartment in a somewhat child-friendly location.

Because Mini-Dan had vocal chords like a tank chain and was very expressive, my parents often had to rein me in, which at the time was probably interpreted by me like this:

“When I’m louder/expressive, Ma and Pa are mad at me. When they’re angry at me, they probably don’t want me to be around anymore…

If they don’t want me to be with them, I won’t have anyone to take care of me. If I don’t have anyone to take care of me, I’ll die…

R.I.P. Dan?? No chance. I’d better slow down a bit.”

Et voilà: A shy Dan was bred through years of ‘you better shouldn’t be too enthusiastic/expressive’-conditioning.

Do you see my point? It doesn’t require any science to understand that this suppressed you, isn’t the most powerful you.

How the hell are you even supposed to know who you really are, when you’ve been conditioned for years in the most diverse and subtle ways?

How are you supposed to always be yourself, when you don’t even know who you really are?

At AttractionGym, we made it (amongst other extremely noble things) our mission to help you connect with your most authentic and socially free I. #yourself


By reminding you of your potential.

We give you tips and methods that you can easily put into practice to get a first-hand impression of what you can achieve.

(Most of them have a base in scientific research). This ain’t some gossip blog bro.

Yeah, we do focus on how you can be more successful with women in the first place.

However, ironically, if you experience in one area of your life regularly, ‘Holy shyte! I never thought I could do that’ moments (for example, in your love life), this self-confidence continues to transfer into all other areas of your life. You begin to question your beliefs.

For example, you develop the courage to start that business, which you always wanted to start but may have lacked the self-confidence for before.

Basically, we are reminding you what a powerful beast you already are.

Now, perhaps you have low self-esteem. You might even have an inferiority complex.

If that’s the case, act on it as soon as you can to start having a fulfilling life.

I wrote an entire article about it, check it out here:

>> Inferiority Complex Cure – 3 Must-Have Tips for High Self-Esteem

Alright, let’s keep going with reason #2.

Reason #2: Standing still is regression

Don’t fool yourself, amigo…

How satisfied are you currently with your life situation?

  • Do you date the women you actually want to date?
  • Do you have a body that you feel comfortable in? Or proud of?
  • Are you surrounded by loyal friends who always support you and influence you positively?
  • Do you have a profession for which you burn with passion?
  • Do you live the way you want to?
  • Are you making as much money as you ever hoped to?

If you answer one of these questions with a ‘no,’ then let me show you something:

To 100% ‘just do yourself’ also means that you change 0% of yourself.

You don’t have to be a math genius to figure that out.

Many men think that they must do radical things to change their situation.


  • They research dozens of flirt tips and think they have to apply them perfectly after reading them for the first time to ever become successful with women…
  • They think they must go to the gym five times a week and follow strict diets to get fitter…
  • …and the list goes on…

They set their expectations of themselves so high that their biggest goals and dreams frustrate them.

However, they do not realize that one baby step per day is enough to become enormously successful in the respective area of life in the long term.

So if we would assume that you would become better in one area of your life by 1% per day, then you would not be 365% better after 365 days, but 3778% (!).

Finally, you must consider that your growth is exponential.

All you have to do then is to stay consistent and disciplined.

Therefore, set goals that are realistic and motivating for you – such as:

  • Speak to one stranger three times a week
  • Go to the gym twice a week and only go to McDonald’s half as often
  • Start to meet more often with friends who have a positive influence on you

Of course, you should constantly adjust your goals to stay challenged.

I mean, have you ever seen a bodybuilder who still trains exclusively with 1 kg dumbbells?

Pro tip:

With a wingman (with whom you can regularly approach women) or a gym buddy at your side, it’s easier to stay motivated because you can kick each other’s butt in a motivating, lighthearted, and fun way.

Also, when out there going after the ladies. Make use of my 12 Lines that Always Hook. It will make meeting beautiful women that much easier.

Get your lines for free here!

I think you got the message: Start working on yourself to improve your life and be a happier person.

Of course, that’s a broad topic. Which is why I wrote an entire article about it, check it out here:

>> 10 Simple Things That Improve Your Life TODAY!

Reason #3: The Women’s-Paradox of just being yourself

A gigantic misconception that many men have:

“If I’m always nice to a woman, do everything for her, and am always there for her, I’m sure she’ll love me eventually.”
– most men

Men aren’t the only ones who really believe that shit. Women also cultivate that dogma:

“I just want a sweet guy who’s always nice to me.”
– most women

And even though they usually go for the COMPLETE OPPOSITE:

A loutish ruffian who acts like a Neanderthal.

It sounds like a paradox at first, doesn’t it?

But let me explain.

The attraction is not a result of logic.

It arises from emotions that you trigger in your counterpart.

The attraction is not a rational decision.

Women can, therefore, describe exactly what their dream type should look like – but in the end, they cannot choose who they fall in love with.

Their brain takes over this part for them by looking out for attractive behavior patterns.

So, when a woman pats you on your back:

‘Just be yourself. You will make someone else really happy’, there is a high probability that you have simply behaved too unattractive towards her.

Since women often cannot describe exactly what excites them about certain men, they throw this terrible tip at you.

They mean well because, in the end, they don’t want to offend your ego.

But if they were brutally honest, in most cases they would say something like:

“Hey, kid. The way you act towards me is extremely unattractive. Please grow up to a real man who knows how to attract me.”


If you ended up repeatedly in the friend zone lately, you could be sure that you aren’t behaving attractive enough (at least at the moment).

And if you don’t do anything about it, you’ll stew forever in the hellfire of being single and be condemned to a lifetime of lonely masturbation. That way you can just be do yourself every day right 😉

I don’t know you, but my intuition somehow tells me that this isn’t exactly your end goal in life.

If I’m right and you do always end up in the friend zone, then it’s time to take action.

Two steps: First, read this article to get out of the friend zone as soon as you can:

>> Get Out of the Friend Zone & Into Her Lover Zone – 7 Magic Moves

Let’s continue with the second step.

How to be truly yourself with women

To prevent the virgin MCA once and for all, I have prepared something for you.

A document with some of my #1 flirt tips.

With this document, you’ll progress rapidly in your journey to your most attractive self, a I 2.0, a man that women fight for.

Are you ready to finally take your love life to the next level?



Here it is:

My Transformation Kit. Download it here, it’s free!

Have fun with it!

Your bro,
Dan de Ram


Stop awkward conversations
and painful rejections

My free Transformation Kit will make you irresistible to women.

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  • 5 Date Generating Texting Tips (Plus Copy-Paste Lines for Tinder)
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