I can imagine you’re in a bit of a struggle.
Perhaps you’re wondering about the details of a monogamous relationship. Whether if it’s for you, or you’d just like to get up to speed on all the latest insights.
Perhaps you’re deciding between monogamy or non-monogamy. In the end, everything is possible.
In short. You want to know what you’re getting yourself into.
Lucky you, because in this article you’ll get:
- 5 Tips how your monogamous relationship can benefit from non-exclusivity
- Monogamous committed relationship: Is monogamy natural? The final answer
- What does a monogamous relationship mean? The shocking disadvantages of a committed relationship
- “I want a monogamous relationship!”: The only advantage that can be incredibly worthwhile
- Monogamous vs open relationship: Find out which form REALLY fits to you
- How you become attractive to as many women as possible
- How you seduce and keep a woman
- And much more insights on love and relationships…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
How monogamy is engrained in our culture
Did you hear that?
This sound can only mean one thing…
I’m at a house party.
I don’t know anybody except the host, so I take a beer from the fridge and claim the couch corner for myself.
At the other end of the couch, there is a man with whom I talk about marketing after five minutes. He lost his job last week because he criticized his boss constructively, but he does not regret doing it.
Now a young lady is sitting down next to me. I look at her and I think she’s cute.
I immediately think about what another woman texted me just one hour ago:
Hmm… she’s not cuter, but I’m gonna start a conversation anyway.
I possess the strange ability to see the peculiarities of a woman immediately. It’s probably because I meet so many women.
I then want to show them what makes them so special and in this process the outside world gets blurry until there is just her and me.
The young lady comes closer, we start to caress each other and she gives me a giggle.
I assume she likes my beard. It would be silly to assume otherwise, after all she keeps touching it saying:
A very direct reference…
Two guys, who seem to know about me and my job, cheer for me from a distance and say:
I am used to childish comments, but my beard-loving company apparently is not.
Her mood changes abruptly:
‘A minute ago you thought it was anything but horrible,’ I think to myself, but it would be immature to rub it into her face.
She even seems disappointed.
“Uh-huh,” I answer. One of the “funniest” aspects of my work as a dating coach is that people think they need to dump their ideas of dating on me without me asking.
She’s babbling something vague. I don’t see much logic in that. She notices my critical look.
And leaves the conversation.
Why I should know that is a mystery to me… Apparently, it’s important.
Wanna get the same flirt skills and not have to spend 5 years of your life learning it? Check out this article:
What form of relationship fits you?
It’s entirely up to you whether you choose one you really like, or lead an exciting player life that you think back to as an old man in a rocking chair with a smile on your face.
So if you think that AttractionGym is against monogamous relationships, you are wrong, my friend.
Some of our coaches also have a closed relationship.
In fact, I even have great respect for men who have a monogamous relationship – as long as they don’t do it for ’I couldn’t get anything else’ reasons.
If you only have a girlfriend because you lack the necessary boss level for open relationships or hot one-night-stands, then my respect is limited.
Many men see a committed relationship as the only way to get regular sex.
What I find particularly entertaining is that they are rarely aware of their motives, and they demonstrate their “moral superiority” by pointing fingers at me, saying “Fucking Player! Boo-hoo-hoo”
You don’t necessarily have to become a player, but before you decide to go for a monogamous relationship, here are 5 things you should know:
Tip #1: Are monogamous relationships natural?
The short answer: No.
From a biopsychological point of view, it is even a miracle that monogamy is the norm in so many cultures.
But there are also cultures where this is not the case.
Here you see a map with the countries where it is not only legal to have several wives, but also common:
What about monogamy in nature?
It can be assumed that only about 3% of all mammals enter into monogamous relationships.
But what is it like with us humans?
If you want to understand human nature better, it makes perfect sense to consider evolution.
Because even if we are arrogant enough to think that we have evolved as a species, there are still strange drives in our subconscious that affect us more than you might think.
But if you understand our starting position, things will become clearer.
So step into my time capsule and let’s go back in time. 300,000 years back, to be precise.
But I warn you: Everything is dangerous. You will have to venture out into the wilderness to survive. Walmart and McDonald’s are not mainstream yet.
The men usually go hunting.
But fresh meat is not the only thing they hunt for.
You probably already know what I’m getting at:
Men hunted for women to procreate.
Did you know that with a single ejaculation you release 250 fucking million sperm cells into the outside world (or into your condom)?
Mankind is almost extinct due a global zombie apocalypse? No problem, with 30 wanky-wank-sessions you can completely repopulate the world again, right?
Oh, yeah, right… We are forgetting one not unimportant component: the woman.
Because in order to procreate, you need a female counterpart. And she should have the best possible genetic material, ideally.
Not that I particularly like that term, but men’s search for a sexual partner is called “hunting” for a reason, because it is a tough competition.
We know from genetic research that you have way more female ancestors than male ancestors.
This means that women have been sexually very selective. Only the most competent men had the privilege of reproducing generously.
For these men, however, there were no survival advantages if they stayed with one woman. On the contrary: With a woman at his side, one even made oneself vulnerable.
For women, it was different. They are physically inferior to men, and pregnancy or having a baby in your arms does not offer great survival benefits.
They could obviously benefit from a strong man to protect and support them.
This is the reason why women are more likely to establish a monogamous relationship. This urge dates back to a time when they could not afford to have an unreliable man who leaps from woman to woman like a flea from dog to dog.
So much for human nature.
As you can see, there is not evidence that monogamy is a natural relationship model for humans.
The high divorce rate (39% in 2019) and the fact that both men and women cheat to a high degree can also be seen as indications for this.
Hold on I’m not done yet…
Just because something is not natural it does not mean that it is impossible.
After all, it is not in the nature of humans to travel faster than 40 km/h, but thanks to technology we have been able to overcome this natural barrier. A positive thing, if you ask me.
Yes, 39% of marriages fail, and let’s not pretend that this is a small amount.
But what about the remaining 69%?
Maybe they are happy. Maybe they are 69-ing all day long. Are they perfect? Surely not. But you can assume that many of them would claim to be content.
But hardly anyone talks about examples that work.
It can also be observed that the divorce rate has fallen significantly since 2005 (when it was 52%), although the divorce process is less complicated and costly than ever before.
- How can this be explained?
- Is monogamy between people possible after all?
- And, if so, how can it be successful?
In order to answer these questions, we should first consider the origin, advantages and disadvantages of monogamy.
Tip #2: The origin of exclusive monogamous relationships
Historians disagree on where, when and why the relationship model of monogamy arose.
Some blame the initial development of agriculture 10,000 years ago, because it made people more sedentary and comfortable.
The church certainly had a great influence through its concept of marriage (“till death do you part”), and the government is not innocent either with the financial benefits it offers married couples.
In my humble (but accurate) opinion, however, it is mainly deep human needs that are responsible for this:
- Ego: People quickly tend to want to own something. They do not like to share, especially when it comes to sex.
- Comfort: People like to chill. Just look at the cliché couple… When you’re in a committed relationship, you don’t have to go hunting anymore.
- Synergy: As soon as people realize that they are more likely to achieve a certain goal with the support of another person, they form a kind of alliance.
Tip #3: The disadvantages of monogamy
The following disadvantages, which speak against entering a monogamous relationship, are alarming at first sight.
And they should be.
However, I have to say that they do not necessarily have to occur that way in every aspect.
Nevertheless, my personal experience and that of hundreds of men I have coached in recent years has led to this list:
- You lose your manhood
- You lose your sexual freedom
- You are responsible for another person’s emotions
- You have less evolutionary pressure to work on yourself and improve
- You can focus less on your career and save less money
- You have to deal with a lot of drama and your inner peace is constantly put to the test
Want to enjoy the happy single life? This is for you:
Tip #4: The advantages of monogamy
As you can see, there are many arguments against monogamous relationships.
And what are the arguments in favor?
That you get emotional support? Sorry, but you also get a shit ton of support in every kind of relationship.
So no, that doesn’t speak for monogamy, even fuckbuddies can be very supportive.
Then what’s the point?
That you get sex regularly?
When I look at how often men are punished with sex deprivation when they haven’t behaved the way their girlfriends would have liked them to, and compare this fact with the crazy rock star sex life that some single men have, I dare to be in doubt of this argument.
As you can see, it looks bad for monogamy.
But there is actually ONE thing that speaks FOR monogamy. In fact, this is so important that it can be worthwhile to accept a variety of disadvantages.
So important that one even loves to make sacrifices for it.
And so important that it makes perfect sense to practice the art of managing monogamous relationships.
And the thing is:
A monogamous relationship is the best form of relationship for raising children.
Science seems to be very much in agreement on this point.
Children who come from married parents who also remain married as the children develop reach a higher level of education, become teen parents less often and are less affected by behavioral and health problems as research shows.
I could list a whole series of scientific studies that come to the same or similar results.
Of course, it does not always work between man and woman. And just because you’re a single parent it doesn’t mean your child is automatically fucked.
But if it seems to be so much better for children, it is definitely worth doing your best to keep the relationship fresh and healthy, and not throw it away immediately when things get a bit difficult.
I don’t have any children myself, but when I see all the sacrifices my parents have made for me and all the ups and downs they have gone through together just to keep me and my sister happy, I would be a hypocrite to demonize monogamous relationships.
At the moment, I am a player with conviction, but if I ever have children, it may very well be that I will change my lifestyle and devote myself to a monogamous relationship with the mother of my children.
I would still work on being as attractive as possible to as many women as possible…
… but I would then be as loyal as possible to my queen.
- I would never claim that it is easy to be attractive to many women. It takes a lot to do that.
- And I would never claim that it is easy to be loyal to one woman. It takes a lot to do that.
Many criticize Tiger Woods for not being able to be faithful to his girlfriend, but no one knows what it’s like to be surrounded by models who are fighting over you.
In case you want to radiate that same level of attractiveness to women. You might want to check out my free downloadable Transformation Kit.
Deciding to be a sexually attractive man for one woman requires sacrifice.
So I think it’s a heroic act.
Heroes are heroes for a reason. These are people or fictional characters with certain characteristics or attitudes that we find so admirable that we glorify them.
Heroes give us signposts as to how one should act as a mortal, normal, human being.
Here are a few heroes who are seen by many as masculine role models for good reasons:
- Maximus (from “Gladiator”)
- Aragorn (from “Lord of the Rings”)
- King Leonidas (of “300”)
- John Wick
What do these heroes have in common?
They are incredibly attractive to many women, but they choose one… until death.
Tip #5: How to get & keep a girlfriend
Ok, you didn’t let the disadvantages deter you, and decided to enter into a committed relationship.
And I hope this is YOUR decision… not hers.
If it’s yours, you can bet your ass AttractionGym will stand behind you.
But first, you need a reliable step-by-step guide to make a woman your girlfriend.
Fortunately for you, I have already included it in this article:
Don’t think that you can relax once you have a girlfriend. Oh no, my friend… Now the fun begins.
Since a monogamous relationship – as discussed earlier – is not natural, you need to keep it fresher than mint.
If you seduce your queen every day, do exciting things with her all the time and can also do her in bed with the necessary variety, you will manage to maintain or rebuild the feeling of being in love for a long time.
Now you know five important things about monogamy
Before we end it I have something for you.
Oh, you want to know how it ended with the beard loving lady from storytime?
Good, you’re right. Since I started the story, I should finish it.
For the rest of the evening, I paid no further attention to her. I rarely feel like being negative. But interestingly, she contacted me on Facebook at 3:36 a.m. three days later to ask where I am.
Turns out she was drunk and missed getting my attention.
Certainly not to discuss monogamy or my evil job…
Alcohol helps you to break free from social norms, and do what you really want to do.
Unfortunately, she would have had to do that at the house party. Her behavior doesn’t deserve a second chance, but I’m sure she’ll find another bearded guy who’s not a player.
The question is, will she text him at 3:36 in the morning. 😉
To get back to what I actually wanted to gift you.
Something that will give you the same confidence to reject women, as I had done to her. Knowing that a moment later countless opportunities will present itself again for more and better romance.
A confidence that reminds you who’s in charge of your love life:
And I’ll see you there.
Dan de Ram