Your girlfriend just left you.
I’m sure you have a lot on your mind…
“What did I do wrong?”
“Am I going to recover from it?”
“How can I get her back?”
And on and on…
There are however ALWAYS two sides to the same coin.
Today I give you 13 tips on how to move on, and yes – dare I say – become come out better, as result of this breakup.
- 3 Most common reasons your girlfriend broke up with you
- My best tips on how to heal a broken heart
- How to be more attractive to women (and your ex)
- A scientifically proven way to be happier
- Practical steps to overcome emotional pain
- 3 books and 3 movies better for you than self-help books
- And a lot more…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
She dumped me… Why did that happen?
You’re probably going through a painful situation.
However, there’s something you should always remember:
Things could be way worst.
What if you get dumped again by your next girlfriend?
That’s going to hurt like hell.
I’ve got good news:
It can be prevented!
You just have to understand why it happened.
The first 3 tips of this article are about why she broke up with you.
Let’s start right away with the first most common reason.
Tip #1: The relationship rut explained
Do you know why the beginning of a relationship is always so exciting?
You’ve only just started dating and you know so little about each other.
Everything is still ‘uncertain’.
Uncertainty is very exciting.
As you get to know each other better, that uncertainty is replaced by certainty.
You become familiar with each other’s habits, behaviors, tastes, etc.
Routine sneaks into the relationship without you even noticing.
You talk about the same topics, eat at the same places, see the same friends…
Over and over again.
Everything is predictable. Both in the bedroom and outside.
Her face after a predictable sex session.
As a result, the spark in your relationship fades like snow in the sun.
Recently, a date told me about her previous relationship. They met working at the same supermarket and were together for six years.
During those six years she graduated, travelled the world, started a new degree, got a new job…
…and he still worked at the same supermarket.
Guess what happened?
She moved on.
The problem isn’t just in your relationship itself, it’s often more in your lifestyle.
Live your life to the fullest. This will reflect immediately on your relationships.
Tip #2: A common reason couples break up
I know a girl who use to describe her relationship as:
Now you might think, “Pfff, how dare he treat her partner like that. What a jerk!”
But you can’t blame him because she never said a word to him about it.
It was her own beliefs that made the relationship so unbalanced.
Probably because she was much more invested than him.
This creates an imbalance in the relationship.
The relationship is unbalanced if:
- You’re worried she’s going to leave you
- You believe you’re ‘not good enough for her’.
It leads to an unequal balance of power in the relationship.
Sounds a little weird to talk about ‘power’ in a romantic relationship, but trust me: it’s an important part of it.
If you like her more than she does, you’re going to make more effort for her.
It might seem like nothing too important. Some women would even like the extra effort.
But this is going to lead to problems in the relationship.
Why is that?
Because she wants a boyfriend, not a lapdog.
She wants an ambitious man who chooses to be with her but still keeps working on his projects.
If you make your girlfriend your only goal in life, you give up all your ambitions and interests.
And by doing so, you kill the person she originally fell in love with.
Tip #3: Did you really have good chemistry?
Now pay extra attention, because this is the most common reason why relationships end.
A lack of chemistry.
I’m sure you did.
What I mean by lack of chemistry is that your interactions remained too superficial.
She asks how your day was and you simply answer “Good” while watching a movie on Netflix.
In other words, you’re not sharing yourself enough.
There’s also a lack of chemistry when you have opposite life’s goals.
For example, when your visions of a relationship are completely different: Living together, getting married, having children…
When one wants to travel the world while the other wants to build a family, conflict is inevitable.
Tip #4: Avoid making this mistake in a relationship
Now that your relationship is over, it’s easy to think back of it as a dream.
How great it was to spend time together.
How amazing were the connection, the adventures, the sex…
This is one of the biggest trap you can fall into after a breakup.
Let me explain myself:
A lot of men feel lonely when they’re single. And only feel happy when they have a girlfriend.
That mentality is dangerous.
What’s wrong with thinking that a relationship equals happiness?
It’s an illusion.
Studies have shown that people react much more strongly to loss than to gain.
What does all this have to do with you?
Hold on, mate.
One study even estimates that, psychologically speaking, losing has twice as much impact as winning.
This is why people put so much effort into overcoming pain than into finding happiness.
Think of the health sector for example.
People pay a fortune to personal trainers when they’re fat and old, but not a lot of healthy 20-year-old do the same.
Which brings me back to you:
Now that your girlfriend broke up with you, you’re in a lot of pain and you want to do everything you can to get over it.
Perhaps you’re tempted to send her hundreds of begging messages.
Don’t put her on a pedestal, man.
Keep a cool head, and see your freedom as an opportunity to have a better life.
Use your extra time to get fitter, read more books, graduate, improve your game with women, and so on.
This way you’ll come out of the relationship stronger than when you entered it.
You also become way more attractive to women (including your ex-girlfriend, if that matters.)
Tip #5: Make the most of a crisis
A crisis like the one you’re in is an opportunity for positive change.
However, this change isn’t going to happen as if by magic.
You’ll have to work hard for it.
I understand if you don’t feel like it now.
I’m sure the last thing you want to hear about during a heartbreak is a new life transformation project.
That’s how Steve Jobs felt when he was in the middle of his own crisis: his resignation from Apple.
But instead of being miserable and complaining, he used that crisis as fuel to straighten out his life.
Without Apple, he had to review his whole life as an entrepreneur. So he bought a struggling 3D animation company: Pixar.
With Steve Jobs as a support, the animation company launched its most successful product ever. I’m sure you’ve heard of it…
Pixar did so well that it was bought by Walt Disney.
So what started as a resignation from Apple, ended with becoming the largest shareholder of Disney.
He turned a crisis situation into a success.
If your girlfriend just broke up with you, you’re also dealing with a crisis situation.
You’re probably full of a lot of negative feelings of betrayal and sorrow.
And I’m sure there’s nothing you want more than for all those bad feelings to go away.
But that’s a mistake, man.
Because you can use all those feelings as the fuel to launch your next life-changing project.
So here’s my advice:
- Choose a project or a goal that you want to pursue
- Pour all your frustrations into working on it
- And don’t stop until your frustrations are gone
This is how you are guaranteed to come out of your crisis stronger and happier than ever before.
On top of that, you’ll attract much more women than before (and your ex too!)
Tip #6: What to do after a break up with your girlfriend
This is a very important question.
It’s tempting to do absolutely nothing when you’re in heartbreak.
And spend your whole time playing video games and watching porn.
This way you avoid thinking about it.
Thing is… This is not going to help you overcome pain.
Do you want to get rid of that weird knot in your stomach and get on with your life?
Then there’s only one thing…
- Go exercise
- Complete tasks from your old to-do list
- Read some books.
- Set your alarm earlier
- Do some home repair
- Visit friends and family you didn’t see enough during your ex-relationship
- Buy more plants and turn your house (or bedroom) into a nice cozy place
- Take your health, hygiene, and social/professional life more seriously than ever before
Trust me, you’ll become way stronger and happier than you were in the past.
If you want to know more about this, here’s a video with 3 steps on how to overcome a breakup.
Tip #7: How books and movies can help you get over a breakup
Here are some great sources of inspiration to help you reach a strong and positive mindset.
But first, hear me out:
Don’t read self-help books.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s a few good self-help books out there.
However, a lot of these books lack something crucial:
I understand if this seems a bit ironic, considering that my book Secret of Attraction is also a self-help book.
But there’s one major difference between my book and the average self-help book.
My book is full of emotional experiences, because I use a lot of stories from my own life as examples.
It’s the best way look at it from my perspective and draw your own personal lessons from it.
Three books I recommend:
- Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk
- The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (A story about pursuing your dreams)
- Secret of Attraction by Dan de Ram (That’s what I call shameless self-promotion)
Highly recommended movies too:
- 500 Days of Summer (It teaches you that you can’t force anyone to love you)
- Blue Valentine (A view on the slow but beautiful end of a relationship)
- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Why you shouldn’t miss your ex-relationship)
Tip #8: Here’s exactly what you shouldn’t do
After a breakup, a lot of men play a stupid game called…
The blame game.
Usually the blame game is a multiplayer game.
But in this case, you’re playing by yourself.
“I was too attached…”
“I was too possessive…”
“I was too [fill in]”
Now I’m not saying you didn’t play a part in the breakup of your relationship.
But focusing on what you did wrong is going to kill your self-confidence and your overall happiness in life.
That’s why you should get rid of this negativity as soon as possible.
Do you want to get over your broken heart?
Accept your insecurities. No one is perfect.
And don’t use other people’s opinions to determine your value.
Measure your self-worth by looking at yourself and seeing if you meet the same standards with which you measure others
“If I met myself, would I like myself? Would I find myself respectable?”
If not, find out why and work on those aspects.
You’re responsible for your own well-being.
That’s why it’s called “self-confidence”.
Tip #9: My girlfriend broke up with me: Here’s what science tells you to do
Now here’s a scientifically proven way of feeling happier, more energetic and more grateful for life in general.
And guess what?
It’s doesn’t cost a dime.
In fact, it’s probably something you can start doing right now.
What am I talking about?
A research project took 100 people off the streets dealing with heartbreak and divided them into 3 groups.
One group wrote about the positive aspects of the break-up. Another group wrote about the negative aspects. And the last group on a random subject.
For 3 days, each of the participants wrote for 15 to 30 minutes each morning.
The group that wrote the positive aspects got the best results and felt considerably better.
For a lot of them, the experience created an upward spiral of happiness in their lives.
That’s why you should start a daily routine of writing down the positive aspects of the break-up and of your life in general.
This is will help you move on with your life and be a happier person.
Tip #10: Remove your ex from your life
I know it can be hard to let go of your ex girlfriend after a breakup.
You probably still look at some old photos nostalgically.
You’re never going to get over her like that.
If you really want to move on, there’s a solution. It’s radical, but it works:
Remove her from your life.
Especially all those painful memories on your social media.
How do you do that?
For Facebook, there’s the killswitch app.
This app deletes all traces of your ex from your digital life.
You’re never going to accidentally see her face again when you log in.
Just type in who you want to delete and… Ta-dah!
You should also block her on Instagram, so you don’t check her stories in a moment of weakness.
If you still live with your ex, then of course there’s no point in doing this.
In that’s the case, here’s how you’ll get the most out of your heartbreak:
Focus on your own personal growth.
Find another place to live. Or wait until she moves.
But you’ll never move on if you keep living with her for months or even years after your breakup.
The less you see her, the less you think about her. The less you think about her, the happier you’ll be.
Tip #11: My gf broke up with me: Best way to get over it
The Journal of Neuroscience has published a study that will help you feel better.
It all comes down to one thing:
Literally every single thought you have is important.
Let me explain the science behind this concept.
Several psychologists of the University of Colorado Boulder recruited 40 volunteers that had just come out of a breakup.
The volunteers all did an MRI scan while looking at one of two photos: an ex or a friend.
During the experience, the researchers touched the volunteers with a stick that was warm to hot.
Then the subjects were asked to indicate how painful it felt on a scale of 1 to 5.
The results are fascinating:
The researchers noticed that the same part of the brain lights up when they touch the volunteers with a hot stick or show them a photo of their ex.
It means that your brain doesn’t distinguish emotional pain from physical pain.
The expression heart “break” makes a lot of sense now, right?
They repeated the test and this time all the volunteers were given an identical nasal spray.
The first half was told that the spray reduced emotional pain. The other half was told the truth, that it was just a salt spray.
The results showed that the group who took the ‘pain-reducing’ spray reported less physical and emotional pain during the experiment.
Believe it or not: The fake spray worked.
So if you believe something helps you process emotional pain, it’s exactly what’s going to happen.
So when starting a new hobby or routine, always think:
Is the answer yes? Then it’s going to.
Not because science says so. But because of the power of belief.
Is the answer no? Then it’s most likely not going to help much, if at all.
Tip #12: Stop looking back on your relationship
Here’s some advice:
Stop thinking of when you were in a relationship.
Think back to before that.
Back then you were a functioning human being with a social life and hobbies.
Become that guy again.
When you think of your old self, what do you miss?
Did you have more time for yourself and the things your love?
Pick it up where you left off.
Tip #13: The ‘Pretending’ principle
This principle will help you get over your ex in no time.
Ever heard the slogan ‘Fake it until you make it’?
The ‘Pretending’ principle is very similar.
To put it simply, acting like you got over your ex is going to help you actually get over your ex.
Let me explain myself:
Imagine lying sad in bed on a Sunday morning. You don’t feel like doing anything.
All you can think about is your ex.
In a situation like this, step back and ask yourself:
He’d probably get up and make breakfast. Or jump in the shower.
Whatever your answer is, do it.
I’m not saying you should suppress your emotions.
If you feel like shit, don’t pretend you just won the lottery.
This is not going to help at all.
Anybody ask how you’re doing?
For example, “Well, I feel like shit actually.”
But no matter how bad you feel, remember that it’ll be over soon.
“That being said, I know I’m going to get better.”
If your girlfriend broke up with you, apply the tips in this article to get over her and increase your attraction.
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In this case, surprise surprise:
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- The best opening lines to get her hooked
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Dan de Ram