She: “I Felt No Spark On First Date”. You: (Do This)

no spark on first date

You look at your phone in disbelief when you read this message:

Hey, I had a nice time with you but I didn’t feel a spark on our date. I’d like to leave it at this. Sorry.

You don’t get it.

You guys had such a nice date! Although… that’s what you thought. What went wrong?

What does she even mean with “I didn’t feel a spark”?

The answers to all these questions will be found in this article.

  • About the 7 most crucial reasons she did not feel any chemistry on your date
  • A useful tip with every reason to make sure you can avoid this situation from now on
  • Why men who are good with women even run into this “missing spark” issue
  • And much more to create chemistry on the first date…

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

After reading our tips, you will definitely create a better chemistry with your dates.

She didn’t feel a spark on the first date… what now?

You were looking forward to the date for several days…Your mouth dropped when you saw her. Damn, what a great girl. You felt like the date was going pretty well…

The next day you get a text like this:

Ouch. She didn’t feel a click at the (first) date and she doesn’t seem thrilled to go on a next date.

Not good. Not fun. Not chill.

Dear reader,

I have good news and less good news for you.

(To not keep you on the edge of your seat too much, I will start with the less good news).

The less good news is this:

It’s pretty difficult to fix this situation.

If a woman says she didn’t feel a connection, she means that she didn’t feel any romantic chemistry. In other words: she isn’t attracted enough to you to go on a second date.


“But Dan, I don’t get it. The date went really well! We even kissed and now she says there was no chemistry.”
–The Inexperienced Man

Yup. That is quite likely.

The situation is similar to meeting a woman in a club and having a great night together. You text her the next day and… no response.

Women can lose interest out of nowhere.

At least… it seems to be “out of nowhere”, but it isn’t.

The female brain works more emotionally.

That means that at any moment she can experience intense emotions and the next moment they have completely disappeared.

So, it could be that she felt all sort of good and positive emotions on the date itself, but that those emotions went away after.


“But Dan, what is the exact reason for this? I think “no spark” is so vague.”

It could have several reasons, dear reader.

Today I will give you the 7 most important and crucial reasons why she doesn’t feel a spark.

This brings me to the good news I have to tell you:

When you know what the reason is she didn’t feel a love spark on your date, you can learn a lot from it.


Flirting with women is a skill. You improve your skills by failing from time to time.

So, pay attention and read through these reasons carefully.

For every reason there might not have been chemistry, you get a tip. This tip will help you avoid making the same mistakes on your next dates.

(Who knows, maybe you can mend the connection with you previous date).

Anyway, Enough chitchat. Time for action.

Let’s start straight away.

Reason #1: A rough start

It makes sense you’re analyzing your last date like crazy to find out what went wrong.

The problem is that many people forget about the start of the date. That’s a waste… because lots can go wrong at the beginning.

Once I, a coach, had a date with a cool chick. The problem was that she was a lot less cool when we started chatting.

She had quite a deep and dominant voice. Even deeper that the voice of James Earl Jones (also known as Lion King’s Mufasa or Darth Vader from Star Wars).

Good, you understand that a woman with that much base in her voice wasn’t really my thing.

The chemistry wasn’t there, even before the date really started.

It could be that the woman you went on a date with had that same feeling.

In other words, there was something about you she didn’t like from the start. It could be anything: your voice, your appearance, your cloths, something you said…

These small turnoffs at the beginning of the date could still be fixable. However, sometimes it can be such a mismatch that the date was doomed from the start.

But, what to do about it?

Pro tip:

Research has shown that the first impression is an important base for the rest of the connection.

If you’re on a Tinder date, it’s important that your appearance matches your pictures on your profile (women appreciate catfishes just a little as us men).

It’s important to protect yourself from the biggest turnoffs for women… especially at the beginning of your (first) date.

“But Dan, what are the biggest turnoffs for women?”

Glad you asked. For this question we also have an answer:

>> ‘Am I Unattractive?’ + 10 Other Biggest Self-Sabotaging Turnoff’s

Reason #2: You are just too different

Last year I had a Tinder date that went south from the beginning. Not necessarily because of me or because of her. It was just a case of two too different personalities.

When I met het at the station I gave her a hug. (I always do this by the way. A hug works better than those cold kisses on the cheek, or even worse… a handshake).

When I gave her a hug she said this:

“Oh, that’s a bit too personal.

That was basically the end of the date for me. She thought a hug to say hello was already too much (physical) contact.

With every light touch, she felt really uncomfortable. I never experienced that before. Getting physical is usually something that works really well when flirting with women. I like physical contact, apparently, she does not.

If you notice that your personalities differ a lot, it’s best to acknowledge this than to keep it to yourself.

“Relax, I’m not poisonous”

I said when I noticed how tense she became when I (accidentally) touched her arm.

“Sorry, it’s not because of you. I have this with everybody. I just don’t feel comfortable when someone touches me. Even my friends don’t give me hugs.”

I appreciated her honesty, but I also knew that a second date wasn’t in the cards. I am a physical person and I like being able to be physical on my dates.

If that isn’t appreciated, then that person just isn’t a match for me.

That is fine. Not all people are the same. Some people are just so different from each other that they are like water and fire.

Pro tip:

Make sure you know what kind of woman you want.

I don’t want a woman who is allergic to physical touch, so I didn’t go on a second date with her.

If you notice that you are very different from each other, don’t hesitate to point it out. In the above example, I did this as well.

Always to this in a light, playful and funny way.  Imagine you have been disagreeing about basically everything the entire date. You could say something like:

“We disagree so much; we’re Trump vs Clinton!”

By acknowledging your differences in a funny way, you might be able to turn the date around and have a spark or some chemistry after all!

Reason #3: You rushed into it

Imagine: you want to buy a new laptop

As soon as you walk into the store a smooth salesperson comes up to you and immediately tries to sell you the priciest computer there.

“This laptop is a MUST-have for you, sir! It matches your needs perfectly, it’s super-fast and I own it myself.

A question for you, dear reader:

If a salesperson says the above to you, would you buy the laptop straight away?

“Err… no, probably not.”

No, of course not. After all, he is a salesperson and he is trying to sell you the priciest option available. As a smart consumer, you want to compare other laptops to see which fits your needs best.

However, lots of men are sold right away.

No, not when it comes to computers, but when it comes to women.

Imagine: Average Andy miraculously has a date with a beautiful woman… He will try really hard from the beginning to impress that woman on their date. He will invest more in the date than her from the get-go.

That, dear reader, is a big reason why she didn’t feel a spark during the date.

A woman wants a man that is a bit of a challenge. Yes, she wants a man who is interested in her, but she doesn’t want a man who plays all his card from the beginning just to have a successful date.

Pro tip:

Make sure you don’t fall head over heels for the first woman that goes on a date with you.

By meeting different women and going on dates more often, you will notice that you know more what you want and you will live in abundance when it comes to flirting with women.

In other words: you will have a choice rather than putting all your eggs in one basket with the first woman you see.

So, time to meet new women. In this article you will find the 15 best places to meet single women.

Reason #4: You were too friendly

This issue also arises a lot for men that don’t have much date experience yet.

To explain this reason properly, I will first tell you what the 3 worst words are that you can hear from a woman after a date.

Here they are:

It. Was. Pleasant.

“But Dan, isn’t it a good thing if a date was “pleasant”?”

Maybe for Average Andy, but not for you as an AttractionGym blog reader.

We want our clients to go on dates that are more than just “pleasant”.

The date has to be exciting and amazing. It has to be a breathtaking experience for her in which she experiences different, intense emotions with you and is seriously attracted to you.

But if she had a “pleasant” date…

That means that the date was “quite fun” but that is all. She didn’t experience any emotions or chemistry with you.

This is a recurring problem for the typical nice guys.

Men are so impressed by a woman that they will do anything to please her. They are over-the-top nice to her, only say cute things or even give her a gift on the first date.]

As a result, you are absolutely not a challenge to her. She doesn’t feel chemistry during the date. The only thing she experienced was a “nice” conversation with an overly friendly guy.

Time to change that.

Pro tip:

Don’t please her, but tease her.

Listen bro, you don’t suddenly have to become an asshole just to be good with women.

However, women want a man that is a challenge to her. A woman wants a man who actually flirts with her, instead of a man who only says sweet things.

The best way to flirt is to tease her.

If you want to know how to successfully tease a woman, read the next article:

>> 7 Best Methods to Tease Women + 11 Examples.

Reason 5: The date was too bad….

Watch the following fragment from the show First Dates.

(Warning: the cringe is strong on this one.)

Yikes… this is so painful to watch.

Not necessarily because he doesn’t know what to say…

(By the way, if you find yourself in situations where you don’t know what to say, click here.)

The date is mostly awkward because of the setting.

Look, the whole problem with a program like First Dates it that the date takes place in a cliché, and especially boring, setting.

You’re sitting across from each other in some restaurant firing interview questions at each other.

Yup, my homie Homer Simpson is right. These kinds of “traditional” dates are extremely boring.

The more boring the date, the bigger the chance she doesn’t feel a spark.

Moreover: it doesn’t help either if you’re as dull as ditch-water.

  • Firstly, it’s important to make sure first that you are interesting to have a conversation with.
  • Secondly, it is important to move away from the “going out for a coffee” dates and to start taking women on original, creative and exciting dates.

Pro tip:

In this article you can find a list of 11 original date ideas:

>> 11 Fun and Creative Date Night Ideas

Reason #6: The date was too good….

“But Dan, you just said dates should be a fantastic experience! How can a date be too good?!”

I’m happy you asked. I know it sounds a bit like a paradox right now, but I will explain it further.

Look, this reason happens most by two types of guys:

  • 1: Men who have many, many dates (multiple times a week),
  • 2: Typical “pick up” dudes

Let’s start with the first category. Sometimes I myself have multiple dates a week (there’s a reason I’m an AttractionGym coach).

Super fun of course, but at a certain point I noticed that my high frequency of dates had a side effect.

Dating became a routine.

To make dates easier, I often had the same plans for my dates. Having the same plan is highly efficient, since two-thirds of my dates had a happy ending.

So that is great, right?

HOWEVER… by doing the same thing over and over again, everything became a routine. I hardly put in any effort. I didn’t feel nervous at all. Everything went as planned.

In other words, the date was too perfect. People don’t trust perfection.

You are supposed to feel a bit nervous before a date. It is supposed to be a little awkward. Little mistakes are part of the charm.

In my case, everything was so perfect that it resulted in those dreaded “it was pleasant” messages, but unfortunately, they didn’t feel any chemistry on the date.

The dates were so well-planned that they seemed unnatural. This takes me straight to the second category: pick up dudes.

In the case of pick up dudes, it isn’t necessarily a perfect date that is the issue (in fact: lots of pick up dudes are actually bad with women).

Because pick up dudes often work with “tricks” and “techniques”, they think they are doing well on a date. This is not the reality.

The date becomes robotic and unnatural. It is not surprising that she doesn’t feel a spark on the date.

Pro tip:

Admittedly: this reason is a bit of a luxury problem.

Still, it is a shame if you had a date with a great chick but she didn’t feel any chemistry. Make sure that you’re not only working on “flirting” and “seducing her”…

Make sure you are actually focused on her. In other words: focus on making a connection with a woman. Read here how to do that.

Moreover, you don’t want to come across as a pick up robot on your date. The human element is what makes dating fun.

Make sure you’re not afraid to show vulnerability. Be open and share about yourself. Make sure you are genuine towards her so she knows you are real and not a robot.

Vulnerability is sexy.

Reason #7: There simply just wasn’t a spark

Disclaimer: this reason doesn’t have a tip.

This is because people sometimes just don’t have a spark… and there is nothing you can do about it.

I know this might be cliché, but it is 100 percent true:

You can’t win them all.

Look, there are lots of dating companies that claim to sell that magic pill that can make you successful with any woman. This magic pill is often pricey.

In the end… you realize that pill isn’t real. You know what?

Failure is part of dating.

No matter how good you become, there will always be women that don’t feel chemistry with you. This can have many different reasons. Most of those are outside of your control and cannot be changed.

It’s a shame, but here at AttractionGym we keep it real and tell you the truth.

Some women won’t be a match to you.

It is what it is.


Of course, there is something you can do. You can make sure that there is a spark with as many women as possible.

There will always be a few mismatches that weren’t meant for you. That is fine, as long as you can lead your life meeting attractive women that are 100% a match for you.

How to create a spark with the women you really desire

This, dear bro, is more plausible than you might think.

In my free Transformation Kit you will find numerous tips to elevate your skills with women.

In the Kit you will find opening lines, texting tips, and a step-by-step plan to escape the Friendzone.

You can download the Kit for free by clicking the link below… so you can look forward to lots of dates with women that do feel a spark.

Good luck on putting the Transformation Kit into practice!

Your bro,
Dan de Ram

Stop awkward conversations
and painful rejections

My free Transformation Kit will make you irresistible to women.

  • 12 Opening Lines that Actually Work
  • 5 Date Generating Texting Tips (Plus Copy-Paste Lines for Tinder)
  • The Friendzone Escape-Room Trick
Yes, give me the Transformation Kit!

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