‘I really loved her.
We had a wonderful time.
And I just don’t know how to handle it.
It seems to like I’ll NEVER be able to cope with it.
I find it hard not to let my emotions overwhelm me.
I just want the pain to pass and feel happy again.’
Whether in such a poetic execution or formulated more crudely:
My missus left me. How do I get over her, Dan?’
Mails like these reach my inbox WEEKLY.
For most men, it doesn’t matter whether they broke up with their supposed Mrs. Right or vice versa:
They simply don’t know how to deal with this fact emotionally.
Some want to win back their former partner in crime at the speed of light, while others want to know precisely how they can overcome their breakup quickly…
… so that they can fully focus on other things in their lives again.
Since I’ve already written this plausible article for the former (how to get your ex back), we will dive into the latter today.
I show you:
- Recovery after a breakup: How American Pie can help you find the reason she broke up with you
- The #1 mistake that countless men repeatedly make, so that they are condemned to stay single forever
- Recovery from a breakup: What Jimmy Neutron has to do with your relationship and how you overcome it emotionally
- How you become a sex worthy attractive man that women fight for
- And many more tips on how to recover from a breakup of a long term relationship…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
Your lady left you.
And this event comes as a bit of a surprise to you…
… like the moment when North Korean students were told that they should have the same haircut as their ‘supreme leader’ Kim Jong-un.
So out of surprise, you do the following to get clarity about her motives:
You google reasons.
… And come across the most exotic motives – from ‘you didn’t put enough sweet words in her mouth’ to ‘you didn’t get along with your potential mother-in-law.’
But let me tell you something:
All these reasons are absolutely TRIVIAL.
The World Wide Web is flooded with countless ‘fake news’ and third-string dating guides these days.
Among them are many female coaches who want to make you believe that they know exactly how to continue a happy relationship.
A woman who gives you advice on how to deal with women?
Doesn’t sound so bad, does it?
Many of the women among them just bombard you with wishful thoughts of their ideal man.
Ironically a lot of their descriptions aren’t accurate to the partners they end up with eventually.
They tell you about the characteristics of a socially considered ‘dream man’ from kitschy Hollywood movies.
They couldn’t be more wrong.
As a loyal AttractionGym reader, you know at least since this article that this description is the definition of unattractiveness.
So, most of their tips are more useless than traffic lights at Grand Theft Auto.
Of course, I cannot condemn them for this; after all, they pass on to you their mistaken belief, which they have been taught through social conditioning.
Excellent question, muchacho.
I will show you this immediately after I have presented you with a decisive insight.
Recovering from a broken heart: The brilliant insight you can get from American Pie
Whether you think it’s a clichéd movie or a piece of trash…
At least with American Pie, you can learn one crucial thing:
How you SHOULDN’T behave towards women.
And to make this crystal clear to you, I will show you a very amusing scene from the film:
What do you notice when you check the attitude of the two characters (Jim and Nadia)?
Who seems more confident? Who seems more comfortable in their own skin?
When you look at Jim, you’re more likely to notice…
- A nervous, rigid posture
- His fear of making eye contact with Nadia
- An intimidated – even frightened – facial expression
- An uncertain, questioning tone in his voice
In summary, you don’t see a hint of confidence.
How about Nadia, on the other hand?
- Has a relaxed body posture and even bounces her feet when Jim strips for her
- Keeps laser eye contact with him
- Has a self-confident/certain facial expression
- Has a dominant, demanding tone of voice
So, Nadia reflects the exact opposite of Jim – true self-confidence.
In contrast to Jim, she rather shows the following attitude:
She doesn’t feel the need to qualify herself towards him.
With Jim, it’s the exact other way around.
If Nadia asked him to clean the drainpipe in her great-grandmother’s house, he would probably be searching for a toolbox suitable for this purpose at the speed of light.
Or in this case, he does exactly what she tells him to do:
He strips for her. Slowly…
What a good boy.
And even if his uncertain behavior doesn’t hurt him in the movie, this result remains far from reality.
Why this is and how this connects to your breakup, I will show you now:
The real reason your girlfriend left you (incl. steps to recover from a breakup)
99% of all men make a crucial mistake after being dumped by their love:
They don’t learn from it.
They end up again and again in relationships that don’t fruit any in the end and are continually abandoned by their next worshipers.
And this, while they don’t ask themselves any of these two essential questions during their relationship:
- What type of man is considered attractive by women?
- Am I still that man?
To answer question #1, our previous lesson from American Pie will help us:
Don’t act like Jim.
Instead, behave like a confident man who is independent of anyone and proactively pursues his own goals.
Too many men set their priorities wrong.
They make their chica bonita the center of their existence and mutate into weak boys who always want to please their mademoiselles at all costs.
While they often lose their boundaries.
They sometimes don’t care if they are in a relationship with a woman that is an absolute mismatch for them…
…or even behaves manipulatively towards them (and thus forbids their monsieur, for example, to go out with his bros on weekends).
Because most of these men are afraid of being forever condemned to foreskin aerobics with their stronger hand.
However, they don’t realize that this way, they only shrink their self-worth to a grain of sand and that her lady will eventually lose her respect for them.
After all, no woman on this planet wants to be with a puppet until the end of her life.
They long for men with a purpose.
A determined and ambitious compañero who has a clear goal in mind and makes it his #1 priority in his life.
It doesn’t matter whether you
- Want to inspire as many people as possible with your iron will and start your own business
- Want to help sick children in Zimbabwe and become a volunteer
- Want to get to know different cultures by traveling a lot
- Or you like to have a successful career as a professional recorder player
It’s incredibly attractive for a woman when a man doesn’t put her onto a pedestal and doesn’t make her his life purpose.
She wants to make someone her Clyde, who has a mission bigger than himself.
She wants someone at her side who inspires her with his determination and his spirit of adventure.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should neglect your ma’am.
You just don’t want her to be the main priority of your life and stick to her like a duckling 24/7.
What was it like with you in your last relationship?
What was your top priority?
If your señorita broke up with you, chances are that you had only one mission on your mind at the time:
Every second of your day.
All other areas of your life have been neglected, which turned you into a weak man whose happiness depended on his partner’s mood.
How you solve this dilemma for the future?
Find your way back to your mission and keep it as your highest priority.
Just by being aware of the harmfulness of making the wellbeing of your future spouse your sole life’s purpose…
…you’re already ahead of countless men who keep putting their adored ones to a pedestal and are getting continually dumped.
However, to find your mission; nonetheless, I recommend that you do the following:
- Sit on your buttocks
- Take out a blank DIN A4 sheet and a pen
- Without exception, write down all things that you enjoy and that fill your body with burning passion (for example, ‘personal development’ or ‘making music’)
- Find connections between the passions and think about how you can derive a profession or a goal out of them (Tip: If you are looking for a profession, Google is your wingman; enter your interests and simply add the term ‘job,’ ‘profession’ or ‘study’)
- Research the Internet to find out which people in the world are already successfully pursuing your dream job or goal
- Look at their resume to understand how they can successfully pursue their mission
- Find a mentor who can show you how to follow the same path and contact them by mail/ Facebook/ Instagram or however you can (Note: If your idol is too popular, find someone who does something similar on a smaller scale / less popular and contact him → it’s first about getting somehow into the area you’re interested in)
Recovering from a (long term) relationship breakup: 3 steps to emotional freedom
Now that you know how to find your attractiveness (again), there is still the question of how to cope with your grief over your breakup.
For this, I have prepared 3 simple steps.
Step #1: Activate the Jimmy Neutron mode
It’s summer 2014. My Graduation is in my pocket.
It’s all over now.
Never go to school again.
No more unnecessarily complex math exams.
And I am also spared the heated discussions with my religion teacher, whether it would be blasphemy to believe in the flying spaghetti monster’s existence.
I have longed for this day.
But after this, things shouldn’t really be going too well for the next few months…
Good friends moved to faraway cities. My bank account looked as empty as a disused swimming pool and I felt lonely.
Nevertheless, after my high school graduation, I was incredibly happy that I never had to see the inside of the school building again.
Graduating from high school was all I wanted at that time.
But the irony of this story is…
…when I think back to my school days today, all I can think of is this:
It was F*CKING awesome.
I did a lot of screw-ups too, but it was still one of the most carefree phases of my life.
What can you learn from this?
The past tends to be perceived more positively by our brain than the present (as countless studies show continuously.
And exactly the same happens after a relationship.
You remember all the unique moments you shared together.
The way you snuggled up against each other. The smell of her perfume. The passionate sex.
In doing so, your brain blocks out all the negative experiences that you have had with her.
So, make your synapses work harder than Jimmy Neutron in a flash of inspiration and check if your past relationship was REALLY as fabulous as you remember it.
Most likely, you will come to the conclusion that it wasn’t even remotely perfect.
- She has often been disrespectful to you
- She hasn’t tolerated your interests
- She was stubborn; and for example, she hardly wanted to travel with you/ she was not a good match for you in her lack of open-mindedness
Whatever it is.
Think about the serious flaws in your former relationship.
This helps you to see your current situation more objectively and to process it better.
After all, you haven’t really lost much from your relationship if you weren’t right for each other anyway.
Step #2: DON’T suppress your pain
Social rejection is one of the most unbearable emotions for the human body, according to dozens of studies.
It can even manifest itself in the form of physical pain.
So, your heart is not only proverbially broken – it can actually feel like one…
But how the hell do you overcome this emotional ordeal?
Let me explain it to you by an analogy.
Think of your mind as a chair with wobbly legs.
If some of them break away, you have to replace them.
Imagine your past relationship is a leg of that chair that broke off.
And because one is missing, you have to strengthen the other legs so that they can compensate for the missing one.
Otherwise, the chair wouldn’t withstand your butt anymore.
As a result, you’ll pack yourself neatly on your face and pour your banana milkshake over your shirt.
Well, what I’m trying to tell you is this:
After your breakup, strengthen your legs. Get in touch with people who care about you and who positively encourage you.
Invite your best bros to a Capri Sun and share your feelings.
I know that you may find this hard to believe, but every person on this blue globe has had lovesickness at least once in their life.
You’d be surprised how much your amigos can relate to your heartache…
Not for nothing, Carl Gustav Jung used to say:
If you suppress your pain constantly, you NEVER process it properly…
…until one day they overwhelm you and torture you more than ever before.
So be vulnerable to your bros.
Let all the tears flow that you can get rid of and feel the relief that comes as your pain gradually fizzles away (by the way, it’s ‘unmanly’ NOT to stand behind your feelings – ‘crying is for pussies‘ is utter bullshit; trust me – NO one finds a human attractive who acts like an unauthentic, apathetic robot).
Step #3: What you can learn about breakups from Steve Jobs
The year is 2005 at Stanford University.
Steve Jobs is speaking to hundreds of recent graduates of the university.
He asks them:
A profound question.
What would your answer to this, muchacho?
Unfortunately, few people can say they can answer Steve’s question with a confident ‘You betcha!’
However, any different answer indicates that something in your life must be going seriously wrong.
So, ask yourself:
- What would you do today if you had no obligations towards others?
- What would you do if there were no time limits and you had infinite energy?
The girlfriend of a good buddy of mine recently broke up with him.
They were together for three years.
He was devastated and reminded me of the past Dan, who in a similar situation, would show the same hopelessness as my compañero did now.
So, he asked for my advice.
He had already planned a trip with his (now former) flame five months ago:
A road trip through South Africa.
However, since his relationship status had changed in the meantime, he didn’t feel like going on this trip anymore.
The only contacts he has sought since his breakup have been Jack Daniels and Ashara, a Level 60 Night Elf in World Of Warcraft.
He asked me what the hell he should do with his plane tickets.
For an answer to this question, I didn’t have to think long.
I made his eavesdroppers understand:
Since his trust in me was bigger than the inner bastard in him, he actually did it:
He went on an epic adventure.
While his ex was still waiting tables in a café, he was celebrating wild orgies in Cape Town.
But the point here is not that you should take revenge on your ex (that’s damn childish and doesn’t help you in the long run at all) …
… but that you also take time for yourself and do things that make you feel alive again.
And if you feel like having orgies in Cape Town…
Well, have orgies in Cape Town…
This brings me to my last secret tip, with which you can overcome your longing for your ex ONCE AND FOR ALL TIMES:
“How to recover from a relationship breakup?” Be PROACTIVE!
Let‘s get to the biggest obstacle of most men after a breakup.
They want to find new love, but only do one thing:
Frustrated, they sit at home and hope that a higher power or fate will one day turn in their favor.
Don’t get me wrong.
It’s ok to indulge your heartache for a time, but it shouldn’t become a permanent state of yourself.
At some point, you have to bring your feet back on a new course.
More specifically, in the direction of a happier life and a more fulfilling relationship.
An acquaintance of mine didn’t take this tip to heart.
He then landed in intense, endless seeming, downward spiral.
Even after two years, he still felt worthless and succumbed to his depressive feelings.
At one point, he felt so horrible that even suicidal thoughts appeared in his skull.
Eventually, he went to a psychological institution and is still under treatment today…
Maybe this sounds like a bad thriller flick to you but do yourself a favor and be different.
Be careful not to let your feelings get the better of you and TAKE ACTION.
Let me help you through your breakup by showing you step-by-step and foolproof how to become a sexually attractive man who attracts beautiful women…
… and how you finally win a new sexy señorita to your side, one who matches you.
For this, I have prepared a Transformation Kit with my #1 dating advice.
Where I take you by the hand to meet new women that are exactly you type. How you approach them, flirt with them and take them on successful dates.
Towards a fulfilling love-life.
See you on the other side!
Dan de Ram