11 Tips Why Being Scared of Dating is Unnecessary

scared of dating

You are not satisfied with your love life.

And that’s mostly down to one thing:

You are scared of dating.

Today you’re going to learn exactly how you can conquer that fear of dating.

You’ll also learn:

  • The 14 reasons why people are scared of dating
  • An easy and effective first step to conquer your fear
  • The greatest danger for shy people
  • My #1 tip to be more relaxed at a date
  • 3 Tricks to make dates less awkward
  • More to make it easy for you if you’re afraid to date

By the end of this article, you’ll have concrete steps to transcend your fear of dating.

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

Tip #1: It’s not as weird as you think

A date is a stressful situation.

  • You meet someone new
  • You expose yourself to the judgement of someone else
  • You open the door for both fun and potentially ‘awkward’ situations

This causes all sorts of stressful thoughts to pop into your head:

“Will she show up? Will she like me? What should I say? What if I talk too much? What if I embarrass myself? What if she rejects me?”

Completely understandable questions.

Especially for someone with little dating experience.

Or for someone coming out of a long-term relationship who suddenly has to deal with things like:

Tinder and Bumble. Strange dating terms like ‘ghosting,’ ‘breadcrumbing,’ and ‘flaking.’ And media channels try to tell us that romance is dead and relationships are disappearing.

Quite scary.

So it’s not weird if you feel overwhelmed.

That said.

You don’t have the luxury of feeling overwhelmed.

Because those pressing feelings cause you not to take action.

You don’t take action?

Then your chances of finding love are gone, and you open the door for anxiety, shyness and isolation.

So what do you do if you’re afraid to date, but do want to have an intimate love life with another person?

You start small.

What does this look like?

You simply participate in life.

Go out, make contact with others and see where it will lead you.

Even if it’s just saying ‘hi’ to someone.

For now, that’s all you need to do.

>> 10 Simple Things That Improve Your Life TODAY!

Tip #2: Fourteen reasons why you’re scared of dating

These are the 14 reasons why you may be afraid of dating:

  1. Scared of rejection
  2. Scared of losing your freedom
  3. Scared of being vulnerable
  4. Scared of your own feelings (anxiety, stress, fear)
  5. Scared of being bad in bed
  6. Scared that love is ‘finite’ (cheating, etc.)
  7. Scared you don’t have time to date
  8. Scared you won’t find the right person (so there’s no point anyway)
  9. Scared of changing
  10. Scared of the unknowns of success (you want a relationship but are scared of the responsibilities that brings)
  11. Scared you’ll end up with the wrong person (you don’t know yourself well enough)
  12. Scared you won’t have enough time for your family
  13. Scared of pressure from your family (mom: “When will I have grandkids??”)
  14. Scared of the (next) bad relationship (fighting, abuse, manipulation)

Bonus: Afraid to date because of weight

Deep down we try to deny that we have real fears or problems.

So, it can be confronting to be faced with these undeniable facts.

But you’re here, so I expect you to be open to embracing your fears.

Even if you might be a little apprehensive.

So before we continue, I want to give you this snipped of wisdom:

Acceptance of your fear does not mean acceptance of the situation.

Accepting your fear is just step 1 to having a happier and more love-filled life.

What is step 2?

We cover this in the next tip.

>> Understand and Fix Your Fear of Strangers – 5 Life-Changing Tips

Tip #3: The first step to get over your fear of dating

The first real step to a better life, a life in which you are able to go on dates is the following…

Be honest with yourself and others about what you really and truly want with your whole heart.

Being scared of dating often has an underlying cause from long ago.

Usually, it’s a combination of heartache and residual disappointment from old relationships.

Instead of embracing our fears, we convince ourselves (and the world) that we don’t really want an enriching and loving relationship.

Yes, you’re the woman here, because she’s nicer to look at.

So, how do you best acknowledge your fear of dating?

By first writing down your deepest relationship dreams for yourself.

Then, telling your best friends and/or family members.

And then, telling the world.

Don’t worry, the world doesn’t need to know the details. Think of this part as more symbolic.

Declare your wish by lighting a candle. Burning some incense. Go outside and plant a flower.

With all of this, you’re saying, “I’m ready for a happier life, filled with love.”

Now let’s move on to the next tip for if you’re scared to date.

>> Bad Luck In Love (For Men): 7 Real Reasons

Tip #4: What not to do

People who are afraid of dating are better known as:


Shyness usually manifests itself as ‘being scared of’.

This causes shy people to share less about themselves with others.

And that’s a big problem.

Because eventually, dating is about getting to know each other. And how can you get to know a woman if you’re afraid to tell her who you are?

Telling her who you are, by the way, is about more than sharing stories about your family and history.

It’s also about:

  • Sharing your feelings about a recent event
  • Daring to have an opinion about something
  • Telling your date how much you like her outfit

In short, say what you’re thinking.

For the shy person this is often too difficult. It will seem like you’re playing the dating game in ‘hard’-mode.

Every second feels like a challenge.

Dating coaches and pick-up books have of course given their solution to this problem:


Armed with tools like that you’ll definitely get some women.

And you won’t even have to show your real self.

And herein also lies the greatest danger…

While I definitely recommend our dating tips as practical guide rails, make sure you don’t go too far from who you really are.

Otherwise you’ll turn into a pick-up robot with whom no woman wants a deep   Because robots have no soul.

So remember this:

It’s not about the pick-up line or technique, it’s about the deeper principle of confidence that’s behind it.

By using our example lines, you’ll get a feel for that confidence. That’s why they’re so addictive to copy.

Experience this for yourself.

Get my Lines that Always Hook and feel what it’s like to be confident. This is fully achievable, even if you’re scared to date.

Tip #5: How to crush your insecurities

Let’s dive straight into the deep end

I can imagine you might have 1001 legitimate reasons to be insecure.

Maybe this, bla, that, or blablabla.

Now I could pity you, but you don’t need that.

Pity will get you nowhere.

You need help.

So I’ve come to bring that to you.

One of the strongest tools to beat your fears and insecurities is…


In other words, comparing your life to other people’s lives.

Preferably someone who has a way shittier life than you.

Now I don’t know what the hell you’re making such a big deal of. What are you spending all those hours worrying about? Wishing things were different…

… the right perspective works like having a life raft.

If you have all sorts of things you don’t like about yourself, and then see someone who has it 100x worse than you.

And despite those problems, they’re leading a life that anyone should be jealous of…

Then that is life changing.

Maybe you’re seriously overweight and you can’t get out of the house without the help of others.

Very embarrassing.

But I know for a fact there are thousands of others who can’t even get out of bed due to their weight.

And in their eyes, you’ve made it.

Now let’s supercharge this concept.

Some people on this planet have just been told they have just a few more months to live.

They are terminally ill.

And they literally can’t do ANYTHING to change their situation.

Horrible, but true.

Perspective is your life raft.

If you’re drowning in your own insecurities, having perspective offers you a chance for a brighter future.

A future where you are genuinely happy with who you are, instead of being

Including your shortcomings.

While I completely understand that nobody wants to be your failing, struggling role model, inspiration porn also has a lot of power.

That’s why I’m showing you this inspirational TED Talk by the author of the book Ugly.

Now you have a better image of yourself, let’s cover some more practical dating tips.

Tip #6: Open yourself up to fear

We all know this horrible feeling.

Imagine you’re watching The Bachelor.

And in an episode the bachelor and one of his dates have ZERO chemistry.

For two weeks they have been awkwardly avoiding each other.

Against his better judgement, the bachelor convinces his crush to come on a trip to Disneyland.

A few hours later the ‘couple’ is sitting silently in a spinning teacup.

You can smell the despair in this situation.

I can feel my face contort like I’ve just taken a bite of lemon.

So I’m talking about…

Vicarious embarrassment.

You know what’s amazing about vicarious feelings of embarrassment?

You put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

And this allows you to experience what it’s like to go on dates, without getting off your lazy ass.

Now the two are not exactly equal.

But it does give you an idea of what can go wrong on a date.

And more importantly, that those mistakes are survivable.

And, if you handle it well, you can even spin the not-so-smooth moments to work in your advantage.

Pretty fuckin’ awesome, even though I say so myself.

So I advise you to watch dating shows.

>> 6 Tips to Be Vulnerable With a Woman (The Key to Intimacy)

Tip #7: My #1 tip to help you relax at a date

We use the word ‘cramming’ when we study for an exam.

But we can also use this for dating.

Maybe you try to cram yourself into a t-shirt that’s too small so you seem more muscular.

Another way to cram is to try and prepare the entire conversation out of a fear of not knowing what to say.

I notice this fear in participants in our bootcamps who have done nothing but drive to work, sit in their office, drive home, sleep, go to work, etc. for the past year.

They feel like they will have nothing fun to talk about at the date.

If I’m honest, there’s some truth to that.

What you do with your time does affect your success in dating.

If you had been eating salads instead of hamburgers all year, you wouldn’t be feeling insecure about that belly.

People who have recently started a new activity have

It will also make you naturally more comfortable with yourself.

Because you’ve had all these adventures and met new people.

So what on earth is my #1 dating tip for if you’re scared of dating?

Forget the short-term and think long-term.

Because if you want to be in perfect dating condition next week, for example:

  • Flat abs
  • Full of hilarious stories
  • Comfortable in your own skin

Then that’s going to be IMPOSSIBLE.

But if you plan to have those qualities in 6 months’ time, then it’s quite doable.

Though that’s no excuse not to go on dates for the next 6 month.

Rather see all the dates you go on between now and then as preparation for the ‘real’ dating that will start 6 months later.

If you ‘practice’ dating with the thought, “this is just to learn”, you’ll experience less fear.

And if the practice date happens to go well, that’s just a bonus.

In summary:

  • Think of what you need to feel comfortable going on dates
  • Give yourself a deadline that’s realistic to achieve those goals (6+ months)
  • Write down action points which will help you achieve those goals (eg. take the stairs instead of the elevator)
  • Go and practice coffee dates (you can even practice with friends or family)

Tip #8-10: Three tricks to make dates less awkward

It can seem like first dates were designed for ‘awkwardness’.

And that’s not so strange.

You meet someone for the first time with the goal of getting to know each other…

… in the knowledge that you may not be a match for one another, in which case one of you might be rejected.

Nobody enjoys rejection.

So you feel pressure to come across really good.

In other words, you stress yourself out.

How do you make this dating process less scary, so that you can go on dates?

Here are 3 simple and effective tips.

Use touch early on and frequently.

The mistake that most people make is this.

They think:

“I don’t know this person very well. And I don’t want to seem desperate, so I won’t touch them at the start of the date.”

But this is the biggest mistake.

The longer you postpone touching the other person, the weirder it will become.

The worst possible scenario is that the man doesn’t touch the woman for the entire date and then tries to kiss her when they part ways.

In that case, while the distance between your lips and hers is just a few inches, it will feel like climbing  

But if you had touched her regularly during the date, then those few inches would remain just a few inches.

A super easy way to touch her is to give her a hug.

It’s not over-the-top, science shows us you simply give the impression that you’re a warm person.

Don’t sit across from each other


If you’re sitting across from each other and there’s a silence, there’s no other sources of entertainment apart from your date.

So you can’t look at anything without uncomfortable tension building up.

But if you’re next to her, you can look at your surroundings together.

Suddenly, the silence is no longer awkward.

You’re just looking around.

Also, you can get inspiration from your environment for things to talk about.

“Just look at that grandma with the pitbull. If a squirrel walks by… he’s dead meat. By the way, are you an animal lover?”

So sit next to her.

Pick an activity where there’s lots of distractions

I’m not going to beat around the bush:

The worse you are at chatting, the more distraction you’re going to need.

If you have the gift of the gab, then you can easily meet at a boring old cafe, and still make a fantastic connection.

If you’re someone who takes a little while to warm up, then plan your date somewhere with plenty to look at and/or do.

Like a tip to a bazar, petting zoo, playground, arcade, museum or zoo…

Some place where having a moment’s silence won’t hurt.

A walk along a nice river or canal will also suffice. Giving her a ride on your motorbike, or even to a bench at a busy park or monument would be great.

As long as your environment offers you enough distraction.

This will definitely help if you’re afraid to date.

>> How To Court a Woman Successfully? 7 Tips to Make Her Fall For You

Tip #11: The mindset for success

Now you may know enough to get started with dating… but before your fear of dating disappears you need to conquer one last obstacle.

Because the truth is this:

You can read 1000 pages about fear, study my best blog posts and YouTube tips, but in the end only one thing matters.

Namely that you apply this knowledge. Take action.

You don’t need to go straight to your end goal from where you are now.

That’s like jumping to the moon from your desk chair.


It’s much more realistic and attainable to take small steps every day.

What does this look like?

The easiest way is to take a daily information bath.

For example, read more tips on my blog, and watch more of my videos.

But much more important:

Take action.

You’re not getting any younger. Time will not make your problems smaller.

Your love life and happiness lie in your own hands.

That’s why it’s important to take action now. Especially if you’re lonely but scared to date.

To help you with that I have made a free Transformation Kit.

This will get you awesome bonuses like:

  • Example sentences
  • Tips for WhatsApp and Tinder
  • Proven tips to conquer approach anxiety
  • And much more…

It’s all free, so that’s not bad at all 😉

Download it below.

And if you’re really serious about this, then check out our online courses.

I wish you the best!

Your bro,
Dan de Ram

Stop awkward conversations
and painful rejections

My free Transformation Kit will make you irresistible to women.

  • 12 Opening Lines that Actually Work
  • 5 Date Generating Texting Tips (Plus Copy-Paste Lines for Tinder)
  • The Friendzone Escape-Room Trick
Yes, give me the Transformation Kit!

Related articles


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *