Setting your boundaries can be pretty scary. Find out how to do it without angry faces.
Setting boundaries.
You’re having a hard time with it. You would rather just be nice.
But consequently friends, family, colleagues, and/or women walk right over you and you’ve had enough.
Well, time to catch a breath mate.
Because in this article I’ll explain to you exactly how you can set your boundaries in all kinds of scenarios without coming across as a jerk.
When you follow these tips, you’ll see that people will no longer treat you as their doormat. They’ll give you the respect that you deserve.
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
- #1: Always finish your sentence
- #2: Call them by their name
- #3: What you want to do when you have lost the attention
- #4: Setting boundaries when someone is unkind
- #5: Make your boundaries clear by waiting with forgiving
- #6: Negative feelings are healthy and okay
- #7: An insight about personal boundaries which you should never forget
- #8: Stay yourself in the heat of the battle
- #9: Stop apologizing
- #10: Disagreements are healthy
- #11: How to set boundaries in one word – no
- #12: Speak openly about your imperfections
- #13: Don’t let the past speak for you
- #14: Don’t try to please everyone
- #15: Don’t be ashamed of who you are
- With these 5 tips you’ll go from friendzone to relationship
After reading this article you’ll have the ability to draw the line and let no one cross it. And doing just that without being a rude prick.
#1: Always finish your sentence
It is quite normal when you get interrupted by someone while speaking at times.
However, does this happen often?
Then you have probably already lost some stature in the eyes of the interrupter.
They know that you won’t do anything when they take the attention away from you.
Thus, from now on you always also want to finish the sentence you started.
Does someone interrupt you anyway?
Then call them out in a playful way:
Now the person that interrupted you feels that they can’t simply do so.
Great.
#2: Call them by their name
In a group situation, it is often more complex how to set boundaries.
But even this is a piece of cake if you know the following strategy.
Imagine you are in a meeting at work.
Obviously, you don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.
But then how can you put your foot down when someone steps over the line?
Call him or her by name.
It may sound too simple to work, but it is surprisingly effective.
You’ll see that this sign of mutual respect will return to you like a nicely tossed boomerang.
#3: What you want to do when you have lost the attention
It’s painful to be ignored, after all, it feels like you don’t matter.
Besides, it’s also difficult to express this feeling in words.
Mention it and you’ll kill the vibe faster than Arianne Grande on a metal festival.
Then how can you still get the attention you deserve when you’re talking?
Look your conversation partners in the eyes.
A few seconds of eye contact is often enough to reclaim the attention and it barely costs any effort.
A large part of how to set boundaries has to do with self-confidence.
Do you want to increase your self-esteem? Then check out this article with 11 tips on how to show more confidence with girls, at work & in life.
#4: Setting boundaries when someone is unkind
Nice people have a shitty response when someone is unkind to them:
They laugh the tension away.
You’ll have an idea why this reaction is so lousy.
By grinning sheepishly you indicate that you don’t have a problem with what just happened. With that, the respect for you is gone with the wind.
And BIG chance that you’ll keep getting picked on.
So then what do you want to do when someone says nasty stuff?
I suggest one of the following options:
- Look at them with a neutral gaze without saying anything. This puts the attention on them. And because people do not like this tension they will do anything to lose this negative attention.
- Give your attention to someone else or grab your mobile phone. Now the bully sees that saying nasty stuff only leads to isolation and which s/he probably won’t enjoy.
#5: Make your boundaries clear by waiting with forgiving
Nice people are incredibly forgiving.
Awesome, right?
Wish more people were like that!
WRONG!
Being nice doesn’t always work as well in this world.
Especially because not everything can be forgiven, and certainly not immediately.
Sometimes the best way to get respect from others is by waiting to forgive.
After all, if you immediately forgive everything then thwarting you apparently has ZERO consequences.
We already have a name for such a person, a doormat.
So is a colleague or someone you care about totally out of line?
Then answer something like this:
#6: Negative feelings are healthy and okay
Nice people often see negative feelings like anger as something bad.
That’s why they prefer to pretend as if things like anger don’t exist.
Hence you never see nice people angry.
Hmm. What doesn’t add up here??
This behavior is called denial.
Even if you have the best intentions, it is never a good idea to ignore your feelings.
Are you angry with someone?
Then it’s perfectly fine to tell them that!
#7: An insight about personal boundaries which you should never forget
This is a trap in which almost every ‘nice guy’ falls into:
Being nice because they don’t want to hurt the other.
Newsflash: being excessively nice leads to hurting people.
How?
Let me explain it to you.
If you’re always focused on keeping people happy, then you’ll never express something that is potentially undesirable.
After all, that would lead to a conflict of interests.
Rather than facing the confrontation, you keep people happy and protect them from a dispute.
However, when you do this too long and rave about everything all the time, then people think that you have a sort of hidden agenda.
Suddenly they see you as someone that manipulates others.
POOF. There goes your trust.
Don’t want to look suspicious?
Then share your honest opinion more often, even though some people may take offense at it.
Sure, people may not always value your opinion.
But they will trust you because you say what you think.
#8: Stay yourself in the heat of the battle
In my view, Joe Rogan is the Oprah in the men’s world.
After all, he is the guy crush of almost every guy on this planet.
But why is he so popular?
There are many reasons but without a doubt, the main one is that he always stays who he is.
Where does he even get the courage?
It’s probably partially in his personality.
But another large part is certainly in his capacity to knock someone’s head right off his chest in one stroke.
Listen, setting healthy boundaries should never lead to a fistfight. Definitely walk away whenever a discussion gets out of hand.
But being able to defend yourself simply gives you more calmness and confidence.
That’s why I recommend you to (at least for a couple of months) practice one of the martial arts.
Because if you can be calm in the heat of the battle, you can also be it during a conversation.
#9: Stop apologizing
Listen, I don’t want to command you around. So for sure you still may excuse yourself.
However, do it in moderation.
Because the easier you say sorry, the cheaper it will feel.
Say it too often and your apologies devaluate to the level of a fart.
Besides, excessive apologizing comes across as insecure.
You can overthrow the type of person that does this without any guilt because they’ll always give you the feeling that they were the perpetrator.
#10: Disagreements are healthy
If you don’t set any emotional boundaries, you are doomed to have superficial relationships.
Why?
Because setting boundaries go hand in hand with expressing your feelings.
Only when you can share your true feelings, people can come close to you. That’s why it’s healthy to have disagreements once in a while.
Eventually, this will bring you further in life, love, and work!
#11: How to set boundaries in one word – no
Both men and women have a weakness for the following type of person:
Somebody that does what s/he says.
Why do we find this so attractive?
Because rarely anyone sticks to their word.
Too many of us make promises that we cannot keep, make future plans that we don’t want to live to up to, or set goals that we give up on too easily.
In short, we don’t take our words seriously enough.
But these statements, how small they may be, are one of the most important things we have.
Better yet, the smaller the statement – the more important it is.
Because when someone sees that they can trust you with the small stuff, then they can also trust you with the bigger things.
Do you never keep your small promises? Then I’ll not hit you with something big.
Just don’t bite off more than you can chew.
Say no more often, stick to what you commit to, and get more respect than ever before.
#12: Speak openly about your imperfections
Everybody has imperfections.
Yes, even Megan Fox
Just like the good qualities, your imperfections define who you are.
By acknowledging them and speaking about them openly, you remain authentic and close to yourself.
Besides, you’ll set personal boundaries in a clear way.
#13: Don’t let the past speak for you
Maybe you’ve had negative experiences with setting healthy boundaries in the past.
This can complicate setting boundaries in your current relationships.
After all, it’s not in your system to do so.
Setting relationship boundaries thus may feel a bit weird. Maybe even impossible.
But you are NOT who you were yesterday.
When you are constantly trying to be the best version of yourself, you’re not even the same person as you were this morning.
Because you are always just one step away from a better life.
So don’t let the experiences from the past suck all your happiness out of the present, every day is a chance for improvement.
Hence, get started to set your boundaries from now on.
#14: Don’t try to please everyone
Here’s a newsflash: not everyone in this world is going to like you.
And that’s more than fine.
Because let’s face it: would you invite everyone you know on your birthday?
Of course not.
Your social circle is full of people you rather don’t see too often.
That’s normal.
So don’t expect vice versa that you can be everyone’s friend.
It’s impossible unless you efface yourself and try way too hard to fit in.
The point?
Choose which type of people you want to hang out with and forget the rest.
You couldn’t possibly get to know all of them and keep them happy anyway.
#15: Don’t be ashamed of who you are
If I could give you only one rule to live by, then it would be this one:
Never be ashamed of who you are.
Listen, I get it.
You may have weird hobbies, a crazy past, or were once abducted by a UFO and you feel awkward about the satellite in your ass.
Excuse my sense of humor, but my point is this:
Essentially no one across the globe feels like s/he is perfect.
Apart from the psychopaths and narcists, we all feel a little broken.
This is normal.
But as long as you do your best every day to become a better person, then you’re already doing all you can to become a little less broken, right?
Then there’s no reason for you to feel ashamed. Not even the ‘broken’ things where you’re still working on.
Anyway, you should never have to feel ashamed for hobbies or interests that don’t bother anyone else.
Unless we’re talking about LARP of course. Kidding. 😉
With these 5 tips you’ll go from friendzone to relationship
Having relationship boundaries or setting boundaries in dating is equally important and will consequently boost your confidence. With these five tips, you won’t be friendzoned any longer!
#1: Call it a date
A lot of men end up in the friendzone due to the following reason:
They are too vague.
Let me explain that to you with the help of the standard message of the Average Andy:
What’s the problem?
The intention is not clear!
When you want to grab a drink with a woman because you like her, then call it a date!
For tips to make that date a whopping success, check out the following article:
>> Ultimate First Date Guide for Men (21 Tips That Work)
#2: Say what you want
For women this answer is a MAJOR turnoff:
POOF!
All attraction she felt for you is suddenly gone.
When a woman asks what you are looking for on a date, then be clear.
Say what you want. Even if that is something casual.
Listen, first of all, you need to understand this very well: women also love sex.
So she really won’t think less of you because you would rather keep it superficial.
Do you know when she will think less of you?
If you don’t have the balls to say what you want!
And that’s the message I want you to plant into your brain:
By telling her clearly and without awkwardness what you really want, she’ll immediately like you a lot more.
Why?
Because you’re not ashamed for who you are. And because you dare to say something she might not like to hear.
In short, you’re not afraid to tell her something that puts her off.
Now you are trustworthy. 🙂
#3: Don’t say what you think she wants to her
The average guy cripples his success with women by behaving like a dashboard nodder.
You know what I’m talking about: those dogs and Hula dolls that nod up and down on the dashboard of a car.
His dating strategy is to say what he thinks she wants to hear.
And his purpose?
Get her to like him.
Says the Average Andy.
Which of course is completely WRONG.
If you constantly agree with her about everything, then you’ll eventually lose her respect and trust.
Why?
There are no two people on this planet that think exactly the same about everything.
Are you faking it?
Then she’ll see you as a pretender.
So say what you think even though you do not agree with her.
Pro tip:
Don’t be a jerk.
You can also disagree with someone in a polite way.
#4: Put yourself first
Almost everyone that ends up in the friendzone makes the same mistake:
They place her on number one and efface themselves.
And that is rather unattractive.
Let me clarify it for you with an example.
Imagine you like to shoot hoops. You’re even part of a club and train more than 3 times a week.
Suddenly there’s a lovely lady in your life and you start to appear only once per 2 weeks on the court.
This is pretty shit behavior. Especially when you drop your hobbies for her.
You can still adjust your life to make room for a woman
But always keep putting yourself first.
Otherwise, you’ll uproot your life completely and scare her away.
#5: Don’t seek her approval
Approval feels good.
That’s also why we men are obsessed with beautiful women. Not so much because they are such fantastic people, but because of what it does to us:
Approval thus feels damn good.
And that’s also causing the danger: the moment that you’re seeking her approval, you’re also giving away your power and putting yourself in a position of weakness.
Namely, you start playing it safe because you don’t want to scare her away.
Because without her you no longer feel like ‘the MAN!’
Are you playing it safe? Then she’ll eventually get bored and grow tired of you.
However, do you stay close to yourself?
Then she’ll stay attracted to you.
And to help you set boundaries – whether it is setting personal boundaries, relationship boundaries, or boundaries during dating – I have made a free Transformation Kit for you filled to the brim with attraction tips.
Download it below by hitting the BIG button.
Your bro,
Dan de Ram
Leave a Reply