Sex on First Date: A Step-by-Step-Guide from ‘Hi’ to ‘Take Me Home’

sex on first date

Crystal clear starry sky. A mild breeze blows through the empty streets of the city.

The year is 2012.

To be more precise, it’s Wednesday and autumn begins to cover the trees in golden brown robes.

The clocks strike midnight as I stroll home with a gigantic grin on my face.

I said goodbye to HER five minutes ago.


One of the hottest and most charismatic ladies I’ve ever met up to this point.

And we just had a phenomenal first date.

First, we went to a Caribbean bar to sip exotic cocktails.

Then it was, ‘Who’s going to score the most strikes?’ – at a bowling center we challenged our swing techniques.

This spectacle was followed by a spontaneous picnic in the park, for which I took a blanket out of my car and we organized some snacks from the nearby Walmart.

As we lay on our backs and the star images, the endless horizon, abstractly interpreted, it happened.

We began to kiss. Tenderly and slowly at first.

But gradually our contemplative touches turned into passionate kisses.

Which turned into wild dry sex.

In the middle of the park.

Mia whispered to me:

“Let’s go somewhere more privately, Dan.”

“She already wants to have sex? Holy shit. No. You can’t do that”

It shot into my head.


Because at that time I followed a rule that I had read in a dubious pick-up forum.

It was the two-date rule.

The principle: On the first date you should at maximum kiss your chosen one and only have sex with her on the second date. Not before.

Since I was so set on this rule, I went with Mia to her apartment…

… but I didn’t keep making out with her. I also didn’t sleep with her. On the contrary.

It was completely out of my reality to have sex with a woman on the very first date.

>> 12 Kissing Techniques That Will Drive Any Woman Crazy.

Finally, I had my two-date routine.

And I stuck with it. Even when I was as crazy about her as Popeye about spinach.

So I said goodbye to her and was already looking forward to the second date – after all I would be ‘allowed’ to have sex with her according to my rule.

But this was supposed to take place only HALF A YEAR later, because Mia abruptly broke off contact with me after our rendezvous…

She didn’t answer any messages.

Didn’t take any of my calls.

And even ignored me when I saw her at an event.

Why the hell was she acting like that?

Enlightenment came to me only a few desperate months later and when it came I thought I was the biggest idiot on the planet.

It was an insight that should ALWAYS change my dating life.

And which one I mean by that; I show you besides these topics in this article:

  • ‘Is sex on the first date okay?’ The definite answer
  • Why our society is your biggest cockblocker and what you can do about it
  • How to make your date location your personal wingman
  • Why you should seduce your grace from the first second of your date and how you can do it
  • Why sex alone is not enough to secure you a second date with your chosen one, if you ignore one crucial thing
  • And much more…

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

Is sex on the first date a relationship killer?

For thousands of years, men and women of different age groups, ethnic backgrounds and religious orientations have been cracking their skulls over a myth-enshrouded question:

“On what date is sex even okay? Is sex at the first date ok – or is sex on the first date even a red flag?”

And this confusion is more than understandable due to decades of social conditioning.

A señorita kisses a señor on her first date? How CHEAP!!

What? They even had consensual, passionate sex that very night? Disgusting!!1 Shame on her and her house, including her guinea pig.

Hello, slut-shaming! Thanks for nothing.

Every person with a halfway healthy mind and at least three functioning brain cells should have understood long ago that this stamp and finger pointing is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT.

At the end of the day, we live in a goddamn free world where everyone is responsible for their actions.

So why judge someone when their actions have not even the slightest effect on your life.

Cool, so Tiffany had sex with three guys in one week.

A woman who wants to live out her sexuality openly and is not influenced by outdated social ideologies?

That my dear bros and brochachos is TRUE self-confidence.

But how are we men conditioned?

Even if we aren’t labelled as ‘undignified sluts’, a certain fear has taken root in many of us deep inside of us:

The fear of rejection.

Where does this fear come from?

I’ll be brief:

Back in the Stone Age, it was f*cking risky for Mister Uga-uga to make a move.

If he did anything wrong within his tribe, he was immediately banished and thus withered away miserably, being on his own.

And by ‘something wrong,’ I mean

  • If he mated with another Caveman’s wife
  • Or: Taking on the wrong men.

So, he could already consecrate his life to the end by one single fault.

That basic instinct is still in us men.

That’s why countless hermanos are afraid to touch a woman on a date by themselves.

>> How to Flirt with Women – the 4 Awkward-Free Ways.

But their fear is completely unfounded.

After all, we are living in the 21st century, where NO ONE immediately slits the intestines out of our bodies, for example when we try to kiss a woman.

The worst thing that can happen to you is.

That your lady rejects your kiss and realizes that you’re sexually interested in her.

Terrible, huh?!

Every living person on this planet carries a sexual drive within them.

Yes, also the friendly UPS man and your neighbor’s 45-year-old gardener.

Even the shy sweetie from your church choir.

Every single one has this sexual need to want to roll around naked wildly with someone to perform wild coitus.

However, social conditioning places a gigantic mental block in our desire, so that…

  • Women on the one hand are afraid of being labelled as ‘whores’
  • Men are afraid to be turned down for advances

And that is exactly the dilemma of this whole story.

Both parties are sexual beings, who want to live freely – but are suppressed by social conditioning to suppress their natural drives.

Neither men nor women can estimate when they can have sex with each other with as little risk as possible (without becoming a victim of slut shaming or risking rejection).

But these uncertainties are over as of today.

Let me tell you when sex is ‘okay’:

Sex is ‘okay’ from the moment you both feel sexual attraction and feel comfortable with each other.

However, the prerequisite for sexual attraction is:

  1. That your date can be sure not to be judged for having sex with you
  2. That you try to make advances and take the ‘risk’ of encountering a rejection; the only guarantee you have if you don’t risk a move is that there will DEFINITELY NOT be any sex

Time is therefore NOT a yardstick for determining when sex is ‘no longer reprehensible’.

Your circumstances are.

You have known each other for just 12 minutes and already imagine together how you can challenge your agility in the most seductive way?

Then go for it.

>> 9 Tips to Get and Keep a Casual Sex Relationship.

It’s your 9th date and it’s the first time you can’t contain the explosive tension between you anymore?

*Throws you a pack of condoms*

“I see, Dan. ‘But what was going on with Mia? Why didn’t she get in touch with you?”

Excellent memory, bro-ccoli.

Mia hadn’t contacted me after our first date for a reason (which might surprise you):

She sensed my lack of self-determination.

I stuck to some crazy principles (the two-date rule) instead of my own conviction.

My brain AND my gut screamed:

Dan have sex with her. You both think you’re hot and get along well, as if you have known each other for 15 years! There’s no reason not to…”

And deep in my heart, I knew that they would both be right. But I clung to my glorious rule…

Mia’s ‘sixth sense’ (which every sensitive woman has, by the way) discovered that I.didn’t want to have sex with her out of my own conviction.

She must have thought:

“A man who doesn’t even act according to his own convictions and instead lets himself be controlled by others? Disgusting.”

And from that moment on, she lost all respect for me.

It was not until a few contactless months later that I came to this realization, when the exact same thing happened to me with two other women.

Both women didn’t want to refuse me and that although we made out with each other.

They felt that I didn’t dare to make a move to take them home and didn’t act according to my own convictions.

Finally, with my two-date rule, I could be 100% sure that the chances for sex on the second date were higher.

But this game of playing it safe made both dryer than a slice of lemon in a stone oven.

When it rang in my skull why past dates had been such a disappointment to women, my dating life changed 360 degrees.

If the connection between me and my date was right on the first date and there was a lot of sexual tension, I would shit on my ridiculous date rule and go on with my own conviction.

That’s also why the date with Mia six months later ended in a passionate act.

>> Still a Virgin? 10 Tips on How to Have Sex for The First Time.

If you want one thing from this story to get stuck between your ears in your pink mud, this is it:

Act according to your own convictions and NOT according to rules and principles that are not feeling authentic anyway.

“Cool, Dan. But if I read it right, there was huge sexual tension between you and Mia, so she invited you over during your first date.”

“What do I do if there is no tension between me and my lady and how do I even manage to take her home?”

I was really looking forward to this question!

So, let’s deal with it. Step-by-step and IDIOT PROOF.

Step #1: Make your date location your wingman

Because you have read this article that I wrote you, you already know which 1st date ideas are muy bueno and original.

When you have decided on a date idea, you do the following:

  1. You open Google Maps
  2. Eagerly type in your address and go to the ‘route planner’
  3. Enter the keyword of your date idea (e.g. ‘cocktail bar’ or ‘park’)
  4. Choose the closest bar and make it your date location

Et voilà.

You’ve just acquired yourself a powerful wingman.


The further away your date location is from your apartment, the more difficult it’s to take your lady home.

“And why is that?”


Imagine that you’re meeting your ‘date lady’ in a bar that is only ‘coincidentally’ 300 meters away from your apartment.

You get on well with each other, throw hot glances at each other and you want to invite her to a green tea in your maison after a short walk through the city.

How much do you think it will cost your chosen one to follow you a few meters into your apartment?

Exactly, not much.

After all, it’s around the corner and you’ll be there in a few minutes.

What do you think her motivation is when you first have to grab a suburban train to be at your place in three quarters of an hour?

And that considering this is the first time she’s seen your face.

It’s NOT impossible.

However, she must be EXTREMELY comfortable and attracted, so that she takes this gigantic expenditure of time.

So don’t take the risk if you can reduce it and look for a clever ‘wingman’ near your apartment.

Step #2: Have a rough schedule in mind

Have you ever had the feeling that as soon as you face a beautiful woman, your brain transforms into a cymbal-playing monkey doing somersaults?

And everything else around you becomes insignificant and it could rain gold bars from the sky without you noticing it?


Don’t worry, amigo.

There’s nothing wrong with you.

Countless studies like this one from the Dutch Radbound Universteit Nijmegen researched this fascinating effect:

The brain function of men decreases enormously as soon as they are around attractive women.

For example, workers are significantly less productive around sexy new female colleagues because their brains are focused on impressing the new acquaintance.

This pattern origins from our good old Stone Age.

In which, physically attractive women with child-bearing hips and voluptuous breasts were considered suitable reproductive partners and the brains of our ancestors switched directly to survival mode as soon as they sighted such a woman.

With their instinctive automatic focus, they could then more easily adorn their potential mate and thus increase the chances of reproduction and survival of their species.

Especially if you haven’t been in the company of beautiful señoritas very often, it’s even more important that you plan your date in advance.

You really don’t need a brain freeze during the date if you intend to win over your sexy counterpart.

Especially if your goal is to spend hot sexy time with her that same evening.

Maybe you can still focus on flirting with her, but then you might forget how to take her one step closer to your home, logistically speaking.

So, you better come up with a rough plan.

  • When are you meeting?
  • What bar do you go to?
  • Where can you go after that?
  • How are you getting home?

And make this plan a ROUTINE.

  1. You internalize a varied dating process, which you can repeat with ANY woman as often as you like
  2. Because the date is as deeply embedded in your system as tying your shoes, you can focus more on seduction and your chica
  3. If you make a habit of it, you don’t have to think much about when you do what with her and you lose enormous mental stress

Step #3: Seduce her right off the bat

You have arranged to meet at a location near your apartment and your rough schedule for your date is ready.


Now it’s date time!

But I see a mistake with typical dates again and again:

Mr. Casanova isn’t bringing the date forward one bit.

  • He never touches his lady, not once.
  • Doesn’t know what to say on a first date and stays as superficial with her as water lilies swimming in a pond
  • And only tries to kiss her in vain at the end of the date

But with this manner he only ends up in the eternal hellfire of the friendzone.

Listen to me carefully, young padawan.

If you want to win over your ma’am and practice all the Kama Sutra positions with her, make sure that you subtly make her understand this from the very first second of your encounter.

  • Greet her with a warm hug and a big grin
  • Let her know how sexy you think her choice of clothes for your date is and compliment her in absolute honesty
  • If you drink something together, sit next to each other and not 500 meters opposite; this way you can get closer to each other 1,000 times more easily
  • Keep touching her innocently and see how she reacts:
    • Does she touch you back? Perfectly. Keep going.
    • She reacts neutrally to your touch? Try again later.
    • She’s reacting negatively? Be empathetic and tell her that you just feel enthusiastic today, take a step back with your touches and try again later.
  • Tease her now and then
  • Keep deep eye contact with her

This creates sexual tension during your date and it won’t be a ‘cold shock’ for her if you suddenly want to kiss her during the date or invite her for tea at your place (how to make sure she kisses you back, you can read here).

By the way, I’ve written you a detailed article about the different ways in which you can create incomparable sexual tension.

Check it out here:

>> Sexual Attraction – 15 Things She Wants You to Know, But Will Never Tell You

Step #4: Thread the ‘journey home’

Yeah, I know.

This heading can easily be interpreted as an introduction to a ‘manipulative trick’.

However, it indicates the exact opposite.

As I have already shown you, women can easily becoming victims of slut-shaming when they ‘give themselves too easily’ socially – which, as you already know, is absolute BULLSHIT.

After all, it’s her life.

But because you can’t convince her by logical argumentation and moralizing similar social criticism that sex on the first date with you is okay – which would be creepy, by the way – you do the following:

You create a setting in which it isn’t morally reprehensible for her to sleep with you.

Create a story for your lady to tell her friends without being labeled a ‘cheap bitch’.

A scenario in which sex ‘somehow just happened’ without her having intended it.

This way you can subtly hint at your trip to your casa during your conversation:

“I have this gigantic aquarium in my room, with exotic fish of different colors. You seem like someone who has a connection to animals or do you suffer from a fish phobia?”

„When I want to clear my head, I always go up the roof terrace of our apartment building. The view there is overwhelming. You have to see it sometime.”

“Yes, I have this cocktail mix set at home. When I get off work, I love to mix fancy drinks. You look like you have good taste. We should mix our own cocktails sometime.”

With these statements you’re already planting the seed or a reason why you could continue your date with you later at your apartment.

But the important thing here is that you DON’T lie.

Lying is pretty much the most unattractive thing a human being can do, tasteless, manipulative and shabby.

So only mention things that you actually have in your apartment.

>> 10 Tips to get tinder match hook ups in 4 Matches.

Step #5: Activate the casual mode

Your date’s going phenomenally. You guys are getting along great.

First you went to a cocktail bar, then you fed some ducks together in the park and now you want to take her back to your apartment.

And goddamn it, you’re only 200 meters away from it.

But how the hell do you invite her to your home without looking needy or scary?

It’s very simple.

In step #4 you’ve already planted the seed for this action.

Now you’re back to that one cool thing that’s in your apartment.

“Hey, I told you earlier about my fabulous cocktail mix set… Come, let’s go mix our own cocktails.”

As you utter this sentence, you take her gently by her hand and lead her to your home.

This invitation is followed by this golden phrase:

“But only if you promise me that you can control yourself and keep your little fingers to yourself.”

Why this sentence is so genius?

You take one step back before she does. You’re practically putting off the pressure off her shoulders.

As if you had to fear that she would throw herself wildly at you, you take the pressure out of this situation.


Never use the words ‘to my home’ in your invitation – this expression is often associated negatively. And if there is sexual tension between you, she knows exactly what your cocktail mixing session will end up with…

While you walk hand in hand to your place, this mindset is inevitable:

Taking her home with you = no big deal.

Be totally casual about the fact that you’re going to your place together right now.

Talk about your neighborhood, for example, while you walk towards your apartment.

“Oh, by the way, there’s an incredibly lovely granny next door. She keeps trying to fatten me up with her apple pies…”

“You see that? We even have a pizza place across the street from our apartment building. I have rarely eaten such fresh and delicious pizza. You and your friends should try it sometime…”

By staying calm during your stroll, your lady doesn’t get nervous and her brain doesn’t have time to question her walk to you while you’re telling your stories.

Step #6: Sexy-Time


You’ve just arrived at your front door.


But at the same time this is the optimal time to f*ck everything up.

Countless men rush it completely when they have managed that their date goes to them.

You, however, do it differently.

You take your time.

Once you get to your apartment, this is what you do:

  1. You give your lady a tour around your apartment so that she can make sure that you don’t hide any corpses in your apartments and so that she feels safe
  2. You put on some fresh music
  3. You do with her what you wanted to show her (mix cocktails, watch a certain movie or whatever it was)
  4. You get closer to each other and for example dance to her favorite song or yours and kiss each other

…until you can’t get enough of each other and it turns into sex.

Do you feel that your lady is too tense to go on with you?

Then bypass the gas pedal.

“Hey, [name of your chosen one]. It’s important to me that you feel comfortable with me. We’re not going to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable for even a second. I promise you that.”

And look how your lady is beaming with enthusiasm at your empathy and how she probably will have sex with you after all (by the way, how you give your lady an orgasm she can’t forget, you’ll learn in this article).

If you really shouldn’t have sex, it’s not so bad – as long as your date has noticed that you’re not afraid to reveal your intentions and risk a move.

After all, there are countless variables beyond your control as to why she doesn’t want to have sex with you on that day:

  • Maybe she hasn’t shaved and she’s uncomfortable
  • Maybe she got her period
  • Maybe she’s wearing underwear that embarrasses her

So, don’t pressure her or you.

After all, even in this case she still knows that you’re a sexy man who has the guts to try what he feels like and isn’t afraid of being turned down for it.

Step #7: How to make all the steps easy

Alrighty, bro.

Now you know how to greatly your chances of ending your first dates with sex.

But even if you have slept with your girl, it doesn’t necessarily mean that a second date is guaranteed.

99% of men become this after having slept with a beautiful woman:

Needy AS F*CK.

They bombard her every two minutes with corny messages to find out if everything is alright with her.

Let me tell you a secret:

Through bad messages, your ma’am can lose her attraction to you faster than you can shout ‘Cowabunga!’

And to spare you this miserable fate, I have something for you.

A free document with some of my #1 texting tips.

With this document you won’t sink into the swamp of eternal frustration like most other men.

On the contrary.

If you ever asked yourself “Can sex on the first date lead to a relationship?” with good texting you increase your chances tremendously.

After all is texting THE portal to your next dates.

So, it’s better for you to take your text game to the next level.

How? With my free Transformation Kit.

Which consists of 3 parts:

  • My Step-by-step guide to approaching women and having flirty conversations
  • The Texting Toolkit for finding romance online
  • And the Friendzone Escape-Room Trick, for getting out of her friendzone and into her loverzone

Have fun with it!

Your bro,
Dan de Ram

Stop awkward conversations
and painful rejections

My free Transformation Kit will make you irresistible to women.

  • 12 Opening Lines that Actually Work
  • 5 Date Generating Texting Tips (Plus Copy-Paste Lines for Tinder)
  • The Friendzone Escape-Room Trick
Yes, give me the Transformation Kit!

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