“Sorry but I need some space right now.”
These 8 words have left many men in a state of disillusion and panic.
Almost immediately, your mind is haunted with questions like:
“My girlfriend wants space, is it over?”
“What does she mean by this?”
“What should I do?”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Will we be okay?”
Today you will get all the answers you’ve been looking for.
In this article, you will get…
- 7 Crucial tips for when she wants space
- A valuable lesson from Winston Churchill that will help you put a positive spin on the situation
- How to better understand her using the microscope method
- How to use this situation to your advantage
- How long you should wait when she wants space (and if you should wait in the first place)
- And many more tools for when she says she needs space…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
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After reading this article you’ll know exactly why she says she needs space and how best to handle it!
She says she needs space… now what?
I won’t beat around the bush: I have both good news and bad news for you.
The bad news is you won’t solve the problem like this:
(Sorry dude, put that space suit back in the closet. No matter how cool it looks).
The good news is that in this article you will find all the solutions that do work when she wants space.
Let’s jump right in with…
Tip #1: Stay away from that panic button
Read it and weep. Because if you don’t follow this tip you will ruin everything for yourself.
I should know because many years ago, I was in a similar situation as you are right now.
I was dating a gorgeous woman. Everything seemed to be going smoothly. In my head I had already made her my girlfriend.
And on date #5 she treated me to these amazing words:
[QWOMAN] “I’m sorry Dan, but I think it’s best if we don’t see each other for a while. I need some space.” [/QWOMAN]
I then did what every confident, mature and calm man would do in this situation…
Staying calm as befits an attractive man. Pushing the panic button.
As soon as she told me she needed space, I was overwhelmed by all sorts of irrational fears like:
- “She doesn’t like me anymore.”
- “She’s probably seeing someone else.”
- “I messed up.”
So, in my utter panic I did the following:
- I kept sending her messages
- I reached out even more to check if she was okay
- I gave her ab-so-lute-ly zero space
She disappeared forever.
So, my dear reader, I’m telling you for your own benefit:
Stay calm and give her what she wants: space.
No, my dear reader. No.
I understand that it’s scary. I understand that it goes against your instincts. I understand that you’re afraid of losing her.
But by panicking you will only make the situation worse for yourself. Panicking is in fact extremely unattractive.
Why? Because you’re only thinking about yourself:
I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to be apart from her. I don’t want to be alone.
Besides: imagine that you need space from someone and that person then does the complete opposite of what you want:
He/she gets in your hair even more.
Would that make you happy? No. So, you’re not going to get her back by making a big deal and clinging on even more.
You will only solve this situation in a calm, attractive and masculine state of being.
So… take a deep breath… feel yourself calm down and continue to…
Tip #2: Ask yourself the important questions…
What I’m about to say might surprise you but it’s important that you get this:
Sometimes the best way to fix a problem is by doing nothing at all.
You see, in some situations there’s not much that you can do.
- She has personal issues that you can’t solve overnight, like a fear of commitment
- She’s going through a rough patch because of something in her life that’s completely out of your sphere of influence
- She doesn’t want your help for whatever reason
But there’s another very crucial situation where it’s best to do nothing at all.
Take for example the woman I was dating. As soon as she said she wants space, out of pure desperation I tried to do everything to make the situation better again.
But that’s just as much of a waste as buying a brand-new computer and throwing it directly into the ocean.
Why was it such a waste? Well, because of the following:
I should not have invested all that time and energy into her because she wasn’t right for me, at all.
Listen up, my friend: love sometimes truly is blind.
That’s why – in vain – we put effort into someone who’s actually not a good match for us.
And that’s a waste because that time and energy could have been way better invested into a nice girl who is worthy of your attention.
So before you go on, it’s crucial to ask yourself these questions and answer them clearly:
- What is our situation?
- Have we just started dating or have we been in a relationship (for years)?
- What am I looking for in a woman/relationship?
- Does this woman match up to the answer to the last question?
- Is it realistic to invest more time/energy into this woman?
Take a moment to be very critical of yourself while answering these questions.
After some thought, two possible situations could arise:
- She is worth your time and energy
- She’s not worth your time and energy
If this woman is NOT worth your valuable time and energy, then don’t invest it in her.
That’s how you prevent making the same mistake as I made.
In this case, focus on yourself, on meeting other, nicer women who are a better match for you.
These articles will help you do that:
After answering the questions above, you conclude that this woman IS worth your time and energy?
Then continue on to…
Tip #3: Use the ‘seek to understand’ principle
To solve this pickle you’re in in the best way possible, you need something important. Namely, the answer to this crucial question:
Why does she need space?
Now there are roughly two situations you may find yourself in:
- You know why she needs space (good for you, continue reading from tip 4)
- You don’t (yet) know why she says she wants space
If that last situation applies to you, you have one thing to do:
Use the seek to understand principle.
Listen to her and make sure you totally understand her before you get defensive.
This doesn’t mean that you jump on her lap like a crying puppy while you blubber the following words:
“What’s wrooooooong…. Come onnnn, just tell me what’s the matterrrrr….. *pathetic and disgusting sobbing sounds*
No, bro. Man up. Remember the first tip: stay calm.
Ask her in a short but direct way what’s the matter by saying something like this:
[QMAN]“Hey, I might be completely off but I think something’s the matter. Would you mind telling me what’s going on?” [/QMAN]
Yep, that’s how simple it can be.
The reason why this works is because you’re not immediately jumping to conclusions about her thoughts or feelings.
Having said that, it is important that you show a positive intention while asking this question.
That intention being:
Wanting to understand her better and taking responsibility for a possible problem.
So, you let her finish. You don’t panic. You don’t defend yourself as a cat backed into a corner.
Even so, it might be that she doesn’t give you a clear and concise answer.
Maybe she ‘expects’ you to automatically know what’s going on.
That’s all very unfortunate for you of course. But remember: It’s not about you right now. It’s about you understanding her.
Keep asking questions in a calm, non-attacking way until you know what’s going on.
Explain to her (again) if necessary, that you want to understand her better.
(In case you didn’t know: women love men who put in a little effort into understanding them).
If she still doesn’t give you a clear reason as to why she wants space, leave the situation for what it is.
For now, there’s no use in digging even deeper.
Zoom out of the situation and think to yourself what might be going on.
Also, be sure to realize that in some cases she actually doesn’t know what’s going on.
Then too, you’ll be doing the right thing to leave it for now. Give her some space and calmly ask her again another time.
In any case, remain calm and go on to the next tip.
Oh, and if you want more tips to help you understand women better, have a look at this article:
Tip #4: Find out what’s going on using the microscope method
The microscope method will definitely help you when a woman needs her space.
Not only that, it will also help to really improve your bond/relationship with a woman.
There is one small downside to the microscope method: it’s not always fun.
Because this is what the microscope method entails:
Look at the relationship with a critical eye and zoom in on every important detail.
While doing that, ask yourself the following questions:
- How is my relationship with this woman right now?
- How were we together recently?
- What did I do that made her want space?
- What can I do to improve or prevent this situation?
Take your time with these questions. Be very critical.
Remember: you’re not putting the relationship under the microscope to punish yourself but to learn from the situation.
Why this works so well:
- You’re putting in the required effort for your relationship, which – again – shows positive intention from your side
- Instead of panicking like a toddler, you’re willing to take responsibility for any possible problems. That responsibility is very masculine, mature and attractive
- You’re dealing with your situation and relationship constructively and learning important lessons in the process
If you’ve done this you will probably come to one of the following two conclusions:
- #1: The problem is completely hers and there’s nothing you can do
The odds of this happening are EXTREMELY SMALL but not impossible.
In that case, the relationship is generally running smoothly but she is currently going through some difficulties.
Now there’s nothing you can do except letting her know that you’re there for her. Help her to the extent that she wants to be helped but also remember what I said earlier:
Sometimes it’s better to do nothing. Some problems are not yours to fix.
In most cases, however, the microscope method will lead to the following conclusion:
- #2: There most certainly is something you can do to improve the relationship
Depending on the situation that could be to:
- Put more energy into her (she might feel ignored/neglected/misunderstood)
- Put LESS energy into her (you claim her too much or you’re moving too fast. This one is quite common)
- Ban the rut or the routine out of the relationship
- Talk about or settle specific problems/conflicts within the relationship
- Work on yourself (for example: learning to communicate your own boundaries, be less of a nice guy or stop being a couch potato playing Xbox 24/7)
These are just a handful of challenges that could be going on.
For more tips and solutions for struggles in your relationship, check out this article:
When a woman needs space then there’s usually a certain dip in the relationship that precedes that.
Tip #5: Be like Winston Churchill, not like Patrick Star
If a woman needs space, there are two ways to deal with that:
- The Patrick Star way (yes, Patrick from SpongeBob)
- Or the Winston Churchill way
Unfortunately, a lot of men choose the first option. That first option looks like this:
There’s no point in ‘waiting around’ for her to come back like a sad Patrick.
It makes you completely dependent on her and it’s far from attractive.
That’s why an attractive man would choose to deal with it the Winston Churchill way.
Because right after the Second World War, Churchill said the following:
He made this announcement right around the time the UN was formed to create a better international coalition and to prevent a Third World War.
This shows us, however bad a crisis may seem, you can always learn from it.
And yes, crises are scary. They paralyze people and make them panic.
So, when a woman needs space, a lot of men do the same thing.
But that’s a complete waste because you could use this crisis to your advantage.
In fact, you’ve been given the gift of time.
You can use that time to grow by doing any of these following things:
- Finally hit the gym more often
- Invest all that new time into your company or go for a promotion at your current job
- Pick up a new (or old) hobby
- Learn a new skill
- Learn a new language
- Spend time on chores you put off for a long while because you never ‘had time’
- Spend time with family or friends
- Help other people with some of their problems/challenges
- Set new goals for yourself
- Create new positive habits
- Read epic books
Whatever you do: all these things will be sure to get you out of this crisis stronger and more attractive.
Which of course is a great advantage to the woman you’re seeing.
After all, when she comes close again, she will see that in the meantime you’ve become an incredibly manly and attractive beast.
But don’t forget:
You’re not doing this for a woman, you’re doing this for you.
Because whatever happens with the lady in question, you have invested your time well by working on yourself.
Good for you. Good for the future. Good for everything.
That, my dear reader, is a very good question. I will answer it very soon. But first, it’s EXTREMELY important to read the next tip…
#6: Don’t be like this guy…
You see, my dear reader, I like you. And that’s why I don’t want you to ruin things for yourself.
To explain what I mean, we’re going to travel back in time.
A few years ago, I was on holiday in Turkey. There I was, just chilling in the hotel lobby.
I closed my eyes in a moment of relaxation when my peace got disturbed by a series of murderous shrieks:
“OH DEAR LORD, WHY ARE YOU SO SLOW!?”
“DON’T FORGET MY SUITCASE! WE’VE ONLY JUST ARRIVED AND I’M ALREADY SICK OF YOU!”
The noisy rant came from a young woman in her early twenties who was busy ordering her butler boyfriend around.
Like a sad and sweaty mule, completely packed with suitcases and bags he staggered after her.
While saying back to her:
[QMAN]“I’m on my way darling!”. “I’m sorry babe, I’ll be quicker!”. “Don’t worry, we’re going to have a fun time this holiday!”.[/QMAN]
You may as well have emptied a can of pepper spray into my face and it would have been less painful to my eyes than to watch this scene.
If ‘being whipped’ was an Olympic sport, this guy would have been world champion.
So, why am I telling you all this?
Well, imagine that that dictator of a girlfriend told him she ‘needed some space’.
How would he respond?
Exactly. And he shouldn’t. Especially not for a woman like that.
Don’t get me wrong, of course it’s a good thing to want to improve your relationship when a woman says she needs space.
It’s not a big theme in this article for nothing.
But… at all times, remember the following:
There are limits.
I’m positive that this dude would change his entire life for her if she so much as asked him.
And I want to prevent you from falling into the same trap.
I get that you want to solve the situation. It’s logical that you want this to land on its feet.
Which means it’s OKAY to work on yourself and on the relationship.
But it’s crucial to do that with this intention:
“I want to make this relationship as happy as possible for the both of us and that’s why I’m willing to work on myself if needed.”
And NOT from this intention:
“I have to make her happy and that’s why I will do everything for her, hoping she won’t leave me.”
If there’s something that you can’t or don’t want to change about yourself, then don’t.
If she has impossible standards, let her go.
If she expects you to become an entirely different man for her, she’s not the one.
Don’t let her treat you like a lap dog. Be willing to walk away if necessary.
Which brings me to…
How long you should wait…
If a woman needs space, it’s important to be patient.
But the big question that we’re left with:
HOW patient should I be?
Do you wait a couple of days, several weeks or even months?
Before I answer that, first think back to tip 5:
You don’t just ‘wait’ for her, you use this period to your advantage.
Having said that, now it’s time for a less pleasant realization:
There is no 100% definitive answer as to how long you should wait.
That’s because it depends on each individual situation. Are you in a 10-year relationship with a woman? Then it makes sense that you wait a bit longer.
Have you only been dating for two weeks? Then you don’t have to wait that long.
Luckily, there are a few good guidelines to determine how long you should wait.
Those guidelines are formed by answering 3 questions.
Here we go:
#1: How legitimate is her need for space?
Think back for a second: Why does she want space?
Is it because she’s ‘just been busy’ for weeks and doesn’t have time for you?
Or is it because there are deeper challenges at heart that require more time?
Does she have to work on herself or is she going through a tough time that doesn’t pass in the blink of an eye?
The more legitimate her need for space, the more time she deserves.
#2: How much time/effort/energy has she invested in you?
Have you been together for years and has she always acted like your dream woman?
Does she show that she cares for you, respects and loves you?
Then give her some more time. Such a woman deserves that.
But has she barely beaten an eye at you lately? Has she not shown you to be committed to you?
Then naturally, you shouldn’t wait as long.
Only invest in a woman who invests the same amount in you.
#3: How does she behave in this period?
If a woman needs space, it’s quite logical for her to pull back from you.
But there is a difference between pulling back and saying goodbye.
A woman who is prepared to work on herself and the relationship will, despite the ‘break’ between you two, check in every now and then.
- She texts you every so often to see how you’re doing
- She asks about you and what you’re up to
- She still cares about you/your relationship
- She makes it clear that she doesn’t want to lose you
Does the above-mentioned sound familiar? Then you can easily wait a bit longer.
It’s a different story if there’s been radio silence for ages and she’s not concerned about how you’re doing.
Like I said: To give a definitive answer is quite tricky.
But very well, as a guideline, take a minimum of 30 days.
That’s certainly enough time to get an impression of how she will behave in this period.
But like I said before: don’t just wait, work on yourself too.
To help you do that, I have something for you:
This Kit is stacked with loads of extra tips to get better with women.
With these tips, you will make important steps to transform yourself into that attractive badass that women fall for.
(And make many men green with envy).
However your situation turns out: it’s always good to lay that groundwork.
You can download the kit by clicking on the link at the bottom of this article.
Leave your e-mail address and we’ll send it to you for free.
I wish you a lot of fun reading it and lots of luck with this situation for now!
Dan de Ram