“Let’s stay friends!”
If these three words sound familiar to you, chances are you’re about to enter the friend zone.
I’ll be straight to the point:
Being friends after a breakup is NOT a good idea.
Do you disagree?
Read this article and you’ll see things differently.
Here’s what you get:
- 10 crucial reasons why staying friends after a breakup is a bad idea
- The #1 method of becoming an attractive man
- The best way to get over rejection
- Tested and approved way to escape the friend zone
- Why can’t you be friends with someone you love
- And much more…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
Staying friends when you wanted more – Smart?
After more than 40 years here’s the answer to your question:
No, we can’t.
I understand, man.
She’s an important part of your life and you don’t want to lose her.
Trust me though: It’s a bad idea. Keep reading and you’re going to understand why in no time.
Let’s start with the first of ten reasons why you can’t be friends with someone you love.
Reason #1: The power of hope (and why it’s dangerous)
You were dating this girl, but she ended up breaking up with you.
Turns out she just sees you as a friend.
You want more. But she doesn’t.
But yeah, she’s sweet and beautiful. So why not stay friends with her, right?
It might seem like a logical choice (more on this later).
But it’s not. Actually, it’s even worse than choosing Bubblesaur instead of Charmander in Pokémon.
(Sorry, Bulbasaur fans)
Do you think it’s okay to stay friends?
Let me tell you about a sneaky emotion: hope.
If you stay friends with her, deep inside, you’ll always hope for more.
Here’s a question for you:
If I could guarantee that you will NEVER kiss her… would you still want to be friends with her?
What about meeting her at a bar with her new boyfriend and having to see them kissing in front of you? I mean, she’s your friend, right?
Don’t fool yourself.
You might as well go to the Guantanamo Bay and let yourself be tortured voluntarily.
Let’s keep going with reason #2.
Reason #2: Go after what you really want…
Do you know what the first characteristic of an attractive man is?
An attractive man goes after what he wants in life. He has goals and pursues his dream.
The thing is, sometimes things don’t go as planned. You had a goal, pursued it, but eventually… you failed.
But now you settle for something that is miles away from your initial goal:
Staying friends (when you wanted more.)
Be honest with yourself. Do you want to be “just friends”?
Or is there a small part of you who wants more than that?
By staying friends you’re not only fooling yourself…
…you’re also wasting valuable time you could be spending on meeting other girls.
Another reason why you can’t be friends with someone you love.
An attractive man goes for what he really wants. Does he fail at achieving his goal? Then he does everything he can to accomplish another goal.
But he will never settle for less. So why would you?
Reason #3: It seems a logical choice…
…but logical choices for emotional situations make no sense.
Your feelings for her aren’t going to disappear as if by magic.
Maybe you think that staying friends is a good option because otherwise, you would miss her too much.
Or you might try to convince yourself that you’ll eventually get her back.
But here’s the hard truth:
If you stay friends with your ex, you’re going to eat yourself up.
You’re going to torture yourself as she moves on in front of your eyes.
You may succeed being her friend for a year or so… but eventually, you’ll realize that you’ve been wasting both time and energy for nothing.
In short, no matter how ‘logical’ your choice may seem, on an emotional level you’re torturing yourself.
If you don’t want to suffer, why be friends with someone you love?
Here’s a better idea:
Becoming an attractive guy. More on this later.
Reason #4: Restore balance to the relationship
Recently, I was playing pool with some friends.
We were having a good time drinking beer, teasing each other, and making all kinds of dark jokes that I’m not going to share in this article.
The atmosphere was great…
…until one of my friend’s girlfriend joined the party.
My buddy suddenly started behaving very differently.
He stopped making jokes. He even stopped talking.
When his girlfriend went to the toilet, I asked him what was going on.
What he actually meant to say was:
A healthy relationship is balanced.
But in an unhealthy relationship, the balance of power is skewed.
Let’s say you miraculously manage to convince your ex to come back to you.
Then it’s going to lead to an unequal balance of power in the relationship.
Because you want her more than she wants you. So you’re going to be much more invested than her.
Do you want to end up like my friend who acts like a lapdog in front of his girlfriend?
I’m sure you don’t.
So find out if she is actually compatible with you, before you commit too deep:
Reason #5: Don’t flush your self-esteem down the toilet
This is your self-esteem:
And this is a dirty toilet:
By being willing to stay friends after a breakup, this is what you’re actually doing:
- You grab your self-esteem.
- Then you throw it on the floor.
- You piss all over your self-esteem.
- Then you throw it in this filthy toilet.
- And then you flush your self-esteem down the toilet.
You might be wondering why being friends with someone you love is like flushing your self-esteem down the toilet.
The answer is simple:
If you choose to stay friends with this girl, this is what you’re implying:
You want to be more than friends, but you settle for less than that.
By doing this, you’re putting this girl on a pedestal.
This is going to have a negative effect on your self-esteem.
An attractive guy goes for what he wants.
That’s why you should always put yourself first. Never settle for less.
It’s not selfish; it’s necessary.
Reason #6: How to escape the friendzone (tested and approved by our students)
First, let me tell you what you shouldn’t do:
Settle for a cozy spot in the friend zone territories.
By doing this, she’s going to see you as a cute puppy that does exactly what she wants.
But understand this:
Girls don’t want to have sex with cute puppies.
If you choose friendship now, chances are you’ll stay friends forever.
It’s your choice. You’re responsible whether you stay friends with her or not.
A girl doesn’t put you in the friend zone. You put yourself in the friend zone.
Here’s what you should focus on:
- Personal growth.
- Become more attractive (more on this later)
- Become better at talking to them
- Getting better at flirting
- Become a more interesting person
If you can’t forget that girl, invest all your time in these things.
With time she’ll be out of your head without you even noticing. Then she’ll be the one regretting breaking up.
I’ve taught many students this guideline and they all escaped the friend zone.
Here’s a story from one of them:
“I was madly in love with a girl from college. We were dating for some time but then she broke up and told me “We can be friends.” I decided to do the AttractionGym Bootcamp to make sure I could get her back…
The first day of the Bootcamp, I focused on talking to other girls and getting better at flirting.
Then something weird happened: I completely forgot about my ex.
After the Bootcamp, I continued this process and met a lot of incredible women. I kept developing myself, and now I have several dates a month.
What’s crazy is that, when my ex noticed I was busy with other things, she asked me out on a date. So we met at a bar, but this time I didn’t act like a cute puppy. I showed her my intentions and we slept together at the end of that date.”
See how he eventually escaped the friend zone without even trying.
If he can do it, so can you.
Develop yourself. It will change your life.
Once you’re in the friend zone, how are you supposed to escape?
Seems tricky, right?
That’s why I created the Friendzone Escape-Room Trick.
Reason #7: Improve your life
You’re not the only one who’s been rejected by a girl.
That happened to me, too.
So I understand you’re upset now. But believe me, it happens to everyone.
I’m going to tell you a painful story from a far-away past. Waaaay before I became a dating coach.
Yeah, man. Back in the days, I was SO bad with women…
Anyway, here’s the story:
I used to be in the friend zone with a girl named Lisanne.
I used to go to her house at least twice a week. We would hang out in her room, and I’d always sit in the same stupid chair while she was on her bed.
We’d talk about politics, goals, studies, work…
One day I had a genius idea: I brought a friend to her house. He didn’t know I was into her.
He knew how to flirt with girls.
I sat on the chair, and he went right away on the bed next to her. I started making conversations, but he didn’t: he would only joke and tease her.
He didn’t seem to give a sh*t about the conversations. Then he put his head on her lap, and I noticed she was touching his hair a little bit. I didn’t know what was happening.
Eventually, they covered themselves with a blanket. Then they went quiet for ten minutes… while I was still sitting on the damn chair.
I understood what was going on, so I left, angry and frustrated. My friend saw it and went out to look for me. He said:
I was furious, bro. Not at him. But livid at myself. How did I end up in this situation?
It took him one hour to finger the girl I had been so in love with for years.
This story was a trigger for me. It became the fuel for my motivation to change.
I started to work on myself. It took me a while, but I improved my life and became more attractive as a result.
Now it’s your turn to improve your life, man. How do you do that?
I wrote an entire article about this, check it out:
Reason #8: How to be friends after a breakup
In this tip, you’ll get a trick on how you can get your ex back.
The principle of loss aversion.
Let me explain myself:
Research has shown that people are way more sensitive to losses than to equivalent gains. It’s better not to lose 5 euros than to win 5 euros.
Here’s how you can use this principle to your advantage.
That girl decided that you should stay friends, right?
First step: Do everything you can to get her out of your head (see reason 6).
Deliberately distance yourself from her. Take the opportunity to develop yourself.
So no more contact with her. You disappear.
For her this is going to feel like a loss. She wanted to have you as a friend but none of that.
Then if she sees you as someone important in her life, she might try to get back in touch with you.
She doesn’t? Perfect! Now you know where you stand.
You can end the chapter and write a new one.
But let’s suppose the trick works, and she makes an effort to contact you.
Now the balance of power has changed.
Here’s what you shouldn’t do:
Act like a cute puppy obsessed with her.
Keep your distance on purpose. Let her fight for you. You can give her some attention once in a while, but keep it limited.
If you do that, the probability that you can start a relationship again is much higher than if you stayed her friend.
Keep in mind, though:
As I said, this works if you’re very important to her. If your connection is not so strong, this method has less chance of success.
Also, this trick works only if you distance yourself from her. Resist the temptation to contact her.
Be patient and focus on developing yourself.
Reason #9: Making tough decisions is attractive
Let’s start this tip with a story.
A good friend of mine is in an open relationship.
This guy loves the single life so much that he can’t see himself into an exclusive relationship.
He’s very happy with his girlfriend now, but it hasn’t always been the case.
The first two years, he never had the balls to tell his girlfriend that he wanted an open relationship.
Every time she asked where she stood with him, he answered:
What he actually meant was:
So he kept avoiding these kinds of conversations for a while.
This created a lot of tension between them. They started to fight a lot more.
One day he finally had the courage to tell her truth:
The rest is history.
They’ve been together for years now. Happier than ever.
Because the problem wasn’t so much that he wanted to date other women…
The problem was that he was never honest about his intentions. This was a very tough decision to make.
What does this story have to do with you?
If you stayed friends when you wanted more, you do not have the balls to make a decision.
You should always be clear about your intentions.
Don’t choose the “safe” option. If you do, it is only going to make you unattractive.
Have the courage to make a decision.
And yes, this is hard. But believe me:
It’s much better for you in the long run.
Besides, you also make yourself more attractive.
Reason #10: Take this opportunity to have a better love life
You know what?
A lot of men don’t know anything about flirting. They think you can only be attractive because of how you look, the car you drive and how famous you are.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my years as a dating coach, it’s that appearance is much less important than most people think.
Your intonation, body language, the content of your conversations, your beliefs and your status are all equally (if not more) important.
Learning to flirt with women is something you can learn, just like driving a car.
Now you have two options:
- Accept to stay friends and hope this girl comes back to you one day.
- Take action to get better with women and become an attractive man.
Do you go for option #2?
That’s what I thought.
Here’s a toolkit to start this transformation right away.
- 12 opening lines to get her hooked
- Ultimate Friendzone Escape-Room trick
- How to flirt over text (and in real life!)
- Step-by-step instructions for becoming more attractive
- And much more…
You can find it all in my free Transformation Kit.
Dan de Ram