Good you’re here, amigo, because this article is a matter of life and death.
Danish researcher Rikke Lund from the University of Copenhagen has analyzed the data of 9875 men and women in a study from 2014.
The goal of the study was to find out how stress in social relationships affects the risk of mortality.
People who regularly experience stress in their relationships have an increased mortality risk by 50-100% within 11 years.
That seems to be especially the case with men.
If you stay in a relationship that constantly drives you crazy, it is about as good for your health as if you were a chain smoker for life.
You’re under constant stress throughout your life. And sure, a relationship is no exception.
A certain level of stress is inevitable because relationships simply are challenging.
But at the end of the day, it should not drain you.
On the contrary:
It should inspire you.
In this article you will learn
- 5 ready-to-use tips on how to minimize the stress in your relationship
- Which words you should delete from your vocabulary to avoid relationship stress
- How to build a stress-free environment for you and your partner that Buddha would be jealous of
- How to know if your relationship is worth the effort
- And much more…
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The Hidden Main Causes of Stress From Relationship
In a relationship in can happen faster than you think that one person puts the other on a pedestal.
It can be completely subconscious:
Suppose your girlfriend makes more money than you do, and you start comparing yourself to her in that regard.
Then one of your buddies has to make a stupid comment at some point, and BAM… you start a fight with your girlfriend. It doesn’t even have to be about your income.
Nevertheless, in this case it is the trigger for your insecurity and therefore for the stress between you two.
Insecurities can, if you do not talk openly about it and work on it, lead to one of you becoming emotionally dependent.
When this happens, the addict often unconsciously starts to manipulate his partner out of fear that the independent might find someone “better” (more on this later).
Men have the need to alternate between feeling closeness and distance in a relationship.
For example, when a man is stressed from work, he needs space to be alone and withdraw. He needs distance. A woman, in the same situation, would rather talk about the stress she is experiencing. By doing so, she can let go of it.
Unfortunately, most people expect their partner to treat them exactly like they want to be treated. In this case, it can be helpful to get involved with your partner’s stress-reduction method, even if it is not aligned with your own coping strategies.
With women there is another tendency:
Their self-esteem rises and falls like the tides.
If her self-confidence is about to take a nosedive, she needs your attention and closeness. We men usually love to solve problems. That means, when our girlfriend comes home and wants to talk about her problems, we give her the solution and think:
But this is not what the woman wants in that situation. She doesn’t need a solution. She wants to feel that you’re there for her. She wants to feel loved.
This miscommunication is based on the fact that we usually communicate love and affection in the way we prefer to get it ourselves.
As a result, the woman does not feel loved and you as a man feel as if your actions and efforts are not appreciated.
So what can you concretely do to reduce the stress in your relationship to such an extent that you can enjoy her company 100% again?
This is what we are going to tackle with in the rest of this article.
How To Handle Stress in Relationship: 5 Simple Tips
Tip #1: Activate Sherlock Mode
First, you have to find out where the stress in your relationship is coming from.
Is it coming from…
- Your insecurity?
- Her insecurity?
- Your uncertainty about the needs of the other person?
- The ambiguity about your own needs?
- The lack of communication?
Pay attention to the patterns in your relationship:
- Are there particular situations that recur, where an argument breaks out?
- Are there certain issues that are always being argued about?
- How do you react when an argument breaks out? Do you say directly what is bothering you or do you retreat in the hope that it will resolve itself?
When you realize that you are to blame for the stress in the relationship, you should start acting like a man and take full responsibility.
Be honest with yourself and fix the problem. You can share it with your girlfriend, but the responsibility to solve it is completely yours.
Tip #2: Take distance to cool down
Next time a fight breaks out between you two, and you realize that you are losing control of your emotions, take a break. Distance yourself from the whole thing and let your emotions cool down.
Once you have cooled down, take time to get your thoughts in order and clear your head. Think about what you want to talk about with your girlfriend and why.
If you want to take it one step further, get yourself a pen and paper, and write down these things carefully before you go back to your girlfriend to talk to her.
Make sure that you only discuss one point at a time and not several at once. If you digress, just go back to the original topic, and don’t continue with the next one until the first point is completely clear.
Tip #3: Watch your language
You may not always be able to control your emotions in a fight with your girlfriend.
Even if you have taken the time to prepare yourself emotionally and mentally for the conversation beforehand, it is admittedly still a challenge to keep a cool head.
If you notice that you have problems staying calm, concentrate on these rules:
- Never insult your partner. Not even while you are arguing. Insults have no place in a healthy relationship. Unless they are meant as a joke. Every time you seriously insult your girlfriend, a piece of your relationship dies. You shouldn’t tolerate her doing this to you, either.
- Avoid words like “always” or “never.” That’s called generalizing, and it won’t get you anywhere.
If you still lose control of the argument and it ends in an irrational blame shifting battle, say something like:
Tip #4: Take the first step
Some problems in a relationship are just too big to solve them with one conversation. In this case, focus on yourself. Do not look at what your partner is doing wrong, but think about what you could do better yourself.
Sometimes this can inspire your girlfriend to want to work on herself as well. This might be enough to make the stress in your relationship disappear.
What do I mean by that exactly?
Pay attention to your emotions and don’t suppress them. Animals have natural mechanisms in their nervous system to “shake off” stress. Like a dog shakes itself after a bath to get dry again.
This is how animals prevent the development of neuroses. We humans do not have this natural mechanism in our system. But shaking our bodies can have beneficial effects.
In fact, people have been practicing so-called “shaking medicine” since ancient times to free the mind from stress and anxiety.
Of course, this is not the only way how you can use your body to free yourself from stress. Besides:
- Martial Arts
- Dynamic Meditation
These things are all very well suited for this, and are often used by successful people for conscious stress management.
Tip #5: Create a healthy environment
These are the things you should do, whether you are in a relationship or not:
- Deal with people who have a positive attitude towards life and only want the best for you.
A wise man once said:
So choose very carefully who you spend time with, because you will become more and more like them over time.
- Eat healthy.
The food we eat has an influence on our hormones and therefore also on our emotions. That’s why, in stressful times, it is especially important to pay attention to what you feed your body with. So:
- Eat unprocessed food like broccoli, spinach, meat, buckwheat, eggs, lettuce, avocado, nuts and yogurt
- For extra stress reduction: turmeric, walnuts and green tea
- Ban cigarettes, coffee, sugar, alcohol and processed food
Your stress resistance will shoot through the roof.
- Clean up.
I ignored this point myself for a long time, because I thought:
I’ll explain it to you:
In order for our brains to organize its thoughts and not be overstimulated by what’s around you, you need a neat and clean home. Therefore, clean up, throw out all the things you don’t need anymore, and keep it clean.
Your stress level will thank you for it.
- Spend time in nature.
People who live closer to nature experience less fear, depression and stress than people who live in a city.
No problem. You don’t have to sit in the tropical jungle 24/7. It’s a good start to go somewhere in the countryside once a week for a walk or some sports.
What if the relationship stress is still there?
Assuming you’ve tried everything above. You have created a super-healthy environment, become a confident top communicator, and know yourself and all your needs as well as your pocket.
And although you feel like you are being careful and respectful, there is still this stress between you and your girlfriend.
In this case, buddy, there’s a danger that you’ve got yourself a manipulative woman.
How do you recognize a manipulative woman?
I just want to say a few essential words about this, because that’s a whole new topic.
You must pay attention to the following signs:
- What were her past relationships like? Does she speak badly about her ex-boyfriends? Were they all “assholes”?
- Has she ever cheated on anyone?
- Does she manage to turn the most trivial of little things into a huge fight?
- Does she drag you down because she’s afraid you might get a better woman?
The more checks you have to put behind these questions, the more likely it is that this woman is not suitable for a relationship with you. If that’s the case, you should pick up your legs and walk away immediately.
It is for your own good to avoid stress in a relationship
I wish you a happy relationship that gives both of you more than it takes. With that in mind,
May you do well!
Dan de Ram