7 Powerful Tips to Take Initiative with Women (Dating ánd the Bedroom)

You’d really love to speak up or do something, but you rarely follow through…

You regularly keep yourself in the background so you don’t rub anyone the wrong way or look like a fool.

You would love to be a leader instead of a follower…

But that step often feels like an impossible hurdle.

Or at least, until today. Because after reading this article, taking initiative will become your second nature.

You will discover…

  • How to take initiative easily with these 7 powerful tips
  • How to take initiative in dating, in social situations, in your relationship and between the sheets
  • The videogame principle and how this will help you to open your mouth
  • A useful exercise to help you take the lead more frequently
  • And much more…

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

After reading this article you’ll be first in line with anything that comes on your path. Especially the women you long to meet.

Taking initiative: this is how it’s done!

“Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people.”
– George Bernard Shaw

Don’t worry, I’m not asking you to become an enormous douche 😉

But one thing is clear: people who take initiative easily have an edge over their fellow humanoids.

An initiative taker goes for what he wants. He doesn’t hang around on the sideline. He opens his mouth if needs be.

He springs into action and often takes charge of the situation.

We admire these types of people because it’s so difficult to make that first step.

Most of us are taught to politely keep our mouths shut when not being spoken to. In school, we obediently had to raise our hands before we were allowed to speak.

And above all else, it’s safer to hide yourself in the background than to go for what YOU  want.

But hey… it’s not the most fun way of living life.

Your life will become a lot more fun and awesome if you too become one of those admirable people who dare to take charge.

How great would it be if you can take control over your career, your social life and your love life?

Well, then I have good news for you: this is all a lot less difficult than it seems.

In fact, taking initiative is something that can be learned. These 7 tips are guaranteed to help you achieve that.

This article is divided into two parts:

  • Part 1 is about taking initiative in general. These tips are perfectly applicable to your social life and your career.
  • Part 2 is specifically about taking initiative in your love life.

You will discover how to easily take that first step while meeting women, on dates, and how taking initiative in a relationship is easier than you think.

By the way, before we begin, I have a question for you….

Do you want to start with the first tip or shall I?


Let me set the right example and show initiative by starting off with…

Tip #1: The videogame principle that makes taking initiative feel like a walk in the park

Taking initiative will become a piece of cake once you understand the videogame principle.

Let me explain.

The reason why videogames are so addictive is because they have a perfectly gradual buildup in the level of difficulty.

In other words: the first level is often quite doable. After that, the difficulty of each level gradually builds up.

If the game were to be too difficult right from the get-go, most people would quit. Or in the worst-case scenario, this would happen:

Taking initiative works exactly the same way.

The reason why a lot of people have difficulty taking initiative is because they put the bar WAY too high for themselves.

You see, it’s really awesome that you want to be the life of every party you go to. It’s also great that you want to get a promotion. If you want to speak your truth more often, more power to you. And if you want to tell people like it is more often, well, I can only respect that.


This is all extremely challenging if you’re not used to taking charge.

If you’re not used to it, every time you take initiative is a step out of your comfort zone.

And every step out of your comfort zone that is a little too big creates a lot… of… fear. Which will make you want to flee back to your safe haven.

If you want ‘taking initiative’ to become normal for you, it would mean that you have to stretch your comfort zone little by little.

That’s why it’s better to begin with small steps. That’s how you can raise that bar slowly but surely.

So, for example, think about:

  • Making it a habit to greet strangers or coworkers you don’t usually talk to
  • If you can pull that off, give a spontaneous compliment to a random stranger
  • Next strike up a conversation with a stranger or someone you work with
  • After this, give somebody some unsolicited advice or share your opinion without anyone asking for it

These are just a few examples of increasingly challenging steps you can take to take more initiative. Of course, your actual steps might differ depending on your goal.

The key thing is to not put the bar too high when you start practicing with this.

By practicing taking small steps daily you will notice that it will become easier over time to take initiative/open your mouth.

So, if you already have a goal in mind that you would like to achieve. Something you want to take initiative in but that seems so far away…

I suggest you start thinking about all the little steps you could take in between.

>> 10 Simple Things That Improve Your Life TODAY!

Tip #2: You can only take initiative if you know what you stand for

People who are good at taking initiative all have one thing in common…

Let’s take a successful initiative taker like Elon Musk.

If you would ask him what his goal is, then you would definitely get a concrete and clear answer.

It would be quite the thing if Elon Musk were to say something like:

“Hmm, I think I would like to do something with space travel and cars or something… but I’m not entirely sure.”

Nope. Musk would give you a concrete, specific and crystal-clear answer about his goals and vision. And it would be exactly the same for other successful leaders like Bill Gates, JK Rowling or Warren Buffet.

Because this is one of the most important qualities of people who take initiative:

People who take initiative know what they want and what they stand for.

In other words: If you never know what you want, it will be really difficult to take initiative.

What’s even more important is knowing why you want what you want.

Because if you know your values and you want to stand up for yourself or another person…

Then it will actually be difficult to not take initiative.

That’s exactly why it’s important to make this clear for yourself.

Make sure you know what is important to you and what you want to go for. Don’t be like a leaf blowing in the wind. Be like a razor-sharp arrow, going straight for its target.

Contemplate these questions to make this clear for yourself:

  • What do I want to take more initiative in?
  • What is important to me?
  • What are my values?
  • What are my goals?
  • What does my ideal career/social/love life look like?
  • What difference do I want to make in the world?
  • How do I want to present myself to the world?

>> How to Be More Manly – 5 Simple Hacks

Grab a pen and a piece of paper and write down your answers as specifically as possible. When you’ve done that, continue to….

Tip #3: Use this practical exercise

Think back to a situation where you wanted to take initiative but ended up doing nothing.

There’s a good chance that you didn’t take action because you let this sneaky emotion get the better of you:


Of course, it’s good to think every now and then before you speak or act.

But the problem for most people is that they do this way too much. And the reason for that is fear.

That fear often creates negative thoughts like:

  • “What will they think of me when I say this?”
  • “Will they still like me when I say this?”
  • “People are not waiting for my opinion…”

The result?

You freeze and keep yourself in the background.

And it’s not the end of the world if you feel blocked every now and then. Besides, in some cases, the best course of action is to do nothing.

But sometimes there are moments where you feel in every cell of your body that you should do something…

But you don’t.

In the long term, these moments are the most harmful. Because the more you keep blocking yourself, the smaller the likelihood of you taking action in the future.

That’s why it is useful to take a look at the big picture. What consequences in the future are there for you for (not) taking initiative?

The next exercise will help you to map that out for yourself.

First of all, go back to the answers you wrote down in the last exercise. These gave you a clear picture of what you want to achieve and how you want to live.

Now write down how your life would look in 5 years if you would actually live like that. In other words: what would your life look like if you made it a habit to take initiative?

Write this down as detailed as possible. What advantages are there to living this way? How does this make your career/life better?

And what would it do to your confidence and self-worth?

What you write down now will be your motivation to take initiative in the future, even if you’re afraid.

Just remember:

Constantly giving in to your fear will give you some short-term relief, but it’s detrimental to your vision, self-worth and confidence in the long term.

To make this exercise work extra well, it helps to also describe the alternative future 5 years down the line. What would your life look like if you didn’t take initiative and you stay on the sideline?

Does this future scare you? Does it repel you? Is this the thing that you absolutely do NOT want?


Use that too as your motivation to take initiative.

Pro tip:

Put the most important bullet points of the two different futures in your phone. Make sure they’re easily accessible. When needed, you can have a quick look.

This will give you a boost of motivation to get into action exactly when it matters.

Then let us continue to…

Part 2: Taking initiative in your love life

For years, we of AttractionGym have been helping men to get the love life of their dreams.  We help them achieve this through our online training programs and seduction courses.

The next tips will help you to take initiative with women, in dating, in your sex life and in your relationship.

>> 15 Hotspots to Meet Women Near You that Are 100% Your Type

Tip #4: What you need to know about women

“So… what would you like to do on this date?”

This is the line with which I managed to ruin my first date with the girl I had a huge crush on.

I was still young and had next to no experience with dating. Which meant I had no clue what to do.

I thought that would come naturally when the date started or something like that.

And that’s where I messed up big time.

Because if there’s one thing women get turned off by, it’s this:

A man who doesn’t lead.

A woman gets attracted to a confident man who knows what he’s doing and what he wants.

In Russian there’s even a saying when a woman is incredibly happy to be with a man:

“It feels like I’m standing behind a brick wall”

By which she’s saying: I feel completely safe behind his strong leadership.

And you can’t lead without taking initiative. Otherwise, you are just a follower.

That’s why it’s often the man who takes the first step, who asks her out, or kisses her for the first time.

I’m not saying that women can’t or shouldn’t take charge and lead at all. That’s perfectly fine.

But if a woman were constantly the one taking initiative in dating or wearing the pants in the relationship, she would come across quite manly. And that’s not very attractive to most men.

Just like most women don’t want feminine men.

So, remember the following:

You’re actually doing her a favor by taking initiative

By taking the lead you give her the opportunity to step into that attractive feminine role.

It might be scary to take that first step, but think about it:

Men who are successful with women are often the men that open their mouths and who DARE to take that step.

Yes, taking initiative is intimidating. But it’s also the quickest way to becoming successful with women.

And on top of that, you’re doing her a much bigger favor than by keeping in the background and leaving everything up to her.

Obviously, you want to do this in the most appropriate way. You will discover how to do that in the next tip.

Tip #5: Taking initiative safely without ruining it

Let me tell you a very important truth about seducing women:

No man has ever gotten good with women by constantly playing it ‘safe’.

Like you’ve just learned: women like men who have the balls to take charge.

By constantly taking the ‘safe’ road, you will get the same result again and again:

Very little.

Meaning: taking initiative in dating, in your relationship, or in the bedroom is crucial. Especially for a sexually attractive man such as yourself.

Admittedly, taking the lead is not always easy. Especially these days.

Men who don’t understand women in the slightest have made it very difficult for ‘normal’ men. Especially in the #metoo era.

That’s why you hear women say lots of things like:

  • “Men should keep their hands to themselves.”
  • “Men shouldn’t think that they can get away with everything.”
  • “Men should behave themselves.”

Oh oh oh… if so many women say these kinds of things, how on earth can you still take the lead in an attractive way?

The answer is surprisingly simple:

Show social intelligence

Social intelligence is what separates the attractive, leading men from the uncalibrated creeps.

Social intelligence means that you can interact with people in an appropriate manner. This means you can tell when somebody likes something or doesn’t.

It’s not hard: if you notice that she doesn’t like it when you take initiative, take a step back.

  • You propose a date, but she doesn’t want to go? Take a step back.
  • You want to kiss her but she flinches? Take a step back.
  • You want to take initiative in bed, but she’s not ready? Take a step back.

See (depending on the situation) if it’s appropriate to try again later. In a socially intelligent and calibrated manner, of course.

”But Dan, sometimes I find it really difficult to determine whether she is still okay with the situation… how can I know for sure?

Excellent question.

And here too, there’s a simple answer:

Ask her.

Sometimes it’s best to just put your cards on the table. Tell her openly that you get anxious sometimes when you take initiative. Ask her how she feels about it.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking this. Remember: better safe than sorry.

Want to know more about consent and how to appropriately take charge when it comes to women? Take a look at this video:

Tip #6: How to take initiative in your relationship and in dating

As a dating coach for both men and women, there’s one thing I cannot stress strongly enough:

Women yearn for men who dare to take initiative in dating and relationships.

During my coaching calls, I often hear women say things like this:

  • “He never surprises me with a kind gesture.”
  • “He puts in so little effort himself… I find that a huge turnoff.”
  • “Why do men never ever send the first message?”
  • “Why doesn’t he ask me out?”

So, my dear reader: separate yourself from the rest of men and take charge.

The following tips will help you do that.

1: Come up with fun and original dating activities

Whether you just started dating, or you’ve been in a relationship for years:

Odds are she’s quite used to the good old ‘having drinks’ by now…

That’s why it’s so much fun to transform your dates into a true spectacle by having fun and original activities.

You can find them here:

>> 33 Best Things To Do on a Date to Create Epic Memories
>> 35 Exciting Date Ideas: How to Have an Unforgettable Date

2: The power of spontaneity

Being spontaneous isn’t that difficult.

A sweet but simple message in the middle of her workday can already make a huge impact on her.

Think about:

Hey, I just had to think about you and I hope you have an amazing day.

That’s how easy it can be.

But of course, you can go WAY bigger to surprise your date, girlfriend or wife.

Do you want to know how? Read this article:

>> 5 Epic ways to surprise a girl you like: This will blow her mind

3: This is how you take that unnerving first step

Approaching a woman, talking to a woman, kissing a woman or asking her out on a date:

These are all extremely powerful ways to show what a confident and attractive man you are.

But it’s not easy, otherwise every man would be able to call himself a master Casanova.

Luckily, we have a variety of tips to make all those things a lot easier for you.

Read them here:

>> How to Approach a Lady on the Street: From ‘Hi’ to Date in 5 Steps

Tip #7: How to take initiative in the bedroom

Curious how to take the lead in the bedroom? Pay close attention.

These next tips are guaranteed to help you:

1: Taking initiative is exciting. Also for her.

Newsflash: women love sex just as much as men (and maybe even more).

However, women have a big challenge to deal with:

They find it very daunting to initiate sex. As well as coming up with new ideas for the bedroom.

”But Dan, it’s just as intimidating for us men, isn’t it?”

Exactly, but remember that important masculine principle of taking the lead (tip 4). Female energy follows male energy. If you show you’re completely OK with taking initiative in bed, she will feel freer to do the same.

And exactly because she’s so intimidated, she will be happy with a guy like you who doesn’t let a bit of tension scare him off.

Important to remember:

2: Don’t go from 0 to 60 in 2.2 seconds

Female arousal works very differently than male arousal.

Where men have a metaphorical light switch that turns on at once, women have more of a dimmer switch that turns on slowly.


Female arousal demands a bit more time and builds up slower.

So if you take initiative in bed, make sure to do it slowly and to gradually build it up.

Don’t jump her the minute you get into the bedroom. Build up that tension slowly. Tease her. Give her a little more each time and pull back just in time.

Here’s how to do that:

>> Want To Turn Her On? Try These 9 Dirty Talk Phrases and Tips

3: This is how you keep your sex life exciting in your relationship

Don’t worry. If you’re in a long-term commitment, it doesn’t have to mean your relationship will become as sexless as that of Louis CK’s:

Taking initiative in bed is a very powerful way to keep your relationship exciting and could even improve it.

Remember well that talking about sex might feel scary, but it’s also a good opportunity to get to know each other on a deeper level.

Next to that, changing the standard routine in the bedroom will evoke new energy and excitement in the relationship.

Looking for some inspiration? Read these articles:

>> How to Please a Woman in Bed (Step-by-Step Guide)


While taking the lead in bed, always keep the following rule in mind:

Are you not sure what she wants or if she wants to do something? Ask her!

This is how you effortlessly take initiative in your love life…

”The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation.”
– Henry David Thoureau

Thoureau hit the nail on the head with this quote.

Most people don’t live the life that they want to lead, but are living on the sideline.

A lot of men want a life full of gorgeous women, or they dream about an amazing relationship…

But they never take that step.

And I have to admit: taking that step is quite difficult if you don’t know what you’re doing. Luckily, we of AttractionGym love to lend you a helping hand.

That’s why we created the free Transformation Kit. In it you will find a variety of extra tips to…

  • Approach women with ease.
  • Flirt in real life and online (like Tinder or WhatsApp).
  • Get out of the Friendzone.
  • Become the attractive man that every woman dreams of.

You can download the kit for free by clicking on the link at the bottom of this article.

I wish you all the best.

Your bro,
Dan de Ram

Stop awkward conversations
and painful rejections

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